I feel bad for being stressed and yelling at my kids: Advice?

Make a song for each word that helped my granddaughter.also get the baby on a schedule so you will be able to give your son undevided attention.It may take a while but be consistant

Maybe instead of doing all the words every night, you split them up. Like if there’s 10 words do 4 Monday, 3 Tuesday, 3 Wednesday and then review all 10 Thursday. I do think writing the word several times helps. It becomes muscle memory, but maybe splitting it up into smaller sections of words will help take away the stress. I always did homework right when I got home from school. The sooner I got to watch tv or play with toys. That may also help you with baby screaming and throwing a fit as it’s not as late in the day. Just take a step back and look at your daily routine. I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, just maybe in the wrong order. A 1 year old and an 8/9 year old are going to have different schedules. So if 1 year old gets up from nap around 2, there’s no reason for her to be grumpy around 330 when you are helping your son do his schoolwork. Then your 8 year old can have some down time to play or use electronics while you make dinner. Then everybody eats dinner and has some down time. Then baby in the bath and while you’re putting baby down, 8 year old bathes and gets pajamas on. Just a suggestion. But I really think just changing your routine without actually changing what you’re doing may be a step in the right direction

I think your trying too hard take a break from the spelling words, & spend more time with the kids

Talk with the teacher about the words… our school here does 25 words every 2 weeks. Also it’s normal to yell at your kids, we’ve all been there and felt crappy afterward. The best thing you can do it learn from it. But maybe try giving the 1 year old “homework” also. Start small. Let them sit with a book. For 5 min.

Could you try turning his spelling words into song? Sometimes singing the letters can help them spell.

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Raising kids is hard. Frustration and life happen. You can’t be a bad mom if your son wants to take that stress from you. He loves you. Your husband is helpful. That is a blessing. Babies…honey I’m scared of those because of the crying and diapers :joy:. You’re doing babies. Go you! If he isn’t getting the spelling by writing and rewriting, maybe find another way. That might not be his way of learning. Find a pattern if you can and get the pattern in his head. My stepson struggles hard with reading and spelling, but he gets it if we point out the -ie or -all or -or whatever the pattern is that week. You’ve got this. You rock. You can do this. Hugs and lots and lots of prayers.


Put the one year old either down for a nap or in a different room to play safely using a monitor. Don’t punish the child by making him write the problems over and over yet instead show him how to do them. Ask the teacher for an easier solution if you can not think of ways to help him out but doing that IS punishment. You have to manuever time better and it’s hard for him to concentrate with a one yr old flipping out in front of him.

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  1. I would do homework when he gets home and is still on school mode. It’s a lot harder for them (and you) once he’s checked out.

  2. I would stop with the 5x 10x etc, it does seem to be like a form of punishment. I could only imagine what it’s like for an 8 year old kid. Find a different method. Maybe flash cards or make a bingo board with his words on it. Which ever method you choose, you already know the old one isn’t working.

  3. When these fits of anger happen (and every mother has them, they’re lying if they say otherwise) step away from the situation and take a few moments for yourself to refocus your energy. If you feel this anger is uncontrollable , you may want to look into having your hormones tested. I was having same issue.

  4. He’s little but once. The extra snuggles are important for you both.

  5. Just breathe :heart:


Mom homework isn’t that important at that age. Teachers take grades at school, not from home or they shouldn’t. Yes school is important . Though too much homework is not .if people are tired , whose learning? Trust me ,relax it’s not worth it.

I’m in college and I have ADHD. I take a lot of MED classes and I have to study way harder than most. I was raised to write everything a zillion times and it did nothing for me except make me feel less than. I study today with my walls painted over with clear chalkboard paint so my room looks normal but I can use chalk markers and study incredibly long medical terms and color pictures and patterns and I remember everything the exact way I color it. I leave things on the wall that I need to study for as long as it takes for me to remember it. Positive affirmations are vital. They can do so much to my mindset. You can try getting the clear chalkboard paint on Amazon with chalk markers and letting him do his thing while you entertain the little one, they also have bath crayons he could use in the bath. Also verbally ask him so he gets the auditory sensory of learning met. The more he sees it the more he will learn and feel confident. I can’t do studying at a table with a pencil and surly not under negative pressure. I think you can get creative with this and make it an enjoyable time for all of you. Oh. And calming music is also a must… it eases the tension for everyone. You got this! Another thing, you can never teach them to be calm by not being calm yourself… they learn from you. You are a wonderful and kind and caring mother and it takes a lot to ask for guidance, only good moms cry and wonder if they are doing everything they can. I am sure they are lucky to have you. Hope this helps.


Try having him do the spelling words in different ways write them in crayon or marker. Use whipped cream and use your finger and a cookie sheet to write them on. Build the words using pipe cleaners. Make it fun and it wont be such a struggle hopefully.


You are punishing him. He does not learn the way you do so it’s obvious he needs help and encouragement. Your baby is acting up to a reaction to the stress. Have a meeting with the school to get testing done and meet with a reading specialist. Get ideas from the teachers on how to help him. You should have fun spending time with your kids. Homework time is great fun at our house. We make up pneumonic rhymes and crack up over the use of certain words in sentences. You can be a fun person and an effective parent at the same time!

Stop yelling at your child.
Not everyone has an ability to remembering how something is spelled. He won’t be needing that so much in life, there’s" spell check" for that. Concemtrate more on Good math skills, he’ll definitely need that.

Have you got scrabble. Or a magnetic board. Get him to find the letters on there. Try do it in a fun way. Then just leave a note with the teacher and tell them he did it that way. Let them know the struggles your having

My kiddo enjoys practicing writing them with chalk or writing them on the wall beside the bathtub in shaving cream.

Sounds like a scheule shift is needed. Home from school, snack plus homework he can handle solo, you work on dinner and baby play, then baths, use bath time to work on words. Get some bath crayons and have him write them out and spell them to you. No need to do 10x each just work every day at it. Put baby to bed earlier so u can finish anything missed. Older one is old enough to get things ready for school and ready for bed on his own.


What helps is saying the word out loud while writing it. Let him spell it out as he does it and write ir down.

Why would you basically make him write lines? Its definitely ineffective for teaching. Make it a game.

Your doing the homework at the hardest part of the day.
Try changing it up by doing flash cards for 5 mins on his own. Then doing the write, spell out loud and then writing it covering the actual spelling word.
Then go over them together!

That way your one yr old could have a basket of toys he/she is allowed only during homework time and maybe a snack

Dont wait until bedtime to do homework. Should be the first thing done when home from school. The mind is still more on schoolwork, and incentive to play relax whatever afterwards. Just my input. :heart::heart:


Girl. There is not a mom in the world that doesn’t yell at her kids. You’re stressed. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. I’ve started just taking a long deep breath when I feel really irritated. It works 90 percent of the time. Just remember we are only human and raising kids is hard. :heart:


It’s normal to get like this when ur a parent dont feel bad ,

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Your not a bad mom, your a great mom for taking the time to do lessons with him! Yelling happens, we can all lose our cool at times. Definitely do home work right after school before baby is tired and cranky. Get out some snacks and put baby in the high chair and the young fella at the kitchen table, so they are both beside you. Let the teacher know it’s a struggle maybe she/ he can help lighten the load a little. Send a homework pack on Monday for you guys that’s only due on Friday or Monday the next week type thing. Good luck !

I yell too and I feel bad about it too. I pray for patience but I think we are all human. We can only take so much. If doing homework earlier is an option it might be a good one. He might be too tired to do homework at that time. Or if you have an after school program that will do homework with him that might be a good option too. I have just found if it’s not working and you both are getting upset something else needs to be tried. Don’t bet yourself up anyone who claims they never yell at their kids I don’t completely trust lol. Being home with kids is the hardest job there is and getting upset just comes with the territory.

Just think about so many people in situation worse than you.With terrible husband. People with sick children … so sad.So talk to his teacher , don’t make your children nervous, and thank God for what you have. May God Bless you and your family.

Dont give up on spelling words, just go though them for like 15 to 20 minutes a day. If he gets them wrong then he gets them wrong. I think over studying them and pushing it dont help much anyway. Also try to make it fun for him. Not a battle. School work should be fun not a time for fighting. Also you are a good mom, it is hard work to be a mom and you are doing the best you can. I dont think there are any moms out there that have things perfect. Keep up the good work. :wink:

Has your son ever been tested for learning disabilities? That could be a problem for him. Meanwhile, you are not a bad mom. You’re a normal mom. You are human, and humans sometimes lose it. Maybe on a weekend or something, go and do something that can let you decompress. I don’t mean your job either. Take time where you are serving no one but yourself. It doesn’t have to be a long time either. Just a little break.

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That’s fucked up on ur behalf.

First off you aren’t a bad mom for yelling at your children… I’m sure everyone has at one point or another. None of us are perfect as parents! We all learn as we go… Try something fun when it comes to homework. There is so many inspiring things out there that will help your son learn the spelling of the words. For your daughter, maybe try something that can keep her attention while you help your son. You could even do a cookie sheet with sugar or flower and have your son write the words in that and have an extra one for your daughter. Just an idea so she feels included too.

We do homework as soon as they get home from school. Then one showers while dinner is making and the other after dinner. But my boys are also old enough to shower on their own.

Homework after the after school snack. So then it’s still fresh and you can relax the rest of the night. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed. We’ve all been there. We are human. Just have to re-evaluate your routine. Find the kinks and alter.

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You’re not alone, moming is hard and mom guilt is the devil. The good news is, it won’t always be like this, though. Look for spelling games online and ask his teacher about tutoring. My daughter went to afterschool tutoring for reading at your son’s age. More importantly, take one day every week or two to have some alone time. Go to dinner with friends or go get a pedicure. They need you to take care of you too.

As far as homework don’t wait till right before bed to do it. By that time they are tired and done for the day. My kids come home get a snack take a 1/2 hour break then we do homework. There much more receptive than right before bed time when there brain is shutting down for the day. ( we used to do the same thing and it’s been so much better since we’ve switched it to this way). Also with my son who has ADHD and homework is usually always a battle especially when it comes to spelling I use positive reinforcement. I buy a large bag of candy (m&ms, skittles ect…small candies) and every time he spells one right he gets a candy. Also we do star charts. If he spells 8/10 right by Thursday night he gets a star for everyday he spells 8/10 right (amongst other things) and after so many stars he gets a special prize (date night with mom, new toy, chocolate bar ect.

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Don’t feel bad sometimes that is just the way it is! It’s hard! The flash cards might help , didn’t with mine. We always had to start at the very beginning of the week, we wrote at least ten times every night and when we were running errands and driving we would spell in the vehicle. They need a break for a bit when they get home, but my son’s school didn’t have recess.

I agree with everyone here. Homework should be done as soon as he gets home. That way, after dinner, he can relax and you guys can enjoy each other. I’m same as you. I yell. But I do also apologize if I feel I went too far, and I know sometimes I do.
What are the words he is having to spell? You said they are too hard for gr.3…what are they???
We did it as a game. I got BOTH kids involved and made buzzer sounds…and ding ding di g noises when it was correct…sometimes I would mouth the next letter silently and they would be like…“oohh, E…ah balh”. Kinda help them a bit. It’s normal to feel frustrated and you are 150% not a bad mom because u loose your crap. Lol. We all do…and anyone who says they never do, is a liar. Lol. You got this mama.

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Try making the practice a virtual spelling bee. Have him write it down for you then read them for him at spell out loud for you. My daughter did this and her spelling grade has jumped. It helped her remember them better not just writing them but say them out loud.

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This is why we did homework as soon as they got home. Most is still fresh in their minds and no meltdown clise to bed time. You’re not a bad mom, you are a normal mom.

By the time your son’s doing homework, he’s already tired! Especially if he’s already bathed and eaten dinner. When my kids get home from school, I let them cool off for about 15 mins then it’s homework time. The same time they’re working on homework, I’m making dinner and helping them with whatever subject they need help with. After homework is done, dinners close to being ready, it’s shower time! Then they have dinner. That’s what works for me. Good luck to you! and PLEASE be PATIENT with your son! He’s only 8 and is still learning! Also quit thinking negatively about homework time and try to make it alittle more fun instead of dreading it.

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Do the homework before dinner and play a game after dinner. Try it. Trust me.

It sounds to me like writing the spelling words might not be helping your son learn them. Have you tried doing them a different way? Maybe the ones he’s stuck on you guys could make a song out of it or something

Make studying the spelling words fun… Magnet letters etc…

We always do a snack then homework right away. If we try to do it later it’s always a battle.

My third grader struggling alot with words. So i did the same thing making him write… i didnt work. My new thing is if he misses 2 or less he gets to give me a spelling test and it works… we do his homework after he gets out of school…

Oh girl, I get it! I have an almost 8yr old, 6yr old, 5, 3, 19mo, 8mo old, and will have baby #7 in a couple months. I yell. A lot. Too often. I’m never heard, no matter how nice it ask. No matter how much I bribe, make a game or contest out of things. My hubby helps some. Works all day on his feet, donates plasma 2x week, scout leader, works for cash for his uncle doing construction on his days off. So it’s basically me doing all the household and kid stuff plus being a delivery driver in the evenings when hubby is home. I’m always out numbered. Always yelling even tho I hate it and feel like a crazy mad woman constantly loosing every battle. You’re doing just fine…as well as can be expected like the rest of us. Just try to breathe. Explain to your older kid that you hate getting mad and whatnot and just reassure that you love them and are proud of them.

Do homework earlier before dinner and maybe spell out loud three times then test maybe a audible learner

He should get a little break after school and then straight into homework. Maybe try feeding the baby or adjusting naptime so the baby is occupied during homework time? Yelling happens. I do it. We all do it. You can’t beat yourself up. It’s not worth it. Does he have any learning disabilities? My daughter is ADHD (and apparently autistic as of today?) and I am ADD and this homework sounds just like her now, and like me when I was young. We struggle all day to keep it together with these disorders and then they throw more work at us. It’s devastating. You could also talk to the school about how detrimental homework is, and discuss if there’s any accommodations that could be made. Is it the writing aspect? Maybe he could type his spelling words out? Are you making it a game? We just did spelling words by writing them in different colors, and yesterday by writing them in all caps and then all lower case. Things like that. Maybe you can find a computer app that will let you input the spelling words and give you games to practice them? I’m gonna go look that up right now actually. And if there isn’t, imma be rich. lol
Good luck!

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I use to put the words into song, it helped to learn to spell them

Well all yell at our kids sometimes.

Awww I remember those days and miss them terribly. I’ll start with the one year old should have an earlier bedtime. By at least an hour. This will give you two one on one time. Then, with the spelling words…they typically are learning a certain pattern each week. Example-words that start with ch- or end in -tion. Teach him to hear the patterns. Once he realizes those words have that pattern, reach him the root word. Example: location and vacation. The pattern is the -tion. He now need to realize locations root word it locate and vacation is vacate. Or ch…cheer and chase…then as you write it out, sound it out. He need to do it out loud. He neds to hear it. Always remember to recognize what’s he does do right and give praise…always. If they constantly hear only what they are doing wrong, they aren’t gonna wanna try for the simple fact of failing. Have him study his words first, then give him a test. On the ones he misses, have him write a few times the first couple of days. By Wednesday or Thursday focus on what he is missing. Listen to him sounding them out and see what he is struggling with exactly.

Hope this helps! It did for my middle son!


Try doing homework shortly after coming home from school and then relax before dinner and bath time. Chill out Mommy you are doing great by your kids and time for mom also needed .:heart::revolving_hearts:


Do homework first. Give him a snack/drink and work on it when he gets home. Waiting too late will always screw up the routine. Then play time then dinner bath and bed.

My son is levels behind in reading and has developmental delay in speech. But as I have a 3 year old as well, sometimes homework is skipped for Sanitys sake. I figure they go to school all day and have rest of their lives to learn. If the works to hard it’s just added stress you don’t need. Sometimes its best to just take a step back and let it all go…


We try to do homework after they’ve had a snack. But girl I feel you. I feel like I yell all the time. 3 kids age 10,7,5. And then I feel so bad afterwards and I want to cry. I feel like a bad mom too sometimes, your not the only one. It’s hard with that age gap be cause I know when my two youngest were smaller they would hang on me and want my attention 24/7. Hang in there and remember you are doing the best you can.

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We do baths every other night also. Every night is just too much time


You’re a good Mom! Sometimes it gets overwhelming. Deep breath and a little prayer and keep going. Spelling homework suggestion - have your son say the letters in each word out loud 3 times while pointing them out. His writing them is getting lost in translation in his mind, probably. Hence frustration. Hang in the there Mama!

We always do homework before dinner and bath. They can sit at the table while I’m cooking… You can put the youngest in the high chair with a crayon and paper. And let him “practice” :slight_smile:
We always do bath, teeth and bed. For us, trying to do anything after a bath didn’t work, plus they’d end up wearing dinner. Lol
As for yelling, I so understand. Esp when they act helpless at home but they’re spelling them fine in class. :roll_eyes: Instead of writing the 5x, have him make sentences too. I know phonics has been forgotten but it really does help. I use it and my 4th grader is 2yrs ahead in reading. It helps them break down the word and can make it easier to spell. :heart:

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There are no perfect moms. We all struggle, we all yell and cry. Being a mom is the toughest thing we do. There are no days off, alone time, breaks. We are stressed and exhausted. There is so much other stuff we have to do like laundry, cleaning, cooking, earning money. We can only try our best and our best is good enough!!!

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Can you do homework earlier? Might be easier for everyone concerned.

while I’m not sure if it will help, have you considered doing homework earlier, say before dinner? or does he have an after school program or tutor who can help with the homework?

Try to do homework a little early so you can take a break in between maybe in the living room put on cartoons give your daughter something to help entertain her while you help your son with homework

Thankfully my boys have an after school program that helps with their homework, everyone gets stressed out mama, you’re not a bad parent. When it comes to his spelling words have him copy and write them one word each line till the line is full and than give him his list. Which ever ones he gets wrong have him write those on another piece of paper, and than give home those again. Worked for my kids. Have him take his bath while you cook. And than try those spelling words again. If those are wrong let it slice till the next day.

Talk with teacher for tips maybe to help your son? Sometimes there is a student in an older grade that could help him. Both my sister and I helped with students in school. Some classes are harder than others. I agree homework should be done earlier. My son had to change into play clothes after school, play for an hour then homework then play some more. BUT I only had him and not a younger to deal with. I had to study like crazy to get good grades but some classes were easy for me. Sounding out words was a help for me. We were taught that in school. Work with his teacher for a plan to help your son?

With homework it can alway be stressful for some kids. Try breaking it up a little bit have him spell each of the words 10 times on the first day he gets them nothing else. Then on the second day have him spell each of the words 5 times and then have him try to spell each word once without looking at it(still writing muscle memory helps). If he gets them wrong thats okay! Ask him why he thought the words were spelt that way and then talk about how he can try and remember the correct way. Give LOTS of praise for words done correctly make it a big deal especially while you are in the early stages of this process and trying to make homework easier. Next day have him do the same thing until he gets all or close to all of them right without looking. Then you can try for the verbal check and see if he can spell them. Learning takes time and mistakes happen by having him write the words when he gets them wrong yes it will help him learn them but it can easily be viewed as a punishment like you mentioned making him not want to do it which makes it harder to learn. You aren’t intentionally doing anything wrong having multiple kids with needs all the time is super stressful and yelling happens sometimes thats okay. For the homework aspect though give this a try it will take some stress off of both of you and maybe after homework time have some you and him hang out time watch a show or play a game for a little bit.

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Let’s be real, a lot of parents yell, sheesh I know I do. I have two boys and they’re ALWAYS fighting lol. It’s stressful, but you’re a good mom :heart:

We do homework right after school and my boys aged 8 & 10 love taking showers in the morning.

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Well a looks like
To me that who’s needs help is your son in school not all kids get it and some of them need a extra help from the school I did it with my 8 now 9 years old I ask for help and they told me they where there for me and my kid because they wanted my kid to succeed not stress and they did she gat some extra help in school a little easy homework and now a year later she dose her homework alone and she is finally happy so girl ask for help for your kid

I’m a new mommy of one so I can’t 100% relate, but here’s my two cents. You ARE a good mom, but you’re overwhelmed. There’s no shame in needing time for yourself and I applaud you for being honest with your son. You explained it to him in a way that didn’t place blame or caused shame.

Have you spoken with his teacher(s)? They might be able to offer homework help ideas. they’ll also be able to give you a better understanding of how he behaves in class and what methods they use to help and/or redirect him when he is struggling.

Best of luck with everything!