Im a first-time mama. I’m having the second grandchild in the family. And my parents and step-parents are excited about bubba. But this is where it gets messy. I had had a rocky relationship with my stepmother since she became apart of our lives when I was little (she used to abuse the hell out of me and is the reason I have a mental illness). She’s married to my dad but has been separated for years now. And she wishes for my child to call her grammy. I would never take my child away from her (she is the mother to uncles and aunties) unless reasonable circumstances, but I don’t wish for her to be called grammy or have any other grandmother’s name. But I know it will cause a fight, and she will go and whinge to my dad (if we even talk back, its straight to my dad or instant threats of violence even though I’m an adult). I just feel she would be too toxic to my baby’s health growing up. She was to me. And she will forget my baby once her own children are old enough to have babies, that’s an unavoidable truth. I just don’t feel I should let my baby have that in his or her life. What should I do, mamas? I’m scared and don’t know what to do. I have been advised not to mention anything until the baby is talking, but I want to nip it in the bud before that.
Your baby your choice from what you’ve said I wouldn’t have her anywhere near my kid screw what anybody else thinks you put yourself and you baby first
I wouldn’t let her around your child. If she was abusive to you and clearly still a toxic person, you nor baby need that in your life.
I’d telling her how it is! Your baby your choice!
Helllll no.
That is YOUR baby. It is YOUR decision. Don’t let that lady scare you. Protect your kid.
Why are you keeping her in your life? She’s caused you mental turmoil AND isn’t even with your father anymore…
Keep toxic people like that out of your life and your babys she has no say in what you do. Let her go to your dad so what. Your a grown woman and should know how to tell someone no. Just because of siblings does not she has to stay in your life, cut her out!
tell her no has your dad. remarried again. or just tell her. grandma. and grand pa will be your true blood. pa rents. end of story.
Keep the baby away from her from the start! You don’t want someone to abuse or treat your kid differently. Also when her kids are old enough to have baby’s she would kicks yours to the curb, why give her a chance??? Only introduced positive people. People that won’t just walk out of your littles life! It’s hard but we all want the best for our littles! I wouldn’t let her around my kids and if it was a half to then I would supervise every second she is around!
Your child your rules. And I would never let her be around my kids. Toxic id toxic family it nit. You don’t owe her anything. Keep your sanity and tell her straight to her face what you did to me you will never have a chance to do it to MY child. If Dad or anyone has anything to say cut them off also. Never let anyone tell you how to feel it what to do with your child.
Just tell her no. Keep telling your child a different name to call her.
I stopped reading at she abused you. If she abused you why would you let your child around her?
She wouldnt be around my child at all if shes makes any type of threat. Tf. She abused you what would stop her from doing it to your kid? I wouldnt even be talking to her.
You are the voice for your baby. If you feel she is going to negatively impact your child’s life, you keep her away no matter what anybody else says or thinks. Simple as that.
It’s your call stop it before it starts
It’s your child. You are the mother. You know what’s best for that baby. Trust your heart and don’t let anyone tell you different. And as far as I’m concerned she has no say what so ever. And if you’re dad can’t except then that’s his problem. Take care of that baby momma hopefully your family will agree
This is silly honestly. Your kid will end up calling her whatever they call her. My kids chose Mimi and Papa for both sets of grandparents. As for being toxic. Toxic is toxic. Doesn’t matter who it is. If she doesn’t need to be around your baby then don’t have her around your baby. Simple. Your kid your choice.
Keep her away, if no one likes it, tough, your obligation is to your child first and foremost.
She was toxic to u!! Why would u want her around ?
what is wrong with you if she caused you to have mental Illness my child would NEVER EVEN KNOW SHE EXSISTS…wake the hell up
There is no reason this woman should be in your life. You’re an adult and need to tell that woman to F**K off and delete and block her from everything. You do NOT have to allow anyone in your life or your child’s and if your dad has an issue cut him out too…
I’m sorry but you’re willing to expose your child to this bad person, but you’re picky about the name. Keep her away from your child.
You already have the answer 
No reason to be scared .put on and pull up those big girl panties and protect your baby from toxic people like that …you should of cut her out of your life a long time ago .who cares what she, your father or what anybody else thinks your an adult and can choose who you want in your life .so either ghost her or tell her straight out that she is not going to be part of “your” family
You could always talk with your dad first since you know she’ll just run to him 
I wouldn’t let her anywhere near your child. She is the reason you have some mental issues. Just read that part again to yourself, why would you let anyone that can knowingly be cruel to a child “you” near your child? Your job is to protect your child.
She doesn’t deserve the title of Grammy. Or anything else if she hurt you as a child.
Trust your vibe. Energy doesn’t lie. Stand for you baby.
Don’t go around her she’s toxic
If they arent together anymore she isnt family & u wouldnt have a stranger in your childs life & thats what she basically is.
You get to decide who has access to your child. If you don’t like want something then stand firm. Your kids, your rules!
Put your big girl panties on and remove her from your life ,if others want to follow her,let them.Move on and enjoy your babies.You are not beholden to a psychopath.
Your baby your rules.
Let your child decide when the time comes, but unless you plan on having her watching your child she really won’t have any influence on your child. I wouldn’t worry about it. I wouldn’t stir up trouble at this point. On another note, if she was abusive to you and you feel she is the cause of your mental illness, why do you even place yourself anywhere near her?
Didn’t you say you have siblings thru her? If contact can’t be avoided, I’d limit exposure, never leave her alone with her and let her call her whatever!
When it’s all said and done your child’s well being is more important than the emotions of other adults. You do what is best for your mental health and for your baby and anyone who is upset over that can deal with it in their own way. It’s not your problem.
You are your child’s first line of defense. Do not let toxic people around. Set your boundaries now and stay firm. Not saying it will be easy, but it is worth it. Address the situation with your father and if he gets upset that’s his problem not yours. Now is not the time to be nice but to be strong. You can do it!
The only dramam caused is your step mom deciding to throw a tantrum over your request. Do what is best for you and your baby. Fuck toxic people
She’s not with your father anymore so she’s not grandma to your child at all and with your past with her I wouldn’t even let her hear your child
I wouldn’t let her around my child either. She is an abuser. Idc if it’s family or not…toxic is toxic and I have no room for toxic in my life or my kids life. It’s your job to protect your baby from anything
I dont let my own toxic dysfunctional mother around my baby so I sure the hell wouldn’t let a ex step around my baby
Omg u answered ur own question! Abuse u want that for ur baby ?ur job is protect ur child no matter what !just a 
Chat with your dad first, but maybe just go no contact with this woman. You said she was abusive to you as a child, for me? That’s clear ground for keeping the baby away from her. Fuck her and her toxic behaviour and threats of violence when shes not getting her own way. Is that really something you want little one to grow up witnessing? Nah. YOU’RE mum to this kid and well, what YOU say goes. Anyone that doesnt like it is welcome to fuck all the way off.
Why is she involved if she’s no longer with your dad?
I can’t stand my step mom and she just happens to be called Grammy by all the grandkids but it doesn’t mean we get along with her and we all limit how much she sees the kids because of her being so toxic but if yours isn’t even with your dad anymore then you are not required to evolve her in your or your child’s life and she doesn’t have to like it.
It’s your life and your babies. You need to do what you feel is right. The rest of the family should stand by your decision.
And if they don’t then they don’t care for you and dont need to be in your life.
She’s not your mom, she’s not your dad’s wife anymore (as I understand it), she’s not your baby’s grandma. At this point it’s a title she’d have to earn. I grew up with all 4 of my grandparents but there were some people we referred to as grandma/pa because they earned the respect and were like surrogate grandparents. Same goes for aunt/ uncle titles. Your full/half-siblings are aunts and uncles, anyone else needs to earn the title.
If anyone whines to your dad, tell him to grow a pair and defend you, his daughter, his bloodline, as is your baby, too.
If she’s an abusive and toxic person, why would you let her anywhere near your baby at all? If she abused you, what keeps her from potentially abusing your children as well. I’d keep my kids far away from her. No one is entitled to a relationship with your children
Put her totally out if your life! She is toxic and not even related to you! It took me until I was 62 to put my biological mother unit out of my life. She caused so much harm to my children and grandchildren!!!
I would avoid her and not bring the baby to any family event that she might be at.
If she’s so bad, why would you want your child to be around her, especially when her and your dad have been separated for a long time? Is this person slow? I’m being serious
I stopped when I read abuse. NO!!! She does NOT deserve to be called Grammy. If she is toxic to you then she’s toxic to your child. Family or not… TOXIC IS TOXIC
She is separated from your father so u owe her nothing and u have valid reasons for the way you feel. Stick to your guns and dont back down.
If she isn’t with your father and was mean to you why are you even considering having her in your baby’s life
Continue your relationship with her aunts and uncles . She is no longer with your dad so that makes her ex step mother which if there was no relationship between the 2 of u in the years means she’s nobody in your baby’s life
Sorry but you should in fact keep your child away from the person who abused you 
Why would you allow a woman near your child knowing the abuse she put you through? She is not your mother, she abused you. She is not a grandmother. She does not need to be around your child.
Shes not your mom and they’re separated which means she isnt shit to you and you dont have to worry bout her feelings
I think u know the answer walk away don’t her near your beautiful baby u need to protect the baby and never let him/her call her Grammy x
Nobody can make u do anything. As a mother u are to protect ur child and do what’s in the best interest even if it upsets ur father. Ur a grown woman and mother . Ur father may get upset but apparently this woman is not anything good or positive for this child and ur dad should see that . Eventually he will get over it and be a good grandfather
Don’t let her do it to yours. You already know the outcome. Do you really want to put them thru it too. DON"T
Who cares what she thinks you are the mother
No, I wouldn’t. If she’s toxic for you, she’s toxic for your children and you’re not obligated to involve her. Especially wouldn’t involve her if the baby will be abandoned when new grandchildren come. Abandonment can severely harm a child. I have a mental illness due to childhood abandonment. I say absolutely not.
Dont let her around your babysit you have to break off your relationship with some of your family do what u have to do to keep your child safe it comes first
Its you’re child so its you’re choice. I hate when people are like “oh but its family” family can be toxic too! You know how she treated you, and obviously still tries to threaten you. If you choose to allow her in you’re childs life, you choose what role she will play and who she will be to you’re child. I personally wouldnt let her near mine though.
Don’t let them go till they can walk and talk plainly
Why would you let your child around someone who mentally abused you as a kid? It’s better to come from a dysfunctional family than be part of one. I wrote off my own mother for these very same reasons. She was terrible abusive and was an pos. I tried for the sake of my kids to let her in and it was bad for all of us. My older kids ended up suffering mentally bc of her. Our lives are much better without her in it. If she complains to your dad tell him to have another kid with her if she needs to be around a baby so badly.
Keep her away from ur bby ur the mother period
If she was abusive to you when you where a child then I’m sorry she wouldn’t be anywhere near my kids and tbh if your dad let her be abusive to u I would let him near them either , u don’t need that kind of person in your life whether they are family or not I would cut ties with her altogether and if dad wants to take her side on that then cut ties with him also , that’s just my opinion and if it was me in your shoes that’s what I would do
As a parent you are to protect your child from all dangers. Toxic people are dangerous to children. Keep your child safe by keeping your child away from abusers. You are no longer a child. You are an adult.
This is your baby, you get to make the decision on who is involved in his or her life. If that woman caused you so much pain why take the chance or give her the opportunity to do it again to your inoccent little being. Your a great momma already for being so concerned.
If anyone, I don’t care who they are threatens violence to me they would never see my child at all! My children are my number one priority and keeping them safe and their metal health safe trumps all!
You do not have to explain or apologize to anyone for cutting toxic people out of your life.
Keep the baby AWAY from her! She’s not your family now.
She abused you and still threatens violence to you as an adult. I wouldn’t let this woman anywhere near my child.
She’s not your mother, she’s separated from your father and she abused you to the point you have mental illnesses but because she’s the mother of your siblings you want to keep her in you and your baby life? Girl cut ties with that woman…she is nothing to you
She doesn’t deserve that privilege. I wouldn’t allow it if I were in your situation.
Totally your call. This is YOUR CHILD.
No way!! Our jobs as mother’s, is to give our children a childhood they dont need to recover from!!
As if this should even be a question, she abused you, she signed away any rights of having anything to do with you as an adult and with your child cut the chord and heal yourself man, if any other family members have a problem cut them off too. You got your own family now
If shes toxic keep baby away you dont owe her any favours if she did it to you ,why would your child be any different ,big red warning sign No KEEP THE CHILD SAFE
You have to have trust that your ex will also be the papa bear and protect his child too if needed. Try being friends with her instead of pushing her away
She lost the right to be in your or your child’s life when u said she abused you as a child And toxic! Nope it’s your job as a parent to protect your children… if I was you she would have very limited access to my child if any!
Don’t even let her see the baby period. No if’s, and’s or but’s. I’d get a restraining order on her as well, for the baby’s sake and your family’s sake
She’s your abuser… Have her called by her name.
Nope. I wouldn’t even let them meet. She doesn’t deserve the right to be anything to your child the way you describe her.
If it’s even a question in your head, don’t do it.
Think of how you feel and then think of your child feeling that same way because of her. Let that mama bear come out! Kiddos come first! 
The only obligation you have is to your own baby. Your child needs your protection, just like you needed it from her. You will break the cycle of abuse. Stay strong and follow your gut.
Why in the hell do you still even give her a moment of your time!? You have no ties
Knowing what you do, you will be in the wrong for exposing your baby to that mess of a person.
Toxic! Understatement. She is equivalent of EVIL STEP MOTHER!! Keep your baby away from her. She is NOT grandmother material. And is not your babies " granny". Your job is to keep your baby safe and give love. Di that the best you can. Keep baby away from anyone who is disrespectful of you or baby. He will get enough crap you cant stop so…stop what you can!!
Are you kidding? I wouldn’t let anyone who abused me around my babies!!! Do you want your baby to be abused!? Do you want your baby to be around and see someone who threatens to abuse you, and I am sure her.
Knowing she was abusive with you then you shouldn’t even let her near your baby!
Why would you want a woman who was abusive to you & continues to be emotionally abusive in your child’s life? Why would you want the man who allowed & aided your abuser to be around your child? If you allow her in your child’s life history will repeat itself. They will hurt your child.
If she was abusive to you when you was small SHE WOULD NOT BE AROUND MY CHILD. I WOULD MAKE SURE THE PAST WASNT REPEATED.!!! I WOULD NOT CARE WHO SHE WAS MARRIED TO. I ALSO WOULD TELL MY FARHER THAT SHE ABUSED ME AS A CHILD AND NO ONE WAS THERE FOR YOU BUT YOU WILL SEE TO IT THAT YOUR CHILD DOES NOT SUFFER THE SAME. No reason to be scared you are this child’s parent.
First off somebody doesn’t give you a mental illness they can give you anxiety PSD Etc but that is something you can work through you need to step up and start admitting some of yourself is to blame sounds to me like she is a tough cookie also I would have to say that I would put restrictions if she likes to fight Enzo for it I would say I’m not at tolerating. And that’s exactly while I would put it no arguing no drama will be tolerated around the baby if so the baby’s gone and that includes your dad but you didn’t believe them it’s your baby you can have it around anyone you want but I think that that you’re using this as a ploy because of the fact that you have ill feelings towards her because of your childhood I don’t know all of the things that happened but if she was just you’re going to get your butt spanked if you don’t do this or something it did not say it again that’s being strict my parents were like that I’m not mentally ill from it but if she did other things such as because I was eating you until you’re black and blue if she put things in your bed while you were sleeping that scared the crap out of your things like that yes I understand and if she was that abusive why would you even consider it you don’t have her around your child
Your job as a parent is to keep your child safe and so keeping your child away from toxic people should be part of that!
Talk to her about your concerns, her response will give you all the answers you need here.
You’re afraid of her even as an adult? You have fists! If she threatens/hurts you, use them!
And why are you even associating with her? Your dad apparently is done with her. You should be too.
Woman up!
She aint shit to you. And if she could do it to you whats stopping her from doing exact same to your kids?
Your a mom now and this precious gift is your number 1 priority in life. Let me ask you are there any good qualities in your step mom? Will your child benefit in any way from the step mom being in his life? Dealing with mental illness is hard and by NO MEANS am I taking up for step mom and more than likely your son may inherit some type of mental illness depending on the severity of yours. Now back to atep mom because of the strained relationship with her and your family do you feel that it would cause chaos within the family to allow her to be part of his life? Being a mom and a 1st time mom your over protective and should be by all means so I think that if her being in your child’s life causes any type of negative you should keep your son away from her. Just explain to her that this is your child and that you want what’s best for him and by wanting this you are making the decisions that only benefit him and stick to your decisions … good luck I wish you and your family the best
She abused you. She caused mental illness. Stand up for yourself and your child. She shouldn’t be around your child at all. For any reason. Doesn’t matter about aunts or uncles.