So I have a 5 year old (she spends every other weekend with her dad) and I also have a newborn (idk if that’s important in this issue) My 5 year old started school in August and has had a bully since and ago idk if that’s relevant but she has recently become super aggressive like playing turns to hurting so fast. Idk what to do tonight we went to our friends house and she left a hand print on her back bc she smacked her so hard we put her in time out 5 minutes and had a talk with her made her apologize then 20mins or so later she clawed their 2 year old in the face idk what to do we’re trying to get away from whoopins bc they don’t work help a momma out
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like I'm failing as a mom
You gotta find a way to stop the bullying. Talk to the school. Get involved. Schools tend to turn a blind eye especially that young. Don’t let it continue!!
But it could be an act of due to the newborn as well…
Take the child out by themselves and have them plan the time together. Keep this up so they feel they have one on one time.
The bullying needs to stop. She’s acting out because of this.
Bullying blues or baby blues
Bullying blues: she’s had enough so she’s giving it back to others
Baby blues: new baby mommy don’t pay much attention to me so maybe I act out she will.
Literally more than likely whats going with her maybe try a day date for 3 hours on Saturdays with her.
And call the school about the Bullying or encourage her to tell the teacher.
#1) your NOT failing as a mother…
I’ve gone through 3 boys, and now 6 grandkids… First thing I’d be addressing is Communication with school n action there. She’s probably acting out because of it… Think about adults- we get bullied n then we get mad, now think little one… She’s getting bullied n who’s helping her to get away n be safe.
Does your 5yo tell you she has a bully or does the school inform you? If school is unaware or not doing anything about it, I’d get on top of that. Your mom, sometimes you gotta play that mama bear. Also, she could be acting up to the newborn being there. She was an only child for the past 5 years so it’s a rough transition, specially being younger. I would def have “mom and daughter” day where it’s just you two. Maybe go to a movie or get some dinner. Or even if you have family or what not your comfortable with, have the newborn babysat for a bit and plan a whole day at home doing whatever she may like.
Go to school talk to teacher about the bullying or the principal tell them your tired of it, and it’s teaching your child bad ways.
I think she might be having jealousy issues from the new baby. It’s somewhat normal, but the hitting and harming needs to be addressed
I would say if shes being bullied it’s likely that’s her cause of frustration and anger… She can’t stand up the bully so she takes her anger out on the next person she can …
People, even kids, have 2 reactions when being bullied. It either softens us or hardens us. Try explaining to her that just because that kid is being mean to her doesn’t give her a pass to treat someone else that way.
Also call the school and demand something be done. A meeting with the other parents and kid or something.
Poor girl and poor mama. I hope you get it figured out.
I would immediately leave after telling her why you are leaving. She needs to be removed from fun activities if she is hurting other children. I would also have a conference with the school immediately to address her being bullied. That is totally unacceptable and I would bring the bullies parents in if needed.
From my experience smacking a kids but has a negative effect like hey you did wrong let me smack u or be violent to make you do right. I did that with my oldest and we completely changed how we discipline him. Took a little to work out the kinks but it will get better if you stop the whoopins. Good luck sometime we need to look at ourselves to make the change in our kiddos.
She misbehaves once and gets a punishment, she does it again then the visit is over and she still gets a punishment. If you’re at home then she goes to her room. Hitting can be a normal phase kids go through it’s just making sure it ends quick. And def address the bullying at her school immediately. School should be a safe place.
She’s sad and scared. Her dad doesn’t live with her and you have a new baby. She thinks you don’t love her as much now. You need to make sure she knows she is loved and adored.
Hitting children in Ireland is illegal. Hitting someone small and defenceless is teaching her to hit. Why don’t you try sitting down calmly with her and talking it through?
You sent her to school and replaced her with a new baby. She is angry, hurt and upset. Hitting her will only teach her that it’s ok to hit others. I would suggest lots of love and hugs are needed right now. Talk to her about why she is doing it when she is calmer. Maybe get someone to watch the baby so you can talk just the two of you. Go get ice cream together and ask her what’s up.
There are a lot of changes fast. As adults we can understand the level of process it takes.
They are still innocent to routine and happenstance.
Your intuition is on point.
August a new baby, school right after, with a bully on top of those 2 very major changes in her daily schedule.
You have a few things you need to tackle here.
I’m struggling with 3 kids and their crazy different personalities.
People are going to target the bully part of this post.
I urge you to figure out your home issues first.
Then work towards school issues.
Home is where she shouldn’t have her anxiety.
She needs direction with her emotions.
Give her alone time with you, give her big sister responsibilities, make a visual chart out, she may be the kid that needs warnings before things happen.
Please keep asking yourself the sequences of events and work with her so you both can be better
Go to her school and demand that they deal w the bully. They hate dealing w them so they just ignore. Screw that. Your baby deserves better.
go down to the school im person and do something about the bullying. tnays probably why shes acting out…your her biggest voice right now especially at this age…it could also have something to do with the new baby. some kids get jealous. when i had my 2nd my oldest was 2.5 anf i had her help with everything. picking outfits out. getting me diapers and wipes. i let her help me change him once. she helped push the stroller everywhere we went. EVERYTHING.
This must be super hard and stressful for a parent. It is not too early for some therapy. Just my opinion. My son was bullied, but also very aggressive when it came to others. Still is to this day. Wish I made him go when he was a teenager and the anger returned. Unfortunately his father is a narcissist and he has become one. I tried so hard to push my influence, but they have a mind of their own. Good luck. Sending hugs momma.
Book her on to see her pedestrian, they should be trained to help with mental health issues not just health issues… Explain everything that has been happening from the bullying to her acting out… It will help you both, she will get help and you’ll have someone understanding to talk to.
Nope you whoop ass she shouldn’t be mistreating nobody doesn’t matter if she’s getting bullied you don’t hurt other ppl or babies.
Something maybe to try, I’m older so I know that discipline ways have changed.
Definitely sit down and talk with her when she is calm and see if she can tell you why she is behaving the way she is. One thing I did when my son was little and he was throwing temper tantrum‘s all the time. I started a sticker chart and he got a gold star sticker every day that he did not throw a temper tantrum. He got a silver if he only threw one temper tantrum, etc. At the end of the month I would buy him a matchbox car at the grocery store. (Cost- $1.00) Once I started rewarding him for the good behavior, he stopped the bad. Of course, when he did not throw any temper tantrum‘s I would praise him, tell him how proud I was, etc.
Make her stand in the corner each time she acts up… Facing the wall, She will know that’s where she’s going if she mis behaves
It’s probably a bit of both of those things. She feels like she’s loosing control in parts of her life that used to be different. Change is allot for adults so for children it’s allot more difficult.
Trying to give her more options and having her help with the baby. Taking time out to do activities with her. I know it’s really hard I’m doing it with an almost 3yr old and a 3 month old. It’s been really hard and he’s been acting out like crazy to get more attention. I put aside days to hang out with him and do stuff he likes. I involve the baby in stuff he likes doing also so it’s not “all about her” I’ve gotten him activities for us to do as a family like decorating cookies and painting pumpkins and these little wooden things they have for decorations for the holidays it’s cheap and fun and you can keep them as memories and ornaments and painting stockings and building stuff like ginger bread houses (I got an Oreo train cause he liked that better but to each their own)
First this is a multi front issue. The baby is a big deal, that is a HUGE life altering change for a child. Add that around the same time she starts school. Her world has been thrown off her axis. Take 5-10 minutes every single day, where it is just you two, no baby, talk about her day. Her High moments, her low moments, and her hopes for the rest of the day or the next. Give her a big sister job, that only she can do. Pick 3 or 4 tasks and left her pick out of them, so she is in control. These could be getting diapers, towels for babies bath, formula for bottles, ect…
Second, the bullying at school. Is this what she has told you, or has it been confirmed by the school? There very well could be a bullying issue, or there could be a perceived issue. Long story short my daughter said she was being bullied, and of course Momma Bear came out. Turns out she wasn’t being bullied, the 2 girls just had a difference of opinion, and my daughter though that because they didn’t agree she had to do what the other girl wanted or she couldn’t join in the activities., which wasn’t the case. But the girls didn’t communicate well and compromise at 5 is hard to understand. Talk to the school tell them what she is saying so they can keep an eye out. Also ask if she can talk to the school counselor regardless, lots of big changes in her little life; she needs an outlet.
Due is trying to find control in her life, and not doing it in a positive way. Set expectations, give consequences, be consistent, and follow through. Also talk to dad and see what behavior is like at his house and compare notes, sometimes you would be surprised.
Punish her wtf. Take things away or ground her from things. Just because she’s being bullied, doesn’t make it okay for her to turn into a bully herself. Be a parent and actually talk to the school and work to solve the bullying issue there
Poor girl has just started school a few months ago, has been bullied the entire time and now having to adjust to not being the only child anymore. Any one of those life changing events would be hard on a kid that age and could cause behavior like that so it’s definitely understandable that dealing with all of that at once would cause her to stay acting out. If you can afford it a child therapist would definitely be helpful but yeah just try to talk with her and gently go over coping methods for big feelings and that no matter what we’re feeling it’s never okay to hurt others. And definitely stay on top of the school with the bully issue. They need to sort that out or you need to take it higher
You need to do something about the bully, and there’s other problems too, usually when they’re getting assaulted in some way, bully, friends being mean, parents or other siblings mistreating them, you need to sit down and talk to her and get the reason why she’s acting like that. And also throw in a scare tactic, like you’re going to treat her like a jail person and make her bag her toys and clothes.
Therapy. She’s expressing pain by acting out. Still have the conversations, explain why it isn’t nice to hurt, give natural consequences that a child will understand
I definitely agree that so many changes can affect a little ones emotions. I would first contact the school about the bullying and keep in contact with the school to make sure it doesn’t persist. I would also sit her down 1 on 1 and if you can have someone else watch the newborn. Ask her questions about how she feels about her sibling and if she feels like she is being ignored because of all the time you spend caring for the baby. I would try reassuring her that her feelings are valid and maybe try a scheduled time during the day after school that you two do something that she enjoys. Maybe a favorite game, book, or craft. If the issues still persist, try making an appointment with her pediatrician and see about possibly getting her into seeing a child therapist. My daughter sometimes gets really aggressive towards her younger brother and there was a 6 year difference between the two of them. It’s definitely hard to juggle so much and my thoughts are with you.
Spanking will make a child more aggressive. I also wanted to share that at about this age, in Kindergarten my son started acting by out in school. Was aggressive towards others and very impulsive. After two years in school I was at the end of my rope. I had him evaluated. My son has ADHD. Now not every child with ADHD is aggressive, but sometimes when kids can’t communicate how they feel or they are quick to anger because they feel they are being wronged, like sharing a toy or something,it is a sign of impulsivity or potentially something else. Please please please have her evaluated. They can point you in the right direction and they can help. I highly recommend therapy. They can give you and her skills to handle emotions. I’m not suggesting she has ADHD, I’m merely saying it’s 1000% worth checking out. And thirdly, you have to go to the school and deal with the bully situation. Keep pressing the issue, make them do something about it. Is the bully physically aggressive towards her? They need to be separated.
I left my daughter’s dad and found out I was pregnant shortly after. It was insanely hard for my then 5 year old. She lashed out big. It’s hard for then to adjust to things like that. Lots of patience and and understanding.
She is acting out probably for a number of reasons. Being bullied, new baby, daddy living away from her. She sounds confused and pushed out . Even though she isn’t. She needs reassurance lots of hugs and show her she is precious and you have enough love for both of your children. A little one to one time . Definitely sort out the bullying can you have a chat with her dad about her . Has he got a lady in his life? She probably doesn’t know where she fits in to all of this. Just keep showing her she is important in both her parents life. It will be fine it’s a faze she will stop this attention seeking behaviour. Children will seek negative attention. Its all the same to them.
Continue doing what you’re doing. Acknowledge what she is doing, when she is doing it and punish accordingly. Time outs, taking TV privileges, early bed time etc. Additionally, address the bully situation with the teacher and the school, continuously if need be, until it’s addressed and corrected. If that issue isn’t being addressed, she may be thinking that it’s okay to treat others that way since that’s how she is being treated. I would also remind her, during these incidents, about her being bullied and ask her if she likes it because what her bully is doing to her is what she is doing to others and it’s not nice.
Maybe if you were not so concerned over child support and put the kids father equally into her life?
Poor kid is confused and afraid
Hi Momma. The fact that you are reaching out for support says you ARE NOT a failure. When you are in the momment of this, it feels horrible. So, a couple of things that come to mind would be the bully and the new baby. Both can cause a child to start acting up. Stop and put yourself in her shoes. When my son was in kindergarten, he took a sharpened pencil and held it up to me as if he was going to stab me with it. It was not like him…at all. Three weeks later he told me about something bad that happened on the bus. A 3rd grader was bullying him and held a pencil to his face because she knew he had candy in his backpack and told him that if he didn’t give it to her, she was going to stab him in the face with the pencil. So, things can happen and stick with them. The new baby is also something that could be causing her frustration. (Just brain storming here) she may feel like the baby is taking her place, she may miss being the baby or it may bother her that the baby doesn’t have to go away on the weekends. The list is endless. The point is that she is in a cycle of frustration and anger and then negative attention.
If it were me, I would think about getting her into play therapy. I would also give her a 20 minute timed “Mommy and me” time on the days that you have her. Give her a choice of fun activities like…a game, tea party, bake cookies, go for a walk, paint nails…whatever she may like and let her decide what you are going to do. Then do it and do not correct her during your time. Lastly, whatever it takes to get rid of the bully, do it. Go to the principal, ask her daily what is happening, keep going until it is taken care of. Bullying is emotional abuse and it is our job to protect our kids from it. It should be the first thing on your list!
I hope it gets better and enjoy your sweet newborn💜
Firstly congratulations on new baby, you aren’t failing at all but you’ve got some things to sort out.
Can you imagine being bullied at school and then coming home to the house you’ve been an only child and had all the attention for the past 4 years at home?
This child has a lot going on of course she’s going to act out! The bullying needs to stop and she’s probably still adjusting to new baby. You’re going to have to sort that for her. Punishment isn’t the answer.
I’ve a 6 year old and a 3 month old. You’ll need a lot of patience. Best of luck.
It could be jealousy because of the baby…Is there any changes besides the baby going on at your home or her dads? Kids will act out when something changes like a new baby or maybe her dad got a new girlfriend ect.If she’s used to all the attention and now she’s not the only one getting the attention she could be upset about that…Try to spend more one on one time with her and include her more with the baby like getting diapers picking clothes helping with bath time.Remind her how much she’s loved and wanted.Tell her how being a big sister is special and she is the babies protecter.Also check with her teacher make sure she’s not getting teased at school or anything going on there…Praise her every time she makes a good choice.My kids loved star charts they help make them and loved getting a reward.Giving her that attention and reassurance that she didn’t get replaced and you guys still love her will go along way.I got 5 kids and even my oldest kids were worried when another baby came along.Your NOT a failure your doing awesome.
Does her Dad have the baby at all? ( assuming it is his) maybe he could so you and your daughter could do something special girly stuff together? Maybe she sees as being shunted off to Dad so you can have speciaol baby time? Or maybe someone else could have baby even for a couple of hours?
Sounds like because she’s being bullied she then bullying someone smaller than her to feel in control. My advice would be to deal with the bully issue at school and with the kids parents. Then i would sit her down and talk about how her behavior isnt ok and she doesnt like it when that kid hurts her and now shes hurting someone else.
Being bullied will make a child react in many ways…they don’t fully know how to process but they know they feel awful!!! Put your foot down with that school in force another classroom at the least and above all talk with her doctor the doctor will guide you in the right direction for your child!!!
Look into applied behavioral analysis aba therapy
Children process emotions much differently than adults . A lot is going on in her little world . Divorce , new baby , bullying
Well yea, woopin’s teach that it’s okay to hit. Kids can’t differentiate between your woopins being okay and hers not being okay. So cut that ish out. I recommend googling gentile parenting techniques, also YouTube it, get some ideas. I’ve found that gentile parenting works a lot better and just reinforcing discipline without mega lecturing and hitting, works a lot better than mega lecturing and hitting your child.
Are you saying has been a bully or has a bully???
Negative attention is still attention.
I would recommend therapy, you’re daughter has a lot to take in. She has a bully at school, parents are divorced, and there’s a new baby which takes a lot of time. That being said, you are not a bad mom either, I fully believe parents should never stay together just for their kids.
Consider switching classes or schools for the bullying, at 5 she’ll likely bounce back and get new friends.
Talk to her, I talk to my daughter and always have, yelling just results in tears (both ends). We talk about what she needs from me and her daddy, we talk about what we need from her. We talk about our feelings as a family. Some suggested time with her, that’s also a great idea, she likely misses her mom time.
Ashley there nothing wrong with a whooping if need you will see when your kids get older
Find the bully and have a meeting with that kid and your kid, parents and administrators.
The bullying could be the cause for her behavior if she wasn’t like this before school even then make the school aware of the bully and therapy to give her the skills she might be missing to handle her feelings
I would definitely put her in therapy. She can talk about things. Talk to the school about the bully. Have one on one time with her to talk and play.
You are NOT failing.
Aww the bullied normally becomes the bully. Get dad and get your but down to that school and get it sorted. Let her see you know this is wrong on all parts
I’m struggling in the same boat 3 boys
2 are bonus and one is ours
And they all hit each other
I’m getting to the point I give up
Everyone says oh there being boys it’s what they do
But in my opinion I don’t want my son thinking it’s okay to hit anyone
He knows the difference because when he goes and try to hit me
I say I dare you
Your going to learn a thing or two then he backs off
What Skye Johnson said
Throwing a little bit of water in there face when they are mean to others works wonders. It’s only taken a few times and my daughter is doing so much better.
Talk to dad about behavior concerns about there. Get her get her into counseling immediately. Teach her how she may respond when upset
Have you inquired what’s going on in school playground, other children modeling behavior
And best. Ask her to tell you what is happening before judging. Or food paper in squares then step by step draw what happened before the incident. No talking then when she’s finished as her to tell her story. Or role play with dolls or animals or puppets
Therapy and find out more of what’s happening in school. 1000%
Have you tried getting down to her eye level and talking to her to find out what’s going on her little head?
I mean talking not yelling or anything else just talk. Most times when you talk to little ones they’ll tell you what’s up in there own words.
Several others have said this and I agree
There’s alot happening with her right now new baby, a bully at school ,going to dad’s house on top of normal every day 5 year old worries.
Once you talk to her then figure out what to do but first talk to her and ask her what’s up.
Your child is acting out because of the bully in school. She is hurting, she is in pain and she needs someone to protect her. Set up a meeting with her teachers, the bully and that students parents, the guidance counselor, and the principal IMMEDIATELY!
Let the school and your daughter know that if the bully continues your daughter will defend herself if need be. If that still does not work threaten the school with suing the school and the student and the parents for not protecting your child while in the schools care. (I’ve work in Tort Law, it is possible… worse case I’ve handled was about a 12 yr old boy who killed himself because the bullying was just too much. You don’t want it to get to that point)
I see a red flag. Try to talk with her about her everyday life; at school, at Dad’s, whatever. Really listen and try to read between the lines. Next step is talk with a professional; pastor, doctor or child therapist.
5 minutes in timeout don’t do anything leave her there for 15 minutes
I had to start homeschooling because of bullying. It’s taken two years to get my son less aggressive after that trauma. When they say zero tolerance they don’t mean it.
Talk to the bullys parents, if they don’t do anything to their little demon spawn, bully them your kid is feeling powerless and trying to take back that power in a violent way. They have been made to feel small and they are trying to feel big.