I feel bad for being stressed and yelling at my kids: Advice?

I have an eight year old boy and a one-year-old girl. I work only a few hours a week to get out of the house and have a little extra money. My husband works from 7 in the morning and sometimes doesn’t home until 930 at night. He’s a really good husband and dad and provides for us all and even helps with the kids. So I’m not complaining at all with help when he’s at home. Last night I had to give baths supper then it’s homework time. This is the worse part of my day. With my one-year-old screaming and crying wanting this or that, it is almost impossible to help my son with his homework. And with him when it comes to homework, it’s a battle. We have to practice his spelling words every night. And they are hard, in my opinion to hard for a 3rd grader. So I understand where his frustration is coming from. But IDK what to do? When he gets them wrong over and over, I make him write them. The first time he gets them wrong, I have him to write them 5x second time 10x and so on and so on. He throws a fit and acts like I’m punishing him, and I get so frustrated, I yell, and I feel like I could bang my head against the wall. I have my one-year-old throwing a fit my son throwing a fit. I’m just out of options. I try my best to be a good mom. And keep my cool and not yell at my kids. But sometimes I can’t help it. I feel so guilty. I laid my daughter down last night. I made them both go to bed early cause I needed some alone time. I went in there to tuck my son in, and he hugs me and says for me to lay by him and not be stressed. I said I just need to go to the living room and relax and be by myself. He starts crying. I started crying, telling him I’m sorry, and I try to be a good mom. And I’m sorry I yelled at him. He says I am a good mom, and he loves me. But I feel like I’m not sometimes. Help please, I need opinions and maybe some input on homework ideas. This is a lot of our problem at night.


Why wait so late to do them?

I know that PlayDoh makes a mess, but maybe try putting some newspaper down and let her play with it during homework time. For spelling homework, maybe try some flash cards… google some options for fun ideas. Good luck!


Try doing homework right after school, when the information is fresh. My middle daughter was like this for a while, frustrated, agitated with me for not understanding why… and a whiny, blubbering mess when I’d make her do it anyway. Maybe write his words in front of him, having him read each letter off from his list, and ask him to write them five times each under where you wrote them. If he sees you ‘working’ on them too, he might be more apt to help, rather than getting mad. Also, the announcing of each letter can help you decide if he’s having difficulties or just being stubborn.

Don’t be so hard on yourself Mom. We are human and we overload just like everyone else. Just walk away, take a few deep breaths and go back at it. Stop beating yourself up. NO ONE IS PERFECT PARENTS. None of us. Good luck!!


Use those magnetsletters of alphabet put on fridge and have him respell the word on the magnets on the refrigerator


Give him a star reward gets so many stars per week take to get an ice cream cone or a movie they free at family video or the library

Change the routine around to suit the kids. When one year old is happy and entertained and eight year old isnt tired.
I wouldnt increase the times he writes it either. That does seem like a punishment and will make him frustrated. Maybe try writing it two times and stick with that. I used to do spelling with my kids at afternoon tea time just after school so they were still fresh with food in their tummies and not tired.

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I actually dont believe in homework. Making him do his spelling 10 times if he gets it wrong is a bit too much. If he gets the word wrong get him to spell another word and then go back to the word he got wrong. Sounds like you are a great mum but when you are doing his homework maybe you should do it earlier as he is probably tired.


Hubby needs to change it up so he is home to help.

Why are you waiting so long to do homework? Homework is started when they get home. My son has a slow processor so we (parents and school) have him write his words 3 times each everyday. Don’t want to push him that hard or he won’t get it and can create the problem that you have. Do your homework sooner and quit pushing him so hard. You’re stressing yourself out.

Homework should be done right after school, then supper and baths. Makes more sense. Maybe he will be better then 🤷


Why don’t you start the hw earlier? Like say in the evening or noon. Take him out for some fresh air or reward him if he gets correct. The more you scream , the uglier the things would become. In the meantime, could hire an hour nanny for your girl. I think that it’s not the tough words but lack of patience that gearing up the frustration. Don’t put so hard on the older one. Find a solution : hire a nanny for the evening , get a teacher or call on your relatives… anything that suits you the best.

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I have 9 kids with my so on swing shift 2wks he is home by 430pm and 2 wks he isnt home till 1230am …making him write the words i can understand but ur spending more time making him do more work then he actually has. If he gets them wrong move on to another word and go back to the other. Give ur 1yr old a snack and turn cartoons on for her. (My youngest are 2 and 1) . bath time ur son is old enough he can do his own shower…start by showing him how to do the water, how much soap etc…then next time let him do it all while u supervise and then next time let him do it on his own. Its helps alot even if its a small task.

Wait til ur , youngest goes to bed and to home work

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Let your older son repeat a grade. All that stress on you both will only make him hate school and maybe never finish. One year can make a huge difference for a child’s educational future.

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I think the timing is wrong hunny… I used to do dinner than homework after dinner about 6 but by this point his friends were going on there favourite game… He was fed up of being at table because he has been eating there so I made it so homework was done as soon as we get through the door and it works so much better


Home work after school we used to go lay on trampoline or in grass to practice spelling words make it an adventure


Why not take those few minutes and lay with him. U can relax and believe me he will fall asleep quicker to give you the time you need. Pick your battles hon and life will get easier. Maybe with soelling you can find a way for him to relate to the words so they have meaning for him


You sound like a caring mom, but making him repeat and repeat his hw more than ten times is kinda punishing, see what he’s having trouble with and help him get past it. Otherwise he’s just repeating the wrong answer over and over not knowing how to get the right one. Maybe spread the hw out some instead of doing it all at once. Your older one is trying to deal with the stress of a toddler and the frustration of his mother while trying to do his hw. I’d have trouble concentrating too.

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In fairness that does sound like punishment. Are there any homework clubs he could go to? Or maybe do homework straight away after school rather than later?

My boy used to write his spelling words 3 to 5 times each. If he’s familiar with writing the words come test time he will improve. Id have him write them and then spell each to me

Maybe make it a bit more fun, visual or make up a rhyme instead of sitting down and writing as everybody learns differently. Reconsideration of whatever time he’s doing his homework may be needed as when they’re tired its such a fight & takes twice as long. If you can find a way to engage him with the learning you will both find it much better experience. I dreaded homework battles so I do feel you pain but maybe if you switch it up a bit you might find a small change can make life so much easier. Good luck x

Do homework while you cook dinner, then bath time, and family time before bed. Make spelling fun, I’m sure with a 1 year old you have magnetic letters or blocks with letters.

Children needs routine, make a schedule, at 5 have children eat, at 6 spend time with your children by playing, taking a walk,etc .by 7 do homework with your little boy, don’t stressed if he is spelling a word wrong,skip it and move on to the others and work on the one he’s having trouble with throughout the week…by 8 children should be taking a bath and getting ready for bed…ask your husband to come home earlier a couple of times a week to help you out. I have a daughter with ADHD and it was a struggle every day doing homework,until I made a schedule for the evening. Good luck, and you are doing the best you can!

They feel your energy… I feel like I could have wrote this myself a year ago, even the age gap. A few suggestions for your oldest: visual routine for after school… eat snack, homework,play/ chores, supper, bath, read, bed… I created an areas for my oldest to he has everything he needs for his work.
For spelling:every week make flashcard with his new vocab words. Bring them everywhere and quiz him… when you are playing, in the car ect…
Also, everyday take a pretest see which ones he got wrong those ones you have him write in different markers/crayons 5-10 x each… it helps the brain process them different. Also maybe create a bowl he can pick out a few different ways to review his words each day… like write a sentence using your word, write using chalk 5x each… ect… some great ideas on Pinterest

Try doing homework as soon as he’s gets home. Try adjusting the baby’s schedule so her nap time is when you and your son do his homework together. Writing the words so many times may be what is so frustrating, try starting with writing it once and then if he gets it wrong again, then write it twice, after three times drop it and try again tomorrow. I assume this is spelling practice for a Friday quiz on sight words? Everyone needs quiet/alone time. Try explaining that to your son. It’s not that you don’t love him and his baby sister during that alone time, it’s just easier for you to have that time if it is quiet. Ask your hubby to keep baby girl and have some quality Mommy/son time that does not revolve around education, have fun! :heart::heart::heart: All mommies have been there dear. Transitioning from being a mother of one fairly independent child to a mother of an infant too and then practically a toddler, is a lot of change for a mom. Give yourself that break, you deserve it :heart: sounds like you’re doing a great job as it is though

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Yes I would let them take a break from school I used to do dinner while the kids watched tv or played with there toys! You may be stressing him out not getting his homework right some kids are good with numbers others reading and writing and spelling writing his words over and over is punishment he’s gonna learn to hate school don’t do it have him write the word you say it to him and spell it for him less pressure for both of you when his homework is done that’s it move on tell him good job then bath and snack and bedtime ! Consistency ever night no stress he’ll catch on no worries!

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I wish teachers wouldn’t give homework. I don’t bring work home and it’s not fair that kids have to. They need downtime as much as we do. I would keep homework to 15 minutes…any longer than that and he’s tuned out anyways. And the really stressful nights maybe skip it altogether and have cuddle time instead…or just be a kid too and play on the floor with them. Or just lay on the floor and let them play around you. He will still graduate :blush:.


Welcome to the wonderful of being a Parent

First of all you are a great mom. Great mom’s have the right to get frustrated. Don’t feel bad we’ve all been there. If you are able try to get a 7th or 8th grader you help your son with his homework three times a week. Try to cook 3 meals on a Sunday to help you out during the week. Make sure you always have a pizza night. So easy right. Having a job outside the home is great and I’m sure a peace of mind. Good for you. Also, every other weekend for a few hours get a baby sitter. Try not to stress the hubby. Working long hours is stressful. I hope this helps. Now get a glass of wine :wine_glass:

It sounds like you are a great mom! Definitely do homework after school maybe even let him have a snack while he looks over his spelling. I wouldn’t stress about his spelling either. My mom used to makes me re-spell my mistakes and it did not help one bit and would make me so stressed I couldn’t even focus. Spelling is not everything in today’s world of technology. My phone is my spell check! :joy:

Maybe look into an after school tutor, generally an older student trying to make spending money and have them help him with his hw. Takes the stress off you and the tutor has just been through all the work a few yrs prior.

Speak to his teachers if doing homework earlier isn’t working. Kids get tired and can’t process and remember things. Get foam letters and do the spellings at bath time or a chalk board and chalk. Cut letters out and get him to spell with those. Make it fun.

This brought tears to my eyes…
I have 16yr, 13yr and 7yr all boys so I completely understand the frustration. What has helped me is I let them do the “stars program” after school. They help with homework and get free time. When I pick them up if they haven’t done the homework yet then they have already played. In that case they sit at the table and do what they can on their own while I cook. Then after dinner we sit on the couch (not the table) and go over what he did and I ask him what he needs help with. I always make sure I tell him good try and that he did a good job on his own. With spelling we do it on car rides. And I throw random words I know he knows to boost his confidence and acknowledge he did a good job. I wouldn’t make him write them. That does seem like punishment. You can try flash cards and have him write them in crayons and maybe draw a pic so it’s fun.

My suggestion is when you get home have a snack ready for your kids. Sometimes kids dont eat their lunch for lack of time or becuase they do not like it. Then after a snack start with homework. Be patient try having your son write his words 5x and help him by saying them while he writes them. Should only take about 15 min. About your 1 year old try sitting him/her in high chair give your child some paper and a crayon. Or a favorite toy. Sometimes younger children like to imitate their older siblings. I understand that you get frustrated its normal. But yelling does not help the situation. Think of it like this. Sit on the floor and have your husband yell at you. I bet you will not understand anything he is saying. This is what a child sees when you are yelling. Doing homework early will also help you by putting them to bed early about 8 then you have a few hours to yourself to relax. You sound like a great mom the best thing is that you are asking for help. Good luck

I agree with many here. I think maybe a 1/2 hour break when he gets home from school, then do homework. This is what I do with my 8 year old and it works really well. Then it’s one less thing to worry about in the evening. You are doing great mom. Its tough!:heart:

Does sound like you’re punishing him for not knowing how to spell a new word. You’re making school and school work bad to him. Try coming up with creative ways to get him to learn. Him not knowing a word is part of him learning how to spell it that’s why he has a test on it. Don’t punish him for learning something new.

The way they teach spelling in school is subpar at best. Site words are ineffective…like hieroglyphics to the rest of us. He is probably feeling like he can’t learn, which of course isn’t true, and he might be scared to try. Every night, start with phonics review…the whole alphabet and sounds like “ee”, “er”, “sh”, “ch”, “qu”, “ing”, “tch”, “ey” etc… Then practice sounding out a bunch of words containg the sounds he is working on with you each day… Don’t worry about the stupid spelling words! If you can pull some examples of these sounds from those words, concentrate on those words. If not, review the words that have regular pronunciations. (English has so many exceptions, you can do those later.) Try an online phonics program so he can practice in game format… Should make it easier. Read together every night … Easy books that are below his grade level, until he builds up confidence. It will get easier! Whatever you do, don’t let your relationship suffer bc of homework frustration!!! School is already a source of stress, and you are his safe place. He will get it with time! Some kids have trouble, it’s normal and ok! When it gets that stressful, just put everything away and tell his teacher it’s not worth ruining his mental health. Get him help, as I said, but don’t let struggles destroy Harmony in your home. Besides, studies have shown that homework is ineffective in lower grades.

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Well making him write them a lot of times isn’t making it better in my opinion. I have 5 kids and I only fixed the word and told them to write the correct spelling next to it, in their own handwriting. You in a way are adding extra pressure on him making him write them double each time he fails. He could possibly have a learning disorder that is making him just end up In tears because he just doesn’t get it. Dyslexia is common these days. Not saying he does have it and that you are in the wrong. Every kid and parent is different.

Do you have a park or something close by try changing your routine go home for a snack then go to park that has after school homework help program have them help him for 30 minutes or so while you play with your 1 year old then he can join you for some play time. See if someone else helping him works. I went through similar things with my son. Good luck to you you got this mom.

Try to give him a fun way to write his spelling words. Let him write in chalk. Using his favorite color pen or pencil (certain colors are proven to boost memory). Make sure he says the word, spells it, and says it again. Have him do something silly when he spells them out to you, like touch his nose or hop on one foot with each letter. Kids learn best when having fun.
Use anything to make it more interesting for him and definitely try to do homework early. The longer you wait, the more he has a chance to forget what he learned that day and being tired at the end of the day will only make it harder for him to pay attention and retain what he learns.

I used to write my daughter spelling words on color cards. Practice only the ones she has troble but i didn’t push her to hard. Even got a white board hard to practice.

The writing thing may not work for him you could try on mnemonic devices for him. Also pick your battles I set a specific time for my kids homework to be done and if it gets to that time we put it away and then they do take their baths and I read them a book or something they’re choosing but something quiet do too close to bedtime. The one year old maybe teach her to not scream yell by telling her that she will get it when she asked for it otherwise ignore the behavior to the behavior you want is shown and then praise for that behavior plus giving her what she asked for. Plus your kids when you feel stressed they can feel that and I know with my new kids they will get very worried when Mom was not okay I hope some of this helps if you want to you can p.m. me and I will give you more ideas I I hope you the best and you’re never a bad mom

Random fire his words at him dont sits for ages his probly shattered that time a night when his in the bath get him to do a word its a bit more fun and less stressfull for you

Suggestions: Make sure their diet is not full of sugar and unhealthy foods. Behavioral problems are closely related to a bad diet. Two, this homework struggle should not turn into what you are describing. You need support from the teacher and the school counselor with your son. Communicate the scenario to the teacher and request help. He may need to be evaluated for a learning disability Three, if you can afford it try to pay a 13-15 year old to come over during homework time to keep the 1 year old entertained it will be worth it. If not, put the one year old to bed earlier than the 8 year old, let him scream in the crib during the hour you are doing homework. Stop overreacting to the demands and screaming of the kids and pay now or pay later by putting your foot down! Best wishes to you!

When he writes his spelling words make sure he is saying them out loud from beginning to end each time also. I know exactly how you feel when it comes to hmwk and spelling. My son is 9 and hates hmwk. My youngest is 4 months. I too feel like I wanna bang my head on the wall at times.lol They both stress me out and gave me a headache that lasted 3days once. Its very very stressful. I have no tips with you on that, but as far as his hmwk goes… That’s what l do. He gets big words also so from beginning to end l have him not only write them 5x each but actually spell the word out loud every single time he’s writing it. Then ask him what the word means and to give me an example of how to use the word. That worked for us. He did better next spelling test.

My 2nd grade teacher taught me the spelling pyramid.
Take the word sibling

From there, the words started to connect for me. I have a 5 year old and a 11 week old. Its tough. It’s going to get worse with the terrible 2s.
Good luck mama, hang in there!

I get mine started on homework before dinner. I really don’t know much to say I yell at my kids too sometimes.

Use the spelling words in a game of hangman.

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What about singing the words out loud? It might be fun for the baby and the tune can help with memorization. I did that with my daughter. Pick any nursery rhyme tune and sing them like “this is how we spell our words, spell our words, spell our words, this is how we spell our words, I can spell repel! R-e-p-e-l, r-e-p-e-l, r-e-p-e-l, that’s how I spell repel” to London bridge is falling down.

I help my grandsons with their homework often. I love babysitting my grandchildren and I don’t mind helping them with their homework but I never wait until night time. We have a one-hour break after they get home from school. They have a snack and some TV time or outdoor time and then it’s time to do the homework. If it’s spelling and they are having a difficult time, I tried to think of a way to make the words easier. Maybe break them up into syllables. Or I try to find a different way for them to remember. Like if they’re trying to spell time, I tell them just remember it’s Tim but with an e at the end. That can work for a lot of words. Words like dictionary can be broken up into three syllables. They can learn to spell each one separately and then put it together. Sometimes it helps to take a break during the homework time. If he is having problems with spelling only work on it for 15 minutes then stop for 15 and then go back again. The rest time can take the stress off of his brain and off of your nerves. Hang in there. They’re only little once. Right now it seems like they’re little for forever but the time goes by so quickly and they’re grown up and gone. Cherish every minute and write down in a memory book the sweet and cute things that they say. Their favorite things they like to do special homemade gifts that they made for you. Those will be Treasures that you will love when they are all grown up and then you can share those Treasures with their children. I can hardly believe that my kids are so grown up that they have kids that have kids. I know how tiring being a mom can be, I’ve been there but it’s all worth it. If after all the tips that you get from everyone oh, he still has troubles, make sure you make an appointment with his teacher to discuss some ideas with her or him.

Suggestion : Do homework with a great snack everyday as soon as he or she gets home. Baby can be active and you are around to help.Good luck .

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With the spelling first time let him copy all the words out repeating the names of the letters as he goes
Second night use some magnetic letters
Next night maybe cut the words up into letters and put them back together
You write them as he spells them
Use words like yes that’s tricky and it’s a hard one that one
Always used to get me that word!
Good luck mummy sounds like you’re doing you’re beautiful best x

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Trust me we’ve all been there, you are doing your best, just tired and stressed and it’s ok to feel this way. You wanting some time at night is def a must, I was never a fan of routine but when its comes to younger children it makes a huge difference. Where possible try to get the baby down to sleep earlier so you can focus on your older child. With regards to the words, try a different way of learning, it appears that writing down the words 5x, 10x isn’t working, perhaps breaking out the words during the week, index cards, making sentences using the words helps bring them to life. Speak to his teacher or email or call, they can give you insight to ideas and tell you of the learning techniques that can help your child, they spend at least 5-6hrs with your child everyday! good luck mama and hug the kiddies all the time trust me they grow so fast.

Have you tried breaking down the words into small words or make it a game. Id hide spelling words all over house with candy taped to it to get the candy he had to recite the spelling out loud 3 times then move on. We also use fridge magnets to spell them out even bath crayons id write them in shower make it fun

Make the spelling into a game. Or sing the correct spellings with him when he gets them wrong. Your brain memorized singing better than writing or repeating. Also when you get stressed out and snap at your kids always make it a point to apologize. I got stressed and frustrated with my 4 month old baby because he would not stop crying and go to sleep. I apologized to him. Idc if he is a baby. He will know I didn’t mean to get upset and I love him! You’re doing a good job mama, it’s hard! I stay home with my 4 kids and it’s really so hard.

When you get frustrated with homework put it away and let the teacher know what you did.This is what my kids went thru when they did not want to work on homework.If you have the money have a tutor or high school student help for one hour per day or make a game out of what you are trying to help your son with.Good Luck hope this will help you

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Do homework.right after school instead of waiting untill later when everyones grumpy.

Believe me I know how you’re feeling and I have only one 4 year old but it’s just us two and I do Everything. I get stressed as well so hopefully other comments will be helpful to me as well :blush:

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Try the homework approach differently. My son is the same way with homework. As soon as he gets home, we start on it so we can take breaks as needed. I give him the words and have him write them out (copying from the list) a few times, then I take the list and copied pages away and help him. Turn it into a game. For every letter he puts in the correct spot, he gets a penny. Challenge him to see how many pennies he can get in a certain time frame. Make it fun, but start earlier so you dont lose your shit and he doesnt feel pressured.

I like his idea, go lay down with him, let him talk his heart out. That’s more important than spelling. Nobody can concentrate on homework with a baby fussing for attention! Maybe give the baby crayons and a coloring book and sit her with you so she feels like she’s not left out.


Maybe you could hire a tutor for a couple days a week. Many kids learn better from someone else and it would allow you to handle the baby while he does his homework.


Your child is at school for 5/6 hours per day. They do not need to do homework 5 nights a week. Do the spellings with him for half an hour 3 nights a week and let him do some reading alone for a further half an hour whilst you prepare tea or get little one ready for bed. Have some down time from 6pm onwards to settle the little one down for bed/bathtime then spend an hour with your son doing your own thing/chatting/watch tv… relax some more.


Every mother has been there.
When i get overwhelmed, i step outside for a moment and breathe till ten. Helps, before I yell.

Try to do some games and make it fun for him to learn the words. Try singing them or make it into an activity. Pinterest has great ideas. It’s hard to concentrate under stress. Also try to go into the homework time with a positive attitude, not a negative. With a light mood everybody will feel better. As far as your daughter, what does she enjoy doing? I have a 1 year old son and idk if your daughter has just turned 1 or an older 1 year old :joy: but when my son just turned one I could sit him in a high chair with us and give him blocks or yogurt bites to occupy him or he would watch little baby bum. If he is almost 2 like my son then he plays with a shape sorter or with washable crayons and coloring book in his high chair. That way the 1 year old is occupied and feels included and you and your son can enjoy the homework time. A lot of times I realize I am frustrated and get agitated with my kids due to an outside influence and not the actual situation itself which then escalates the actual situation and makes everything even worse. Just breathe momma. You got this!

I don’t use writing a reading to “punish” the kids because then writing and reading becomes evil.
Also, my son had a lot of homework issues, we got his eyes checked and he really needed glasses. I still have to stand on top of him but he does it and does it well.

Relax. Do homework earlier in the evening. Don’t over do the Spelling.

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Seriously stop the homework. Our school district doesn’t give homework for any student in elementary. He has already spent 7 hours working on it. He should be enjoying the small amount of time he has at home. Studies have show homework does the opposite in elementary years and can make them hate school.

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Maybe color coding the words? If you have a high chair you can set baby in it and give her some Cheerios or fruit loops so she can be involved. I know my daughter (also 1) loves seeing what her big brother is doing


My mom used writing 5x and 10x as a punishment so I get why he feels that way. Maybe sing the letters to a song. It’s been proven that mnemonic learning sticks much better, (this is why we sing our ABC’s) and it will be more fun and less like a punishment. Remember that just because you, an adult, can learn something one way, does not mean that an 8 year old child can learn it the same way, because your brain works differently than his does. It also might help for a change in the drab routine for both of you, if it’s more fun you might be less stressed. Another thing is I have my daughter do her homework immediately as soon as shes home from school when everything is still fresh in her mind. If you do snack time after school maybe sit him down with a snack and work on it together at that time.

There are some apps for spelling words that might make it more fun

I was having similar issues and I was talking to my mother in law about it and she told me good moms worry about being good moms bad ones don’t. We’re just humans. We make mistakes.


My oldest is in third grade as well. I do the same thing with spelling words. I would probably do homework before baths and dinner so everyone isn’t super cranky. That’s what we do here.

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Make it into a song, it’s helped my boy in the past.

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If your child is asking you to lay with him then lay with him . I know how precious alone time is, but you could have laid there with him for 5 minutes. Give them baths on different nights, that way it’s not taking such a large chunk of time. Put your little one down before you help with homework if you can, or teach her to play quietly in her crib for a little while. As long as there is nothing dangerous in her crib, there is no reason why she can’t play with toys for 20 minutes. Break homework up into smaller chunks of time. Maybe 15 minutes right after school before he plays and 15 minutes while you are cooking dinner and then longer after your daughter goes down for bed. He acts like you are punishing him by having him write his words down because in his mind you are punishing him. Especially if you already think they are too difficult and then you are punishing him for them being difficult. Follow the guidelines of his homework, if he doesn’t have to write them according to his homework instructions then don’t make him write them. Does he get new words every day? Or is this a weekly assignment? If it’s a weekly assignment then don’t stress it so much. Just ask him to spell the words that he has difficulty with more often. Periodically throughout the day just ask him to spell a word. Make it a lighthearted game, if he asks for something tell him he has to spell the password and the password is… help him sound it out if he has trouble. Write the letters out in large block letters and cut them out, let him practice putting the letters together to form the word. If it’s a short word, create a mnemonic device so he can remember the letters that spell the word. Reach out to his teacher and tell her he’s really struggling with these words and does she have any advice on how to help him. Maybe even resort to bribery, a nickel for every word he can spell every time, maybe a dime for the words that are really hard for him. The important thing is to remain calm. You being stressed only stresses them out more.


My daughter loves using the dry erase board to practice. give the 1 year old her favorite snack or buy a few cheap toys for throughout the week and occupy her while you are helping him with his homework. you can get some good stuff at the dollar tree. do it earlier in the day so they arent that cranky yet.

Whoah…slow down. First of all, 1 year old needs to go to bed early. Second of all, writing and rewriting spelling words def sounds like a punishment. He cannot learn in a stressfull situation and its not doing you any favors to spend the night worked up. He needs to know you’ve got this…so…get organized and set him up a space to do his homework by himself. I think it is fine to check in every now and then and help study for tests, but he needs to do his homework largely on his own. Things like spelling words…learn a few a day. Master them and add more.

5x and 10x does sound like punishment. I have her write them 3 times on Monday. Then the rest of the week, we do a practice spelling test. If she misses a word she writes it 3 times and then nothing til the next day. I think we would both go crazy with 5x and 10x.

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I do all the time unless thy really need a spanking or yells at thm…I would explain to thm afterward why thy got in trouble.#8yroldboy #4yroldgurl #2yroldboy #1yroldboy #31weekspreggo couple times out the day one of them is going to gettn into a lil fight…how thy let me kno it’s time for a nap.but everyone gets in trouble for not keeping their hands to themselves…my oldest goes to school and daughter is on waiting list for pre k so get a lil break but as long everyone has a nap , sharing and fed and have a toy thy all get a long for most part

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It’s normal to get frustrated. It doesn’t make you a bad mom, it makes you a normal mom.
Perhaps find a way to keep your 1 year old entertained while you help your oldest with his homework? Maybe find an educational video & put it on the TV for her. My 21 month old loves watching Sesame Street! Maybe give her a wooden puzzle to play with? Or just something that’s going to stimulate her mind enough so she’s not at your hip.

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It sounds like lots of great ideas. Your routine definitely needs a shake up. It will help.

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I did all that and worked 40 hours and commuted over an hour each way. find your center sister !! put the crying baby in it’s crib and walk away go help the other kid(s). keeping a schedule and trying to be structured helps a lot too. Ask any mom that’s lost her shit on her kids!! You’ve got this

Change it up, make it fun not a chore, we do spelling walking too and from school, or while am prepping tea if he gets them wrong we say them over and over Afew times, Sunday’s we write them
Then have a mini spelling game which doesn’t matter if he gets them wrong. My one year old is normally trying to grab everything on my boys table (it’s low) I distract with food in the high chair while talking to them both

You’re story is alot like mine. I have a 10 year old with dyslexia, ADHD, and sensory processing disorder, a second son that is one years old, and my husband works long hours. I also work a full time job. My oldest hates homework because it is harder for him than most and he throws a fit. Its very frustrating. But homework is done first thing. Me and the kids get home about 5. I start dinner and while I’m cooking, my oldest does homework on the bar. If he or I get too frustrated and angry, we take a break for 10 minutes and come back. People can think that simply having his own space for homework is suitable and it may be for some. But my son has to be watched because he wont ever do it and he doesnt learn unless its verbal and written over and over. I can totally relate. It can be overwhelming. Routinely do homework early, before anyone is too worn out. Then after homework, we eat together and talk. That gives all of us a release .


You didn’t lay down and have them by yourself, so he better get busy.

If you were a bad mom, you wouldnt be worried about being a bad mom. My house is 95% chaotic. Your not the only one. Just keep swimming.


I would consider finding a new routine. Maybe put 1 yr old to bed before homework so the two of you can focus on it. This may mean eating dinner earlier and not as much play time for that child but if it makes your evenings less stressful, do it. (you may have to adjust nap times during the day to make it work) Maybe while you’re getting baby down to bed, your son gets his bath/shower in. At 7 I forced my son to shower because it was faster.
My daughter had an IEP for speech and it impacted her ability to sound out words, therefore spelling was a nightmare. I would suggest trying a different medium that writing out the word when he’s trying to learn it. A Scrabble board, typing it on a computer screen, writing each letter in a different color of crayon… Change it up. With my daughter we often discussed the words (while looking at them) and why they are spelled the way they are. Remember MUCH of the English language does NOT follow it’s own rules. Those discussions planted seeds for her to remember the spelling.

  1. do not get frustrated with your son and his inability to get the word right.
  2. celebrate the tiny accomplishments
  3. celebrate the ALMOST theres!
    Don’t spend more than 30 minutes on it. He will shut down and from there he will not remember a thing. Reach out to his teacher and ask for ideas on how to help him, and whether or not additional help can be provided at school.

At the end of the day, it’s just spelling. It will come. He could get a bad grade in it on every report card and it does not mean a thing. Eventually he will get it. It takes time.

And ALWAYS ALWAYS snuggle with your children when they ask. You may think it’s them delaying bedtime, but it’s really them asking for your undivided attention and affection. It will get better.

I have a 9 year old and a 9 month old and my husband is rarely home during the week, so similar situation. My son has to do his homework as soon as he gets home from school. If he doesn’t, it’s probably not going to get done because he gets out of “school mode” and into “home mode” and can’t focus on it.

Maybe put one year old in highchair give her a pencil and paper and see if maybe u can make a game out of the spelling words with 8yearold maybe the one year old will pretend she’s doing like big brother and pretend to write the words to.also maybe if you got him spelling out loud have him write the words when asked to spell them or viseversa…

Give him a snack and 30 minute break when he comes home to decompress and let his mind rest. Have him write the words 5x then have him study them and say them. Break up the words where he can remember the way it sounds when you pronounce it. It will help him remember how it’s pronounced. Home work this ag is necessary because you can help get involved with his learning process. If he’s having trouble take a break and come back. Always make time to put the lil one down for a nap or put her in a walker with something to occupy her for 10 to 15 minutes so you can help your son. Don’t overdo it because that leads to frustration. Index cards. Dry erase boards help. Flash cards are good too. But you’re not a bad mom for yelling or raising your voice! We all do. Just prepare yourself so you don’t overwhelm yourself. I went back to work 3 months after my youngest was born. Full time. My oldest was in 5th grade. New school so it was overwhelming. But don’t put yourself down! You’re doing an incredible job!! Hang in there!

And oh p.s. you doing the best you can and you are a amazing mom…:revolving_hearts:

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Towards the end of the day, everyone is kinda burnt out. I would do study time after a snack when kiddo gets home. If you can think of a rhyme or song to help him remember how to spell out the words, that would be a great study tool. Get baby involved, have baby scribble on a piece of paper too. I’m in school and my kids are monkey see, monkey do. So they sit next to me while I’m doing homework and they color or write in their notebook too. Only study for about an hour though, after that kids (even adults) dont retain in much after that. Then let him play. If you want quiz him while your cooking dinner or while giving a bath, but dont focus too much on what he got wrong. Encourage what he got right. Bed time should be relaxing. So try to keep the end of the day calm and soothing. No homework, no stress

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Agreed end of day long hours its very hard. Is there anyway your husband could come home earlier to help you with the kids before bedtime?

I have a 12 year old and a 7 years old both do homework right after school. They have snacks, drinks, and then homework. My 12 years old has a desk in his room and I set my 7 years old in the kitchen table so I can do stuff and be with him too. You can change your schedule and remember little ones imitate your behavior.

I would do homework before bath time with your son & do bath time easier with the baby ahead & pit her to bed ahead so you have one on one time with your son. This way, she’s not interrupting homework time. A bath relaxes them & homework should be done before. Follow up with bath & bed for your son. You may find it easier. Good luck

We do homework directly after they get home, that way they haven’t wound down yet. It cut a lot of the temper tantrumsvout for us. I have 2 8th graders and a 2nd grader.

Maybe Google some games for spelling words? Like hangman or word searches or something similar so that he has another way to get that repitition


It happens to the best of us hun…just try harder tomorrow. :two_hearts:

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