I feel like my boyfriend isn't there for me like I need him to be: Advice?

I think my boyfriend of 6 yrs is the most amazing father to our kids; I really couldn’t ask for a better dad for them. He also works really hard for our family and is a great provider, because of that I am able to stay home with our children. I really am forever grateful to him for allowing me to never miss a moment in their lives. That being said, as a boyfriend, I feel I get no support from him. Since having our youngest, I have had postpartum depression and anxiety, I really struggle mentally, some days more than others. He is not as patient or understanding as I wish he’d be with me. I can’t talk to him about what’s going on with me without him mocking or making fun of me. He’s done it to my face, and he’s made fun of me to other people, and it gets back to me. Either way is equally hurtful. I feel he doesn’t love me like he used to; he probably just feels like he needs to keep our family together for our kids. I want that for our kids as well. I never want to have to split time with the kids between us. I want us both to be able to see our kids every day, and all be together as a family. I do love him very much; I just wish he was a more supportive partner. I want him to be someone I can lean on during any kind of struggle, mental or emotional, Someone I can tell anything to and feel safe with. He does not currently make me feel that way. I avoid telling him about anything that’s bothering me. I hold everything in because I feel like I have no one that I can talk to about things without judgment, and I know if I do talk, I won’t get any real support from it. Because of this, I feel a lot of resentment toward him. Other than how he makes ME feel, I do think he’s a great man and a good dad… I don’t want us to split up. I just don’t know how to deal with this either. I’ve been thinking about couples counseling; I just don’t know where to start with that.

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I’m so sick of the “he’s a great man but…” No. No he’s not. And you just explained in your own words why he is not. Never “stay for the kids”. You’ll just damage them. They should see a POSITIVE example of relationship not negative. Otherwise they grow up thinking that that kind of behavior is ok and something to strive for. It’s not and it’s YOUR job to show them that.

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Exactly if he inst treating the mother of his kids right then he isnt right

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Try… taking to him. I went through a very similar feeling /situation. And I was so scared to just tell him straight where I’m at. But once I did. I felt SO much better.

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Find a good therapist. Get yourself to a good place, and stop expecting him to be something he’s not - a supportive partner.
At the end of the day, you are responsible for you. Your mental health, and your well being. Don’t put those aside because you put your partner or children first. Take care of you, and you’ll know what the next steps are.

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Sometimes brutally honesty is the best. Tell him exactly what you said in this post! Its gonna go one of two ways. It will hit him hard within couple days or it will show you that it’s not worth fighting for. Either way YOU are going to feel sooo much better knowing there was no holding back or nothing unsaid

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I done it for my kids for over 2 years. Their dad didn’t want to be home half the time. He and I had to differ relationships, the one at home which was like roommates, and the one the public seen which we got called the perfect couple. After a while.rhe kids didn’t care if he was home or not and once they voiced that to me I knew it was time to walk away. Believe it or not kisa do pick up on everything feeling and emotions on both parts and will eventually say something.

Show him the post you just made and have him read it. If it doesn’t break his heart knowing that he is hurting you then he is not the one. What kind of person makes fun of their spouse or anyone for that matter for having any type of mental issue. He should be there for you 100%. If you can’t communicate your feelings then the relationship isn’t worth having. Your kids deserve to see their mother happy and they deserve to see you loved properly. If he can’t be good for you then leaving would be the only option. You’re not doing anything good for those kids by staying. Try to talk to him about it and if he doesn’t see an issue I would leave.

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You need a good friend to lean on! Sometimes men just don’t have the same though processes as we do and you need a female friend who can listen to you vent

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Run now before u get even closer and the pain becomes worse

Maybe try counseling :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging: … what I learned from my kids dad is, he can be a great provider for our family, but it didn’t make him a good husband or father… n thats ok :woman_shrugging: … now we live separately n i realize lookin back, I did my kids more harm than good by staying… js .

I’m just here to say that my kids watching their happy, healthy parents coparent PEACEFULLY (even though he still annoys me to death 95% of the time), in separate homes, is far, far better than watching their two unhealthy parents ineffectively coparent in the same house. 100%.

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He’s not a great man if he makes fun of you

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Find, first a good christian counselor. For you… you cannot change him…work on you…

He can never make you feel better about yourself only you can. Let me give you the best advice someone once gave me. Get up get a part time job fix your hair put on some makeup every now and then take up a hobby you can make something beautiful with. A man cannot control your happiness if you expect that you’ll never be happy. When you do those things and start feeling good about yourse again your relationship will be amazing again

Jesus. People in here are relationship executioners. It sounds like you are leaning on him pretty heavy to resolve alot of issues and that will drive a man away especially if on top of that you are asking him to support you a little more emotional and also with kids? Imagine if you were in his shoes. You would be exhausted. You maybe wouldn’t react the same way he does but you would not have a positive reaction to that. Also some guys are great but just tone deaf. Go at it another way. Try to pick his brain about how he feels about your situation without looking for him to help. Show him you are taking steps to address your issues so you can come back fully as a parent and partner. He will respect the fact that you are trying to do something to better yourself and your family. He is your man but he is not a miracle or social worker. Also he could be going through something too that hes not discussing thats keeping him distant. Ask him. You both need to ask honest questions and listen to each other. But be prepared for a resolution that does not keep you as close as you would like, for the sake of your happiness if that makes sense. Sometimes people think their happiness lies in someone else or in an image they have in their head and if they dont find it or its not available to them when they seek it, the other person is useless or doesnt care or deserve to be left behind or worse they can never find another way to be happy. You end up spiteful and miserable and resentful, more anxious etc…deepening the problem. You need more lateral perspective. You have to take what is best for YOURSELF and YOUR KIDS and run with it. Same with him. Vows be damned.

Counseling is definitely the way to go.

Maybe you two can get counseling sessions together

Mocking PPD is pretty egregious. Providing for the family financially doesn’t make up for not being there emotionally, or worse, being a negative emotional force in your life. If he already doesn’t have empathy for your postpartum experience I’m not sure there’s any saving the relationship. It’s better to have the children split time than to have them see him belittle and insult you. What does that teach them? To accept that for themselves or to treat other people that way?

Talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t change then leave.

Your in a super emotional point right now and clearly protective of him. If he can’t support you emotionally he needs to at least provide you the time to go get some counseling for yourself. After you have worked out your stuff with a professional then you can make a decision of clear mind.

Don’t expect him to be your everything. No one can do it all. Get some friends, join a mom’s group, complain to them & brainstorm solutions.

Get a hobby, take a class to exercise your brain—a language, art, craft, yoga, swimming, physics, literature, poetry writing, astronomy, motorcycle riding, how to build a birdhouse at Home Depot. It will refresh you, feed your soul and make you more interesting and less depressed. Go while hubs or a friend can watch the kids or do an online course after the kids go to bed. Or learn something as a family or just you and the kids (birdwatching, dance, singing, etc.)

Get help for your depression ASAP. Treat it with meds and/or therapy and do the work. Be more active to activate those endorphins. Put on music and dance, go for walks, toss a ball, do family yoga, follow a kids or adults movement program on TV/computer. Hubs probably doesn’t look forward to coming home to a sad, complaining wife. Get your health care professionals to talk to him about what depression is and how he can (and needs to be) supportive.

If your new outlook and habits don’t create a better situation (a change in you often leads to an adaptation by a spouse) then head to marriage counseling. Often we misinterpret how the other person really feels or we don’t understand their “love language.” Definitely he should respect you, but life isn’t a Hallmark movie. Therapy will help you see if your marriage needs tweaking, a complete overhaul, or if you’d be better off without him.

Learn to speak up, be clear explaining a problem and be clear and concise about what you want to have happen. Don’t whine, complain, hint, waffle or suppress. You have the power to get what you want if you’re direct, to the point, and come with solutions.

Might be worth having family meetings once a week to head off or solve problems, be sure everyone is on the same page & coordinate schedules for the week.

Good luck! Maybe find new friends who live near you on this forum to start! But contact your health care provider first.

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And add more fruits, vegetables and whole grains to your diet, eat smaller portions and buy organic when possible. Cut out sugary drinks as much as possible. Dilute 100% fruit juices, kids can enjoy herbal teas, put mint, cucumber or fruit in water to make infusions. You’ll all feel better.

Substitute brown rice, pasta & sweet potatoes for white, use smaller portions of meat. Raw veggies, fruits, fish, and things like quinoa, quick barley & oatmeal take very little time or effort to make. Add squash to mac n cheese, mashed cauliflower or parsnips to mashed potatoes, chopped spinach and salsa to eggs, sprouts to tuna salad, add fruit, honey, applesauce or maple syrup to plain yoghurt, grated veggies to spaghetti sauce, and use hummous instead of mayo on your sandwiches to add nutrition. Take a cooking class alone or with kids & get them to help you in the kitchen. Soon they’ll be making you meals!

Coming from a mom who just gave birth last week and been a roller coaster of emotions and believe may have pp anxiety due to my son being in the NICU. My s/o has never made fun of me to my face or to anyone else while I’m falling apart. I can be crying and a total mess which he’s had to deal with the past 9onths has never humiliated me like that. He is supportive and caring and gives comfort. That is how your partner and father of your child should be. I’ve been a SAHM since being six months and he’s been the only one providing but doesn’t let his job,his shift hours or the hard days he has make him mean at home to me or our children. I’m not saying that he should be perfect partner because no one is but he should be respectful and compassionate towards you. I feel you need to communicate with him just like here be open,honest and totally brutally honest. Good luck Hun.

You have every right to feel the way you do. Having the person you love treat you like whatever is going on inside of you is a joke is a horrible thing and it does not make you dependant on him for your happiness. I think you have the right to expect support from the man you created your family with and for him to have your back instead of sticking a knife in it with his words to other people.

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you say he’s a great man and a good dad? but treating the mother of his children with such disrespect and blatantly mistreating you is NOT how a good man and Father behave, what kind of father sets this type of example for his children? Stop making excuses for him and get your self well then move on

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Im sorry you feel that way. I had really bad postpartum after my son and my ex was never there… at all for my son or me. I eventually left and it is so much better. Sucks sharing my son now but so much better for my mental health. I love life alot more. I hope you do find something to help with your situation.he definitely needs someone else to tell him your feeling are important and not something to mock. Its very insensitive.

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Pray and allow GOD to move in your relationship. Be slow to anger, and focus on you, and try not to allow the way he acts to control your mood! It will get better, pray and study your bible daily.

You know the answer grow up

First step my dear, would be to make an appointment with your gynocologist and get help with post partum. I think you will see a big difference in your self and so will bf. Also to go to therapy for you would be so beneficial for your whole family. Maybe when he comes into the house from work he already knows how the mood is going to be and really doesn’t know how to deal with it. Counseling for the two of you as a couple is a good thing to do as well. Maybe you will find out a lot of things about each other, that you don’t even realize you don’t know. Most IMPORTANTLY is for you to get to a doctor ASAP. Good luck.

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He’s not being a great man when he treats you like that. That can be abuse. I think therapy for yourself is what is needed. Maybe for both of you but mostly you to get you mentally healthy.
And staying together for your kids is not a reason to stay together.

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If he works hard, or long hours he doesn’t want drama when he gets home, you have to be the strong one, your. Job is to handle the kids and the house, make time for you and him, l have been in this situation it’s allot of work, if it doesn’t walk away

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I think therapy would do you wonders. You need to talk out what is bothering you. He might not be equipt to help you in that way. And…sometimes that has to be okay. Him mocking you is not okay, but no one can really be your everything. The therapist can help you work out what you need to say to him and what you need to work on yourself. Good luck.

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Your overwhelmed, he may also be overwhelmed. When you talk hope each of you can hear the other as well as being empathetic with each other. It’s hard being a stay at home mom, it’s also hard being the financial provider. Both of you have worries coming from a different perspective. Talk, write down each of your problems and give it some thought. Mostly appreciate what each of you are contributing to your family. Good luck!

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Find a mother’s day out (usually can find one at a nearby church) and take a bit of time for yourself. Make it a point to put the children to bed early enough that you have a little time together as a couple. Plan little special things to please him. He’s probably feeling just as overwhelmed as you are.

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Sometimes men can’t understand and relate to what women are going through and how hard it is to do what you are doing? And to be honest they probably never will. I would advise you to seek out a very good, sound Bible teaching church and see if there is counseling, a really good women’s group or classes also at the church. You need to get around people especially women who can help you with encouragement, help, & joy. Don’t give up on classes. Sometimes it takes only one sentence to see everything in a new way. Husbands are just that and not everything. God is everything. Seeing a doctor and doing therapy is good too. Seek everything until you are happy. Don’t ever give up because what you want is out there.

Be careful and start with yourself. Once you get the help you need to understand about depression you will be able to talk to him and be more confident. I ask the good Lord to guide and Bless you in your search for peace and Love.

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Have you seen a doctor for your depression? It sounds like maybe he is frustrated because you won’t help yourself. Don’t get me wrong here, what he is doing is very insensitive. But, please get some help and turn this around.

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Face reality my dear. This man just isn’t that into you. You can’t force a man to love you. Counselling is not gonna make him love you either. Prepare yourself to be a single mother because I don’t see this relationship last. Work out a plan for your life and your future. First thing you need to do is get a job so that you can be independent. Your boyfriend has to financially support his kids after breakup, but he does not have to support you financially after breakup. Start thinking and start planning. Take control of your life.

Work on yourself.
You can’t change a man, that does not want to change.
But you can get help for your anxiety.
Try some group therapy.
I found it easier with a group, rather than one on one.
Best thing I ever did for myself.
It’s not easy being a stay home Mom.
Make sure your getting some time off for yourself.

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Go to therapy on your own. Work on you. Yes you’re blessed to stay home and have a good father figure and provide for you and children. Seek help for how you feel, he may not change but how you feel and respond can change. Remember that no person is perfect…or relationship.

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I would seek counseling yourself first. That way you have someone to talk to. Pehaps he isn’t equipped to deal with your mental health. No one can “make us feel” anything. We need to be responsible for our own emotions. Definitely seek professional help first and then look at it as an option together.

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Theropy might be best. For yourself , and couples. He may be just overwhelmed and is mocking/making jokes because he doesn’t know what else to do… kinda like when a person when grieving makes bad jokes as way of dealing with it …
Have you tried sitting down and telling him how hurt you are? If you never once told him he is being hurtful he may not even know it!

Maybe also try leaving books/ articles laying round for him to see (and hopefully read!) About depression so he understands it better too…if he’s never known anyone with any sort of depression he doesn’t know what’s going on…and may just think you are whinning and complaining

Therapy… if you have a therapist for your post partem then you need to have him go to a session with you so he can understand what you go through and understand what post partem is. If you don’t then find a couples counselor for you both. I know my husband sometimes feels like he’s doing more than me since he works outside the home while I raise our kids… you have to ve able to talk to each other though

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He might make a great man and dad. But he should have already made you a great Wife!!!

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If you recognize that you have PPD, are you getting treated for it or have you seen your doctor? I had PPD/anxiety after my last child and went through a year long period of awful fights, feeling like everyone was against me or didn’t understand. We finally went for counseling and that helped me get back on track, then I started an antidepressant about 7 months ago, and had a complete shift in my personality. I recognize I was in a bad spot and my depression was making me think paranoid thoughts. Maybe what you see as a lack of support is actually someone trying to hold the other end of your rope together for the kids. If you are receiving treatment or counseling, perhaps have him join you for a joint session or start couples counseling.

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Therapy both individually and couples as well. If couples therapy does not help. Unfortunately you might need to split. It’s better for the children to see you both happy than miserable and sticking together for the kids because I was a child in that position where one parent stay for the sake of the kids. And it was not fun to witness anything.

Ppl can be good co parents. If he is being disrespectful to you leave. Marrying him now wont help.

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A man can be a good father and not so good at being a partner. They typically don’t understand our emotional swings and can be cold in their responses. I suggest counceling for you seperately and jointly.

People, always remember when you see posts like this you are only hearing one side. There is always 2 sides to every story. Without the knowledge of both sides how are you qualified to give her advice? Encourage her to seek help from a professional, yes. Tell her to leave him is wrong, you may be making her life worse.

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First of all postpartum is very real and serious and it’s clear this woman is asking for help she knows and said how much her boyfriend works hard but no matter how hard he works or how many hours he works if he loved u he would never mock or humiliate u to your face or to other ppl that is a lack of love and respect please seek a counselor or talk to another friend or family member and don’t listen to ppl telling u oh it’s ok he works hard fix yourself please please seek professional help with your dr preacher just someone but not Facebook Facebook can be so cruel why some may be helpful some may also be cruel best of luck

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I noticed you said you have postpartum depression. You need to check with your doctor about getting help for that. I had that also. You will feel much better. You and your boyfriend need to go to couples therapy. I also did that and it made a huge difference in my marriage. I pray you will get help. It will be worth it.

Most men are not good with dealing with emotional issues. Sounds like you need to get some therapy for yourself and your family. Post partum depression is no joke. Very difficult for partners to navigate through. If you want to fix relationship issues fix yourself first

People can be great parents and horrible partners. Your feelings and unhappiness will eventually have an affect on your kids. Talk to a therapist. And if these problems can’t be resolved, your children may be better off in a split family than a miserable house household.

It sounds like you may benefit from some counseling and allow someone devoted to your well-being help first. Then once your needs are addressed within you, you will know what should be addressed within your relationship.

When you tell him how u I u fell, do you wait until you have a basket full of things eating at you or do you calmly tell him whats bugging you right away? If you tell him right away, he may feel less nagged at at exploded on.

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After several kids why is he still only your boyfriend?

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Work on you. First… Build your self up. Get a job. Do for yourself. Please.

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Couples counseling is a relationship death sentence. Every single couple I know personally who have done it, have split up within a year. If it’s bad enough to consider counseling, it’s already too late. He shouldn’t be treating you like that. AND when your children get older and start having personal issues or mental stress, he’s gonna mock them as well. Get out now. He doesn’t take your emotional or mental health seriously and won’t for your kids when it comes down to it.

Pick up a bible and listen to him he will help you through it. If you need someone to talk to message me anytime

He needs to read your post and let him know that is where you are now. That you’re torn between staying or going. And his response to your situation will help you make a decision.

It’s a man “thang” he can’t help you so he belittles you. His manhood is threatened. Make sure you tell him that you know he’s not Dr. Phil but just be supportive. Tell him how he CAN help you. If he cares he will listen. I sure hope you can work things out. I sure wish for your kids sake you could get married. It takes it to a whole other level. It’s just my opinion but anyway Good Luck.

Show him this letter u posted and ask him " Do you love me? Are you IN love with me?? But be prepared for an answer you won’t like.

If he won’t go to counseling with you then you should consider leaving…unless you want to continue having him belittle you to your face and behind your back.

LEAVE HIM! Get independent. LEAVE HIM! NO person should ever make a person feel this way or speak ill of another person to another person. Makes me wonder about how he would treat your kids and the mental damage he would do. I’m not sure what “not a great dad” means but to me that’s a RED FLAG!!! Get OUT!! NOW!!

Sounds like he does a lot if not everything… What do you contribute? Are you there for him?

I wouldn’t put up with that. It’s disrespectful

Please see your doctor regarding your ppd, it is very serious and there is help. Godbless

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If he will not marry and commit to you as the children’s mother,he is not a good dad. Good fathers take a woman as a wife to make the family whole.

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Counseling.
He doesn’t know how to help you.
You need a person in the medical field to help both of you .

1st issue, “BOYFRIEND, father to OUR kids” :woman_shrugging:

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Seek professionals help. Someone you can talk to even a pastor.

He can’t make you happy, only you can do that. Get help.

If he can’t be there for you, you don’t need him. Take care of yourself and get over him

You can’t force him to grow up… or teach him empathy.

You cannot change another,work on you being enough!

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Him still being your boyfriend says it all,move out your not good enough to be his wife but good enough to have his children?

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In our culture, the couple become common law husband and wife when they become intimate and are no longer boyfriend/girlfriend. Just saying.

He should leave your dumbaxx for posting personal chit online.

Be grateful you have a man who’s working and raising his children. I told my daughters when they got married, if your husband gets up and goes to work, and he’s a good time in the bedroom, You’ve got a good man. Don’t expect them to Fill your emotional needs because they’re not capable. Keep your best girlfriends in your life, and they will meet your emotional needs.

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Wait…isnt marriage just a stupid piece of paper making your relationship just a stupid commitment that is open ended with no expectations

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You sound like a clingy whiner.

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Counseling for you both

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Looks like he needs a wakeup call, take the kids and go to your moms, dads, or wherever for a week or so. Also he just plain sound like an asshole no one who truly loved you would do that to you

Every couple should read this book!

It has made us stronger and closer and understand each other better

Maybe he feels a little upset because he works all day for 5-6 days hard long hours and he may be a little jealous cause you do stay home. If your going thru post partum I’m assuming you have a small child and not sure how many kids you have but talk to him and be honest about how you feel and about him making fun of you. Then ask him if he has anything bothering him about y’alls relationship and don’t judge. Maybe ya’ll can reach a medium. Good luck.

I have a beautiful daughter and she has the same issue she has been with this man 10 yrs and he is a good father and a good provider. But he is not very loving to her at all. He ruins everyone of her birthdays, Mother’s Day and all they do is fight. I have told her for 10 yrs there will come a time when your children are gone and living there life and what are you going to do then. You really have nothing in common with this person but today’s she is still with him why I don’t know :woman_shrugging:

He may not want 2 b ther 4 u maybe he likes it that he always no wer u r at all times mine would loved that but it all about controll

When you find the perfect man, let me know. He sounds pretty good to me. I think you need to count your blessings and quit whining because your life is is not perfect. Whose is? You need to find your own contentment. No one is going to do it for you.

It’s a great thing to be a great Dad. But, he has to be a good husband, too…He’s got to balance it and give you as much attention, especially during postpartum or at any time, he should always be very supportive of you. Find time to sit down and discuss your feelings about him. No arguments, no fighting. Just a serious, heartfelt talk with him. Let it all out and listen to what he says. If needed, talk to each other in front of a pastor, therapist, counselor. You need this resolved if you want to save the relationship. Do your best to open up and let him know how you feel. Good luck…

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My advice is for you to go to talk to someone. A mental health professional. If you take care of yourself first then you will be able to take care of your kids , then your boyfriend will realize how serious it all is for you

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You need to see a psychiatrist. You need treatment for your depression and anxiety. He can’t help you or make it better. Get help for yourself

Hi dear,you need to seek help,check your local clinic and see the psychologist and receive professional help,he can support you if you start making yourself a prority,self love Nana.

To make fun of you to your face and fun of you to others behind your back is malicious. That is passive aggressive and abusive. You both need counseling and you need to get to your Dr for medicine to help with your post partum depression.

Oh I’m soo sorry you are going through this. Very important is for you to go to your gynaecologist to help you with your postpartum depression. You need to look after yourself for your own sanity. Then definitely go for couples counseling. You don’t say whether you are Christian or not, if so look up Church couple counseling groups that might help. If you don’t feel this is the avenue for you then that’s ok & just look up traditional couple’s counselors & find a reputable one near you. I know it’s scary but it will help. Thing is though that for this to work your boyfriend needs to be open to it to. If you can talk to your parents & his parents for advice or a friend that you trust that can help you. You need an emotional outlet or you’ll explode & it’ll be horrific. I DON’T think your bf is being fair in fact he’s being down right awful & borderline emotionally abusive.

I’m sorry but I’ve NEVER believed in staying with your (said colloquially) children’s father for their sake. It’s a myth & cause far more damage than good. I’m a product of such a marriage & now that my parents are finally divorced we couldn’t be happier. I understand staying for financial reasons as awful as that is, my Mom did so for a long time & then things devolved further. So you do have my empathy.

Weigh up all your options & start getting a job. If this is how he treats you, being a stay at home Mom is no longer a luxury you can afford. If things devolve further you are going to need a sustainable way out.

Try fix things first, your bf needs a serious wake up call. He’s being cruel & seriously childish. Someone else with authority needs to knock him back into reality (I don’t mean beat the crap outta him but get him to see reason by talking to him).

So far all I can see is him now treating you as nothing better than his brood mare & that’s just soo wrong.

Also please realise your children see & are aware of all of your two’s issues (on some level at least), so sort this all out for yourself & them.

You also need a good partner that can be there for you and listen to you otherwise what’s the point of bing in a relationship with them