I feel like my ex put effort into how our daughters looked in his family photos: Advice?

I would just kinda send a screenshot of the photos and be like “oh my did they give you he’ll on this day :joy:” and then go off of how he responds,

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Keep your opinion to yourself. People choose to parent differently and your idea of how family photos “should” look doesn’t mean it’s the right way. Who knows what happened that morning??? This photo is something they can look back at and laugh. I know my family has a lot of those photos and it doesn’t mean we were any less loved bc our hair was messy or clothes didn’t fit right. Worry about what you can control (yourself) and don’t worry about what you can’t (him).

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I would simply say that they tell me when they plan on taking such photos and that I want to see copies before they are developed and that I will provide their girls’ outfits and if they say no, no photos get taken. Period. I mean, every day pictures are one thing, professional photos are different.

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If the kiddos are happy I say let it go! I would be a little upset myself but the way I see there’s always reasoning behind everything embrace it darlin :heart:

Let it go unless they say they feel they were treated differently.

One year my bonus daughter wouldn’t smile and making foolish faces. The photographer was doing her best, my bonus daughter was told whatever face she makes it’s going on the wall. She wasn’t impressed but we got a smile the next year :joy::joy:.

If you have concern over your children at anytime its valid to say something. Kids don’t always say what is bothering them (which they probably don’t get it now) or know that something isn’t right. You have to be their voice. I’m not saying to throw some crazy fit but saying something to your ex is fair. Yes, it may have just been a fluke. But then get the crazy story.

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My mother in law loves my child more than anything!!! I know she takes the best care of her. However, she dresses her the worst and cannot fix her hair :rofl::woman_facepalming:t4: I have started laying out clothes and lowering my standards on the hair do on Nanny days. All of this to say, they may have done it with the best intentions.

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Your children, if you want to say something… do it. You have the authority. “Not your photos, not your problem.” What happens with MY children is ALWAYS my problem :relaxed::wink:

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I wouldnt really care. They paid for them so it doesn’t really effect you. If thats how he wanted them to look and hes happy with it, you should be too. Maybe get some done yourself and dress them how you like? That way you would have some nice pics. But if you think they’re being treated differently that is definitely something to have a discussion with him about…

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Me personally, I would say something but I got a big mouth and a bad temper. :rofl::woman_shrugging: My baby Daddy’s know when shit hits the fan. IDC if it’s clothes being dirty or something else. Real co-parenting is about communication.

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I would say something. I agree that whoever is around your children need to respect them and love them as their own.

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My husband doesn’t dress the girls to my standards or do their hair very well, so I usually prefer that he just not. :rofl:. But when he does get them ready, they’re in clean clothes and he does his best with their hair… I’d pick your battles.

Hope he doesn’t give u a picture… Sounds like you are a bit jealous. Be glad he is stepping up instead of being a petty bitch that wants to point out the stupid shit. You need to grow up child

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Her kids no matter where they are will always be her business.

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I’d be willing to bet that your ex wasn’t in charge of how they looked or what they had on. There are women in this world who will love your children as their own and there are women who resent the roll as step mom and will only tolerate your children when they have to. How did her child look in the picture?

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I completely understand where the OP is coming from; it would bother me, too. Sure, kids get messy and things happen but it’s the adults job around them to make sure they are proper and look decent when it’s time to take professional pictures. Last Christmas we took our holiday photos. My youngest girl played with her hair in the car on the way to the studio. What did I do? Took her to the bathroom and made sure I fixed it so she’d look her best on the photos. The girlfriend could have done that. I wonder how her daughter looked? And as far as the clothes, that was just sloppy. Ex husband should know the girls sizes. That should have been avoided. It sounds like jealousy to me. She didn’t want your girls to shine.

They were in the photos at all id be happy with that. She could have kept them out of the photos all together. Kids are messy and its possible they messed up their hair before the pics were taken. Leave it be. You can’t pick apart everything they do.

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Ok so maybe the dad didnt want the girlfriend to help with your kids or maybe she felt uneasy to because of something he said to her?!?! Maybe kinda jokingly say something like holy hair to see what is said. Or just talk to them

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You can’t control petty crap that happens there… all you can do is continue to give your children the best so that they know the difference when they’re old enough. Communication and dedication goes a long ways. Teach your girls while they’re in your home and you’ll see that’s all they’ll need in the end

Honestly have a sit down in general to discuss y’all’s co-parenting wants for y’all’s kids and try to come to terms where y’all both come to a win win. Not just for the pics but if you’re questioning something as small as those then maybe you should state the rest of your feelings towards the treatment of them

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What good would it cause now, the pictures are already taken.

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wow sometimes you can’t control how kids decide to treat themselves but i definitely would talk to the dad about it bcs if doesn’t care how his girls look then why the fuck take a pic .

Maybe find out why they were dressed like that. Little do we know if that’s the way they tried. They probably don’t know how to dress kids. :woman_shrugging:t4:

Were there other kids in the photo that looked like more effort was put in? If not, id let it go.

Sounds like jealousy to me

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Once you separate how he parents on his time is none of your business unless you can prove through cps to the court that he is harming them either by abuse or neglect. As a man he probably didn’t care and as for his girlfriend maybe she was being petty who knows BUT they are their pictures not yours. You don’t get to use your kids to control him. (Not saying you are) just saying you don’t get to have an opinion just as he doesn’t about your house.

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Are you guys on a good term? If so. Offer the help next time to quietly assure this won’t happen again. If you guys aren’t on a good term. I’d not start a fight over a photo that won’t be in your house.

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Maybe they thought that the kids looked fine.

Let it go, love. Maybe get your own photos done and show him how its done :joy:

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You’re looking for something that isn’t there.
If the issue was the well being of the kids, then it would be 100% obvious that there is a problem.

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You need to mind your business. Unless asked, zip your lips.

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HIS money.
HIS time.
HIS photos.

Your feelings don’t matter. This wasn’t and isn’t about you. 3 amd 5 year olds will get messy and look kinda disheveled even in professional photos because they are children. Outfits ordered online sometimes come in bigger than you expect and you don’t have time to order more. Regardless, he is doing the right thing and adoring/cherishing these photos of your girls because whether or not they’re “perfect” they’re his kids and he is proud of him. You sound shallow and obsessed with appearances to me. Chill.

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All these moms saying let it go are lacking some type of something up there in the space between there ears. Tell him and her BOTH how you feel. I do not let my children walk out into the world looking any type of way, I don’t care where we are going or who they are going to be with. Your own motherly instinct is what’s making you feel this way. SO SAY SOMETHING TO THEM. If its your children and it bothers you SPEAK UP or it will forever eat at you. Who cares if you look like a bitch and are being naggy or whatever. THOSE CHILDREN CAME FROM YOUR VAGG HUNNY NO ONE ELSE’S. No one else in this freakin world will stand up for them like you, NOT EVEN DADDY. I’d go as far as telling them they need to trash the photos and get new ones because thats unacceptable as fuck to have your babies looking a hot mess in professional photos… SPEAK UP.:nail_care: if they can’t respect your children and have them look to the T in a professional photo, then they dont need the children PERIOD. And to the momma who said maybe they messed there hair up before The shoot, I dont wanna hear that crap. That’s why as a momma you gotta be prepared for all that shit. Bring a brush and some hair spray because kids will be kids, but she is gonna let me fix this hair before we take photos. Some of you are clueeeelesssss!! Maybe its control issues with me, but even when my children go to the corner store with dad, I MAKE SURE I DRESS THEM and fix my daughter’s hair. And I’m not saying Sunday’s best outfit, but my kids won’t go to the store looking like some fools. I care about how I present me and my children to the world. Dont let it go. Tell them about themselves.

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Not your picture not your problem

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Not. Your. Business.

Pick. Your. Battles.

Trivia crap get over it

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My concern would be if they’re taking pictures with them looking disheveled how does he treat them normally when he has them. If he can’t take care to dress them well, brush their hair etc for pictures he’s not taking good care of them.

Dress up you and girls and get your own done.

Leave it alone, not worth any fights and it just means your own family photos of you and yours will look better

Leave it alone. His house his money. Shake your head and move on. If he does something to endanger your children thats another ball game.

Pick your battles. Is a picture worth other questions. Did they brush their teeth, take bathes, have fun (these are important to kids) not messed up hair.
I have 1st grade picture taken at school hair uncombed, I treasure that picture because my dad got me to school the best he could, while Mom took care of baby brother. Ps Mom hated the picture.

What I want to know is how the other child looked. Was her hair also a mess and were her clothes also too big? Maybe the GF got coordinating outfits but didn’t know what size to get them?

Seems like a stupid thing to be upset about.

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