So I’ve been having a battle with myself ever since my bf and I have been together when it comes time for special occasions. Birthdays, Christmas, valentine’s day, an anniversary that sort of thing. It seems effort is very one-sided. We have been together for a couple of years. The first year together, I couldn’t really do much for his birthday or Christmas due to circumstances. He got really down and depressed and borderline childish. Valentine’s day, I made his favorite dinner. The second-year however, I got him Christmas, birthday, and valentines gifts. It was not reciprocated when it came to me not even a thank you which I would have appreciated. I got him 4 things for Christmas, for his birthday I did a small party at home. cake, presents, favorite dinner, and some private time. He still seemed unappreciative and unhappy. I literally had to ask if he was going to open what he got. To this day, a couple of things still go untouched. Valentine’s day I took him out to dinner. I don’t care if I get material things in return, I do these things to show him love and appreciation. This year I feel like I am just in a slump with getting him anything. In the time we have been together, he gave me a bouquet of flowers and a 25 dollar gift card that he got from work as his “bonus.” That’s it. Anniversary days don’t exist apparently. I thought these things were supposed to be celebrated as a couple like a milestone in your relationship. I would go and still go above and beyond in every aspect of this relationship, and I feel he just doesn’t want to put forth the effort in anything. It just makes me feel down knowing that Christmas is coming, and I’ve already got him things that will probably just end up being looked over and left. I don’t want to feel unappreciated or like he doesn’t care about anything. So what would you do? Would you stop putting in the effort in those situations or keep going with there still being a chance that it’s going to be one-sided? I used to love occasions and special holidays, but now when it comes to him, I just honestly dread it. Advice, please.
Dont get him anything.
Ditch the loser,take care of urself,and look down the road for a grown man…maybe cruel,but damn,LIFE is too short!!..go live it!
Have you asked him why he doesn’t get you things when he expects them from you?
Spend the money on yourself and any kids involved instead
Have you expressed to him how you felt? Not that it always works but men need to know how you feel . I’m still stumped on what to get my fiance and we’ve been together for three years I know what he likes and what he doesn’t but I still get stumped too. Maybe he just need alittl e push if he still doesn’t make an effort I’d say that your at the end of your relationship
My husband and i dont do anything its always about the kids. Remember some families dont go above or do anything for holidays and others do. He may come from a family that didnt.
I highly suggest looking into the 5 love languages. It’s a quiz you both take online and it’s free. You will learn so much about each other. Not every one sees love the same. I hate gifts but I love help. My partner will do chores or stuff around the house to show me love because thats how I see love. But my partner needs to hear love. Like I compliment him. He takes that as love. Everyone loves different. You just gotta figure out how they like it.
Don’t get him anything and find someone new to share your life with, he seems selfish and entitled.
Talk to him. Get counseling. Why haven’t you discussed this with him?
“Yay! We made it another year together without breaking up!” That’s my take on anniversaries. Holidays are meaningless to some people, I’m one of them. I don’t know why, it just is. I doubt he’ll change. I’m 47 and haven’t yet. So you’ll either have to accept it move on to where you’ll feel appreciated if that’s what you’re looking for.
You have to talk to him. Be direct. Tell him what you expect and how it hurts your feelings. A lot of these situations would work themselves out if people just opened up. I personally am a gift giver, card giver, date planner, etc. I love that stuff. My husband hasnt really been like that but he’s learning what I want from him.
You should have a sit down with him let it come from the heart and see why he doesnt like to do holidays.best of luck with you guys much love
Sounds like you need & deserve someone who appreciates a relationship, which involves caring & respect.
My husband and I have never done this dumb shit. We are both adults with money and buy what we want all year long. As well, you should never keep score when it does come to gift giving, you will always find yourself disappointed.
If you dread the holidays because of them maybe re-evaluate why you’re with them 
My man is like this. Been together over 11yrs and I’ve gotten flowers 4 times total. About 2 Christmases. Birthdays are almost non existent. Etc. Yet every Valentine’s, birthday, christmas, anniversary etc I had something for him.
He’s not one for those sort of things. I am.
We both are true to ourselves.
I’ve learnt to live with it.
Cuz I’ve learnt to look at the bigger picture.
My man will get dressed at 2am to go out in the cold to get me a burger cuz I happen to just mention, not ask for, how good one would be right then.
He’s the man that’ll stop for a coffee on the way home, cuz he figures it’ll help make my day better.
Or where on weekends, I wake up to a coffee that he ran out for.
It’s making sure I ate today. Or cleaning the bathroom cuz I didn’t get to it. Etc
He’s not one for holidays…but he shows every day that I matter.
So I can let go of that small part to enjoy the larger picture.
If your man is the right one in every other way…
Well then…
Small detail or bigger picture?
Choice is yours.
If he’s not right all other ways…then what is he doing for you and why you still with him?
So this isn’t you being selfish. Seriously. I get it. I had a big talk with my husband this year about how it makes me feel when he scrambles for gifts last minute and he told me he’d start putting more thought into things. I’m hopeful that he does
Communication is the biggest key into keeping a relationship. You’re not a mind reader. It’s time to talk to your bf. Tell him how you feel, otherwise you are going to bottle it all up and explode. You don’t want to be in a situation like that. If he still acts the same and doesn’t want to change. Leave.
This is one of the main reasons I’m leaving my PITA again, I’m not appreciated & definitely deserve more.
In relationships look at actions not words and if you’re not getting what you want and need and have asked for change … leave. He won’t change. After 25 the frontal lobe of the brain is fully formed. If he’s over 25 he’s fully cooked and the likelihood of change is so small I won’t bother trying. Invest your time, energy and love on someone else.
I’ll tell you a couple of things I’ve learned in life. If you buy a man a gift and he doesn’t seem interested in it, he’s not that into you. If a man really likes you HE WILL TAKE YOU ON A DATE AND BUY YOU GIFTS, they’ll save up or do whatever they can to give you something special. It might be hard but trust me you’re 1000% better off without him. Go find a real man
Expectations cause alot of heartache.
After the first time he acted like a child bc no gifts, I would have reevaluated. Seriously, time to sit him down like a child and talk to him about his behavior that you have taught him is ok.
You both should take the love language test online. Really opened up both mine and my hubs eyes about each other… I show my love and want love shown to me physically and emotionally (hugs, kisses etc) his is acts of service (if I do the dishes, take out the trash, etc). Very different but I’m telling you that once we understood that about each other, things got better 
What does he do if you tell him what you want? This is obviously the way he is. You have to either decide if you can live with it or not… But some of it may be that he is a poor planner and doesn’t know what to get you. Maybe outright tell him what you want, even go with him to get it or send him a link to it and tell him to get it for you.
I would explain to him exactly what you posted.
For every gift you get him, buy one for yourself , wrap it and put it under the tree .
I know how you feel I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years I’ve gotten him things for all the occasions but in the time he has been with me he got me a valentines cake
He’s taking you for granted. I’m so sorry. I don’t think he will change.
I would take back everything ive got him, and then get him socks and underware. If youve talked to him and he still acts like this, hes not worth the effort. Put that effort into someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated
In my case my man spoils me like if I like something he will tell me to get it… but he’s one of those that does not know how to shop for women but I think that’s because I’m picky kinda 
he’s the type I need to straight up tell him what I like clothes like shirts he does pretty good choosing for me… like jewelry I’m picky about like rings because I lose them easily I don’t wear watches stuff like that but he does try to surprise me w gifts… I think your man just isn’t happy I think y’all need to talk and you need to ask what he wants if he wants to be together or to seperate …
You can either talk with him, maybe he will change or accept that is who he is. If you dont like it now, later on should you decide to marry him you won’t like it after marriage either.
You decide between now and dead how do you want to live? With a boyfriend like him or with a boyfriend who is more like what you want and someone you see yourself with long term? Good luck!!
My husband hates gifts so I don’t even bother unless I know it’s something he’s been talking about. I’ve gotten a card and a flowers 1 time in the whole 7 yrs we’ve been together. I don’t care though material things don’t make a relationship. They are nice but shouldn’t be a requirement.
I’m not big on presents either. Time spent together is far more meaningful than material things and trinkets. Make memories and moments around experiences and not stuff.
I think I would be reevaluating your relationship. He sounds like an overgrown man child. If you go all out for him like that and he don’t even so much as say thank you or even open them I would quit. I would sit him down and tell him everything you said here and see what he says. I’m sorry buy it sounds like he’s taking advantage of you, and he doesn’t put as much value in your relationship as you do.
Quit buying him stuff. Buy your own awesome gifts and wrap them. Open with excitement and thank yourself. Problem solved 
If you’re not married and don’t have kids I say leave him. You deserve better than that
First sit him down and talk. Not yell not accuse. Tell him how you feel. Use I words. Ex I feel hurt, sad, unappreciated etcetera, then see what his response is. Maybe he’ll open up, don’t talk just listen, and go from there.
Why is everyones answer to leave. You dont just throw in the towel. If I said the hell with the first sign of problems I wouldnt be married at all. Talk it out. Dont come at him with an attack. Tell him what you told us. Ask how he feels about it and what he needs. His needs are equally important. Seems most woman dont think the men matter. But they do
You get what you give…just saying…he might get the picture if you stop!
Ive been in relationship where ive put in all the effort while other hasnt after a while i just stopped bothering and just treated myself atleast id appreciate it
I would return his gifts and stop putting in the effort. You don’t give a gift with the expectation of receiving, but he has the expectation of receiving without even considering giving. That’s a terrible relationship. You need to know how much you mean to the person you are with, that doesn’t have to come in the form of material items but the want and the effort has to be there and he clearly doesn’t want to give you gifts or put forth any type of effort.
I swear if I didn’t know better I would say you’re writing about my ex and he’s an ex for a reason. I wasted 3 years on a man that couldn’t care less. I think it comes down to how he treats you overall. Does he show love and appreciation in other ways? To me he just sounds very selfish and entitled. I’m with my fiance now and I look back and I can’t believe the time, money, and energy I spent on a man who could have cared less about my feelings. Now I get surprises just because and I always get a thank you and even when I ask my fiance what he wants for his birthday or Christmas he always tells me don’t even get me anything you do enough for me. If talking to him doesn’t change anything just know that you’re either going to have to accept that this is just how it’s going to be or cut your losses and move on. Reading this though it took me right back to all the feelings I used to feel and trust me in a long run it just wasn’t worth it
Ok I’ll be the odd man
Out. My husband is the hopeless romantic in our relationships… he buys me gifts. I however don’t. And I think it’s Bc I wasn’t raised to give gifts. Hell we didn’t even get gifts for Christmas. Does it mean I love him less than he loves me? No. I’m usually oblivious to these things bc I’m worried about everything else, money, kids, house, jobs… I’m me. And he gets it. He gets a kick out of surprising me. Lol. I’m not a bad person… I just don’t do gifts.
Give him gifts that you can use/need/want.
if he wants a fuss fuss. It sounds like he just NEEDS. gift things you both need. Blankets, coffee maker, christmas decoration , throw rugs. that way at least you get some use outta a gift
I would talk to him first and ask him , “ do u want to exchange gifts on holidays “? If he doesn’t want to then you stop giving also . Know that the chances are he will not change . You need to decide if this is something you can accept or not .
You have to decide if you are doing those things because it’s what comes naturally for you. Or if you are doing them to get something out of it. It can’t be both. Once you figure that out you will figure out what’s best for you.
Holidays aren’t always a big deal to everyone. To some of us it’s just another day. My man’s family never really celebrated holidays like mine did so he’s not used to it. I learned to not go all out and to stop trying to force him into it. I shop for my grown kids, myself and my dog. I get him one big thing and that’s about it. Time together is the most important part of it. I don’t think leaving is the answer just do your own thing. Make your holiday the way you want it to be. If he chooses not to join in that’s on him. There’s no reason why his lack of enthusiasm for a holiday should ruin yours
I mean this is a grown ass man…why are you throwing him parties and giving him gifts like a 5 year old? Just stop if he doesn’t like it. Some people don’t like celebrating things and it sounds like you’re only getting things for him/doing things for him so he will do the same for you. If you really want gifts, stop buying them for him and treat yourself instead! And if it’s the validation and feeling of appreciation you’re seeking from him, tell him how you feel and ask him to come up with his own way of showing you that you’re appreciated. If he still makes no effort, then find someone else. It sounds like you two have very different love languages. Being a person that LOVES the holidays myself and all things regarding celebrating them, I couldn’t stand this. My ex was like this and it really put a drag on the holidays. You’ve gotta decide if you can put up with that or not.
Here’s the thing, we all grow up different. Everyone has different experiences. Those things impact us as adults truly they do and often its subconscious. Even things that happen to us in our adult lives can impact us in ways we don’t always fully recognize.
That isn’t to say what he’s doing is ok, but it’s possible that he doesn’t understand its “wrong” because it was common place for him as a child.
My advice is simple; sit down and have a conversation. Leave accusatory statements out (none of that you don’t appreciate me. You don’t do this or that) use i feel statements. I feel unappreciated. It would make me feel ecstatic if you would do this or that. Ask questions.
Once you get through a few hard and honest conversations you’ll have your answer on what you need to do.
Stop buying him things. He obviously doesn’t appreciate it
This sounds like clinical depression hun.
Look up love languages. He just might have a different love language than you. My love language is time spent and affection. My husband’s is acts of service.
Use the money you would waste on him and buy yourself presents, wrap them and open them up infront of him…maybe then hell get the picture!
I would spend the money you put towards him for yourself. If someone is that low to not even say thank you or open the presents you got for him dont worry about it. My boyfriend is one of those that doesnt really like the holidays before he met me and now hes slowing looking forward to it each year it takes time for people to open up and be appreciative about what there SO does for them everyone is different.
I would just not get him anything, he’s acted like a 2 year old. Maybe cook for him but that’s about all is do
Talk to him about it and let him know how it makes you feel. My relationship was like that we spent 6 years together had 2 kids together were engaged for over 2 years and then right after we got home from a really fun beach vacation he started talking to his ex that he cheated on me with and then 4 months after talking he left me for her. Maybe he doesn’t really have the feelings for you that you have for him.
I think you are being a lil over the top quit buying material things. Everyone feels and deals with holiday differently. I personally dislike most gift giving holidays. It’s awkward opening things in front of people especially when I can’t reciprocate. In the instance that it isn’t gift exchange, like a birthday, I immediately start stressing about how am I going to get anything close to as meaning ful and or monetarily close to this. It kinda ruins the whole thing. As far as party type things, is he a little shy? I never in the beginning thought my my fiance would be shy, but turns out he’s way more shy than me! I’m super shy btw. Y’all just need to communicate and meet in the middle on holidays. Talk to him about how he feels about things like that. It may be like pulling teeth at first!!! It can be worth it though. My fiance and I do not gift or celebrate anything really. If I run across a keychain or sticker… Something random I know he will like, like 2.99 at the gas station or he’ll see a pair of socks w cherries on them we’ll pick that up as a surprise for one another. As far as the actual day all we do is acknowledge it like happy birthday or merry Christmas. When we can we go to a sit down dinner. Occasionally, if it’s close to a birthday well just pretend it’s the actual day and get servers to sing or get pie. I wouldn’t push it
Stop doing things for him if he can’t at least appreciate it and say thank you.
Just stooop buying him things if he doesn’t show any appreciation. And if he makes a fuss over that, thgeen say whats on your mind.
stop giving him anything he is spoilt n ungrateful rather spoil urself its well worth ir
Little gifts are a way to Britten up a holiday. It shows that you think of that person and what they would enjoy, besides your company. It is a little something that says, Thankyou for being with me!
This might come off as kinda crass but dont do a thing. For him. Go out and pamper yourself. Take yourself out for dinner and a show for one. You sound like you could use it more than him anyways imo. When he kicks up his hills look him dead in the eye and say “well anytime I did try to get,gift,plan etc for you you acted like you hated it so much I didn’t want to force you through all that mess.” 🤷🤷:grin:
#yesiamabitch
Don’t get him anything and don’t expect anything. No reason you can’t enjoy the holidays with people who show they care the same way you do. Be with your family, or celebrate friendsmas with a group that exchanges gifts and spreads joy. Why are you spending time worrying about him? Either he will participate or he won’t. You’re letting this affect you when it doesn’t have to. Plenty of couples don’t exchange gifts. Some people don’t spend holidays together. I hear there are couples who take separate vacations! Live your best life. Let him live his. If the sex is good, you can always share that together. 
This is bullshit. I’d end the relationship… no effort no partnership… ridiculous
Colisse ça dehors. La vie est trop courte pour perdre ton temps avec lui .il ne changera pas
WHY are you with him ?
Seriously.
Show him what you have written here, maybe he will get it, maybe not
I’d stop putting in any effort at all…
I would not get him anything find any his love language is… It might not be gifts… Look up five love language’s…
My ex used to be like so I started buying my own gift…that way I got what I wanted.
I want two sided relationship simply means that he doesn’t care about your feelings.
Stop doing it then and spend it on yourself and if he bitches say, well you didn’t like anything I did for you and you did nothing for me so sorry not sorry it’s my turn
I feel like many people are missing where you didn’t do anything the first year and he acted like a child. Now you are doing it and he’s ungrateful and uninterested. There’s some major red flags here… I don’t think this is about the gifts, how is the rest of the relationship?
Communication is key…confront it, or forget it.
I’ve never ever commented one one of these, but I just feel compelled on this one. I think that it is less about the gift giving or lack there of from either person and more about the fact that he is stealing your joy. Don’t allow him to steal your joy. If you love the holiday and gift giving and this is causing you dread and to actually dislike something you once loved, it may be time to reevaluate more than just the gift giving…
Sorry to say,he’s not going to change.
Don’t waste your life, move on to have a better future.
Girl run! Run away don’t look back you deserve better
Have you talked to him about it? Maybe don’t do gifts or celebrations as a couple if he can’t reciprocate. Celebrate with other family and friends. If it bothers you that much and you can’t compromise, maybe look at your other options then. If it isn’t a deal breaker just continue to be you and do what you’ve been doing. This makes me appreciate my boyfriend that much more. He’s the rememberer in our relationship🤣. He remembers all the important dates and makes sure he shows me how appreciative he is.
So is he depressed or childish? I say throw the whole boy away! Problem solved!!
Is this relationship worth saving to you?
As people get older, their traits are usually magnified. Are you prepared for the constant of that?
My parents have been together over 50 years… my father never buys for my mother so she doesn’t buy for him… she concentrated on the rest of the family… some guys just don’t give gifts…
I wouldnt get him anything… but I would get myself a new man… Life is too short…
honestly i feel the same… following… good luck❤
Some guys are like that. I’ve been with my guy 8 years now and have never received any gifts from him. Doesn’t mean he loves me less. I’ve honestly never been wirh a guy who has ever bought me anything for holidays or bdays.
It’s time to call it off. Why be with someone who who doesn’t make the effort to do the same…
I agree with Brelynn Bottimore-Hubbeling. I was also going to suggest reading The 5 Love Languages. He might not be a gift giver. That might be your Love Language. After reading the book try serving him using his Love Language. If you see that he is responding well to this than bring it up to him. Tell him that you think your Love Language is receiving gifts and it’s important to you. After that if he does not make an effort then you need to reconsider your relationship.
I say do what you want to do you want to give do it I have learned not to expect anything from anyone most of the time
dont buy him anything then he doesn’t appreciate it
Tell him how you are feeling. If it still goes unchanged. Well maybe give a reality check and go bare minimal. If that doesn’t jar him i don’t know what will. God bless.Merry Christmas.
I would move on. He sounds immature. You deserve someone who will be romantic and who will appreciate you
He’s ungrateful. Whether he’s into gifts or not, he should still show some appreciation. I wouldn’t buy him a pair of socks. I’d spend my money on me. Personally i think you should leave his ass alone cause he doesn’t respect your way of showing love. 🤷🏽
If that’s what you need obviously you’re not going to get it from him. Move along girlfriend find you a man who appreciates the things that you do.
I would like to ask you a few questions. Why are you with this man? Do you feel deep down in your soul that you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Does he bring joy to your life each and every day? Does he make you smile or laugh out loud? Does he care about your wants and needs? These are important questions you need to ask yourself, it’s more than a gift exchange issue. That in itself is a eye opener…
Do for your self instead of doing all this unappreciated shit for him and start with looking for a real man
This is just so silly. Why do you feel you have to get him something or he give you something. Is it going to make you love him more or he you. Or maybe talk it over and agree to just buy a house gift like TV or furniture. Or go out and enjoy an evening together. If you continue this silly game you both are going to end up alone. Grow up
I dealt with samething thing with my ex husband. Sounds like your guy is a narcissist. To act like that is a narcissist move. Hate to tell you it’ll only get worse. Keep being you at least you tried
My first impression is that you are dealing with a narcissist and your misery is all he really wants because you said he was childish and upset when you didnt get him anything and neglectful and dismissive when you do. Now, short of it being that I would recommend the book “the 5 love languages”. However, if he is a narcissist thats not going to help