Ex wives/girlfriends are so bitter and relentless. The kids are used as pawns and will need therapy for years on end. This is not a way to live! Get out! Start over! You don’t need his permission to get a divorce. If he won’t leave then maybe you should until the divorce is finalized?! Stress will kill you…you deserve better!
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I also foolishly married a man who had 3 kids 2 3 different women in 3 different states. His child support was $1500 a month when I married him. His bring home pay after taxes insurance n child support was less than $300 every 2 weeks!! I waitressed n made really good tips so I carried most of the bills. Thank God I had no kids 2 this man!! He even had 2 pay 4 1 year of college for the 1 in Oregon. I busted my ass 4 20 years n did without a lot while he acted like a spoiled child. He was an alcoholic a liar n a cheater n addicted 2 porn and verbally abusive. I managed r bills n paid r house off in less than 4 years yet he still whined. I finally divorced him. Sold the house rehome pets. Basically lost everything I worked 4 but I did get 50% of the $ from the sale of the house and 50% of his 401k… Which wasnt a whole lot but I also get 40%"of his gross income in alimony. So I got a little but not nearly what I had worked so hard 4. I should have left him years ago n let him struggle on his own. If u r not happy u need 2 leave b4 u waste half of ur life on this man.
Request paternity through the department of child support in your area
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He needs to get court ordered paternity tests for all the kids including yours.
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Instead oh beating him down from what sounds like over paying in child support how about help him file to get his child support reduced and make sure dna was done on all kids to confirm he’s not paying for children that are not his responsibility. Also stop doing extra for the children other then when it y’all’s parenting time as the mothers time (costs) are already calculated in his child support for his share. There’s two sides to every story but honestly if 60% of his check is going to child support (taking care of children he had) and what he has left is going into the house hold then damn women cut him some slack 
really sounds to me like this man is trying and he’s damned either way! If he stops paying his child support to make you happy he could have contempt of court and warrants out etc (if child support is court ordered) plus will deal with even more baby mama drama. But then he’s still damned because he’s paying so now the woman he’s with is giving him a hard time and tearing him down more !!! Smh I highly doubt this man enjoys working all week to only bring home 40% of his check and honestly most men wouldn’t bother they’d done just would of stopped working. Hell some do with only one child on child support so stop being another thing causing him stress by nagging and help him if you have no solutions then stop beating him down more basically rubbing it in that most his checks get taken:unamused:…clearly he had these kids already when you married him 
.
Not sure if you realize this but simply because you are dating someone or married to them, you can still file for child support. You have a great case for this since he isn’t helping to provide for his home or child that lives with you. File for child support and see how he reacts! You are completely entitled to have help raising your child from the man that helped create this awesome mini. Stay strong love!! A man will try to knock you down when he knows he is wrong. Huge Hug
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Get a lawyer. Tell him that it’s that or you go your own way. That you can’t continue paying for children that aren’t yours. Women lie all the time. We found out the child that his ex claimed was his wasn’t his through paternity too. After she lied for years and he sent her thousands and spent thousands. Guess what? They don’t have to pay it back either!
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WHY would he want a divorce, he has a great gig going.
You and your child are worth the same that he gives the others yet your not his priority…
He can only do what you’ll allow.
Tell him to pull up his big boy panties and deal with ALL OF IT INCLUDING YOU.
And stop enabling him and make a plan for your future.
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I’d sit him down and have a serious discussion with him…hes the one who put himself in the situation with child support…if he doesnt contribute at all with your household expenses maybe he needs to get a second job or perhaps if you truly love him maybe you get a job to help out…if hes not cheating or being abusive and you know hes trying to do the right thing maybe work with him not against him…its a hard call I know but sometimes you have to take good with the bad…
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My first question is do you spend a quarter of your paychecks on your kids or work cause kids aren’t that expensive unless you just spoil them rotten? It’s not all up to men anymore. I refuse to get married because of women like this SMH this is sad u expect him to pay for 4 kids while you “help” pay for one. At least he is making an effort to pay CS which is more than most.
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Go to court
But he is right, those are his kids and he is financially responsible for them. The situations around the children (1 night stand etc) count for nothing, he created life and he is taking care of the life he created.
Also, you can walk into a court room and petition to have DNA tests done. Here in NY if you are the dad you get charged for the test and if not the mother is charged and if you can prove the mother knew you were not the father you can sue for every cent of child support paid
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Gurl—-You made a choice to marry a man who paid a lot of child support before you married him because he had children that were there Before You. You didn’t calculate what that would cost you…maybe the sex was good. Doesn’t matter—You Made The Choice to have a baby with a man who already has kids. Get a better job. Spend less money. It’s not OK to be anything but a doting, loving, supportive step-mom to his first children. If you can’t be genuinely loving and deal with your own decisions, then you have no right being around his other children and he would be better off without you. This is one of those moments where You Need To Get Over Yourself. and TO ALL WOMEN—don’t have kids with men who already have children Unless You Can Handle it. They Came Before You. And the kids deserve to be a priority until they are grown.
His share… Ig the vows don’t matter in sickness and in health poor or rich SMH. Fuck money if u are just with him for money you picked the wrong man to marry and it seems like you knew beforehand
Those are his kids! He’s taking care of them! Like a dad should! Its NOT his responsibility to take care of your kids ONLY his and the one you two have together.
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Does any body remember Dr Laura. Her show talked about this all the time.
CPS doesn’t do investigation for being poor or in debt. What are the schools concerns? Why was CPS called?
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Try everything first. Counseling, document, keep records, consult a good attorney, keep on retainer, if still want or need to divorce, file with said attorney for divorce.
If you are married that’s his home too and the police are right they won’t make him leave. If you want a divorce then move out and file for one. Let him figure out how to pay bills.
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First get rid of the mom he don’t help you he’s got to go let it go live with his other wife and kids
Ok there’s a lot here. Yes he’s using you. Why admit it’s over & get a divorce if he can live for free? You need to file for divorce. Look for a new place without telling him. Tell your landlord when you’re moving out & ask for your name to be taken off the lease. He can sink or swim.
In regards of the child he doesn’t think is his. He’s not. She wouldn’t fight so much if he was. She’d rather find enjoyment in saying she told him so. If he signed AOP in the hospital he’s the legal father. A paternity test isn’t going to make a difference legally. My ex’s ex had multiple men convinced they were her son’s father. Some paid her child support under the table or would buy clothes & stuff for the kid. My ex signed AOP so he was stuck. She even told the judge on a few occasions that he wasn’t the father.
The amount of child support goes by income. If he feels it’s off he needs to get it adjusted. If he refuses to do that something is up. Have you actually seen the child support orders? Are you sure they’re legit? He might be telling you a large amount so you pay all the bills & he has the extra for himself.
For the kid that he didn’t know was his until he was 10 & is paying back support. Do you know that for sure? I’ve been told by the child support office & lawyer a NCP is not obligated to pay anything until there’s a child support order. Then they can only go back to when she filed. If he is paying back support she filed for support 10yrs ago & he ran from it. Then yes they’ll charge him for the 10 he was running from paying.
I was in a situation that I paid for everything for my home, kids even for the other kid, father & my now ex. I know your frustration. You need to get out. He’s using you.
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If you’re done then you be the one to leave… sounds like you’re already making it on your own.
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Why did you marry and birth a child with the man in the first place? Pull up your big girl panties and get a lawyer and go through the divorce process. Stop complaining about his child support and other kids. All that stuff was there when you decided to marry him and take on his debt. Either deal with it or move on legally.
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If it is really that bad, then why haven’t y’all gone to the courtroom, gotten the numbers straightened out AND petitioned for court order dna tests? It’s really not that hard. And it’s sad that y’all are struggling so bad financially that you just want to walk away, but neither of you have tried going to the courthouse to get anything figured out.
Also if he is paying child support, he’s allowed to see ALL of the children. He has rights. But seems like y’all would rather sit and wallow then actually be proactive about the situation
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Do the world a favor. Tell him you will only stay with him if he gets a vasectomy. Once he gets it move out. Get on with life. You are already supporting you and your child alone getting rid of him will lighten the load.
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My ex did not contribute to my house payment or any utilities. The first year he paid child support on 4 kids. Then we suddenly got custody of his 4. He opened up his own banking accounts and started collecting child support. His excuse for not contributing was that he had to take care of his 4 kids. I took care of my 2 kids and paid for house and all utilities. Things got worse every year. I stayed for 8 years. He threatened me saying the judge would order me out of the house because he had 4 kids. I didn’t care any more. I just needed out. The house had been mine, I paid the mortgage and all utilities. Luckily the judge ordered him out. I did have to give up a portion of my 401k but it was worth it to be out of that controlling relationship. Think of what is best for your son and then do it. You are stronger than you think.
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Well, if he’s on the birth certificate, it doesn’t matter the actual paternity doesn’t matter. If you want a divorce, he doesn’t get a say, so you’ll have to stick to your guns and just go ahead with the divorce and leave. It doesn’t sound like it’s going to get better, honestly.
Yep…RUN, You do not deserve to be used! Neither does your child! Get your own papers/online, courthouse etc and file for separation/divorce.
Are you married to Tristan Thompson?!?! Lol! If you can’t handle it move on. If you love him you will find a way to work things out.
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I’m really kind of on the fence about this but at the same time I have that nagging thought in the back of my head that you knew he had prior children by the time you got married so you knew to some degree he has other obligations. You either find a way to work together, which could involve some compromises on both parts such as you understanding he has financial obligations to his children and his may be having to go through with getting a paternity test on the 9 yr old. Or it doesn’t work and you break it off. The sooner you figure it out the better for you and your child.
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Sending you love while you transition this. Find a professional person who you can help you unpack all of this & give you advice. Breathe. This is all resolvable when you’re truly ready 
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He could easily order a paternity test through the courts and the mother will have no other choice but to comply. He could also easily go get visitation established for all three kids. Sounds like he’s a lazy deadbeat. The cops can’t do anything as far as eviction goes. If you really want to split, then file for divorce and file for eviction for him.
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Just file paternity papers 
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Did you not know he had kids when you decided to marry him. If I just the money go to court for a reduction of child support and it sounds like he could probably win custody of one of his kids.
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I am kind of torn here. He’s right they are his mids and he has a responsibility to them. Child support isn’t about how often he sees the kids or how they cane to be or how the child behaves. You haf a child with him knowing he had to pay all this child support. Request he go back to court to revisit his responsibility to include your child if he doesn’t than leave.
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What kind of example is he putting in front of your child with him ? He is showing favoritism and showing he puts the others ahead of your child, and that’s so wrong. I would leave.
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And you didn’t know any of this before you married him?
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I’d leave if he’s neglecting to help with his child he has with u and I’m sorry but bills should be split down the middle when ur in a relationship, if he’s not doing that then leave him!
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I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings at all, because they are justified and valid. However, maybe you need to try to look at this from a different perspective. One- he’s taking care of his responsibility for his children to make sure their needs are being met, and regardless of whether he sees them or not and whether they’re biologically his children or not, he’s decided he’s the father to those children and he’s supporting them the best he can. Honestly, that’s a good thing whether it feels like it or not to you, but it’s more than most do or will even try to do regardless of age or number of children or if they’re their child biologically or not. 2- this situation is not permanent. Yes, it’s a financial struggle right now for you both, but it is not a permanent stage of life. Kids do grow up and turn into adults, and child support will eventually end. However if he’s a true parent and father, he will still want to help them out some as he can here and there. Again, that’s not a bad thing, but shows he’s a good father and parent and partner to have. 3- he doesn’t get to decide the support amounts- that’s the courts who decide that. However, if it’s crippling him that much that he can’t contribute to and take care of his own children at home, and he’s paying out 60% of his check, then it’s time to take it back to court and talk to a judge and let them know he’s not trying to get out of supporting his children financially, but he wants it adjusted to a fair amount so he can also provide for his other child/children equally and fairly and equitably too. But it’s best to look up your state’s laws on child support and get an idea of what it should be total coming from his check and use that to get an idea of what he needs to speak to the judge about. But you also need to remember, before you came along and before you created a child together, he helped create children whom he’s responsible for and obligated to first and foremost, and most judges will see it that way too. Now if you otherwise truly love this man and want things to get better and work out for you 2, then you need to decide how to approach this to save your marriage and not break up your own family. If you’re just done and theres irreconcilable differences that can’t be worked out due to his legal obligations and responsibilities, then you need to know and realize that you will soon be in the same position most likely and trying to also get money from him, but probably significantly less than the others get, and still be in the same position as you are currently, just minus him in the household. Maybe therapy could help you sort these issues and decide the best course of action, or perhaps you could both go and see what’s best. Sometime someone else can give you better advice and insight on how to approach and handle hard things like this. But something else you need to consider is, don’t make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. If you love him, you 2 need to sit down and try to figure out how to handle this issue and go from there.
One thing that concerns me is the fact that honestly this seems like you’re jealous of him taking care of his other kids and has nothing left to really put towards your own family and needs, and if you married him knowing he had those children and legal obligations and still married him and created a child with him anyways, that’s on you. You knew that at some point he’d be financially obligated to those children if not physically and emotionally obligated, and that’s the most concerning part. Nobody can keep those children from him unless there’s a reason he’s being kept from them by the courts because he’s a danger to them and the courts have told him to stay away and just send a check. But if they’re being withheld and he’s got some type of custody rights, then he needs to step up and take their mother back to court and especially if the youngest one is being told “he’s not his real dad”. That’s parental alienation and just wrong, and that’s also a good reason to take the mother back to court to demand his visitation/custody rights and to tell the judge to deal with her telling the child to say that. But regardless will it matter to him if those children are not biologically his? Does he still consider himself their father? Does he want to be their father regardless of what a DNA test says? If he does, then he needs to just handle his business and take her to court to deal with the visitation issues and the alienation going on, and/or take her back to court based on the information he’s been told or knows and explain how and why he feels he shouldn’t be legally financially or physically obligated to no longer provide support and/or to at least have it reduced. But also understand if he voluntarily slept with someone and created children with them, then he’s responsible for helping provide for them too regardless, and if he had doubts about paternity, he should’ve questioned all that a long time ago. Most courts will also consider that fact too, that now he’s suddenly not wanting to be a father to children he decided were his until he had his own. Most courts don’t care who the children belong to, just as long as someone’s helping provide for them, and something he should’ve considered before getting involved with, marrying, and having a child with you too. It’s an unfair issue in many ways, but it mostly affects all of the children. But that’s exactly why if you truly love him and this is just a financial strain on you both and driving a wedge between you 2 but you otherwise are ok, then y’all need to sit down and discuss what options you have and how to go about dealing with it so the burden of financial obligations to your own family aren’t all on you. You sound incredibly frustrated, but sounds like you do otherwise love him, just hate the financial burden this has put on you. Does he help cook and clean and physically care for your child together, but just can’t financially provide much of anything? If so, my honest advice is try to find a way to talk and get through this. If he’s contributing absolutely nothing financially, physically, emotionally, or otherwise to neither of you, then cut your losses and go. Marriage isn’t easy, but relationships are even harder when there’s heavy financial burdens and obligations because of past relationships where children were created as well as coparenting and visitation schedules.
Is there any way you could all (the parents of all these children) just sit down together snd work something out and take it to court to have things adjusted more fairly, for the kids sake and everyone else’s? Also note that if he’s paying his child support, and unless otherwise obligated to help with extra expense for things like paying half or something for extracurricular activities or other things like school uniforms or something special outside regular child support payments, that’s his choice to do unless otherwise court ordered. So if he’s just doing extra beyond what he’s required and not also helping provide for the most basic needs of his own child at home, then that’s a problem and something that absolutely needs to be discussed and how to best handle that so that his other kids are still also getting a little extra here and there but his own obligations at home aren’t being completely neglected.
Sorry so long, but just wanted to try to explain better. Good luck!
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Leave him alone about supporting his kids. If they are not biologically his but he’s raised then to some degree, they are his in his heart. Don’t you expect the same when you divorce him? First you say he doesn’t pay rent, bills or anything for your child. Then you say he has never paid a fraction. I’m confused, sounds like he does contribute but you’d like him to pay the least amount possible yo his other children so that money goes to you and your child. But if he indeed is neglectful then divorce him and be grateful he’ll be one of those dads that is willing to pay child support. Either way, you sound miserable. I feel sorry for the kids.
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My children’s Father has 3 other children from 3 different mothers. I’ve always treated them like my own children and eveb encouraged him to start paying child support for the younger 2 because only the oldest’s Mom had him on child support through the court. Without fail I sent a check every other week to the other 2 mothers wether he gave me money for it or not… At first I just did it because it felt like the right thing to do… but after a while of taking money out of MY check to send to his other children on his behalf, and not even getting help for our own 2 children, I started to seriously resent the shit out of him… Not to mention he was extremely toxic and abusive to me and had issues with gambling & alcohol… But what REALLY pushed me over the edge was that whenever my step daughters Mothers would get mad at ME for problems that HE created, he wouldn’t stick up for me… I was the one running all over Gods green earth to pick my step daughters up so we could see them, sending money to pay HIS child support, literally raising my youngest SD because her Mom was too busy drinking and having fun, he couldn’t even stick up for me when she was being irrational and disrespectful, even after all I did… I finally left him and I have been SO much happier… I can afford things now! Even being a single mother getting no child support, I’m still in a better financial position than I was before WITH him… I still Have a relationship with my step daughters (even more so than he does) and I don’t have the extra weight of having to pay their child support… Now anything I do for them, I can do because I WANT to, not because I feel obligated to because their Father is a dead beat… I was able to take all 5 kids on vacation for a long weekend in March & treat everyone… I am much more at peace without him in our lives… I know exactly how you feel and feeling taken for granted by the one person who is always supposed to have your back is the worst… Even though I’m sure you agree that he should pay child support to his other kids because it’s the right thing to do, that doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice ALL financial support from him because he has other children… You have literLly been set up by him to resent the fact that his other children get support and your child gets nothing… It’s not right at all and you are not a bad person for feeling the way you do… Just get out of that mess and file for child support so he can finally start helping you! Hell, even if you leave him and DON’T file for CS, which is what I did, you’ll likely still be in a better finacial position like myself just because you’ll only have to worry about you & your child instead of worrying about his bills too! Let him feel the struggle that you feel and maybe he’ll finally have to be a man and step up to get the child support at a more manageable level… Everyone has a right to start over with another family as long as they are taking care of their previous children… but taking care of his previous children shouldn’t make him completely unable to support your child and family and leave the burden fully on you… if you want a divorce, he doesn’t get to decide that you can’t… he can’t force you to stay…
You haven’t even said you loved him. So leave and get child and wife support.Depends on lawyer and judge you can get some of his pension if he has one and half of anything else. Leave if your that miserable.
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Its obvious that you have had to roll up your sleeves to help him pay for his parade of reproductive decisions, but your choice is simple, do you put it in low gear and help him work his way out of this shitshow or do you cut your losses for the sake of your “biological” children? good luck
Talk about being jealous! And making him feel just down right wrong being able to support all of his children. If you don’t feel like his “other kids” deserve anything then you don’t need to be with that man. He deserves better.
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Well looks like he doesn’t want to leave or divorce you because you pay everything for him. With all that drama I wouldn’t have even had another kid with him or married him in the first place. So many woman think “it’s going to be different with them” and it’s not! The history continues and he’ll tell the next female you are the problem just like he told you with all three of his last baby mama’s. That’s way to much! He’s probably doing to your child what he did with the last three. Sounds like he’s the common denominator. Be careful who you defend because karma is real. Move on, be stress free, he’s a grown man not your problem to fix and not your guilt to carry.
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Hang on, you knew he had other children upon dating him, had a child with him, married him but now can’t handle it?
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He can’t get his child support lowered if he never spends time with his kids. If one of his baby moms was keeping the kid away why wasn’t the courts noticed? It seems like there’s a lot missing from this story. Usually when you go to court for child support and are not married or didn’t sign the birth certificate/declaration of paternity they will require a DNA test. There’s absolutely no way the cops would come to pick up the baby just because he was going to do a paternity test and it was his time with the baby, that’s a violation of a court ordered visitation.
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Time to move on. Get a good lawyer
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Show him the door and slam it shut behind him
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You never should of married him!
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We’ll get out got married when l 15 and was in for 38 years I finally got out have my house I have a job and I even had a walk to work and I finally get my divorce ……Did lot of prayers 
l am happy
You’re not wrong to feel how you feel, that’s you. But you have to go about it legally at this point. You can’t legally just kick a spouse out. If you actually want a divorce you need to file for divorce and work all that out in court.
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She says he didn’t know the oldest kid was his until he was 10 (17 now) and they’ve been married for 8. So she didn’t even know he had that child until after they were married. Then he was saying that the youngest (9) wasn’t even his and wanted to get a paternity test… So I think she thought they’d only have to worry about paying for the middle child. (13)
I’m glad you are with a man that’s willing to step up for his kids. That seems rare these days but I do think he should go to the courts to see about somehow making it fair between all the childrens mothers so that he can still help support the kid you guys have at home together as well. If the middle mother can say that the money is “hers” than her amount definitely needs to be evaluated. Cause it is not for her, it’s for the child.
If you’re not happy, leave. You’re paying all the bills yourself right now anyways. So if the love isn’t there, go.
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2 much baggage if you can’t handle it then leave
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Good example of why people should take having children more seriously.
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I feel like I’ve read this story before
If he isn’t allowed to see his kids y’all need to go to court and fix that immediately. He also can take her to court for the DNA test for the child in question.
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So you are mad about the money… I see.
I never saw anywhere in your post that you love him , so if it’s all about the money and you wanting him to pay less for his other children (even if they are not his, in his heart they are his children and you should respect that) I’m not trying to ignore the way you feel about you taking care of yalls child… but it seems that your problem is him not giving your child enough money for his care and marriage is not about money, i agree that he should go to court and try to adjust the amount ,but talk to him about it, don’t keep telling him “that’s not your child, or you don’t even see them” that is none of your business. If you do love him help him out, he might be stressed and needs help figuring out… now if all you care about is the money 
then divorce him and atleast you know he will do everything in his power to pay child support for your child too.
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He’s paying his child support and is obviously struggling in ways he doesn’t tell you about. If you want a divorce get a divorce he can’t make you stay in a marriage that you don’t want to be in anymore! That’s just guilt tripping you because he wants you to do all the dirty work for him.
Also his other children are not your business and it’s very rude of you to keep saying “ that’s not your child” whatever happened before you is not your business or place to say anything.
Mama’s teach your boys to wrap it before laying the pipe.
Whatever you end up doing, make sure you have the best intentions at heart for the kids involved. Get any paternity issues resolved. Get the child neglect case resolved. You gotta roll up your sleeves & do the work if you want these things sorted, sis. The key phrase being, “If you want these things sorted,” 
I had to do all the research, evidence collection, report writing & even drive my husband back & forth from Family Court to finally get him full custody of his kids. And these are kids he had out of wedlock. It’s a full house now but I was mentally prepared for it. Best wishes for your family.
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Tell child support he has doubts over the youngest and demand a dna. As for the rest of it tell him to grow up or leave
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Red flags from 8 years ago are still red flags. Marrying him, having his kid, and pouring money into his problems did change those red flags or get rid of them. You may want to cut your losses and run while you still can. Sounds like he creates problems and waits for the women he’s dating to bail him out.
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Always 3 sides to a story. His side, her side, and the truth. This all sounds like high school drama as per usual on this page.
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Sincerely torn, I am sorry you are going through this.
If you want a divorce go and seek legal advice about where you stand and how to go about this. This way you are able to put children’s matters in place immediately and not have to deal with his bullshit at all.
For those saying oh wow he is stepping up for his kids. No he isn’t, those mothers have sought costs for their children and he is forced to pay. He has no contact and the one child he does have contact with he refuses to actually step up and be apart of the family and a real father. He abuses the mother and makes her feel insignificant.
Listen to your intuition, if it’s telling you to leave then go just do slowly and ensure you safe guard yourself and your child.
I hope you walk and start a life with your child free from the restraints of a man and his past. Many blessings to you 
Get a lawyer and ask for an advice
get divorce papers! and take him to court so he HAS to sign them. the judge will tell him he HAS TO leave YOUR house.
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He is still Messing with his children’s mother that’s why he won’t correct the child support. You are right you are being used
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You knew he had kids. You knew he paid child support. The children are not responsible for the bad situation.
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Why did you marry this guy? The problems you describe were inevitable. Good luck.
For the DNA test. He can go to Court and the court will get a DNA test done.
As for the child support. You knew what you were getting into when you married him. He has a responsibility to ALL of he’s kids to provide for them. If he’s struggling then he needs to find a better paid job or go to Court and see if they can come up with a different payment amount.
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I don’t know if the law has changed but it said if you are married the child is yours. I hope the child don’t suffer over this.
Sometimes your mental health is the most important thing to take care of so you can be happy and your child. It’s not selfish to want to progress in life
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If he’s not helping he’s hindering. You and your child ate your only priority, maybe you should put him child support too.
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Sounds like he’s stepping up for “his” kids. Stop comparing or putting him down for it… You can’t tell him how to feel whether the child is his or not, obviously he loves him. Jealousy and money hungry… You’d be doing him a favor by leaving…
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You knew he had kids with other women. There is always POTENTIAL for this kind of drama when you involve yourself with a man who has minor children. It’s not the children’s fault, its not your fault.
You best believe if I had a child with a man, I’d be all up his a$$ to be a man and help me with it. I didnt make it by myself. So, if you can’t deal with this messy situation, then tell him he don’t have a choice but to go. Open the door and say get gone.
It’s not a easy
Emotionally physically
to take care of children that are not yours
And having to deal with the drama of the exs
But in my own opinion you must have known these things befor you married him
And your mad about money
It shouldn’t be about money the more he pays of his debt the better
And I’d suggest not say anything to anyone about getting DNA test done
Because that’s wrong
If you can’t get it done on your own you can get court order for DNA testing
Walk away this sounds like a mess
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A judge can order a paternity test AND he should refile with the Courts as there is NO WAY 60% of his income should be going for Child Support - seriously … not even 50% KNOW SO!!
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He should stop having children if he can’t afford them . Also if he wants to raise that child that MAY NOT be his …let him .
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Ask him to go to court to have the paternity test of his youngest done, get custody of the second one if child welfare is involved!
Sorry but you married this man knowing he had 3 other children and carried on this relationship I feel like it’s probably more frustration and jealousy then anything…. Try going to marriage counselling ?
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Time to contact a lawyer and see what all your options are for both yourself and for your husband. If that child he’s paying support for is in his court can order a paternity test and he should’ve requested it before he even paid a penny of support. There’s a lot of things that sound wrong in this whole entire article that you wrote. My best suggestion to you is go and see a lawyer.
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I’m sorry I don’t have any sympathy for you I’m assuming that you were Aware that he had children with other women and we all know the responsibility that means for a man.
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Get rid of him and let him pay child support to you that way atleast he will pay his share and you’ll have less stress. He will find another woman to support him while he supports all his other children.
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It isn’t selfish to realize he isn’t taking care of all of his children, his marriage, or his home and to want out. 8 years is plenty of time for him to get his shit together.
Move out and away from him
Yeah I’m sorry but I agree with everyone here…first of all he won’t get a paternity test because he doesn’t want to it’s very easy and adorable…second of all if he’s out being this irresponsible with multiple baby mothers what makes you think he’s going to change for you?
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There’s absolutely no way some other woman can call the police to stop a man from getting a paternity test. He’s just making up excuses so he doesn’t have to pay for another child. Also, I have no sympathy for you when you laid down with man you knew had kids and another woman.
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You are not wrong. Get a lawyer, evict him, move on.
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Counseling. You need a neutral ear.
Go after custody if there is neglect. Why paying back support if he never knew about the child
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I’m having troubles believing he doesn’t help you take care of your children. Assuming you have food to eat, a roof over your head, utilities, a car. Why do you feel he doesn’t owe anything to children he helped create that never asked to be here in the first place. It sounds like you have some misplaced jealousy and anger that’s being directed towards the wrong parties. If you can’t communicate with him effectively and you no longer wish to be apart of his past (that you most likely knew about before saying “I do”) then pack your stuff and leave. File for divorce, and move on. Maybe get yourself some therapy to find the root cause of your anger and hurt. Good luck to you.
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I don’t understand half of these questions honestly if he’s not treating u right or not listening to what u have to say …LEAVE!!! U are strong woman and can do it on ur own …dont let no man make u stuck !!!
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I’m so sorry you’ve been going thru this!!! You need to leave for you and your kids! There’s someone out there who will love and care for you and your children. Life is short and you shouldn’t spend it living and feeling this way. Sending love your way and hoping things turn around real soon💖
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Sounds like your his meal ticket while he takes care of his past! I’m a firm believer that you play you pay, and it’s great he does that but he needs to step up and do right by you! I honestly think for myself I’d have to get out, I’m doing all now so that shouldn’t be an issue, and the freedom from the stress of his past would make your life better and your child’s life,?never let anyone guilt you into staying in a relationship such as this. Life is too short!!
Didn’t he have these kids prior to meeting you? You knew he paid child support then but agreed to get with him. I’m not sure what you expect him to do. He has to pay his support. And just because a child doesn’t look like him doesn’t mean it’s not his. One of my kids looks nothing like his siblings. You can’t go by that. I get you feel he doesn’t contribute. But you knew his situation going in.
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I’m sorry. You’ve been married 8 years and have a 6 year old. For two years, you clearly knew his responsibility to his other children. So, why did you choose to have a kid with him and marry him if later on you would have regrets? “For better or for worse”…was that part in your wedding vows, or are you picking and choosing which part of the vows you want to follow?
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I wouldn’t have even pursued him to begin with.
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When you meet someone it’s all new love & exciting you don’t think about anything else until you actually live together , get married the dynamics of a blended family, been there done it unless you have been in that type of situation you are no one to judge her actions
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If I were you I’d be secretly stashing away money. As soon as you can financially leave, the very first opportunity, like if he’s gonna be gone overnight, I’d be ready, grab boxes, swing by home depot and get some guys waiting looking for work, throw stuff in boxes, have guys load truck, swing by court house and file for restraining order, ask a close, trustworthy friend to serve it to him when he returns, and be long gone. You can work out his visitation schedule later, after you’re settled somewhere with your child. I’d be long gone if I were you. Supporting his other children is to be commended but not at the expense of your child together. Why are only the others important? That’s bullshit. Get going girl. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start your life.
I mean… you knew all this when you decided to be with him. So why the anger now? It doesn’t matter if any of his children are one night stand. It takes two to tango and you should be proud that he was a stand up kind of guy and took some accountability. Sounds like you want him to choose your children over the others and that is not okay what so ever.
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My SIL had to go downtown n get an eviction notice n serve him with it in order to get him to leave. This is NY so I don’t know if the laws r the same. Good luck