If she isnt your mother, still married to your father, and the fact she abused you dont let her anywhere near that child. Screw what anyone thinks. If your dad says anything tell him straight up its your child and you choose who the child will be around. As harsh as that sounds becoming a mother changes personalities alot. It did with me
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Let your baby decide what to call her. Call her by her first name around your baby. Visit for short periods together with your baby and don’t leave him alone with her. Work around that. Dad has an issue? Well baby made the choice what to call her, The End. You protect your baby. What stepmom wants and gets are two different things Hon!!
In the end it is your decision it sounds like you will run into to her at family function as at some point then will meet as for a name maybe Nana
My MIL wanted to be called… Mamoo? Meemoo? I don’t remember… but that was the issue. She told me what she wanted to be called and I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember. So I was saying meemaw, and she was saying meemoo, or whatever, then my daughter didn’t know what to call her and she ended up calling herself grandmom, so we call her that now mostly, but my daughter doesn’t always know who I mean when I say grandmom (my daughter is 10!). Meanwhile husband’s stepmom went with nona and my dad went with grandpa and they stuck because I could remember them, and we see them a lot more. I feel kind of bad about it. I always thought MIL should have been GiGi. But she didn’t want that. Now we are in permanent name limbo.
Call her by her first name, and baby will only know her by that name. Especially if you only see her like once a year, like we do (which I would suggest if you dislike her that much and don’t want baby to get attached.) And while that was never my intention, lol, it can be yours!
Or pick a nickname to call her, based on her first name (or whatever name you refer to her as.) If her name starts with a B say BB, or C is CC, or D is DD. If it’s something that doesn’t work that way, find some other nickname. And tell her that because you refer to her by name and not by Mom, it will be easier for baby to connect with than grammy. And remind her that her children’s kids will totally call her grammy and none of this will even matter.
Why in the hell do you even still talk to her? It’s a no brainer… She isn’t even your real step mom anymore if they’re not together. You owe her nothing. Was/is she abusive to your half siblings? If so, you owe it to THEM to rescue them from that shit.
I’m grandmother and great grandmother. Never let anyone in your child’s life that’s not good for them. Protect child at all cost
Your baby. Your choice.
That’s all you gotta remember. Screw who might disagree or have issue.
YOUR baby. YOUR choice. Period.
I’ve cut out my MIL completely. She’s not happy. But she’s toxic for my kid, so bye bye🤷.
No regrets. Been 3yrs.
So remember…YOUR baby. YOUR choice.
Then my man’s ex step mom wanted to meet our son. She’s been divorced from his dad for YEARS. The mother of 3 of his siblings to. Our son has never met her. She’s crazy I’m told. So I honored my man’s choice not to allow her around. Cuz OUR baby. OUR choice🤷.