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QUESTION:
"I have called off our relationship, been together for 10 years. I called it off in June but he doesn’t seem to get the message he still lives under my roof is still lives with me like we are together I’ve explained to him so many times but he always seem to think that I’m sleeping with someone else because I won’t sleep with him or I’m cheating on him how do I get it through his head he has understand that we are done. we have three kids together I’m happy to co-parent with him I love him but I’m not in love with him he seems to think that my feelings are just dropped off overnight when I’ve told him back in June that I don’t feel the same anymore and he still continues to think that there’s somebody else and your feelings cannot drop off with someone after you’ve been with them for that long I need help"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You need to co-parent from seperate homes. 90% of the time when the seperation isn’t mutual, living together separately seems more like “on a break” rather than breaking up. While you’re living together he’s going to hold onto hope… Seperate homes will help to reiterate that the relationship isn’t working for you anymore and establish boundaries."
"Went through this! He didn’t get it for MONTHS!!! But he does now, because I’m leaving. My house or not, idc! I’m leaving because this is what I want!!!"
"One of you needs to get a new place…you can’t expect him to fully get the message if he’s still living there…of course he’s gonna hold onto hope."
"Make a plan or timeline to begin to live separately. Begin to split up household items. Talk about a co parenting plan for the near future. Talk about it frequently so it goes into action. Since it doesn’t sound like your married, see about evicting him if necessary. Do not sleep in the same room. No affection whatsoever. Act as a roommate and fend for just yourself and the kids. He’s holding on to hope, so give him no hope. Be firm and blunt about it since this is what you truly want—he also invested this decade to being with you and the kids so try to remain calm with minimal drama in front of the kids. Be sensitive that this might be hard for your shared children. Best of luck to you."
"Give him a 30 day notice to vacant your place and if he doesn’t then start eviction process on him. Get a lock on your bedroom door so he can’t come into your room. If he still sleeps in your room then of course he’s going to say y’all still together the same with y’all living together. The minute y’all broke up you should’ve started the process to have him leave the house doesn’t matter if there’s children involved or not he shouldn’t be in the home if y’all ain’t together. The children will feel the tension in the home and that’s not fair to them at all."
"He need to move out then. He’s holding on to something that’s not there. If that’s your house make it yours. Or maybe even you find something new. Either way if your separated you actually have to seperate. No matter what someone is going to be stuck in their feelings and by the sounds of it it’s him, he can’t just turn them off (rightfully) you being around him everyday isn’t going to help."
"One of you needs to move out! Tell him you can’t be cheating as you’re not together"
"Then move out. Something has to give, if you’re not going to kick him out and his controlling behaviour continues on then you need to leave. The moment you guys were finished someone should have left."
"If you're married get a divorce if you're not go to the court house and get an eviction to him… That’s all you can do for now."
"He needs to move out. He won’t begin to move on until he does. Especially if you already have."
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