How can I shake this feeling? My husband’s family/my inlaws have literally put me through hell over the past few years which in turn caused me to spiral into a deep depression and constant feelings of anxiety. They were emotionally and verbally abusive towards me on many occasions to the point where I finally had enough and I realized the way they treat people (including my husband) is extremely unhealthy. It came to the point where I had to have a sit down discussion with my husband in tears in talks of cutting them off completely because I simply couldn’t handle the drama and stress from them anymore. My husband agreed and cut most of that side of his family (all the toxic members) off because he figured this was best for our little family, we share a son together who isn’t biologically his. He loves my son like his own blood but my son wasn’t getting the same treatment from the rest of his family and was straight up neglected by them for years, no Christmas or birthday gifts… nothing, while all the other kids in the family would get them. They met my son only twice over the course of 5 years… they all live very close to us. My husband told them if they can’t get over themselves and treat our son equal then he will cut them off for life and he’s not afraid to do so. Well he did. But I just can’t shake this feeling of depression and guilt for my husband. They messed with my head so bad that my anxiety is raging every day. I frequently ask my husband if it bothers him that he no longer speaks to or sees his family since he cut them off. He’s honestly such a good sport and tells me they don’t even cross his mind and he doesn’t care because they were warned and didn’t change their behaviors so they deserved it. He always tells me how our little family comes first and foremost and he will do anything to protect us. He knows I didn’t deserve to be treated this way by them but I still feel guilty that he had to cut them off even though that’s what I ultimately wanted as well and knew that’s what’s best for us. I don’t want them back in our lives, we are so much less stressed since cutting them out. But I still have feelings of guilt and feel bad for my husband because after all it is his family and I guess I’m just shocked he feels no sadness or yearning to speak with them since cutting them off. I can’t help but still carry such feelings of anger and hatred towards his family after what they put us through. I hate projecting my depression and feelings towards my husband. Will a therapist help me cope with this? How do I not bring it up to my husband anymore?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel guilty for asking my husband to cut off his family
You need some counseling/therapy. He agreed and the choice,its not on you alone.
You know the answer. You need a therapist to help you with all of this. Both so you can learn to handle it for yourself, and so that you don’t dump it on your husband.
You will feel much better once you find the right therapist.
Be aware that it may take a few tries, but it is well worth the effort.
Yes, a therapist will help. But honestly you need to stop caring what people think of you. I applaud your husband, what he did isn’t easy. Stop feeling guilty and enjoy the freedom.
You should seek counseling… you & your family will be so much happier
You are very lucky to have your husband supporting you. Therapy would definitely help.
Don’t feel guilty about your husband not seeing his family it was his choice
As someone who went thro a situation very very similar…Yes a therapist can help. It will deff help you let go of the anger and hurt. But please believe your husband when he tells you he’s not bothered and that your lil family is what matters. Remember, he grew up with all of that so it might have taken you pointing out that it wasn’t right and once you did, he made the right choice. My husband said the same thing to me (very similar situation) and it took me a while to really get it. Neither one of you should feel bad or anything, Toxic is Toxic! Doesn’t matter if they are your family or not!
You told him how you felt and what you needed and he responded to what you/your little family needed. He did it for all of you not just you. My husband’s mom is toxic and he’s cut her off after he came to realize how toxic she is after I mentioned it and then her spiraling down. Every situation is different but he chose you and your son. A therapist would help for sure. But he made his choice.
If they were such a loss for him he would have fought harder to get them to see the light. Not that he ever could. People like that don’t change. He did what he wanted to do and you should keep telling yourself that. You didn’t make him do a damn thing.
Y’all need therapy/counseling. Unlearn the toxic traits & ramifications. Even your son.
It’s healthy to let go of ppl who only bring drama & stress.
You actually shouldn’t have to ask him. If he has witnessed and/or listened to you speak about this it would be his “husbandly” duty to put you first. I would be asking him why he has not done that
Sometimes you have to back off of toxic people. Just Love them from afar. That does not mean that you don’t still love them. You have to do what’s best for you and your own families mental health. It’s great that your husband did what was right for all of you. He’s a great protector. Have a family picture made . And when you start to wonder the what if’s, reach for the vision of your family picture and realize that y’all did the right thing for your own family. Maybe make some time doing things to fill in the times that you have free time and that’s when your mind will wonder. Take some free courses at the college . Go have a family picnic. Got to the local park, event or museum. Take that time and spend making some great memories with your loved ones.
Don’t feel guilty. He see them for what they are and he doesn’t mourn them because they are toxic. How do you mourn that? 
. Y’all deserve happiness and peace. He is enjoying that. Don’t let them to continue to be toxic by feeling bad and being angry. Let that anger go. If you don’t you yourself will become toxic with the stress if it weighing down in you. They deserve better than that. Find a church that can help all of you grow and learn how to live in peace. Learn how to forgive. My husband has a hard time forgiving others and it causes anger and resentment. If you still have trouble seek therapy. Idk about family therapy but it couldn’t hurt.
You will basically go through a type of grieving process about the family you thought or wished you would have had. But it will get better. My husband chose for us to go no contact with his parents and it was the best decision ever. It still is sad at times but he chose this for the sake of our child and our own mental health. But due to your other issues a therapist may be able to help you through it.
good on jou and spezial jour husband to stand up to his toxic family. jou did the right thing noone needs people like that in their life.
Get a journal it helps me
Grow up. It is not all about you.
Seek counseling and just know that your husband isn’t the only one to respond the way he has. We went through a situation almost identical to this and my husband acts the same way.
I have to agree with Joy Williams you need to grow up. Your husband done what you wanted and what he should of done since they was treating y’all so bad. It seems like you want to keep Drama going. It’s time for you to forget about them and get on with your life.
Therapy should help.
Let it go. Sounds like he agreed with you and made a choice to cut them off- most dont. Try therapy or talking to him about how you’re feeling. Toxic is toxic and sounds like he recognizes that and doesn’t want that for your child.
I don’t understand your problem……… they were toxic, he cut them off. If only all men cut toxic family off in the same way.
Just because his family wasn’t eager to accept you an your child to the family doesn’t mean he should cut them off an for u to Repeatedly ask him is he ok ask your self that if the shoe was on the other foot Seems like your a beat wining to be liked u can’t force love or happiness it comes naturally
Unfortunately some family’s just don’t except other dna…
Years ago I would probably of said this is so so wrong… However with the way relationships seem to end In disaster… Some grandparents have bonded with step kids only to have had them taken away by the biological mother… without any law or right to continue seeing them as there not dna, it upsets the grandparents whom did nothing wrong but have wasted years spoiling and bonding… Tbh it happens more regularly than you think… The youth have messed up to many times and have shown total disrespect to the grandparents whom were taught to treat the the same… So personally I don’t blame them for not wanting to bond… As for hubby he as done the right thing by you… So be happy…aybe ask the his parents why then at least you know the reason… If I’m telling the truth I wouldn’t bond if my son had a step child… There’s no point…
You need to grow up. You sound immature and weak. It’s NOT all about you. And if you truly loved your husband you wouldn’t make him cut off his family. GROW UP!
He didn’t have to do anything. He chose to do this. Maybe counseling will be good for you and him?
Well all I will say is i hope I find a man like yours one day he sounds like a caring loving man. And yes therapy will help as I’ve been through the same as you xx
If you love your husband do not keep him from
his family.
I’m confused, did anyone telling her she shouldn’t keep him from his family not read the part where they treat her husband bad as well? Even if she weren’t in the picture he shouldn’t be having to put up with that crap from his own family and was in his own rights to cut them off, just because your blood doesn’t mean you just get to be treated that way or owe them anything, I’ve cut a lot of my family off simply because they aren’t good people to be around well before my partner ever came into the picture! I don’t know why people are so set on the notion of not cutting family off, yalls family’s must be really nice to have that outlook!
That is YOUR son, his family owes YOUR son nothing. Even more so, how could they have been so awful if they only met twice?! You need to seek help, the environment you’ve created over YOUR child is so disgusting. Your child and husband deserve better.
I’m sorry some people on here are being so hateful and unsympathetic. Toxic is toxic and just because someone is "“family” it doesn’t give them a free pass to get away with it. If they treated you all badly and didn’t change when given the option then you and your husband did the right thing. The guilt is understandable because you feel like it’s all your fault but it wasn’t it’s their fault. And as for the comment saying they don’t owe the child anything because he’s yours is just wrong. Whether it’s step or blood, children deserve equal treatment when brought into a family. That is a CHILD. They didn’t ask to be treated better just equal and when they’re not they notice and it hurts. It would be different if you all were newly dating but you’re not. Just keep reminding yourself that your husband did this on his own free will and you both made this decision to protect your family and your happiness.
therapy and communication with hubby about how u feel
Your husband probably is a lot less stressed with out the toxic people in his life. Trust me if he didn’t want to do it. He wouldn’t have. He knows what’s best for his family and wants to change the cycle… I had to cut my mother in law from my life but I never made her son do it. If he wasn’t the only family she’s got left he would have but his guilt keeps him from doing it… just be happy. You can’t change people, you can only remove them from your life… even if they are technically family.
,“If you love your husband don’t keep him from his family” 
I mean if that’s not funny idk what is… girl there is a reason your husband was willing to cut them off and it’s not bc of you! When you get married your significant other is your family and if they are being treated badly by anyone you’re supposed to stand up for them,be a team! I love my parents and siblings more than life but I can tell you that if they disrespected my husband and marriage continuously they wouldn’t be part of my life… they have enough love and respect for me that they would absolutely never do that tho. And lawdddd if my husbands family were to treat my kids from a previous relationship any different than our kids together… I don’t even want to think about how that would turn out because it would be bad! He would never allow that or someone to disrespect me… Ever . His mom didn’t like me at first and didn’t even know me… she called me out of my name once and never again! As soon as the word b*tch came out of her mouth he let her know that wasn’t ever gonna happen again and that if she wanted him to be a part of her life she was going to respect me! we didn’t know each other and things were sticky at first but she’s so great now we love each other and we don’t have that issue anymore but it does feel good to know that my husband will stand up for me! I would never want him to cut off his family but if they are that toxic and they don’t have enough respect for him to respect his marriage then maybe that’s what’s best for y’all! Don’t feel bad tho… He’s protecting what’s important to him! If they wanted to be part of his life they would’ve made changes to their behavior when he talked to the about it!
I get it, my husband has done the same to his family, not for the same reason but he only talks to his mom really… sometimes I feel like shit and question if it’s me but he also reassured me it’s a them problem not an us problem. I’m glad he did so though, it’s not fair for a child to suffer! I don’t have any advice but I want you to know you’re not alone and maybe one day we won’t feel so anxious about it… today is not that day though, lol.
It is important to remembee that he was raised by these people and therefore his lifelong exposure to their malignance make what he has done an incredible breakthrough, he was after all their first victim
Please read your statement again maybe next week… do you see what I see or heard please talk to someone Wow
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We did the same to the toxic ones and are happy always have regrets but we don’t have to take abuse
Your child became his when married him, if they can’t accept that , its their choice,get on with your lives
Your husband is a grown adult and has made his decision. He could have very easily jumped on their side or told you that you could stay away from them but he wasn’t going to. He loves you and your child unconditionally and should be applauded. I wouldn’t feel guilty at all. He evidently saw what was happening and didn’t appreciate it either. This is not your problem…it’s the rude disrespectful families problem. The last thing you should do is talk about it anymore with your husband making him feel guilty about his decision unless you want to guilt him into dropping his protection wall for all of you which will mean they win and now will be even more abuse and disrespectful to you. Leave it alone and have a happy life with your little family 
How in the world did his family mistreat your son so terribly when they only saw him twice over a course of 5 years? I’m so confused lol
If they’re blatantly disrespectful towards you and you alone, then it’s ok for you not to have a relationship with his family. I wish we could say marriage automatically makes you family, but unfortunately some people don’t see it that way. If they’re being ugly towards him, then it’s his decision if he doesn’t want have anything to do with then. In regards to your son, yes they should accept him but at the end of the day he’s not their family. I know that sounds awful but it’s true. Some families accept all children and love them the same. I come from a beautifully blended family, step children aren’t stepchildren to us, their our own and we treat them the same. But as a mother I know not to expect that from other people. As long as they don’t treat my children poorly and speak to them properly and don’t just ignore them, I could care less about gifts. I can get my kids gifts and they have my family and their bio fathers family to buy them gifts. At the end of the day no one should be expected to like or be around anyone for any reason they choose. Just like you don’t have to be around them, they in turn don’t need to be around you. For some reason they must not like you and it’s not your responsibility to make them.
The only problem I see here is your feelings of guilt. It’s probably hard for you to imagine not being terribly sad if you had to cut ties with your family of origin. Understandable, as it sounds as if your family did not mistreat you the way your husband’s family did him. He may secretly be grateful to you for freeing him from the toxicity.
Guilt is definitely something that can be treated with therapy.
Good on you for taking care of your self & family.
Leave sleeping dogs lie you think!
I would seek therapy and address your codependency. It’s not your job to choose who he has relationships with. And it’s certainly not his family’s job to accept your child. I hope you find whatever comfort you need
You ask for it - he did it - he didn’t look back, sweetie- you need to stop looking back too. It’s done -you and him against the world:wink: you could see a therapist if you want to waste money. The past is done - refocus on now and tomorrow- young one. Life gives us enough problems you don’t need other drama - he sounds like an awesome young man - show him !!!
A good individual therapist can help you make wonderful progress unraveling your codependency so you can be emotionally independent and happy. There’s no reason to be this wrapped up in other peoples drama.
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Yes, I would stop bringing it up. A therapist would probably be helpful. Be grateful he cares so much for your family. There are so many men who would have said you were the one with the problem. He sounds like a good man.
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I would get counseling because if you keep bringing your anxiety and depression into the relationship it probably won’t work because he’s already decided to cut his family off and will think that you need to move on. Obviously for some people it’s not very easy to do that so hopefully counseling can help you
If you don’t have a reason not to , then believe him!
go for counciling first by yourself as a couple,will help both of you work thru this
They have seen the son 2 times in 5 year’s?
Therapy. It sounds like you were traumatized. Find a good cognitive behavioral therapist who can help you with this.
You’re extremely lucky to have a man like that that supports you so much and cares about your mental health and well being. And who truly treats your son like his own.
I honestly would talk to a therapist about it and just believe your husband when he says he’s okay.
Im curious where your kids been for the past 5 years? Only defense i have for his family is they only met your son on 2 occasions. They didn’t really have a chance to let him be treated equally if he wasn’t there. Like they may have seen it like buying a Christmas gift for a stranger and didn’t even compare it to buying for a neice who they are around 24/7. Either way get yourself some counseling because you are going to just stress your husband and out with your anxiety.