I feel like my ex was more generous with his ex's

I’ve seen others post this on here and I know I’m not supposed to compare mine to other relationships but between being 37 weeks pregnant & hormones it’s just been driving me crazy, I need advice. My fiancé has taken his other girlfriends on mini vacations, paid for his kids moms boobs to be done, put her through school, bought her jewelry (just because), just things he doesn’t do for me. And they all ended up cheating or leaving him obviously. I’ve gotten ‘just because’ flowers which is super nice and thoughtful but they die in a few days. After 10 years I FINALLY got my bachelors degree and wanted to take an online class and here I thought he would be like ‘don’t worry I’ll help you,’ he was like are you sure you want to do that? Is there any cheaper ones? Like whatttt? I want to do this to make more money to better our family and that’s all I get? Ugh. I’m so tired of feeling like I don’t get what he used to do for everyone else.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my ex was more generous with his ex's

Maybe he doesn’t do it for you because you already EXPECT it…

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I would be mad too honestly

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Maybe that’s why. They cheated and just used him. He’s had his fair share of doing the most and getting back the bare minimum.

I’m not saying you deserve it but it’s the little things that count. He buys you flowers, that’s still a form of appreciation.

My man hasn’t bought me flowers since 2013. :joy:

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it’s possible he was in a different financial situation with his exes, didn’t have the cost of children, child support, etc. Judge him based on how he treats you and supports you emotionally, not financially.

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I think anyone that comments on here to a pregnant woman is just asking for her to make child support of this man… don’t put ur self in there shoes unless u plan on being in someone else bed just like the other hussie u shouldn’t compare but I for one fact wouldn’t spend my life paying for two women to use me for my money an not love but that’s just me :man_shrugging:

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There are lots of ways to measure someone’s feelings for you. Are you using the money he spends on you as evidence of his love? Commitment? What are you making it mean about your relationship? Let’s say it’s something like “he doesn’t love me as much as them.”
Is that true? How can we know? What if this isn’t about money but insecurities you feel about your relationship? What are those?

Probably because you actually love him and he had to buy their love. Yeah it sucks they got “spoiled” and you don’t but you guys have made a family together. You get better stuff like moments of love that’ll last a lifetime I do understand things are nice. Talk to him about how you feel.

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Wow…the way women are so hard on other women on this page is insane to me. I’m sorry you’re hurt by this. It would make me wonder too honestly and especially when it doesn’t seem like he’s emotionally supporting you to better yourself. Emotional support speaks WAY more about feelings than financial support in my opinion. I would def try talk to him about it.

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Stop expecting it. You’re expecting whatever and whenever because he did that for others in the past. Rather than expect things, notice the little things which do mean more in the end. You don’t know why he did that for them or the situation but yet you care more about that than the relationship you have with him. Focus on what you two have and what you two do for one another. Not money.

Maybe talk to him? Communication with him would probably get the actual answer you need. And If he doesn’t want to talk about it or you get in a fight, at least he knows how you feel. If I question something my husband does or doesn’t do, I ask him. I don’t care if we fight or not, I want actual answers not speculation.

It may be a trauma response. I went above and beyond for my ex… did a little less for the one after that and even less for the next… not because I mean to but because I just don’t want to, not because I felt stronger feelings for my exes. For example, I did more for my ex than I did my husband and my child’s father whom I obviously cared about way more.

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Imo you can’t expect the same relationship or gifts as his previous partners. Obviously they weren’t stable/secure situations if they’re now separated…
Communication is huge in this instance, vocalize needing at LEAST emotional support and assistance in bettering yourself for your relationship, child, and family. It’s easy to get caught up in what someone isn’t doing…but try not to lose sight of what you guys DO have, and what he does do.

I :100: understand what you are trying to say. I’m currently 33 weeks so I been blaming my hormones. I also think about his exs and what they did and honestly i think it destroyed him. I try to understand but it still hurts cause I’m not his ex. You are not alone. Maybe try and talk to him and see if you did the classes would he help out or support you

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Sounds to me like he has grown up. When you’re young and in a relationship, there’s gifts and trips and spending money to make it seem like you have money. As people get older, they tend to value things more and their priorities change. My husband, buys nothing. Ever. No flowers. No jewelry. No vacations. But do you know what he does do? He works hard. He provides for his family. He shows us daily that he loves us. He comes home on Fridays and hands his paycheck over so I can pay bills, and buy the kids the stuff they need. I plan birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, vacations… but he helps pay for it all, he participates in it all, and enjoys it with his family. And when I mention wanting something, he tells me to get. Unless your fiancé is a shit man and father, don’t complain. Of course it could be better, but it could always be worse also. He could be abusive. He could be neglectful. He could be a liar and a cheater. Maybe he’s content with his relationship with you doesn’t feel the need to prove anything through gifts. As for not supporting you for taking a class, he’s being practical. Is there a cheaper class to take? The money you save from taking a cheaper class could go towards a family vacation, or something else. If you’re finishing up your bachelors degree, and you’ve been with him, then I would say he’s supportive because a bachelors degree doesn’t come easy. Congratulations on that, btw. It’s a huge accomplishment. I would focus more on the positive, more in what he IS doing versus what he isn’t doing.

He probably got tired of going so hard for people who just screw him over. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Those women sound like they were superficial. Wait until your hormones level back out and then talk to him. Maybe he feels a deeper connection with you and forgets that you need reassuring sometimes.

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Its wierd that you know all of that. Did you ask him if he did those types of things for his exes? Damn I thought I was the jealous type but this is over the top. Youre going to make yourself sick and start problems where there arent any to begin with.

Please address this with him and see his take on it.

Maybe he learned a lesson in his previous relationships and is aiming not to make the same mistakes financially?

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I completely get this.
Being the person who went above and beyond for my ex, I did everything I possible could. Only to basically be cheated on.
Now with my partner who I’ve now been with for over 6 years. I don’t go to the lengths I did for my ex.
Definitely talk to him about it if it bothers you so much.

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Maybe it’s a defence mechanism for him. He did all that stuff for his exes and they done him over and hurt him so he may be scared to give his all again in case the same thing happens

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Sounds like your with him for the wrong reasons :woman_facepalming:

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It’s possible he “learned his lesson” & is less generous now bc so many of his past gfs have cheated/left him. I would just talk to him about it.

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You could spoke up what you want that he can please you with generous gifts…

Honestly maybe he’s in a different place financially & can’t afford the things he’s done for his ex’s. Now that he has kids & a baby on the way maybe he’s spending more wisely. Honestly I would be thankful he is at least buying you flowers.

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The more people he has to take care of, the less money he has to splurge with.

He can’t afford to do for you like he has done for them because he had less responsibility then

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Sounds like he developed financial boundaries after getting screwed over and used in the past.

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Based on your first sentence the whole post was useless because he’s your ex now. No one owes anyone their hard earned money, and based on his past it was probably a lesson learned and feels he deserves love without emptying his finances for those he loves. This post is sad

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Girl you got a whole blessing in your stomach almost ready to enter the world and you worried about what an ex did for an ex . You need help . Normal women are nesting, setting up the babies room etc and you Nvm :woozy_face:

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He’s been fucked over so many times so it’s absolutely understandable why he stopped. Hes still thinking of you by getting you flowers. He’s been with you for 10 years, yall are expecting a baby, you have a home together, he’s loyal. What more could you want??

It could be that he knows there’s a large financial side coming along with your baby and is being smart

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He might have just did those just because things because he realized there was something wrong in the relationship but didn’t want to see it

Wait is this your ex or current?

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Well after being cheated on he’s probably done doing for woman who don’t appreciate it

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The entitlement is real with this one… :woman_facepalming: do for yourself and don’t worry about what others do for others.

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He may of felt like they required it. He may feel like it’s not necessary to do it to try and keep you together. More comfortable. And there’s also the “lesson learned” factor. Like he poured all this money into them, only for them to severely wrong him. He may have developed a defense to it.

Stay in your lane and worry bout yoself!

Sounds to me like he learned a very valuable lesson. :woman_shrugging: he owes you nothing.

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Honestly I don’t think it has anything to do with you it’s because of his past he’s probably just less generous now in fear of the past repeating itself with you. It’s not all about money in a relationship.

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Dang my ex was like that I left him with my baby when he was just 4 weeks I hated feeling like crappy seconds

STOP comparing yourself to them and what they got. Different relationship. Compare yourself and you’ll always lose.

Can he pay for mine? :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Sounds like maybe he is a little scared of you maybe making more income than him. Don’t let his reaction keep you from bettering your self. Never get in a spot that you can not support your self or your children. For the rest of the problem just ask him why he treats you different than his ex’s. Good luck and God bless.

He’s in a different stage of his life… before he was younger and probably threw his money away. Now he’s older is being a bit more frugal.
It’s prob just your hormones as well and maybe just generally not feeling appreciated :woman_shrugging:t2:

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He probably didn’t pay for any of those things. He’s probably telling everyone he put you through school.

Because he learned.
Stop worrying about the material items and think more about his love for you and y’all’s baby. Congrats on your family BTW💖

He buys u just because flowers and you are complaining?

I think you are being dumb. Isn’t it supposed to be about love and respect? Material things? Seriously?

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He probably learned his lesson with the others. Just think…he brings you flowers.

Bringing flowers to you is very special. You can keep them. Try pressing them or putting them in a container.

Maybe he’s learned that money doesn’t equal love? If you want your degree, finance it yourself. Otherwise you sound like you just want his money.

Ew you’re a selfish ass, no wonder he doesn’t give you anything. It’s because you EXPECT it. Cut the entitlement

Just a question but do you ever do anything for him like he buys u flowers did u ever get him anything just because

Yall saying material thing mean nothing but buying gifts is a love language. So no it doesn’t gotta be expensive but seems like that is his love language. So idk seems fishy

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Remember he’s been burned before.

He owes you absolutely nothing. He probably learned he was just trying to buy their love. And doesn’t want to do the same worth you. I don’t know why people think their S/O should spoil them, buy them this and that . 🤦