I feel like my husband cheated in a way: Advice?

Yes! Absolutely cheating and I would question loyalty beyond just this “screen” girl. I would seek counseling with him and see if that comes to any terms. I think this can definitely be “fixed”, but he needs to ADMIT and be willing to work out a solution!

To me there a difference in watching porn that some random ppl that you’ll never meet in your life. Which their plenty if sights you can watch for free. Not cheating, but not cool either if your spouse isn’t ok with it. Where the line comes for me, that I consider atleast emotionally cheating that can find its way to physical is paying for it and with a girl he knows. He knows her, chances are she be more inclined to give him her number and that turns into something else. Big red flag. Dude you could watch randos for free if your just looking for a moment. But paying for it for 1 specific girl. Cheating.

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Yes it definitely is cheating.

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I’d definitely leave because he’s not respecting you and that’s cheating cheating you deserve a man who will respect you and your feeling, I’m sorry you’re going through this :heart: but I’d leave him and find someone better and take care of those babies . Good luck

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Yes ma’am its CHEATING! IF YOU FEEL DISRESPECTED ITS BC YOU ARE BEING DISRESPECTED! No woman should have to TOLERATE this shit crammed down her throat! It’s Not NORMAL and All Men DONT do it! He KNOWS how this is effecting YOU and to continue doing it should get his ass KICKED to the curb!

He will cheat on you, time to pack your bags and flee,
that’s a major red flag. If it’s someone he knows also he is chasing her and thinking of a emotional relationship with her and leaving you as she is in his mind 24/7
and not you, you have become last and replaceable.
Feel sorry for your children :broken_heart:

When a man pays to see a specific lady, he is a trick and is cheating. Especially with so much free porn out there.

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel. My husband would never watch porn at all, let alone after having a baby or it being an “only fans” or with someone local or that he knows because he knows how badly it would hurt me and he thinks it is disgusting. He sees porn as a way for the government and world to prey on mens weaknesses and try to “lure” them in. Just look at facebook, if you have an account and are a man, the amount of half naked women ads are insane. It is like they try to bait them in. If a man isn’t fullfilled by his wife, he is bound to give in eventually. I believe looking at porn, let alone a person they know, is like cheating in a way. I fullfill my husband’s sexual needs; therefore, he doesn’t need or want to look at other women. We are very honest, open and non judgemental with eachother in the bedroom. Maybe try explaining that to your husband and how badly it hurts you. Also, offer to be open minded with him in the bedroom and change things up to keep it exciting. Ask him what he likes and try something new (as long as it is comfortable for you) Keep in mind, men think differently and get aroused differently. He may not see it as a problem. If he doesn’t stop after an open and honest conversation without anger (as hard as that is, but anger will push him away more and cause him to not open up) and you making an honest attempt to please him more, I would honestly consider leaving. Especially if it is with a girl he personally knows. That honestly is a whole other level than regular porn.

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it is cheating he shouldnt be paying to watch someone he knows

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It’s cheating. I’m not ok with this in a relationship… lusting after other people when he has you is wrong in my eyes and ruins sex in a relationship. It first ruins your connection and bond between you because he’s releasing those hormones sepratly from you, those hormones are what creates a bond in the first place and on top of it can lead him in another direction. I also am religious though so I believe lusting is something you should not desire because it makes us weak, you should have self control in my eyes, not just letting your physical body ruins your life. He betrayed you if you feel betrayed and aren’t comfortable with this. I wouldn’t be.

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i’m sorry momma… I am.to go thru this while pregnant is so hard and I bet has you all over the place about it.
My ex and I had 3 kids together and he took pictures of my nurses behind just a few minutes after I had my last baby with him. it got worst after he almost started the same thing with women from school and he would.go talk to them at their work… spent like hours in the bathroom by himself watching porn too.

Please and I mean this with the kindest thoughts … leave the f*cker.

Your being traumatized by going thru this over and over. its not love if he is talking to her and obsessing over her. You matter and carrying that baby happily matters.
Time to move on.

my new bf been with me 3 years and we have 2 kids together and he was so supportive when I had our babies. it made me cry after he sat there by me just looking at me telling me I did great.
There are better men out there.

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Don’t start excusing yourself for not taking care of yourself and keeping yourself up. You have time to take showers. I’ve had three kids and it is hard but a day that you don’t “get ready” should be an exception and not the rule. I’m sure people are gonna come at me but if you want your husband attracted to you…do something to attract him.

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Not the same story but i agree its a form of cheating my ex used to steal phootos of my family and friends and hide it in old emails to me that was a start to cheat which he later did but i felt uncomfortable due to them being our friends my family and my own friends

Definitely go to couples therapy, this i would consider cheating. Start going through his phone fb, emails, snap chat everything. If he doesn’t want or think you need therapy leave him. If he has any issues with you going through his phone, leave him.

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I think it is. Definitely wouldn’t want my husband doing that. It’s disrespectful to you.

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That’s disrespectful.
He don’t want too appreciate you then let them hoes have him they got plenty of options :joy:

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Saying men watch porn and excusing the behavior doesn’t make it justifiable. My husband knows I am super uncomfortable with porn and he doesn’t watch it, because he knows it would hurt me and our relationship. Not all men watch porn, and if you don’t like it, your husband should respect that.

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while theyre looking at another theyre not lookong at you my Nan used to say! its an emotional affair he is having and its unfair to you. Im not going to say leave cause i believe in fixing broken things not tossing them away but maybe couple therapy would be a good start

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That’s not being faithful imo

Seriously not OK. START LOOKING AT naked men and watch him react.

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I think there’s a fine line between porn and the fact that he knows this girl and watches her specifically and follows her on social media that would hit WAY different with me then just regular porn

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Porn is one thing, I don’t care if he watches porn, I watch it too, but it’d be a different story if he was paying to watch someone, especially someone he knew. Hell no! I feel it’s a form of cheating

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I don’t care if my husband watches porn, because hell! I do too! BUT if it was someone he knew, I would damn right have a problem, it’s one thing fantasying over a porn star, but if my husband was paying for onlyfans content I would be kicking his freaking ass, if you talked to him and told him how it made you feel and he still does it after I would be giving him an ultimatum and would not be trusting him anymore.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. The fact is, it bothers you… he knows it and continues to do it. That’s complete disrespect.

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So disrespectful! No wife should go through this, I would consider this cheating. If you are thinking of going through his social and phone - Ask him to show you. Then and there. If he hesitates i guess u know what the answer is… try couples therapy

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If it bothers you, it’s wrong. Do not let others justify and invalidate your feelings.

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Holy red flags. It’s one thing to watch porn. It’s another to pay for porn/entertainment directly from a woman. And another to pay for the above from someone you know/knew. I’m not one to make rash decisions, assume the worst or recommend ultimatums, but he’s crossed a pretty clear line. Honestly, if he’s not willing to stop, i would have a serious conversation about your future.

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Its not fair on so many levels.

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Porn is whatever to me… but subscribing to a local person that he personally knows and has on multiple social media platforms… no. To me, that is not only cheating, it’s extremely disrespectful, sneaky and embarrassing for you. You’re not crazy for feeling the way you are feeling. I’d be losing my shit on him.

I asked my husband what he thinks and while he doesn’t think porn is cheating; he thinks because your SO knows the person and it’s not like random pictures on a porn site that it IS cheating.

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I’d file for divorce. No way.

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Ok hes a dick!!! Kick him to the curb!!! What kind of man treats his wife that way? Women have gone soft, letting them do all that crap. It seems they put up with anything just to have one. The more its allowed and accepted the worse it gets. Find a good man. Not one whos jerking off to another woman, how insulting is that

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I would definitely have a problem with it just because it’s someone he knows.

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I would NOT be okay with this

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Watching generic porn is one thing (even though I don’t even care for the idea of that). This is something entirely different. He knows the woman personally, and is paying to see her.
One way to bluntly let him know how you’re feeling, is to ask him how he would feel if he saw credit card charges for sexualized sessions with a man that you knew from high school.

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Ck. Out some men porn that just may help you in the long run js lol :laughing: :joy:

Been dealing with this for years, he dosent personally know her just likes to watch porn, flirt with other girls on the internet, constantly look up girls on you tube, I even left him once for 6 months because it upset me so bad. Even though he knows what it does to me, 16 years later nothing has changed😥

I don’t look at all like I’m seeing everyone else say. Porn to me isn’t cheating and knowing the person in the video is no different then all porn. Humans are rare in that were monogamous. I didn’t see anywhere in there were he tried to lie about it. Being married doesnt mean your no longer attracted to other people acting on that is different. I think majority of the responses are toxic and stem from jealousy were taught if we fall in love with someone that means your basically not to ever find other things satisfying or what not. I’ll say this just because your partner watches porn or has certain kinks or fetishes doesnt mean that he doesn’t love you or find you attractive any less. If you have more than 1 child you love them both equally the same right. If you have more than one mom it’s ok to love all of them. But somehow someone finding someone else attractive that may be different than how we look well the responses are divorce nope cheating etc and so forth. Feeling hurt by it is tottally valid and if it was something that you dont find ok at all and you communicate that and they agree not to but do then yes thats not right at all. Youd be suprised how much happy you could be in a relationship if there was more openness communication. I gaurentee majority of the people who call this cheating I dont care how much you say you trust your partner or hed never do that likely they do and guess what hes got it so hidden he would not be telling you bc of majority of these responses.

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I’ve been through something similar. Ever heard the saying for every rat you see there’s 50 you don’t. Well after that 1 I eventually found those 50 and it was traumatic. What little self-esteem I had was obliterated. Every time I confronted him the only thing that changed was that he hid things better. As someone who was in a situation similar to yours I say run. He’s actively looking for women this isn’t just porn. He knew that woman. He also knows how sensitive you are considering your situation and still did what he did. He’s not sorry and doesn’t give a shit about your feelings.

You know how I know? Ask yourself if the roles were reversed would you do that to him? Exactly. Are you going to wait for him to run out on you? Focus on you and your children…stand on your own and toss his ass out. Best thing that ever happened to me and my daughter’s. Mine was a shit husband and father you know why? He was too busy fantasizing about women he would never get and a bachelor life he will never have. Do you and your kids a favor its better to be alone than to deal with bullshit the rest of your life.

Away from him!
Why do men don’t respect their women? It’s disgusting :pensive:

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If it isn’t cheating… It will be…
So disrespectful

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Well here’s what I have to say I have a zero tolerance for any bullshit I’ve been with the same man for 33 yrs we have 6 children together all adults now but if you’ve already told him how it makes you feel and he’s still doing it then you need to catch him watching it and whatever device he’s watching it on wether it b a tv computer laptop or phone smash it right in front of him and when he does it again smash that device also he’s either gonna learn not to be disrespectful to his wife or he’s gonna leave if he cares and respects you he will stop if he don’t and leaves he never cared anyway

Watching porn is one thing but having sex with someone else is cheating whether or not it is paid for. Kick him to the curb, get your self respect back. You deserve better.

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I’m okay with my husband watching porn… I’m not okay with him paying for it and definitely not okay with it being someone he knows!

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I am one who doesn’t care if hubby watches porn but I’d care if it was someone he knew, I’d be pissed like mega pissed. That’s break up material

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Nope! Nope! Nope!! Just picturing my husband doing something like this to me. I would leave him. Straight up. No way he is going to be interested In some other girl spending our families money to see her naked. Spending his time watching another women instead
Of focusing on his family and wife he has in front of him! Noooooo noooo noooo! Not okay!

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Throw that man in the trash bin where he belongs !!!

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All the free porn out there and he wanna pay for it? Sounds like a fuckin idiot.

Thats not porn that new age phone sex, definitely cheating in my book. What an ass!

Most men do watch porn whether they are truthful. They don’t usually run into someone they used to know who now does porn. Him whacking to her isn’t cheating yet but how long before he tries to message her through social media the way he follows her. Tell him he has to drop all her accounts if he wants the marriage to work. You have every right to be upset. Here’s some other advice too. Quit beating yourself up about your weight. True love doesn’t see pounds. You should have a good talk with your husband though about the sex I am guessing you might not be having as much. I doubt he tells you that it is how you look now. Problems are usually deeper than that. Good luck with your talks.

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Wow :flushed: I’m sorry, I would definitely be livid and I would tell him. I would probably leave bc not only is he watching porn, he is paying for it and getting off to someone he knows and she is on his social media like wtf :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: talk about no respect. He will keep doing it and who knows eventually maybe worse. I would definitely leave. It’s a horrible situation forsure but you don’t want to be with someone who is willing to do that to you and thinks it’s ok. :pleading_face:

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So I don’t think porn is cheating. I think paying may give you better porn (idk not a porn watcher), but if your uncomfortable with him paying money for it he should respect that.
He also shouldn’t be getting one on one’s or watching a girl he knows. That is the real issue to me. He could run into her. He could in theory talk to her irl. And it would make me uncomfortable.
I’m so sorry.

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While everyone has thier opinion about the use of porn this is my thought:

Porn isn’t the issue for me here. It’s the fact that he is looking up women from the past, whether or not they were in a relationship, I have an issue with. It makes it more tangible in my opinion. More likely to become something real instead of inside a screen. Part of paying for the porn is you get to chat with the person “performing” so to speak. If he chooses to. Sit him down and talk to him. Figure out what he is thinking. And tell him how you feel. Communication is key. I know it’s a tired saying but still rings true.

My hubs and I both watch porn. Sometimes together sometimes not. It all depends on the relationship.

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If it’s just a book then that’s diff but a live vid of a chick he knows big NO ,it’s hard enough after a baby adjusting to r body the way it is now as before bub and it’s hard when you are tired and worn out with a new lil tyke .

What a fucking douchebag sorry he’s a loser

Girl, he cheated. Get out of there.

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Put that “man” on blast. PUBLICLY SHAME HIM for being such a disrespectful pervert. Tell his family, friends, co-workers, boss. How dare he spend family funds on his own perversions, disgusting!! Then throw him out. He will not change and it will get worse. Next thing you know he will be blaming you for how you feel about yourself and he will tell you that if you looked put together he wouldn’t be looking at skanks. Fuck that!!! Seriously though, expose him!!

I’ve been married for 22 year now and my husband has never even seen a porn show. Not all men watch that shit. To me the ones who do are insecure about themselves maybe because there’s no way they could get a woman that looks like the pron star woman because of the way they look

If you expressed your dislike for what/who he was watching, and he didn’t stop?
That’s cheating.
Plain and simple.
Cuz if I was to tell my Mr that I was uncomfy with something, or someone he’s watching, he’d instantly drop said issue.
Same as I would for him.
It’s called respect.
So is watching porn cheating…yes, if you have an issue with it and he knows it. Cuz then he’s showing he doesn’t care about your feelings.
So ya…for me, watching porn, even someone he knew, wouldn’t bug me.
It’s not that big of a deal for me.
But for you, it matters. So therefore it’s YOUR opinion that matters in this…no one else’s. Only you know what you’re ok with or not.

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If it makes you not want sex with him, it’s close enough to cheating. My husband did watch porn when he was single, but knowing that I wouldn’t be able to take off my clothes in front of him if he continued, made him stop when we got together 10 years ago. If he wants to get off on other women, I said that I would be getting off on other men.

Okay so I see cheating as anything one partner or both is not comfortable with… I am not comfortable with my husband watching porn, so yes it’s cheating to me. He has the same viewpoint of what defines cheating and he respects my wishes. You’re not overdramatic… But you guys definitely need to work through this. He should have the respect for you to be mindful of your boundaries

In your posts you say that the girl he was paying to see is someone he knew?? Is he on only fans? That’s not right at all. I’d take off for a while and make him miss what he has. I was a stay at home mom too and I know how much things you have to do for the baby and him. It sounds like a crappy situation I hope he’s sees how dumb he is and stops.

Paying to get sexual gratification is cheating in my opinion. It’s not some random porn site to get off faster. He could fantasize about you in reality instead of looking for sexual stimulation from some other women. I’d never allow it. Porn is something single people do, or people who lost interest in their partners 🤷 I’d go ballistic if I’d found out that he is paying for sex :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: especially if you didn’t agree for that. Don’t listen stupid excuses. He should pay attention and consideration for a woman that gave him children not some pseudo friend he can salivating about. What would he do if at some point you both would meet her by accident? She knows who is paying her, you can be sure about it.
I think what you have to do is have a proper conversation with him and set rules. If he wants you pampered and sexy, he needs to take care about him children so you have time. Do not compare yourself to that other women, because everyone is different and everyone is entitled to respect and admiration. You are not better or worst, you are different and a mother. He needs to grow up. And stop what he is doing if he loves you. If not, don’t waste your life on someone who uses you as a incubator, cook, and cleaner. You deserve better.

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Your feelings are valid so if you feel like he cheated then he did and you should tell him how you feel and see how responds to that. If he supports you and changes he’s a good man if he doesn’t I would at least ask for counseling. Try and think objectively about your self-worth and what your standards and boundaries are. Also look into narcissistic abuse because covert narcissists are dangerous and sneak up on you. I hope you feel better about this soon and heal from it :purple_heart:

Oh nooo, porn is porn. Paying a live girl he knows… That would be a deal breaker for me.

This is totally cheating.

Yes well said I think you are so right about this.