This is my son’s love language💜
Leave it alone. Im a big gift giver too because I enjoy it…so does he
What a sweet kid that’s probably just his love language. I’m the same way and love giving gifts it can come off kind of strong sometimes. Maybe he’s giving these gifts bc it makes him feel better considering his recent loss. I’m sure he really cherishes you and your family’s support and this is his way of showing his appreciation. Best of luck momma.
Honestly it could be his love language. Talk to his mom and make sure he can afford it and advise her to keep an eye on it but remind him how grateful you are.
I would speak to him before bringing his mom into it, idk the circumstances & it would be really easy to start to become judgemental from what your post says… like is he stealing or crying out or gonna hurt himself or is he going to become abusive… THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT WAYS THE BRAIN COULD WONDER but going to his mom right off the bat without sitting the kid down & digging a little could cause more damage than not however it could reveal something. Also if his mom was still with his father when he died she is only a month out from losing her significant other & could be in auto pilot… not thinking correctly… may become defensive/overly protective then lash out on you not resolving anything but creating division of the kids… so many outcomes are possible…
I agree with several others on this feed, you being mama can sit this kiddo down and nonchalantly ask him with complementing questions to determine any possible underlining problems or if he’s genuinely just kind & giving.
I’d just talk to his mom
I’ve always been that way. I’ve always been a giver. For family, friends,ect. And I’m still that way. The sad part is in high school people really did make it out like it’s a bad thing that I was that way. At first my boyfriend felt a little weird just because he was not use to getting gifts at all but now he’s just use to be always giving him something lol. I just love giving because it makes me happy and makes me feel good.
his love language may be gifts… plz don’t be too hard with it, maybe discuss moderation for holidays/bday type situations
He probably feels like you all are family but I would sit down with him and explain gifts are not needed, him jist being over is gift enough. This may help cause he could be giving gifts so he is excepted by your family. I am sure he will understand if you just keep it sweet and soft that him around is gift enough
you guys have 13 year olds with boyfriends who even buy gifts for you ?? wow?? nice…
here we get whooped for dating at an early age…
That could be his love language and part of his grieving process
Nice guy is always finish last!!
Just tell him thank you for all the gifts youve brought us but you dont have to do that for us, we just like having you around.
Don’t let your jaded perception of malicious intent of some people tarnish this young man’s intentions.
Maybe that is just his love language. Some people get fulfilled by giving to others. Gently approach him saying how much you appreciate all he does but as a parent you want to make sure he is not over extending his allowance or savings
Gift giving is probably his love language and the gifts are probably his way of showing how much he appreciates all of you and the support you all have been giving him.
For things that may have belonged to his father, I would double check with his mother before accepting and just kindly explain to him that he may not mind, but his mother might and anything that belonged to his father needs to be agreed upon with his mother.
I would not necessarily discourage it, but I would sit down with him and explain more about the various love languages and compromise so HE does not feel badly, but at the same time, he learns about the other love languages, what love languages exist in y’alls household so he can expand his understanding of them and so he can better understand boundaries.
And I would involve his mother with this.
I would also like to point out that he might be high functioning neurodiverse, whether he is diagnosed or not, which might also impact how he is behaving.
Involve mom and kindly sit down with him and go over everything, making sure he knows that none of you are actually hurt or angered about all of this.
And listen to HIM while you all do so.
I’d have a chat with his mum. If it is cool with her, then you’re all good. But, what if he took that watch to pass on to your husband and his mum didn’t know? It could be sentimental for her… Make sure he has the permission and the means to give; he is still just 13.
He sounds very sweet, though.
Aaww what a beautiful boy, maybe speak to his mum, and have a conversation. He’s clearly still grieving the loss of his dad,xx hope it all works out.xx
He needs this, I get your probably coming from such a great place about this, but you don’t need to stop this child from showing his love/car, gift giving is a love language for a reason & he’s in a rough time period I’m sure, let him be able to feel like he’s making others happy, plus I’d be terrified of accidentally traumatizing that kid about giving people gifts, regardless of how gentle you are with your delivery, he’s a developing boy who’s just lost his dad, your an adult & that of his girlfriend, he could easily take your message far too much to heart (cause of being a kid) & you could accidentally change the whole way he’ll show love for people from here out, imagine how many people he’ll make happy by being such a giver through life! Don’t risk taking that from him please, the world needs it
I wouldn’t try to manage his gift giving if that’s what’s important to him. Just make sure he knows you like him with or without the gifts.
Maybe this is helping him heal. I would let it go. It honestly is a wonderful feeling to the soul to gift to one’s you love. I would not recommend taking that from him at this time.
In my opinion, your husband should talk to him. He has the perfect opportunity to do so because of the watch. That way your husband can bring it up in a way that won’t be obvious. And maybe the boy will open up to him.
I’d find out where he is getting all these gifts. 13 is too young to have a job ( for the most part) but definitely be careful… it may just be his way is showing his love
Gift giving is my love language, that could be his.
I would be having a chat with mom, because he could be giving away things that aren’t even his to give…
I would probably tell his mom that everything he has done is so sweet but you don’t want him to feel like he has to give you guys anything.
And if you talk to him I would just let him know that you guys think a lot of him and he has been very kind to your family and just let him know that you don’t want him to feel like he has to give your family anything. That you have loved everything he has given you guys but that you guys will like him even if he doesn’t give gifts. Make sure he knows you guys like him for him. But I wouldn’t tell him to stop. This could be his way of expressing his love. After losing his dad it could be that he just feels the need to show the people in his life how much they matter to him. It could be the only way he knows how to express himself. Especially right now while he is probably still grieving his senses and emotions may be heightened. I probably wouldn’t make it a point to tell him not to give you guys something I would wait until the next time he does it and just say something like, you know that you don’t have to give us anything right? We care about you for you, not what you give us. But everything you have given us and do for us is incredibly sweet and we enjoy having you around. This will give him the assurance that he is liked and that what he’s doing is ok if he feels like he has to continue it’s ok but that he doesn’t have to do anything to earn your love.
He has been through a lot and at that age I feel like he’s just trying to find a way to show people they matter to him, he may be feeling the need to let the people in his life now that he appreciates them and cares about him. Sometimes the loss of a loved one can make you feel like there was so many regrets or things you wish you did or said. This could be his way of coping and handling his grief.
If you have an issue with this then you honestly need to reevaluate yourself. Because that kid is just being kind. If your daughter has a problem with him giving gifts let her handle it. If she doesn’t have an issue with it then stay out of it and just accept his gifts because he’s just being nice. You should encourage his kindness not make him feel bad for it.
I’m like that. I love to give gifts, and it’s from the heart. He sounds sweet and well intended
My 10 year old daughter loves to give to others, it brings her genuine happiness to make others happy. A few times a year she will use some of her own money to do acts of kindness. She has no malicious intentions, she just has a big heart. Could the boy be the same way? Could it be a way of him coping with the loss of his father? Maybe have the mom over and just talk about what a caring young man they’ve raised and go from there.
He is a child and was raised to be a great young man and maybe that is just his way of showing he appreciates your family I am a adult and I am always going above and beyond for others before myself just how I was raised since younger days be thankful he is not trying to be sneaky and disrespectful and has manners in your home
He’s either really nice got a good alowece or he’s stealing thing from home and giving it to everyone
Love language as others have said
I just want to note that maybe, quietly, pass by his mom about the watch. Maybe it was his father’s and it’s to hard for him to have it “right now”.
A 13yr old to give gifts is huge, but to be giving gifts like a watch, I’d carefully question that one.
Poor kids gone through a lot, so give grace where it is needed
Im that way. I always felt giving gifts helped people like me more. It may be he just is desperate for yall to continue allowing him over and doesnt want to be seen as a burden,so gives gifts so he is more accepted. I wouldn’t pish him away right now,but you can say that you dont mind him coming over without anything. Just his company is nice. That might slow the gift giving down some. I’d secretly ask his mom if the watch was ok for him to give. Just be as warm and accepting as possible right now.
Your daughter is 13 years old and has a boyfriend? Sounds too serious to me
Wow, just let him give. He lost his dad a month ago. Giving may be his love language. Not everyday you see kids giving from the heart anymore. This young boy has been raised to have kindness and respect and you want to be uncomfortable with that? Just be glad he sounds like a wonderfully raised teenager.
He could probably get the idea from anything honestly some boys see it as a way to show love and affection showering their gf with gifts and showering their family with gifts. Like I cook for my friends my man its my love language bringing food cute cakes homemade snacks. Others could be gifts flowers presents. My husband’s love language is gifting to. It could be the way his family functions or just how he sees things on social media and thinks thats how it should be there are gag reels of guys litterally suffocating their gfs with gifts flooding social media head lines “surprising my gf and her family” anything really. He could just be doing it out of the kindness in his heart also. Boys are taught you gotta gift the girls stuff to like them because thats what a relationship is. But thats so stinking sweet and he could just want acceptance. Him hearing how much someone loves a gift he gives could be what brings him happiness and joy. Don’t be too hard on him explain that his presence is a gift alone but you also love the gifts to giving could be the one thing that makes him happy to see the smiles on the faces of those on the receiving end:sunflower:
I agree that your husband can use this opportunity to bond with the boy and encourage him to scale back on gifts for your family.
He’s 13, none of your biz. Leave him alone. Geez damned helicopter parents.
Someone is paying for these gifts, and it ain’t no 13 yr old!!! I’d be talking to his Mom, then have a talk with him. He obviously wants to be well liked, but gifts aren’t the way to do that. A generous heart is one thing, but there’s better ways to earn respect and affection.
I think a talk with his mom would be appropriate. If anything to see how she is and insight on the son since your children are in a relationship.
It’s possible he was given his fathers watch and it’s currently too big, but I would hate that to be the situation and he later regrets it
You might want to check where that stuffs coming from.
Tell him to be careful i don’t know much about your daughter and sons but tell them to know not to eventually use your daughters Boyfriend with the gifting and all, it’s sweet of her boyfriend to do that, but I suggest to tell him to be careful and all as that can be taken advantage of
Sounds like a really really sweet kid. Ya, maybe talk to his mom and also let him know how much you appreciate his kindness, but you guys truly just love having him around and that is enough, you can’t accept any more gifts.
He’s 13,where is he getting the money to buy all these gifts??
You can tell him, “I love that you think of us as much as you do. I want to make sure you know that you don’t have to get us gifts. I would enjoy your company just as much if you come empty handed. Let’s try that for a bit?”
Talk to the mom. He may feel like he isn’t enough and has to give gifts to be liked.
Invite his family over for dinner and then you and his mom can talk and make sure if everything is good
This was me at 13. I desperately wanted to be liked/loved by everyone. One of my favorite things to do was gifting random things to people in hopes it would make them accept/like me more. Like, I would make my mom buy things for my friends all the time. I used gift cards and birthday cash to buy for other people. I think I was really empty and lonely inside and the happiness I seen on someone else’s face when they received the gift I gave them made me feel better. I couldn’t make my own happiness, so I would make it in others.
How is he obtaining these gifts to give. He’s too young to have a job to buy things, so, that’s where I’d want to start.
Sounds like he is trying to be accepted and liked by his girls family and he misses his family trying to be apart of yours you should speak to him and. Tell him he does not need to give gifts to be loved or accepted by you all.
Leave it alone. That’s the best advice I can give u. Def could be part of his grieving process. Showering her with gifts isn’t hurting anyone. Just make sure she appreciates it and let him know often
I would bring it up to him like this and not focus on giving but more of like don’t let his self get taken advantage of becasue there are people who will take and take and take and the best way to help someone or be in a position to be able to give anyone anything is to always make sure you have what you need and want because it’s hard to share happiness love etc when your down yourself.
I think the father should talk to him and even if they eventually break up if they can Maintain a friendly relationship I think that would be awesome for him
I’m more disturbed that a 13 yr old has a boyfriend.
Maybe because he knows your daughter has her father around. And he feels lonely. He wants to take a bond with your husband. Idk. Maybe have a talk with him. And the mom. I know how it feels not to have a dad around. We’ve all lost one in so many way. Weather they passed. Left the picture. Or got left behind bars for many years.
That watch might be his dads.
Prause The Lord, your blessed with what will be a BENEVOLENT MAN. Say THANK YOU SWEET HEART and accept gracefully esowcially since his father passed.
his love language is gifts. bake that boy some cookies
It’s ok that he’s a giver but you want to make sure. He understands it should be from the heart. Also you want to make sure he isn’t on the break of checking out of here. A lot of times when ppl do they start giving away their things.
Might be good to know how he comes to own so much stuff?
I didn’t even get past the ‘my 13 year old has a boyfriend.’ Waaaiiittt , whatttttt??? Why does ANY 13 year old have a boyfriend?!
It’s his love language. I’m a giver. It makes me happy to give to other and see them happy. However that may be. I like to cook and bake for others, give things I make, and if I can purchase things/gifts. It makes me feel good to see others happy.
He wants to feel wanted. This is so sad
Just talk to his parents about it privately. Edit to, speak to his mom for a moment. Let her know so she’s aware. Be complimentary, how he’s a kind boy, but want to be sure she knows about the gifts. Just in case she isn’t aware.
I wouldn’t day anything he is going through too much, he just wants to be accepted by you all ,
I think I would try to make the little guy feel welcome. I worry that the watch might be his father’s. Keep it handy to return to him should he ever want it back. Invite him and his mom to supper. Nothing fancy, a cookout. Hotdogs and hamburgers. Get to know them a little bit. Friends tend to disappear after a death in the family. When he comes over on his own, let your husband talk to him and let him know that he’s a good kid and you like his company, he doesn’t have to bring gifts to be welcome. Then show a movie and make popcorn or something. No doubt the kids will be friends for awhile, then move on to other interests.
What a thoughtful son that they/you raised. I just want to compliment you on that. Just wanted to say thank you, but let you know that he is generous and gives gifts often. Want to make sure you are aware of it. Also, we all like him… He doesn’t have to prove anything. Is it ok if we let him know we only accept gifts for special occasions?
Give him some time,he just lost his father.
Don’t say anything to him. He’s not hurting anyone. Let him give.
I would just sit him down and be like, hey, I just wanted to make sure that you don’t feel like you have to get anyone anything to come here or be liked, BC you’re an awesome person and we love you for you… or something along those lines?
Let it go. Just be kind to the kid.
Take him out for pizza, icecream as a thank you with your family, but make sure he knows that he doesn’t need to gift anyone. You guys like him and want him to save his money. He can buy her a gift for her birthday but otherwise, save money or buy himself something.
Your better to let it go for now. Just explain to your daughter and sons that this isn’t a normal day to day thing and to be humble in expectations. It may make him feel better to give things away because he’s very sad and it makes people smile. For a moment he can forget how sad he is. Hugs. No easy answer. I wouldn’t say anything to him I’d just make sure that yours don’t take advantage of it.
I’d talk to his mom. I had a boyfriend when I was that age that gave me things too… turned out he was stealing them from people.
Please don’t say anything. He feels that close to you all. It’s helping him to give.
That’s his love language
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Get him a small gift. Engrave a dog tag with a nice thank you message. And keep his gifts until there may be a time to gift them or return due to the tragedies of teenage love. XXXOOO
Does he work? I would assume he’s also your daughters age and that would make me question where he’s getting all the gifts to even give out. Unless he is spending all of his allowance. I would speak with his mother about it.
Sounds to me he tries to please everyone around him because you never know when they won’t be here anymore.
I wouldn’t bring it up, if being kind is how he’s coping with this, than let him be kind.
How old is this young man and where is he getting the money to buy all these gifts? Just curious.
Was it his fathers watch? He may want to keep that for when he grows into it later on. She’s only 13.
Some people show love this way - he might be going through a hard time and feeling like giving things to those he loves brings them closer to him. Let him live and learn as he gets older. I wouldn’t say anything just yet.
I would talk to the mother not the child and please watch the child closely…. He may just be extra giving or he may be struggling
I wouldn’t say anything to him. Im sure he’s going through alot just loosing his father.
I’d have a talk with his parent/guardian.
I would let it go. Consider it a good reflection on you and your family. Maybe it is what makes him happy. If you know his mom personally maybe touch base with her and just make sure it is ok.
I’d bring it up to the parents. Explain you think it’s a sweet gesture but feel as if you’re taking things you shouldn’t. As a child I’d be wondering where he got the money from personally.
I would hold off on talking to him. With his Dad passing, this will feel confrontational even with the most care taken. Maybe just keep the things he gives you for a later date if something comes up. I totally understand where you are coming from. You have a good and caring heart. Rough situation for sure.
Talk to his parents and make sure they know he is being very generous… They may not like it as well and maybe they’ll take with him
Let him be giving for the time being. Maybe its his way of grieving. Some people get better by giving and its part of grieving process. Maybe suggest that you sell lemonades with your daughter and him to raise some money for a charity. Or to help you go shopping to donate to a food bank. Let him give, help him give where is needed.
How old is he ? How he gets the money to buy all the stuff ? Those are two important questions .
He is struggling with the loss of his father and maybe he thinks that “ giving “ will make people to wanting to stay with him ( not pushing him away )
I will talk to his mother instead
I would have a chat with mom. Let her know that although grateful we like him without the gifts.
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Leave well enough alone and see how it goes
Some peoples love language is gift giving. I adore giving the one I love gifts, it makes me just as happy as the ones receiving said gifts. He may be the same, I would just let it go he may feel upset or that you are mad at him for doing so.
Maybe tell him you guys love him very much an welcome him into your family fully an that the gifts are wonderful but not necessary that he doesn’t have to do these things that they are welcome an you all love the gifts but it’s not necessary if he enjoys giving gifts it is fine but they don’t have to be expensive gifts i personally love getting things that are made for me or little things like my favorite chocolate bar or candy i find those are the best gifts cause they show that the person was thinking about you. Where he is going through a hard time this may just be a way to show his love so the little gifts may make you more comfortable an still allowing him to show he cares
It might be his way of coping. I’d let it be.