Need some honest advice, tell me if I’m in the wrong. I’m a stay at home mom to a 2 year old and my husband works mon-fri 9-5. My husband comes home maybe eats dinner with us and then wants to go plop down at his computer and play video games till he goes to bed. He normally asks if it’s ok first but if I say no then he’ll be in a cranky mood so I’ve stopped telling him no. It just hurts my feelings that he seems to have no desire to spend time with me and our son. He acts like hes entitled to unlimited free time when hes home. And he acts like taking care of our son is only my job. I know he works during the day, but taking of a 2 year old is work too and I don’t get clock out until our son is asleep. If he has to get off his computer to help me, he is super annoyed, its like taking a teenager away from his video games. I swear I think these online games that can’t be paused, were invented by husbands that wanted an excuse to not be able to quit their games when their wives needed help
My husband works, we have 7 kids, on his days off he wakes up with my son to get him on the bus, and handles baths. He’ll make us food. If I need extra help I’ll let him know. Some Men need hints.
I think you should definitely talk to him and express your feelings. I’m a stay at home mom as well but my husband and I definitely work together. But please be open about your feelings.
My brother is 19 and he plays a game like this. I’m trying to teach him how to be a functional adult and have taught him to make sure everyone has their needs met and chores done BEFORE he starts his game and it has helped a lot. He doesn’t resent us for making him stop his game and he spends time with the family and does his household duties before he starts. Maybe this might help
Gamer guys like that never change. My sons father is like this. I would just find a way to move on without him.
Do you have a life outside of work and child care and video games. Do you ever put the kid in the car and go out to dinner or trip to the park or for a walk down the street and talk to neighbors how about a after dinner coffee relaxing on the porch.
He really doesn’t understand how lucky he is to work a 9 to 5 set job. Having all that time to be a father and husband. Having that privilege. Take it from a household where my baby daddy comes home late every single day after baby already in bed. She sees him for couple of hours a week. We do wat we got to to survive. He has no idea how lucky he is to have all that time with his family. He ain’t treating url right. Speak to him and if he doesn’t bother then you know u deserve better!
Leave him and let him pay child support for 16 yrs, he’ll come to his senses:rofl:
You need to tell him no it’s not OK if you keep letting him away with it he will never change his job is being a husband and a father that should be priority for him
Ask him to compromise with you. Can he compromise for an hour in the game then Assist you when that hour is up? In all fairness, he worked all day so he should have time to decompress. As should you. Maybe you could try to propose a schedule to him to help balance both of your needs.
People do only what you allow them to.
I hope you aren’t fulfilling his needs in the bedroom so that he basically is just using you for when it’s convenient for him. I don’t mean that to sound rude girl, you’re feelings are valid & you deserve better! You are basically a single mom. I say this bc thankfully I never had kids with my ex bc this is the exact life I would have had. My husband now and I have been together 8 years and we have 3 kids. He works a very full week lots of hours and still comes home to spend time with us, helps me anyway he can and always pays attention to me and makes me feel wanted, appreciated & loved! It’s a team effort. He realizes that as a stay at home mom I never get to clock out and he tries to give me as many little breaks or helping hands as possible. On the weekends he more than does his part when he is home…. You deserve this same treatment!
You’re not wrong. I would suggest working on your communication.
You need to communicate this to him. If you don’t it won’t change, if you do, it still might not change. Then at least you can make the choice to stay or leave. You deserve to be happy and your child deserves to see you happy.
Guys like that need to grow up! He needs to spend time with you and your son. That’s a marriage. Otherwise he should have stayed single! What about women who work full time and come home and still have to spend time with their kids and make dinner, etc. He should have some time for himself but not at the expense of the rest of the family.
He will keep doing it as long as you keep allowing it.
I go through the same thing but I do work as well
Sounds like an addiction, very big problem with teens, so he’s game is the addiction
Video games can be addicting. I don’t think it has to do with YOU but his habits.
- if he wanted to, he would.
- what you allow is what will continue.
Communicate your needs aren’t being met, and come up with a solution.
It’s a huge problem with an underlying issue of emotional immaturity. That’s a tough problem to fix in someone else. He has to take steps to grow up but why would he, if he gets to do what he wants all the time and you take care of him? Yeah he has to listen to you complain, maybe even make a promise to change, spend a few days being a tad better (and expecting praise and recognition for the invisible labor you do daily) before slipping back into his old ways. It’s a vicious and demeaning cycle and only he can change it, which he won’t. I’m going to say it again:
HE WON’T CHANGE.
With that in mind, do what you need to in order to make yourself happy. Because he won’t. If he wanted to, he would have already. And that’s on him.
I left the guy that acted like this. Best decision ever
I absolutely can’t handle men that are addicted to video games. Your family should come first. I don’t even have any advice but is this what you want for the rest of your life?
Have you told him how you feel?
Does he help on the weekends?. Maybe compromise and let him have is leisure time for an hour after work then go from there.
Your husband is working so you have the LUXURY of being a stay at home mon to one 2yr old. Let your husband unwind during the wk then as a family do something on the wkend.
Divorce him now, it’ll never get better. He doesn’t want to help you, the game is his excuse not to. If you have to force your spouse to engage or parent they don’t want to be there.
Sounds super immature getting cranky like that. I would ask to have a day off every once in a while designed for you to be together at least whether its family time or a date. And let him know sometimes you need help with your lil one and youd appreciate it if hed tag in from time to time. This can go q few ways, main one i see is him agreeing but when its time to put his money where his mouth is he becomes a bear. This is the key to a healthy relationship that he is taking for granted right now but one day he is going to regret thinking you will just be there. By that i mean youre going to leave him.
Well when he’s NOT playing and not when he comes home for work maybe talking to him
Say what you just said and offer suggestions like 90 mind of computer time with headphones 3x a week for him and same for you? Where there are no interruptions. Then family time
Yuck, I’d be asking if he’s even happy with his life if he feels the need to constantly avoid his home life with video games. My husband is a huge gamer, like LOVES his games. But he has rules. He doesn’t play video games when the kids are awake. So he is happy to get 2-3 hours on his nights off to play them when the kids and usually I am asleep. I think it’s a great compromise and we’re both happy.
I will say this again because I hear this same story on here from multiple people…apparently parenthood was a one sided decision…how old are you and how long have you been “married”…give yourself a night out.
This isn’t a hobby anymore. This is him prioritising himself over his family that’s why he’s cranky. There’s two choices here… talk to him and work out a better balance so everyone’s getting what they need or continue on this path until you’ve had a gut full and this implodes. He’s not going to take the initiative hun, you have to sit him down
So I am a gamer, husband, and father who follows this page just for the insight. I feel this is my time to speak up. Everyone needs hobbys. Something that you enjoy that can take your mind off of your awful day or worry you’ve been carrying around. If those hobbys are literally taking up all of your free time and you aren’t spending time with your family, why even have the family? It’s easier to be alone all by yourself. I enjoy video games and streaming them as one of my hobbys but we have set days and times I do it. If there is a special event happening for either one of us, of course we work around those. I usually play once through the week and once on Saturday. It honestly seems like this man couldn’t care if his family was there or not and that is probably something that can’t be fixed by you alone. He is dealing with something mentally. Try to talk to him. If he gets defensive or says there isn’t anything wrong with his actions I would simply move on. Life is too short to be miserable.
I’ve never experienced this but… I’d tell my husband, when he gets home, I have errands to run. And leave! Leave him with the kid and let him experience all the responsibilities. Even on the weekends that he’s home. Eventually have a conversation that video games vs real life stuff is a huge difference. It’s a real life conversation that needs to be had. And if not once, then twice or more. It take two to tango!
My husband used to be a gamer but he doesn’t game now because he only has time to work and then spend time with our family. It’s okay to have hobbies but not if it takes away from all family time
My husband is a gamer, but we have a pretty good plan in place. He only plays at night once the kids are asleep. He helps me with any cleaning or whatever I need before he hops on. I don’t care how long he stays on once kids and things are done. I’ll read my book while he plays, or whatever I want to do. He does not do this every night, it’s a couple times a week at most. Sometimes he will hop on during the day when he’s off for the day, but he still tends to the children (we have 4, two being under 2) if he sees I need help or just because he catches something before I do. I made it very clear in the beginning how I felt about games (horrible ex husband that put games before family) and he was more than willing to come up with a compromise that made us both happy. If I start to feel like he’s spending too much time on the game or I don’t want him on it that night, he won’t get on it. Sometimes he gets upset about it (especially when he’s stuck on a level and wants to get past it) but in the end he doesn’t take it out on me. Try talking with him and find a solution. If there is none, tell him it’s the video games or you.
Like I explained before, he’s needs to decompress for sure, set a damn time limit of like 2 or 3 hours. If he doesnt agree to that then yall will continue to be neglected. Definitely don’t resort in breaking his equipment though that’s a no no.
I’m betting he was a gamer before you married and had a child. Did you think that would change?
He would turn that damn bullshit off and spend time with me and our child. No excuses. If he can’t then he could go. I don’t need a roommate.
Honestly don’t complain. Atleast he’s home 
He works all day. He deserves a wind down and to play some games. Sounds like u need to get an evening job. U get to have time out n he can watch the kid while playing games. But ur expecting him to not have a break or do the he likes is selfish as hell. Grow up
So something that helped us when we had our first kid was to take turns. So he would get a night to do what he wanted, the next night it was my turn, then the 3rd night was time together. We did that for a while until we felt comfortable switching or doing a date night every weekend or whatever. Now we have 3 kids and he doesn’t get home until 7 bc of his now job. So he eats dinner and does stuff with the kids until bedtime and then he either games or we hang out…kind of just feeling it out bc sometimes I’m tired or just want alone time haha. He for sure needs to be a dad and a husband and an active participant in the household, while also getting some time for himself. You’re not wrong for wanting that time.
Bounce before he does trust me
Yuck. I hate gamer dudes. seriously.
I get needing an hour of relax time after walking through the door but after that he should be a husband and a father. Right now he’s just a roommate that pays more bills. 
Well you were right, toys of selfish boys!!! You got to tell him time to man up. He works that’s wonderful but you don’t get a cookie for having a job! Sure give him an hour after work to unwind. That hour of “him time” can be 8pm after dinner, dishes, kid asleep, and daily family time has been had!!!
He doesn’t want to spend time with you
All men need time to themselves after work
Look at it this way
He is at home instead of being down the pub with his mates after work
Every night
I don’t know how/why some of y’all are even married. Ignore him? Let him do whatever he wants? Y’all just content to be pregnant barefoot in the kitchen huh?
Welcome to marriage my dear just ignore him he will get the message
My husband helps only on his days off which is how it should be and no good wife should expect her husband to help after work only on days off
I personally would never be with a grown ass man who plays video games. He’s a child. Especially if he gets cranky when you don’t want him playing a game…
My advice is, play him like a game. …
Most men hate regular family time. More than once or twice a week is enough for them. Anything more than that and you become the problem anyways.
I’m a gamer and so is my bf. Ask if inbetween games if he can check to see if you need help and what needs to be done. If he streams ask if he does it on certain days only or during certain times. Also see if he’ll play during certain times. I was in the same boat as you at first with my bf but over time I became interested and now we have a regimen down pact that works for us.
If he’s home anyway, go out with some girlfriends, movie, dinner. You should have a life of your own. Go out have some fun.
He would be coming home to an empty house for a while. Me & my son would be in the wind, attending play dates, visiting family & friends, doing a fun activity & make it home just in time for bath & bed. If he expresses some opposition I’d say Oh I didn’t think you’d notice we were gone. This may not work long-term of course but maybe it’ll make him think…and make you think too.
You have yourself a man child yes he works but as a parent it’s a full time on call no sick days or vacations they require attention alot of work but sometimes us moms need to shower or just need a breath it doesn’t hurt him to get off his game to help you. You said he works mon-Fri? Does he game all weekend? I’m sorry I have an ex that is a gamer as well and I have no patience for that you can either help me or go if your not helping and we are working together to reach a goal then I don’t need you if I’m doing by myself anyway
What’s the point of him wanting kids if he doesn’t want anything to do with them?
Men who haven’t grown up.
Your last sentence states when wives need help. When we get rid of that mentality change will come. The household chores etc. does belong to the person who does not work outside the home. If both persons work it is divided equally. Being a father is not just something he does when his wife needs help. How can he help you to be a father you are the mother. The care of your child is shared between the 2 parents. Stop asking for help this insinuates that it is your obligation. Tell him you are that child’s father when you are present childcare is 50/50. When both parents work everything is 50/50.
Unfortunately you have 2 kids! Selfish dude!