I’ve been with my S.o. for over three years now. Things happened fast, and we have two kids together(3 more from a previous relationship) and five total. I don’t work due to the kids having special needs. Our arguments recently revealed that over a year and a half ago, when I caught him looking deep into another woman’s profile… he said he was planning on leaving me for her. She was an older childless friend with benefits. At the time, we were in a real rough patch. Upon learning this… I’ve suffered the loss of our first child. He showed up to services hungover. he used to go on drinking binges for days and days every week. Sometimes I took my vehicle without permission and brought it back when done binging… or I actually called the cops. He says he chooses me and wants me in his life. He stopped drinking and taking off. He stays home and helps me with the kids. my heart is crushed. The woman had passed on. So after he told me that… I really feel like I’m the last resort. An angry burst the other night. He told me it’d be his 4th time starting over if I make him leave me. Does this sound like love … real love, or just using that energy to not be Alone again? he has already told me he doesn’t believe in marriage. doesn’t give me any sort of affection in any shape or form or on social media. Birthdays and holidays, he said, only belong to the children. What do I do? IDK what to even feel right now but sadness. help me
Seems like you know what you have to do. I hope life brings you much happiness and you become a priority.
If things that are important to you and he doesnt do it because its not to him then hes not the one. Seems like you know you two arent a match but youre need so.eone else to say its not love. Move on, be happy. Life is better.
If he’s not fulfilling your needs then you should leave. Life’s too short to be miserable and unhappy. Sounds like he’s set in his ways. A MAN will only change when he wants to. Clearly he doesn’t.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. But I would be out of that relationship yesterday!!
Know your own self worth! If he’s taken off in your vehicke & you’re putting up with crap its your own fault! You shouldn’t have to ask stranger’s what needs to be done for your family!
You & your kids happiness needs to come first life is to F’n short to not be happy & loved leave him ASAP then you can find a real man to love you the way you deserve
Get out girl, know your worth you deserve so much more. Who cares if HE has to start over.
Do what makes YOU happy, but never settle. You have self worth.
You already know the answer. The is isn’t a good relationship. I would leave.
I can feel your pain through this post. You sound like your soul is tired. If you feel YOU don’t deserve it, remember your kids want you happy. Your kids need you happy.
And you deserve to be happy.
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your child. You have 4 children still at home? Neither of you are working? How are you making any income? He only stopped seeing this other woman because she died? He gives you no affection? It sounds as if he is just a room mate. Who gives a shit if it his 4th time stating over? Don’t let the door hit his ass on the way out. You are worthy of love and happiness. If you even have to ask a forum of women you already know the answer. No one should EVER feel like they are the last resort. Change is difficult, even when it is GOOD change. Kick is worthless ass out. Quit wasting your time waiting for what your wish he could be. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t even respect himself. Have some self respect and self love and know that you can make it without the added dead weight of this man. If another person comes in to your life GREAT. But in the interim…get this one the hell out of there.
I think you already know what you need to do…are you happy living like this? Who cares how he feels!!! He hasn’t given a shit about your feelings!!! I’d kick his ass out!!
He sounds like a peach🙄
Girl, you deserve better. Life is too short. Go be HAPPY. Start with you. Best wishes
Starting over is hard, but so worth it when you live in happiness. Life is to short to feel unloved snd under appreciated.
Let him go, he’s keeping you around for his wants and needs and really doesn’t care about you or your feelings. And the drinking it’s not going to stop, maybe a week, but he’ll start again it’s time for you and your babies to find happiness and peace
You decided if this is how you want to live the rest of your life with this dude… if it’s not, then you leave.
He doesn’t love you, do what you need to for yourself and your children, your children need to be happy just as much as they need their momma happy. I would leave I wouldn’t waste my energy on it anymore
Only you can make a choice in this matter everyone can say leave but it’s really up to you but definitely need to know your worth if you want to keep being treated this way than you’ll stay if you want better for yourself and children you’ll run and don’t even look back the decision is up to you life is to short to live it unhappy and miserable
You deserve so much better
There is a reason he has had to start over so many times… you deserve better than that, as a previous poster said you deserve to be happy! And he is obviously not bringing you joy
Run. Do what makes you and the kids happy and what is good for yalls soul. He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings, etc. That’s not love that’s using you. Some people can’t stand to be alone so they constantly have to be in a relationship.
We only live once you do what makes you happy life is short
Get rid of him…life is too short to deal with this bs
There is someone out there that will show you how you’re supposed to be loved. Leave this POS.
That’s horrible and very sad. I hope you find a way to believe you are worth more and make moves to get away from him. You know at this point he’s open for options so you should be too. Not necessarily new sexual partners per say but stash extra money aside, look into programs you could qualify for to get you started. It sounds like anything else would be better. I wouldn’t internalize it or wonder if it’s you either, it sounds like the problem is him. What your kids live with (and they pick up body language too) sets the tone for their relationships and expectations. Don’t do your kids a disservice by telling them this is normal. Get your plan ready before he gets his next childish whim.
We as women’s teach man how to treat us by taking anything thay do to us and allow them to say what ever he really just wont to use you for his benefit do not let him use you bless to you
Leave. Speaking from experience. He’s not going to change. You need to take care of yourself for the kids. If you don’t, whose going to? You’re not happy, the kids aren’t going to be happy.
U sound like u may be better without him sounds like he is causing u alit of heartache and sorry bout his luck if he has to start over he is only wanting u back cause that other woman passed
Best believe you’ll find someone that feels you are the best choice
I hope you find the strength to do what is right. Especially for your babies. Good luck, think about how you can make him leave.
If you are satisfied to live this life for the rest of your life, then stay. If not, I pray that you find the strength to move on.
Also you will be teaching your children what it looks like to value yourself.
Throw away the whole man and do you for a while and them babies he isnt there because he loves you he is there because it’s comfortable and he is secure there he would be long gone
You gotta put those babies & yourself first. They see that stuff & it will damage them not to mention what it’s doing to you. You can’t be your best self for them if you’re caught up on him & feeling neglected like that. Trust me when I say there is a whole a** man out there somewhere praying for a family woman like you he will never get the chance if you don’t cut the dead weight.
You honestly deserve better. Do not put up with that at all. But only you yourself will decide when enough is enough
Sweetie, I think it’s time to take the kids and go your separate ways. It will be hard but in the long run you’ll be so much better off and happier. Sign up for assistance to get yourself up and going; that’s what it is there for; speak to your doctor about programs for your special needs child. Many communities have programs that can offer some support like RESPITE and such. Take care of you and that will aid in taking care of your children.
You can do this without him. He’s an emotional vampire.
He sounds broken. Insist he get screened for depression and start therapy. Get couples counseling to help you through the hard conversations. Figure out what the problems are and if they are fixable.
Girl leave you can do better
He just doesn’t want to be alone. As soon as a "better " option comes along it will be the same thing. You deserve better.
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What you allow is what will continue… Don’t sell yourself short for someone who does not value you.
We teach people how to treat us. If you want the same thing then stay. If you want a better life for yourself and your babies then leave. He’s not going to change. You deserve a better life for your family. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.
My opinion is…it doesn’t sound like true love, it sounds like you were just an option for him. If he truly loved you he would’ve never tried leaving you for another woman. Let him go, you deserve a man that’ll treat you with respect and show you true love. You deserve a loving man that’ll want to get married and show you off to the whole world! He doesn’t celebrate your special day and that’s so hurtful. He sounds unhappy. Don’t wait for him to change because he won’t.
You deserve someone who is in love with you. He is not in love with you… Don’t let him hold you back from finding the love of your life because he doesn’t want to be alone.
No it doesn’t sound like love. You said yourself he was gonna leave you for another woman. He doesn’t show you affection. The only real question left is why put up with that when there are other men out there who would cherish you? You have the right to feel loved. His 4th time starting over huh? Kinda shows he is the problem.
Leave this sounds toxic, like you both are just together so you wont be alone. Treat eachother better, put the kids first. Both get therapy.
Please get rid of him
Leave! Not only he’s it not being a good example of how to treat someone you love! Sounds like he just doesn’t want to start over your kids need to see you happy! And they need to see their mom being loved!
Get rid of him that would be the best thing you could do for yourself and kid’s
Seems like I’ll be the only one saying this…
5 kids with some needs, loss of a child, affair n drinking… All relationships have fights, mistakes, and sometimes go deep into a tunnel… The loss of a child is extremely hard n everyone handles it differently, no shame if it is corrected (which you say he did)… Affairs do happen, for some it’s a one n out, but I feel it’s just a bridge that two people can work through (if once)… Marriage isn’t easy, raising children with special needs isn’t easy, loss of a child isn’t easy… I’m glad that it sounds like you communicate, that’s a major step. You say he’s “stepped up” by stopping drinking n helping with kids, that’s a great thing…
Personally, I’m old school n feel marriage shouldn’t be just giving up when times get rough- you fight to save it, you fight to be happy together… Look into counseling for you both as a couple n possibly as individuals… True love is worth changing n fighting for, if both parties want to try
Wow he sounds like he is cruel and is missing a emotional chip
He wants his cake and eat it too, girl leave him