Sincerely torn.
My husband of 8 yrs & I have 1 child together who is 6. I have 3 grown children with my ex and he has 3 with other women 17,13,9. He pays a lot of child support & has no desire to try to get a reduction even though it’s putting a strain on our family since 60% of his check is gone. His child support is not calculated properly to include all the children. However, that is not my 1st concern. The youngest child might not be his. When we met the child was 1 and he told me “that’s not my son and I don’t know what to do”. Everytime he asked for a paternity test the ex flipped out. She even called the police one day to get him because she knew he was giving him a test. Then keeps him away for over a yr multiple times out of spite. This child also looks nothing like my husband or his other kids or family. Plus the child tells him “your not my real dad” My husband pays his child support faithfully & buys clothes, shoes, food, gives extra money for school etc but doesn’t do his share of bills at home or contribute to our child. When I talk to him about it he always replies “what am I suppose to do those are my kids”. The oldest child is from a 1 night stand that he didn’t even know about till he was 10yrs old and now owes $38k in back child support. On top of paying double the amount for that child than the others & doesn’t even get to talk or see him. Then the middle child has a horrible mother who claims the child support is her money & doesn’t even take care of their son. So WE pick up the slack but debt is piling up not to mention the school has concerns & calls Child welfare which then we also have to be reviewed. All in all I am just over it. I can’t deal with all the drama & issues anymore & want a divorce but he makes me feel guilty then refuses. I can’t live like this & it’s not fair. We are like roommates but he doesn’t pay rent, bills or anything for our child. Hell he has never spent a fraction of what he spends on his other kids & doesn’t help me at all with our child. I have called the police to get him out of my house but they act like I’m wrong. I feel like he has used me our whole marriage. Am I wrong for wanting to move on or feeling like this? I am so lost I don’t even know what to do.
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You need a lawyer, ASAP
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Move on and run far far far away from that bs!
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Wow. Okay. They are his children, you knew he had children when you got together. He has a responsibility to take care of them. Perhaps you should not have had a child with a man who is unable to provide for the children he already has…AND an additional child.
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They could only add in the child y’all share. Plus after so many years of him assuming parental rights for the one, the state sees him as the parent. At least that was explained to my husband. Texas is like 4 years.
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U knew all this before hand and the judge will be more concerned of the other children he isn’t with.
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Run girl 
not for the support but he should be helping pay bills. He’s using you for a free ride
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U can do a DNA without her permission
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If you are doing it on your own already… just leave .
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You knew he had three kids and he’s doing his part to look after them. Your mad your partner is a good dad? It’s also weird you call them his children if your married those your kids too lady. Of course he spends more on THREE children vs one. It’s obviously more expensive to have multiples.
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you are not wrong at all
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He lives there you’d have to get him properly evicted. You can not just put someone on the streets. It doesn’t sound like he’s using you to me anyways. It sounds like he’s trying to be a good dad and you’re jealous and only want your child to be cared for. Kind of sad honestly. Hope you get some help for your issues.
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You are making a whole lot of excuses for what you knew in the beginning and for not taking action you have control over. You move, you file for divorce and child support. Done
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1st His children are none of your business since u want nothing to do with the situation ur best bet is to move on live ur own life with ur children and never be in a relationship with someone who has kids
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Get a lawyer and get the divorce. 
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God bless may god help you
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All I kept thinking the entire time I read this was, “these poor kids.” 
You knew he had this much responsibility under his belt when you chose him. However, he should be contributing and I understand why you’re frustrated. But I feel like you’re completely neglecting to recognize the impact these kids must feel. The youngest must feel so unwanted and conflicted. All of them sound neglected emotionally. I don’t know even know where to start. Frustration about his lack of contribution aside, you’re definitely not innocent here.
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He can get a dna test through court & he can reduce the amount he pays but thats up to him. If he don’t want to leave him 
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Get a lawyer and Divorce his ass… Why are you letting him make you feel bad when you’re the one getting shit on?
You do realize you can get a divorce whether he agrees to one or not? He can’t force you to stay married. Or do you want him to pay your legal fees as well? You not getting a divorce is on you. Not that he refuses and makes you feel guilty. You allow him to make you feel guilty. That’s all on you. Also, instead of kicking him down, maybe the lawyer y’all should get is one that will help you out with that child support mess and get it calculated right, instead of sitting there complaining about it. He shouldn’t be paying 60% if he has other kids. You’re his wife, help him navigate through that. You knew all this when you married him. Did you expect it to magically go away when you said I do? I get you’re frustrated. You get your divorce, but don’t you complain when he finds himself a woman that helps him navigate the legal system and your child support for your kid is next to nothing.
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I just read this and 4 posts down I saw this and I wanted you to see it.
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Seems stressful, you have to just take care of you and your kids! No woman needs a man, they all equally suck.
You know what to do.
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I don’t know what to do in your situation but my siblings and I never knew who our real dads were. We had one man who raised us and bought us everything. He is our dad even if it isn’t by blood. Have you considered this child may not have anything or anyone to consider dad if your husband walked away or didn’t support him/her?
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I would want to leave too! I don’t think you feeling the way you feel is wrong. I don’t think you should have to be supporting y’all’s baby alone basically so he can pay child support on children he doesn’t see. But that’s just me. I completely understand where you’re coming from!
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U knew what it was , when u picked it up. His issues r now yours .
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I applaud him for actually taking financial responsibility for his kids . That’s the right thing to do . u knew about all the children prior to marriage and then u decided to add another kid into the mix as well …
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If your mad because he has less money to put in the pot because he is supporting his children leave, file for divorce that way you could end up paying him child support and or alimony, those obligations are a 2 way street in divorce. It isn’t about man or woman anymore, fair is fair and those obligations to his children, his or not, are going to still look like a responsibility he is accountable for to a judge.
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So you’re mad cuz he takes care of his kids? Even if the one isn’t his, he signed the birth certificate making it legally his child. Don’t be mad cuz he’s stepping up.
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Welp! You knew from the get go he was a package deal! Divorce him and that way he will ALSO “contribute” to you in the way of child support! Btw if he really wanted a DNA all he has to do was file it in court himself or get an atty.
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But…you chose to have a child with him knowing he already takes care of more than one child 
and now your mad he didnt drop them and just take care of you and your child after you had a baby? Sounds like you tried to get knocked up in order to use him and now your mad it isnt working
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My opinion…go back to court and let them sort it all out.
His children deserve his support but yours must also be taken into account.
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Leave. Get a divorce file for child support and be happy. You only got this 1 life to live. Be happy while you live it. If he doesn’t contribute now than what would you be losing out on? Nothing. Go be happy .
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If he really wants to know which kids are his he can go to the court and ask for paternity. They can swab him then a later date she will have to come in with the kid and be swabbed. If you don’t like that he has kids and has to pay, you could leave. But that is on you. He has to decide what to do about his kids and you about yours.
You people are right. Glad he’s taking responsibility for his kids. One may not be his. But you are wrong also. Because he should be doing the same thing at home and he isn’t. I would not put up with it. If your going to take care of the one’s that don’t live with you. You should also take care of the ones that you live with. If the lady feels alone now, she might as well be alone.
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Most states have child support enforcement units. They handled everything from collecting the DNA to enforcement of child support. They also reduced my ex’s amount through the court… But I am owed $30,000 in back support. My daughter is now 33… Probably never see it so I don’t think they are good at their jobs… And any man that needs that many excuses, is an excuse of a man.
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He’s only “refusing” a divorce because that means he would have to pay up for one more kid
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I see 2 immediate choices. First you can get a divorce if you feel used. Second if you want to stay, get legal advice from a lawyer and take the case to court. If the youngest isn’t his they will probably award him the money he has spent on support which can help with the financial part. Otherwise, it’s actually refreshing to hear that he’s taking care of the kids. You may feel neglected but it seems he is trying to do right by them.
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I’m wondering if he was forthcoming with the entirety of the financial train wreck he had going on before they got married. IF he was completely honest about ALL of this drama and financial disaster and the OP still married him then it’s what you signed up for so why are you crying now about a choice you made willingly? If he wasn’t fully honest and the pieces came together after the ink dried on the marriage license I would have been long gone! Regardless, for me personally at the stage of my life I’m in now I would leave that mess in my rear view mirror. He’s messy and he needs to clean that 
up. Lawyer up!
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You should’ve never married him. All that child support he has to pay, red flags. Honestly just file for divorce. Asap
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I feel bad for this difficult situation. But I want to bring to your attention 2 things I read. 1 was him saying, what am I supposed to do, those are my children, and 2 was you saying you feel guilty. I could be wrong, but to me those are statements of very good caring people. You married him, despite his previous experiences and having 3 children, as did he you. I understand your frustration as it appears your situation is better managed then his. And I understand for him that he is in a challenging situation due to other people’s actions, and that is unfortunate. So, do you love him? Do you want to work on the marriage and find the best way to work all this out as a TEAM, ONE UNIT? that’s what you need to ask yourself . . And him . .how does he feel?
My best wishes to you. May your heart lead the way❤
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Sounds like you hoping them ain’t his kids so his money stays home. Why you call the police on him tho. He does need to do more, I understand he got other kids but yall got a child and bills too
Everyone acting like it’s horrible for a woman to want her own child to be a priority too.
You aren’t wrong for wanting more for yourself and your baby. If you aren’t happy make a plan to leave. Use your family friends whoever you can to get yourself out of there. You are clearly living without him anyway. If you can get away without seeking money from him for his child I would do that for a time being. A clean and quick break will be the best option for you to start over.
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get a lawyer & go to court for some sort of reduction of child support. Also prove that he also spends more money on his kids, which is what a father should do. I also would also request to have paternity test done on all of them. Sadly, if one or more isn’t his, this kids always thought he was their father & that also is horrible to them 
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If his name is on the lease or deed, there’s no way you can evict him. I would start saving my money & take my child and move out. Then, go to the county clerk’s office and file a motion in court to have your child support and custody reviewed. You don’t need an attorney for this. Filing for divorce is expensive however, some men are more of a burden than a blessing and as women, sometimes we have to cut our losses and move on. Trust me, I’m a pro at this, plus I work in housing management. Do whatever you need to do to make you and your child happy. Period
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Husband needs to grow up
Ok all of these negative comments, disregard them. Basically what I read here is if he has babies then he will pay child support and then some if he’s required to by the courts. Sounds to me like he doesn’t want to go to jail. Even to a child that he feels isn’t his. Which he can simply have the court do a paternity test. Regardless if the ex wants it or not. He’s not required to pay anything for your child now. So that’s why he doesn’t care. He’s scum expecting you to pick up the pieces. Your best bet divorce him. Then his problems will no longer be yours. I completely understand trying to divorce someone with your kids. It’s expensive if they don’t want to sign the paperwork. Try a free consultation to see what your options are to get out. Best of luck to you. His mistakes are not yours. You should not have to pay for them.
I would leave and file for divorce and find your happiness. You should not have to suffer for his lack of responsibility to you and your child. Good luck and hugs
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Next time you have the kid… do the test.
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I love being single. 
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If its causing you this much stress, is it really worth it??
You didn’t think about all of this before getting married to him ?? Atleast he is paying for his kids lol a lot of men don’t even do that .
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Since your married I’m sure the police have told you that neither can just put the other person out of the res but what u can do is file for separation and issue him and eviction notice
There is no sense in living like that …. I dnt know full story but you can do bad on your own dnt need a man to help bring u down …. At some point your gonna have to take the rains and do what’s best for you and your 6 yr old ….
Take care and good luck 
stay strong
I pray GOD Blesses You
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Well then file for divorce and also put him on child support. Also he has chosen to accept that child and be dad so he is dad and he’s responsible for his child… all of them. They came before your joint child and so he has financial responsibilities to them before you.
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In court they should have done a paternity test if he questioned it. He can file with family court to ask one to be ordered
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You can go to the Attorney General website & fill out papers for a child support review. It’s free & you don’t even have to go to the office. I would pull those up & make hubby fill them out. You can get dna kits at Walgreens or Walmart & id test the kid myself & see. You can even test the kid against your kid to see if they match if hubby refuses. Then I’d make a decision based on the dna & child support review. I think hubby has just given up at this point & don’t have any fight left in him.
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Apparently a lot of people don’t know how to read 
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Sounds like he needs to get fixed
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If his name is on the kids birth certificate hes legally the father. Whether or not he actually participated in the creation of the baby
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You’re not going anywhere.
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Ughhh I feel bad for those three other children … time is more precious than money
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See a lawyer.
You can get a contested divorce. Happens all the time.
Sadly, bc he’s been paying, a negative paternity test may not change the child support.
PLEASE push a divorce. You are not a good step mother or wife. You’re very selfish and inconsiderate. The children should NEVER be on the chopping block. Please next time date someone that doesn’t have children. A mixed family isn’t for you.
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Main question is why did you have a child and marry a man with all those children? Did you think he was just gonna ignore them once getting with you? You set yourself up for this and chances are he’s stretched to thin. Either eat this or divorce and become one of the baby mamas.
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I’m torn with this WHOLE post. First- if you don’t want to be married to the man, file for divorce. I don’t know what state your in but you need to check the community property laws. If you owned the house before marriages you might be able to evict him.
Personally you married someone knowing they had other kids and child support, fair or not fair you knew. Secondly, when you divorce him will you file for support too? I’ve been in your shoes, married a man with kids, paid the support myself too…We divorce but had nothing to do with money. I don’t and didn’t ask for anything expected him to cover healthy insurance.
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If he doesn’t help at all with YOUR child, how do you know if he didn’t just lie and put all these ideas in your head about the other moms and how he was about their children, too? He doesn’t see or talk to 2 of them at all? And doesn’t try to fight for rights to see them? If he cared to get more TIME with them, he’d also have to pay less support- plus the time is what kids ultimately need, more than they need money. He should have done more to support his other kids, sounds like he didn’t, then left all of their moms in the same position he’s leaving you in now, where they had to fight him in court for financial help because he wasn’t doing any of the work physically or financially on his own. Maybe they aren’t all crazy or whatever stories he tells you. Seems if he can’t make it work with 4 baby mamas that are all alive and raising their kids themselves without him (including you), then it’s a him problem, not a them problem, and he’ll likely be twisting stories about YOU too, with the next woman. Kick him out, get divorce papers filed, and force him through the courts to pay more than the $0 he’s helping with now, like they all had to do. You already know you’re not wrong for wanting to leave him and there’s a REASON why they all have and why they have kept him away from his other kids and he never bothered fighting for more.
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So I guess this whole situation is brand new?
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File for divorce and put him on child support.
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You can’t kick him out of your married. You have to file a divorce and for the kids situation that’s up to him to fight in court. That’s not your battle. If he wants to be lazy that’s on him. You gotta do what right for you and your child. To me he sounds like a dead beat.
Get out ! You are both using each other…not a relationship. His issues with HIS kids are none of your business and he’s made that clear.
He might not know how to tell you properly that he won’t stop paying for the boy because he feels it is his responsibility. Paternity may not have anything to do with how he feels.
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This isn’t working. You know that don’t you?
Your not wrong but you are wrong… if that makes sense…
It’s not the child’s fault
It’s his fault for having so many…
it’s also your fault for marrying him knowing he had so many…
if the one child isn’t his then he needs to do testing so he doesn’t have to pay for that one child…
but you shouldn’t put a grudge on kids just bc you want yours taken care of…
I’m a single parent to 3 children by 3 different dads, 2 of which tried to say was their not their kid but I am not a hoe so I knew better… anyways to ensure they paid for their child I went through recovery. Only one of mine gets to see their father willingly. The other 2 the dads act as of their child doesn’t exist… so atleast your man is paying for making babies and seeing his babies grow up! The money shouldn’t be an issue if your married to the father of your child ! He has a responsibility to pay for his kids regardless if your with him or not! Even yours but your child with him has something those other kids don’t and that him being in the same home as your child!
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So he doesn’t see them but you “know” the money isn’t used properly?
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I’m confused why you would of married him if you knew this all from the start???
My advice is,if your unhappy divorce. Sounds like you already don’t want to work it out or stay. Good luck
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Did you not know about all the other kids and support when yall got together? It seems like you knew and still decided to marry him, so that’s on you. Get a divorce and file for your own support if it’s really that bad.
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You can’t be wrong if that’s the way you feel. Get a divorce
There his kids he should pay for them
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You might as well be living alone since you are doing it all by yourself anyway. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about wanting more you YOU AND YOUR CHILD! If he has no problem paying child support for his other children I would make him pay for mine too. It seems as though that’s the only way he is going to do so…by force! Always feel good about choosing “YOU”!
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Sound like you’re his meal ticket.
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They have at home test, do one next time you have him.
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He can’t make it on his own without your income and he knows that, but not your problem since he doesn’t want to help out in the relationship. This is what you call having your cake and eating it too and it’s some pretty expensive cake. I’d say the price is about to go up. See ya 
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First… if u want him gone… file for divorce… second…. If u are renting a house, move out into your own place… if its a place u guys are buying… look into the legal process for having him leave so u n your kidscan sta… theres tons of options…. Many would give u much better advice and faster results from research than posting on fb sites looking for advice… most of us a. Arent lawyers and arent in same state as u…. Personally id recomend leaving if u arent happy… ive been in too many bad relationships …. Staying n hoping things would change; wont do it again because it rarely gets better
My grandma always said you can tell how a parent is by their previous children and their situations. If a guy has 8 kids and ducks out, probably not a good idea to have a kid with him. In your case, he always had his money tied up in child support regardless if you have a new child or not. It sucks but you either get over it and be with the man you married or you leave. He’s going to make you feel bad, because it sounds like you’re paying his bills…
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Call a lawyer, they can give you free advice. Pack his things, call the cops and insist they remove him now.
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You say he tries to get a paternity test for the younger one? If he I ordered through courts to pay child support… they should of already established paternity.
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This happened to a friend. She got an attorney, restraining order and filed for divorce the same day. She had to give him half the home equity, but since you have a child it might not be so. It kind of depends on laws in your state. Good luck in getting clear out of his mess. 
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Take him to go file at friend of the court to have his support amount looked at. Swab that youngest and send it in. Because if it comes back that the youngest is not his then he can use it to ask for a court ordered test. You don’t need a lawyer. I wasted well over $10,000 with my ex and we both agree we could of did it all on our own.
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I think you know what you have to do… good luck
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Why are you there if he is not the person you want to be with? Even if you knew about his other kids, you did not know then what you know now! You have changed your mind. It is that simple. If you were just living together, would you still be there?
He has so many children from other women because he was not taking responsibility for his choices and raw doggin’ it. You did not make that choice. He did. Whether that one child is his does not matter. He knows the child could be his. So, your income, work, and contributions are essentially putting a roof over his head so he can afford to pay for his poor choices and apparent casual sex habits.
Don’t hesitate to leave. Get out. You are being used and then made to feel responsible for his irresponsible behaviors.
Good luck, and no, you are totally right to feel what you feel anytime you feel it. Do not wait 50 years before you reclaim your happiness! No marriage or relationship is worth it.
You married him.
You are upset that 60% of his check goes to his children & the rest to Bill’s making it harder to keep up on your own Bill’s.
This sounds a little ridiculous to me.
Also he doesn’t even know if one is his so maybe after 10years he may want to check into that but otherwise I think you are being ridiculous.
You married him but expect him to help with your child just like these other mothers expect him to take care of they’re children.
Think about it.
He didn’t give up on you & he didn’t give up on the other people & it sounds to me like you are just upset & jealous over this.
Time to pull it together & grow up now.
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You knew his situation when you married him.
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File divorce paperwork he doesn’t have to agree he doesn’t have to move out. The courts will decide what needs to happen but you stand your ground if you leave he will end up with the house. You have a good argument that he shouldn’t get the family home as he cannot pay for it. It will help if you owe money to the house because it will be a joined debt not an asset. At least talk to a divorce lawyer. See what you should do.
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Umm you knew those kids existed and still decided to have a kid with him and marry him.
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Oh wow. Your probably right. Trust your instincts. He is trying to do what’s right and it’s his legal obligation. And that part is good. I’d seek counseling before filing. Is he your forever? Eventually the kids will grow up and it will be over.
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So, you found out about the oldest AFTER you were married if I’m reading it right? It sounds like he’s using you at this point to put a roof over his head. Does he contribute ANYTHING? Groceries, gas, savings? If you’re doing it all on your own anyway, will it really be THAT much of a burden if you divorce? You’re allowed to be disappointed when things don’t go the way you envisioned. It also sounds like you guys got married quickly and you might not have known what you were getting into with him. Talk to a lawyer and figure out what you need to be happy. Life is too short to be miserable. Good luck!
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Take dude in for a emergency vasectomy ASAP
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Yikes, that’s a whole lot of stress and drama. And he doesn’t help the situation. If you feel like you are at the point of divorce, then rake a moment, figure your shit out and move on with the next step. He is making you feel guilty bc you are allowing him too. Get s lawyer, and start the process girl.