I know men watch porn. After having a baby, it’s tough to come to terms with and know that they’re looking at another woman who is much skinnier and can get themselves together. I’m a stay-at-home mom and this is the hardest “job” I’ve ever had to do, and I’ve worked many jobs. I can’t get myself ready every day when I have a baby, constantly wanting my attention. My husband watches porn, and I know he does. He started paying for it though a few months back, and I saw it on our account. I was not happy. I addressed it, but I just found out recently that the girl he was paying to see was someone he knows/knew. He went to high school with her but claimed he never spoke with her. He has her on other social media websites, and that’s how he found her. He has admitted she’s attractive in our argument, and duh, he has to in order to get off to her, I guess. This bothers me so much, and I’m not sure what to do. It’s hard for me to want sex because all I can think about is her. Am I crazy? Am I overdramatic? Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like I’ve been cheated on without them physically touching each other. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. Again, I had a baby a year ago and am pregnant with my second. If your wife doesn’t feel comfortable in her skin, shouldn’t that be a priority over another woman? Was this cheating?
If it crosses an established boundary in the relationship, then yes it is cheating. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical. Also I feel like the fact that he’s paying to get off to someone he knows in real life is a whole other issue. He definitely should be giving you attention and not neglecting you and your needs to give his attention to another woman, especially one that he knows in real life.
If he stepped out in any way it’s cheating. He admitted to being attracted to her but doesn’t even help to make you feel good. As they say he got out of the car on your relationship. What’s next the actual physical? He does not respect you or your child. Porn can be a really crazy addiction for some.
If hes using the money from joint account meant for food and Bill’s yep! And also if he knew her that crosses a line. Because it’s not some random bit of fun, free porn maybe but paying and someone he knew is wrong
Oh hell no I would NOT be okay with that. He’d be shutting it allll down. Or else I’d be gone. It’s hard enough bringing a baby into the world and figuring out motherhood and loving your new body after so many changes but to feel like your husband is mentally cheating with another woman? Heck no. My BD verbally cheated on me when my daughter was 6 weeks old, telling other girls at work he was attracted to them etc and I felt the same way that you do. And now I know it’s absolutely not okay. You deserve better. And telll him that!
Well my man watches porn and I get mad but he’s never payed for it or found someone he knew personally so this is a different level of just porn watching
I think the personal connection of knowing her is probably the hardest part to read. Because yes, he can make that emotional connection the person because of the past. I am so sorry that you are having to feel these feelings and let me tell you that you are not alone. So many women feel invalidated daily because of the desensitization that porn brings to men. If you truly love this man and vice versa, a change must happen. Maybe voice that you would love to spice things up in your relationship and ask how you could do that for him.
Personally, I would be pissed off if I found out my husband was paying for porn. Porn is apart of men and women’s lives but I feel that paying for it when there is so much free material out there, steps over the line of just using it to knock one out. The fact that he knew the person is an issue as well.
Man any “man” paying for porn is a whole loser
I personally wouldnt care just as he wouldnt care if it was me doing it. But what works for one relationship may not work in others. You dont need anyone to valodate your feelings, they are yours. The best thing is communicate with each other and set boundries.
Only you can decide if that’s cheating for your own relationship. Some consider watching it cheating, some consider paying for it cheating.
For me, paying for it would be a huge issue. Especially paying to see someone you know. Your feelings are your own and no one can tell you that they are wrong because they are yours. You need to sit and think about why you consider it’s cheating, think about how to express how you’re feelings into words, and talk to your husband about it. If that’s how it makes you feel, he needs to stop. Period. He needs to make you feel loved and sexy.
You also need to realize that your body won’t change overnight, so if you feel uncomfortable with your body, you also need to work on it and that takes time.
Yes you should be 100 his priority. He has def crossed a thin line.
Porn is one thing and to me not an issue - the issue is this is a person he actually knows this is out and out disrespectful and I wouldn’t be happy at all
That’s cheating don’t put up with it tell him knock it off that’s not fair to you that’s very disrespectful to you
Gurl get you self ready ! Even if it takes wen baby’s is napping ! I just had a baby as well and it’s been the hardest to do me … But I get ready wen he’s napping … and it’s a mission to get ready … but never loose that sexiness in you ! Cux you still got it !
Not necessarily CHEATING, but still a practice I wouldn’t be comfortable with. Porn is porn, I watch it, almost all men do, its never bothered me. But paying for porn of someone you know? It’s doing too much. Absolutely not. Millions of videos at your fingertips for free of women and men every shape and size, there is something a lot deeper than “just porn” that he would go out of his way to pay for this certain specific girl he knows, even if he hasn’t seen her for years. If you condone this, it’s opens the door and pushes boundaries for more serious shit. You can try to talk it out, but at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they wanna do. It’s your choice if you want to play Russian roulette like that. I, personally, would leave.
Personally I would NOT be ok with that. Watching free porn occasionally is one thing, paying for someone you knows nudes/videos…is an entirely different thing in my book. To me, that is crossing a boundary and being very disrespectful. I would not put up with that girl. (Could make your guys own porns for him to watch also that’s a confidence boost too )
I personally couldn’t handle that situation.
You should be paying attention to you not other women
He would be missing teeth, because I would hit him in the mouth, with a ball bat.
Some of the questions I see on here make me so sad! You deserve better! So many women post on here about things like this… its an issue of respect and you deserve more! A relationship needs trust,respect and communication and if you are lacking in any of those departments it can really tear a relationship apart… your significant other should make you feel like a priority and always let you know that your feelings are valid and they matter! The only response he should’ve given when you said that it makes you feel bad is " I’m so sorry I made you feel that way" yall deserve better! Don’t accept this kind of treatment because someone will treat you better!!
Yep, tell him hes cheating on you with someone he knows, what an asshole,
That’s sneaky…sneaky=lying=SHADY! We need to let go of that thought that just because it’s not in person it’s not cheating anything you do intimate with another person that is not your spouse is a form of cheating
There is a difference between watching porn and paying to watch it and then a step further paying to watch someone you know. I don’t care if my husband watches porn. But I would be really upset about him paying for it.
It’s cheating to me. Anyone that thinks this is okay should value themselves more!
Your going to need to dig deep and find the courage to throw the whole man away. Sometimes this shit happens. And the fact that it bothers you would be enough for a man that cares to stop. I mean men these days ffs. Its so gross. Like dont you have shit you could be doing to help your wife and mother of your kids. We dont even have time to wipe our asses the right way and these guy. PAYING FOR PORN. I cant even. Makes me sick personally. Like there comes a time in life… im just saying.
I have been there. Feeling like I’m not pretty enough, like all the girls he paid for were better than me. Turns out, after months of couples counseling it’s HIS problems and nothing to do with me or how I look. I bet if you really dug into it, there’s more. MUCH more. It’s an addiction. Sad but true. Find yourself a real man who only has eyes for you!!
Tell him to buy a pocket pussy and wish him the best. Youll go so much further in life without being disregarded by a man. Fuck that.
Ask him if he’d mind you doing the same and if he doesn’t then tell him you’ll ask this guy you know if he wants to make a little side money Play his game.
Watching porn is one thing. Paying for it, especially when it’s someone he knows, is definitely not okay! Have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. If it continues, pack your bags and leave!
I wouldn’t be okay with mine paying for something like this and you have every right to feel the way you do. I have seen girls that I’ve known a while advertising for only fans and things and I think it is so disgusting. I also agree your feelings are always as important. I wouldn’t be able to handle it hun.
I don’t consider being a stay at home mom a “job”, but just my opinion. I am a stay at home mom now and although it is hard, it is my parental duties, not my job to take care of our 5 children. I have had jobs, went to school full time and would much rather be home with my kids as I suffered severe post partum anxiety from being away from my daughter when she was a baby. It is what is financially doable for us, but I have worked extremely hard jobs and would much rather be home taking care of my kids, but some days I do want to go back to work. You don’t get to say your “done” with your job today as being a parent. It is what parents do, take care of their kids (yes I am aware not all parents). Nobody has to agree with me, but this was my insight on it as I’ve seen so many stay at home moms say this. At the end of the day we don’t get to say we’re done with our job because we are doing what parents do, raising our kids to our most best abilities.
Edit to add: I do run a business on the side from home. so I guess I do work while being home with my kids, but before I did this, but I don’t consider myself at “work” while giving the care and attention my kids need.
Yes it’s cheating! Cheating is anything you wouldn’t do in front of your spouse!!
Just because some people don’t care that their partner does one things doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it. We all have our own boundaries and beliefs. As your husband he should respect your boundaries and you. If that makes you feel like he is cheating than that is cheating to you. He crossed a boundary. He should care how you feel especially if it’s hurting you. You’re feelings as his wife should matter more than getting off to another woman. But society these days will say you’re crazy. Don’t fall for it.
I wouldn’t care if it’s porn, but someone he knows? The payment for it is another issue because it’s taking from the household and the child but also if he has to pay her for it, it’s not much of a relationship with her. I think it’s time for a kitchen table conversation about it and see where you both stand.
tell him you’re doing the same and see if he still finds it a ok thing to do. personally I think that IS cheating and I would honestly leave.
It’s called boundaries. He either respects them or he doesn’t, but if he doesn’t… then he’s choosing an uphill battle.
I would consider it a form of cheating and betrayal. Every relationship makes their own boundaries. Some relationships like multiple partners or watching porn together, some relationships don’t allow those things. Doesn’t matter what it is, boundaries should be respected if you love someone.
Ur man isn’t just watching porn. He’s paying someone he knows to get him off. That is completely different then the average person watching porn. I would be pissed.
I would consider it cheating because on situations like this, USUALLY they are paying to watch her and only her. Not her having sex with another man. Its usually her doing things to herself that he/or other subscribers/fans want to see
I would be pissed! Watching just random people porn I wouldn’t care, but paying for someone he knows porn?! Fuuuck that i would be looking into leaving that loser.
So if you had people making you up, doing your hair, styling your outfits, you would look good too. Trust me, I have done publicity shoots with a boss where she had them do mine too and I can say wow, what a difference it makes. So unless you want to do porn shoots, stop comparing yourself. So he watches porn. That is actually a healthy thing. If he ignores you totally and watches porn it is not. But porn is not horrible. And as to the actress, most people think they know them anyway, even if they have never met in real life. You are being overly sensitive.
Sounds like you still turn him on too if you’re pregnant again. Porn is one thing…but watching and paying for someone he knows is crossing the line!
It’s cheating if you feel like it’s cheating. Everyone’s definition of cheating is different. I think my partner watching regular porn is cheating.
I wouldn’t be ok with my partner paying for porn. And if you feel like he’s cheated, then he did. That’s how you feel. I consider it cheating too and I’d be saying it needs to stop. At least stop paying for it and make you a priority!
Woah… one thing to watch free porn on the internet it’s an entirely different issue if it’s someone that he personally knows and is PAYING!! I’d consider that the same emotional damage as full on cheating and would probably separate over that especially if you’ve told him how this makes you feel and he still does it, that’s disrespectful af.
Once you pay; imo it’s cheating
First off find some confidence within your own self it’s not your husband’s or anyone else’s duty to make you feel comfortable in your own skin. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk … now the dude toss him to the trash he doesn’t respect you and you don’t yourself if you allow him to stay and continue to treat you in anyway that’s disrespectful.
Oh hell no! It’s one thing to watch it for free and have it be complete strangers but he knows this girl in real life! Which completely turns this into cheating in my eyes. Also there’s no fucking way I would be okay with my husband using our money to pay for porn…like ever!
Visual affair is what I call it.
That’s cheating. He knows her and can contact her personally. Thats not watching porn. That is cheating!
It’s gotta stop or he’s gotta go! He shouldn’t even have time for this bs! You got a baby and another on the way and that’s where his attention and free time needs to be spent!
I’d be gone already!
So. I’m going to be the devil’s advocate here. The glass half full person. #dontcomeatme
I don’t particularly see it as cheating. Disrespectful as hell? Um. Yes. Cheating? No. I understand it making you more uncomfortable than anything because he knows her personally. However, the way I see it is him watching a woman makes it more…personal to him or intimate. Just as it would for a woman to be turned on by a guy she knows more than a complete stranger. It goes both ways. And you’re lying to me if you say it doesn’t. And to yourself. Imo. Again, the fact he’s paying for it is super disrespectful. I definitely agree. But, again. I understand his needs also needing to be met and him meeting them by using someone who is familiar. 🤷
I don’t think watching porn is cheating. BUT paying for porn, is a huge no when there are so many free sights. Paying for someone you know, is cheating.
The fact he knows her and has her on social media and stuff yes… that’s cheating…
Porn is one thing- those are actresses that are inaccessible and wouldn’t glance at him twice. But paying for someone’s content that he knew and could potentially welcome an in person visit? Hell naw to the naw naw naw. That is cheating. Put him out on the curb for the trash pick up.
I don’t believe porn is cheating, but this sounds like a cam situation which is a little more one on one and he knows the person?? That would be a no from me, and I’m pretty comfortable about porn viewing (from either person) in a relationship.
He’d be picking his butt off the floor and then packing up all his belongings off the front lawn if he did it to me. Boot his disrespectful self… he ain’t going to get better.
It is most definitely cheating 100%!
100% cheating… Throw the man away…
Cheating is having sex with another person that is not apart of your relationship. Simply looking at porn is not cheating and you won’t change my mind. If watching porn was cheating then anyone if the people on here should also agree that thinking a celebrity is attractive is therfore cheating as well. On the other hand though I would be worried that he knows/knew her and that he probably entertains the idea of having sex with her, I’d just keep a closer eye on him. But if we are really being honest, posting on socials isn’t the place for relationship advice, get a couples therapist, talk it out… anything but this.
Its one thing when its random porn… Another when you know the person
It is cheating, and very disrespectful if he knows her… if he loved you and only wants you, he shouldn’t be getting off by other women so wrong!
Good kick up the arse wouldn’t be lost on him he’s paying to watch somebody he knows:woman_facepalming: id be getting rid
Trust me when I say IT WILL NOT GET BETTER. I tried to “make it better” for 16 years. RUN
My ex watched porn instead of touching me. It’s one of the reasons we separated. It wasn’t of people he knew personally though. He paid for strippers and eventually other things, which made the separation permanent.
That’s not porn… If he was watching random people he didn’t know… Then that’s porn if it’s someone they do know and they are paying for it, it’s a completely different kettle of fish.
Porn isn’t cheating. Maybe you withdrawing from him is causing him to seek attention elsewhere? Don’t withdraw. Talk it out. Men have attention needs too. Just like women. However,the fact he knows the woman and is talking with her…needs to be addressed. That could turn into actual cheating if you and your hubby don’t work out your issues. Also sounds like you need a break. Maybe get a babysitter and go out…just the two of you…Or,after put baby down at night …watch a movie with him and snack and relax. Take a bubble bath. Find some zen time. Do your nails…do your hair…do stuff to make you feel attractive again and to de stress.
I’m gonna probably be the one woman to say I dont agree that this is cheating. But then again cheating is based on perspective. If you guys openly discuss boundaries as concerns arise then it’s hardly cheating if hes respecting these boundaries. I am/have been poly so I think cheating is really what “isnt” alloud… because personally I also used to do caming and most of my customers in the beginning were people I personally knew one way or another but these women do this as a job, and are NOT seeing any customer as anything more than a paycheck and acting. So I can see both sides of things. Its porn I dont think it matters if he knows or her not, it’s still another person’s naked body. But I see your side as well. My current gf of two years does not wish to share me in any way so I respect her and no longer do modeling or cams and I respect her boundaries 100%. Every single day. All day. I respect her. If he was alloud to watch porn the respectful thing would have been to come to you and include you in the decision so he was respecting you. You would have been given an opportunity to give him the boundaries your comfortable with.
Everyone’s definition of cheating is different. I personally wouldn’t call that cheating. Definitely wrong tho. Have a talk with him on how you feel and see if you guys can get to a compromise. Like maybe you could be comfortable with him watching porn. Just not paying for porn or watching porn of people he personally knows. I would also say the girl has taken off his social media. It’s crossed the line.
Porn is absolutely different than paying for one on one. Especially if you know them!!! Simple rule. If you make contact with them. It’s cheating. Boom. That’s our rule. But as far as just general porn, it is healthy.
My husband watches it. After i had my son he watched a ton more. It doesnt bug me. But it would bug me if he knee the person. I wouldn’t say its cheating but it is definitely not ok and disrespectful
Definitly disrespectful of ur feelings and ur marriage. My ex did this 2 but he also cheated physically even with co-workers.
I don’t care what anyone else says. If you aren’t both on the same page about porn, it’s cheating. Double that shit if he’s paying for it and or it’s someone he knows. Especially if he knows them. Tell him straight up it needs to stop. No and’s if’s or but’s. Tell him exactly why it hurts you, makes you feel bad about yourself and that it’s most definitely not ok if its someone he knows. DO NOT LET HIM TELL YOU IT’S NO BIG DEAL BECAUSE IT IS. If he refuses to quit then there’s a problem and I shouldn’t have to tell you what the next step should be.
Pfft! Watching porn and paying someone you know to see is two completely different things! That’s cheating to me!!! And paying for it! Nope no way in hell! Porn is free!
If you feel betrayed it’s cheating period end
Everyone’s rules are different and if you hadn’t previously disused yours then i would now and the biggest issue would be him not respecting what you ask of him. There’s no right and wrong in a relationship because they all vary but I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t value my feelings and give the same respect I did ever again!
I get guys watch porn but it’s another thing (in my opinion) to actually pay (or subscribe) to these women to send them personal things, whether or not they know them. I would be very angry.
I’m not going to say he’s cheating. But seriously be open about it. Watch the shit together definitely pick someone you don’t know. Don’t be disrespectful with it
I feel like you have to love yourself first. I feel like men tend to go to other outlets cuz it’s discouraging to them to see us in a mood or homely. I have a toddler that is super active n we don’t give her screens n every opportunity to doll myself up I take for me. I get makeup boxes to try new things n get my hair did n go shopping as much as I can. Bring myself home flowers . Self love opens so many doors.
Especially when they don’t know how to help us be strong confident women. Guys tend to hide behind videos
I also found out that the more I initiated it n started it the better things became overall n the stronger we became n it helped me be more confident in me instead of jealous
This is 100% cheating especially the way you described it. I would not tolerate or allow it.
I wouldn’t want to sleep with him either. He knows the woman and is paying her. If she’s on his social media they’re probably talking privately as well. It doesn’t make it ok because they aren’t actually sleeping together. Watching porn is one thing but this is too far and you ARE NOT overreacting.
He did cheat he is emotionally cheating it doesn’t start with sex it starts with sneaky conversation and sneaking around wich he obviously has already done thus is on so many levels wrong nothing wrong with pointing but he isnt on a random site he is paying to watch 1 certain person wich he knows on a personal level so yes he is cheating babe I would say you need to do some soul searching and figure out if this is something you 2 can work through or if it’s time to go your separate ways either way you need to communicate with him and tell him this isn’t acceptable and tell him where you stand on the situation and how you feel and tell him he has a choice to make here
Depends on boundries in the relationship of what you classify as cheating. I think it is emotionally cheating in my opinion and dont tolerate it the best because if I am not enough then why be with me? Why feel the meed to look at others unless I’m not good enough for you. It all depends on the people on the relationship. Every couple is different. I also have been fully cheated on in the physical sense and also was with someone who would always choose porn over me. So my opinion is very different based on some of the other responses. I think its disrespectful.
- don’t normalize porn. it’s not. its actually destructive to your brain and mental health. I know- unpopular opinion. ever heard the phrase “Porn Kills Love”— cause it does.
- he should absolutely not be subscribing to something that you both dont agree is a good “investment”
3)if he is choosing to watch pornography, he should NEVER watch someone he knows or knew or even was an acquaintance with. absolutely not. he is cheating with her in his mind if nothing else. I’d always wonder, how long until he finds her in real life and lives out one of her scenes?
no way girl. I’d put an end to all of that like yesterday.
Personally, I don’t think it’s cheating. But I could understand why you would feel that way. It’s different if he knows/knew the woman. I would feel awkward about that also. I don’t think watching porn is a bad thing, just my opinion. But if he is talking to her then that is wrong. I can understand how you wouldn’t want to sleep with him, I would probably feel the same way. I could never stay with or be happy in a relationship where my husband didn’t care about my feelings.
He has cheated in his mind which is the #1 sex tool. The Bible says it’s just like adultery…AND IT IS!!! Give him an ultimatum. See how he reacts. Get some lengerie.
So he has an OnlyFans account that he pays to see a girls pics he knows in person? Girl thats not cheating Pretty sure this girl has no intentions to give things for free to him, relax.
It’s definitely cheating.
Partly why I’ve stayed single and only use them 4 sex when I feel like it. You don’t need a man.
Most guys watch porn no biggie, but paying for it and the fact he knows the girl, that’s taking it way too far. No way.
Yes, it was cheating. You deserve better. This is what I would say to him “”
Personally I believe it is a sin to watch pornography. That’s just me. I don’t care what anyone else does for entertainment, forplay or whatever. If my husband is watching it, I better not find out about it because it would be a serious matter in our marriage. I’d feel exactly the way you feel. I’m so sorry. Seek Counceling for both to go together. But if he doesn’t think it’s morally wrong, then it’s gonna be a tough road. People do get passed it, and guys do quit watching it successfully, especially if you go to your pastor or marriage councelor.
I feel for you and I wish you weren’t going through this ordeal. I will keep you in my prayers
Cheating. Sorry not sorry… but porn opens up doors to other things. I’ve never been a fan of it and I would not appreciate it if my partner watched it. I can see a single guy watching porn but not a married man who should only have eyes for his woman. You should talk to him… tell him how you feel about it. If he can’t understand why you’re upset and take your feelings into consideration then he just doesn’t care. I’ll be praying for you.
I mean, if you feel betrayed that’s the end of it. He can’t tell you how you feel, he can either accept your feelings or not.
I personally chose someone who cares and respects me regardless of whether I’m ok with porn or not. If I told him it bothered me and he continued… that’s not ok. Not saying you should control him or he should control you but I my husband addressed something with me and I continued… I would imagine it’s going to cause problems. I wouldn’t be ok with it either… I mean you’re just at Walmart and boom there she is… aaakkkwardddd lol
Watching porn in general is cheating! Make him stop or get rid of him!!!
Everyone has a different opinion to what cheating is. To me, because he actually knows her, yes. This would be cheating. As far as I’m concerned entertaining another woman in any way is cheating
Hes paying to see a girl he knows naked… and chatting to her on sites… get him gone
Paying for it is definitely cheating for me. Free porn is everywhere and you can find anything imaginable. This is crazy wrong. I’d be pissed