I feel like I am living in my boyfriends exes shadow

Most ppl deal with death by putting that person on a pedestal without even meaning too.

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He may need more time to grieve. Go separate ways for now.

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He should have stayed single until he was finished grieving. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who is still morning the loss of there spouse, it’s just not possible. You should take a steep back and be supportive of him and help him but he needs to be single and work on couping with his loss. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone who is clearly still in mourning, I would feel like the relationship is not healthy because he just doesn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.

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Everyone grieves different. Let him feel what he needs to. Seek individual therapy and work on yourself. Learn how to be a good support for him.

You may have got together too quickly. End things for now until he has more time to grieve.

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You want to same energy he had for her. Hunny you can’t get that. It will be different cause you aren’t it her

First have respect for his late wife, she’s not an ex…

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What was the reason you two split up. He married her after you split up. He loves her until he dies probably. So why go back to someone you already been with and it didn’t work out ? I would have serious thoughts about the relationship before you get hurt and history repeats it’s self

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Was it too soon for him to get back in a relationship? He may still need time to grieve. Was it both of yall idea to get back together?

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You CHOSE to get back with him. You know he’s grieving, she will ALWAYS be a part of his life nothing you can do to change that and everyone grieves at their own pace. Also pushing him to “forget” her or making it seem like you are jealous of her when she’s gone is enough to set him off and it wouldn’t work. If he wants to talk about her let him, if he wants ti visit her grave let him. You can’t force someone to just let go, he married her for a reason. I would recommend therapy for both of you (individually) or think long and hard about whether you can handle this situation if not then leave on good terms and coparent but don’t force or pressure him into thinking he “needs” to let her go bc you are jealous

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A deceased wife is not an ex. He never left her, she left this world. He needs to be alone to grieve. Let him come to you.

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Have you ever heard of someone who talks about someone that really was not a nice person but the person talking about them loved them and their partner died and somehow got made into a Saint ? Try not to let it get to you :heart:

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In all honesty he may never get passed it and will compare u or whoever to her… not saying he won’t move on but there will ALWAYS be a piece of him that belongs to her.
U can’t force him to stop at any giving time
Everyone grieves different and for different amounts of time

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My mom’s been gone almost 20 yrs and yes my step dad has had other relationships since then but will tell EVERYONE my mom was and is the love of his life …

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You are his children’s Mom, but she was the love of his life… I don’t know if my heart could take that, might be better to start fresh and let each-other move on.

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Take a break. It’s okay to wait a minute and then proceed.

You sound selfish and self absorbed.

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Best thing I can tell you is that the love they share is not the love your gonna get. Sometimes we see other people’s relationship and think oooh I want that but even if u were to get with one of them doesn’t mean u get that love. It is hard sometimes to understand that their love was their love. You need to learn to love him and who he is now which is a widow. I would give him time. No need to rush into this. Be his friend, be there when he needs to grieve, hang out get to know the new him.

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Oh wow!! I can tell you leave him. He is not ready for you or anyone right now. You are only filling the void of someone being there in sight. He doesn’t want what you want. Yes you guys have kids together and that’s it. You want what he and his wife had and you aren’t getting that. TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU THIS!! BEEN THERE DONE THAT!! I was him I lost my late-husband and having someone in my life and grieving is not good at all. You are wasting your time. Kick and scream all you want he is not going to change until he is ready. You weren’t with him for a long time if he was married and all in love. You will be ok if you leave. He needs to be on his own for a while. His love for you is gone. His love of his life passed away and loving someone right now is not going to happen. Sorry not sorry you asked and I comment.

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Why get back with him if he is still grieving???

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Wrong move in your part. You are taking advantage of his vulnerability and expecting him to treat you the way you want to be treated? Back off. If you don’t he will kick you out of his life.

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Will you ever feel good enough? Does that come from within yourself? Get busy do stuff you want to do for yourself

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You are hurt because you know she was the love of his life! You may be his child’s mother but that is different!

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Been there done that with an ex boyfriend from years ago I left GOOD LUCK HUN :+1: :upside_down_face:

Sometimes, I feel like you have to look out for other people before yourself. Especially when those other people are not in a place to look out for themselves. that sounds like the situation here. He wasn’t ready to get into a relationship and you should’ve just fell back and stayed his kids mom as you have been. You weren’t together for a reason, he married her for a reason, she wasn’t an ex so he’s going to need A LOT more time to grieve.

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Give him space. Let him come to you.

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Definitely so true back off and give him a lot of space to breathe.

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*boyfriends ex ghost

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She wasn’t his ex-wife. She is his dead wife, and that makes a world of difference. He’s still grieving her and will for a very long time. You have to be prepared for the possibility that he’ll never be truly over her, especially if they had a strong marriage and/or if she was his soulmate. He needs time, grief counseling, and a lot of understanding and patience on your part. Tbh, you really shouldn’t be pushing him for an intimate relationship because he’s obviously not ready and is still mourning his great loss. The best thing for you to be at this juncture is his platonic friend, not his girlfriend.

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Let him grieve you sound like a manipulator

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Why are u back with an ex? You won get any new energy from him, you are an ex🤷🏾‍♀️

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You need to help him heal. And if you’re not willing to do that, then move along. Be his support and show some love to his deceased wife the way he cherished her. Ask to go visit her grave, picnic there, ask him what he needs. It’s never easy losing anyone. He will eventually see you the way you want him too because he’ll eventually realize he has to cherish you while you’re still alive.

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You know he loves you? If he actually did he would have married you not her.

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Why would u Get with someone who Is still Grieving after he lost hes wife. You need to Back Off… Allow him to Grive without worrying about giving you the right, enough attention how about support,help him Grive. Let him know u are there for him. its not all about you.

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Well it seems to me He should have NOT got back in a relationship with you if he was enduring all of that so don’t feel guilty about nothing. It’s not like u forced ur way back. It was mutual between to the two of Yall‼️

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My husband died nearly 3 years ago, and I know Im not ready to move on. It’s probably the same with him.

My sister was this for someone after she passed. The other girl never got over it because he loved a dead woman more than her. You’ll never replace who he lost. Move on