Anyone else feel like their marriage suffers due to a blended family? My husband doesn’t see it but see him favor his two older children (8 and 10) due to their mom not being in the picture and parents them “easier” We have one child together and currently pregnant with number two. Just feel like our marriage overall is controlled by them and wondering if anyone else in a blended family has advice or guidance on this topic.
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I’ve been dealing with this for almost 7 years, unless you try family counseling it just becomes a way of life unfortunately, and the kids that get treated unfairly will be upset and rebellious…
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Your marriage is controlled by ‘them’?? Is it possible you both have issues and not just him? I think you’d both benefit from counselling x
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Counseling. Sorry this is something that should’ve been discussed before having children together. He needs to treat them all equal. All the things that you except will be the things that you regret. Goodluck
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Hardest battle ever. Yes i deal with it.
One of the reasons I’d probably stay single and not remarry. I don’t want to deal with other people kids or the have any indifference. And most importantly you can make your partner feel the same way as you about each others kids.
Counseling, if u approach your husband, he’s gonna be defensive. My sister over compensate, enabling even encouraging his misbehaviour, because the dad bailed out. To the point it’s abusive to everyone in the family, no approach or talking can be done without flipping shit.
Going through this now except my stepson is the one on the outside. My husband feels guilty because he barely sees him he only sees them on the weekends and it’s hard so maybe the favoritism is because of the chronic and guilt of not being there for them
All children in the same house should be treated as equally as possible. I understand that certain situations will cause you to react differently but not due to an absent parent because you are there for them so their is 2 parents.
if it gets worse prepare yourself to become a single mom:relaxed:
Ex husband’s children made life very hard even though they were 9mos, and under 3 when we got together. Bio mom wasn’t in the picture for the first 10 years. Married 15 years. The kids don’t speak to me. Even though their dad cheated and married the Bi&$&!
He was VERY hard on my daughter. Never treated her age appropriate; even though she was 4 years older than his daughter.
My husband is an has always been jealous of my son… He favors his grandchildren over my son HES known 18 years
Show the kids love and u won’t feel that way
Maybe you show his kids less attention than your child with him. Secondly, older children need more attention than a younger child does as in monitoring not taking care of them. Don’t be hard on him for wanting to be involved. If at the time your young children get to the age of these kids and he doesn’t give them the same attention, then you might have a case. Meantime, bring this family together and stop finding fault where there is none. Love them all and enjoy them.
Communication is the biggest thing u should worry about, talk to him about what u see
Of course he favors his kids just like you would favor yours. In REALITY this is how blended families work and the innocent kids pay for it. Think about it… you knew what you were getting into before you married and had kids together. They had ALL of their Dads attention before you came in the picture and had no choice about you becoming their stepmother. Selfish adults who think the KIDS should be doing the adjustments after being through the trauma of losing their other parent.
You need to sit him down and talk to him. Maybe he doesnt realize it. I had 4, my so had 4 and we have 1 together. My 4s bio isnt in the pic and his 4s bio isnt allowed contact. He treated them differently till i pointed out what he was doing and he has gotten better over time about treating them fairly.
I don’t have advice however I feel like my husband favors his own child over mine. We both have kids from prior relationships and were married so when we have both boys I feel like.he goes hardcore on mine and not.his. and I make.it.known. he eventually yells at his own especially if they’re acting up but always uses the excuse that his kid is 3 and mine is 5. I say age doesnt matter if they both do something wrong they both should.be punished
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He favors his children ? The ones who don’t have their mother in their lives?? 
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You are not alone! My husband has physical custody of his 7 year old daughter and I’m also pregnant with our second. It feels like my step daughter runs our household and has him under her thumb and it’s hard to even get my husband’s attention away from her for a second. I’m here to talk if you need
You need to CALMLY sit and talk to him. Pick words wisely.
Sounds like u need to step up and be a step mom… 
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Sit down and have an adult conversation bout it… I’m in a blended family. My husband has 3 kids 2 r together 3rd on way and my daughter. 7 kids. I felt like he treated his 2 kids who we get once a month and for summer better then my daughter and I told him once how it made me truly feel he didn’t see it til I pointed it out clearly. He fixed it right then and there. Haven’t had any problems since. Pic of all my kiddos.
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Communication is key - what’s important to get across is he’s doing more harm then good. I get their mom isn’t around but that’s not his doing and that is the reality of their life. They don’t get catered to it because that’s damaging and it’ll be one hell of a struggle to get that balance of power back in order if it keeps going in that direction. If they’re having a hard time with it, get them involved in therapy or something to help them cope. But their life and rules and everyday should not be altered. Again, it seems to be a very common family dynamic nowadays so you should be able to find plenty of resources so sit down and explain that.
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Do you not treat his kids like your own so he has to make up for it?.
Do you favor your kids over his?
What examples do you have of him favoring them because they have no mom?
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Start discussing the situation he might feel the same way about you and your bio children a blended family only works if you really care about the fact that’s a family and not that blended
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i see where your frustration comes from, but it would be even more messed up for him to be more attached to your babies more than the ones he had first.
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Family counseling to set up a fair system & help both of you be better and fair parents.
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I honestly think it’s a form of guilt and they don’t realize they are doing it. Point it out but in a respectful way. I get it.
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I’m going to be direct- if you’re married and the older children’s mother isn’t in the picture then those are YOUR kids too. They aren’t “his kids”. You committed to being their mother when you married him. It sounds a lot like he’s giving YOUR older kids attention because you’ve outcast them as not yours. They need a parent and you’re making it sound like you don’t want to fill that roll (seeing as you label them as his kids and never once defined them as yours).
That being said, sometimes dad’s have an easier time connecting to older children. Older children often do run households- school, sports, extra curriculars, etc demand not only time commitment but also focus.
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Sounds like there’s a bunch of jealous step moms in here. Lol of course he’s going to treat his biological kids better than he treats your children from a previous relationship (does not include your children you and him have together? ) Its only natural. And guaranteed you are the same way with your kids vs his. … funny that you’re upset about this but bet you would be singing a different tune if yall seperate and he gets in a relationship with a woman who has kids already and you learn that he ISN’T treating YOUR the child(ren) that you had with him any different than his new gf kids lol. You would be saying that his kids should come before hers etc etc. It’s easy to complain about things when it fits into what you want to believe is happening.
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That’s part of the reason I left. BUT my and his were grown when I did.
Its never easy in a blended family, he might be doing this because no mother and he might not even notice he is doing this.
I wouldn’t be angry with him I would calmly talk to him could be he doesn’t even realize he is doing this.
It takes patience and time when 2 families come together.
I was a step mom and one got close to me the other one not so much.
Supposed to be like his own all of them…sad situation
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These are things you should have talked about before having more kids. His two dont have their mom, that’s got to be hard on them. And “parents then easier” they’re 8 and 10 they’re going to be parented differently than a toddler. I think you need to accept your role as step mom and stop comparing the time and be happy all the kids are there and getting attention.
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Imagine how he feels for them not having their mom. Regardless of circumstance. Youre now their step mother. How is your relationship to the kids? Are you there for them? Since youre the motherly figure…?
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My ex’s kids (mainly his daughter) ruined and ended our relationship. It was like being in a physically and mentally abusive relationship when they’d be there. With her around I couldn’t speak to him because she’d sing, talk, scream over me, I couldn’t touch him (no hugs, kisses or even a tap on the shoulder) because she’d scream, hit, kick, spit on me or bite me. She harmed my pets to get revenge on me. Threatened to burn my house down (matches and lighters found in her pillowcase and bedroom to do it) and threaten to stab me (steak knives also found in her bed and room) she’d steal my belongings and break them, throw them away outside of the house. I wasn’t allowed to eat at the table because she’d kick me the whole time or throw up on my dinner plate. Anything and everything she could do to be abusive towards me she did. It got so bad that I’d throw up and shake waking up Friday morning because they’d come that night. Eventually I forced an ultimatum, deal with her behavior, control your 6 year old or get out of my house. He left the next day. Now she’s doing the same to his 22 year old wife (he’s 44) so the problem wasn’t me like he always said it was.
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I married a widower and I had 4 .only 2 were still at home and one of his. They were our kids. I don’t know how but he was the house husband ( being disabled). I worked and things just worked out. There was never YOUR KIDS …they were our kids and really all got along. Just take one day at a time and try not to fight over the little things that really don’t matter
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Talk about red flags…
Did you miss the part where when you said I Do those became YOUR KIDS as well? Why are you NOT being a mom to them if theirs is not around???
& another news flash ~ most kids run the house… Its their home. Where they get to cry, scream, act up, & get all their stress out & still be loved when its over…
My kids “owned” my house growing up. They made messes, had meltdowns, had too many friends over, ate all the groceries, fought each other & the rules, loved, laughed & played all over my house until they left for college…
Now my house is being “owned” by a 10 month old grandson when my daughter moved back due to a deadbeat baby daddy… & Honestly I would not have it any other way…
Quit causing a divide on your family & become a MOTHER OF 4, NOT 2 with 2 step kids.
#StepKidsWereThereFirst
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No one should ever play favorites. They all should be treated equally. My kid’s dad played favorites and I did not. It hasn’t worked out for him very well since they see I don’t do that.
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If you don’t have experience with the older kids you might be struggling to see and know how to parent older kids so it might just Seem these ways to you. You’re the mom of the house and all those kids and your man Need you mama
You’ve got this
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Oh no favoring or there going to be spoiled and other kids will see it
You and him need to talk about taking everything out of there room but there cloths and bed. Making them earn everything back.
Another jealous person married to a man with kids. They dont have a mother so why is he going to treat them any different? You should be stepping up an showing them what its like to have a mum…m uno like ur Child has?? God sake.
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Most guys have trouble relating to younger kids. You may see it as favorites but it might simply be he has more in common with the older ones as he is just a big kid himself.
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These two are step siblings but this is after fighting all day. His mom is in Oklahoma and her dad isn’t around. We don’t have your kid and my kid. These are our kids. They get in trouble together they are typical kids. He is almost a teenager and I get doors slammed in my face and doors locked. My kids do the same thing. Why bc I am the safe place. I am the person they know will tell them when the fighting is out of hand. I am also the one that sits and talks and play games. So as everyone else has said why is it his kids your kids and when is it going to be our kids. Please if that’s your attitude don’t be a stepmom. Those are your kids too.
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You sound Jealous. I’m sure your marriage does suffers from your feelings.
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In my family it’s me, my hubby, my son from a previous relationship, his 2 daughters from a previous relationship and our daughter that we have together. We make a point to treat every child equally. We have a painting hanging in our front entrance that says “not step, not half, just family” and we live by it! Blended families simply will not work if there are favorites. Our kids are our kids, period!
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i like how eveyone is bashing her. have any of you actually experienced this? or do you believe that the bio parent and their kids are perfect angels in every situation. ive been in a situation like that and its hard. especially when the bio parent refuses to see the problems that it is causing. you may feel sympathy fprbthe children losing thier mother, but you cant make that an excuse. thier are multiple children in the household, dad has to be held to the same standard as the step mom. for all the kids sake!
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I think your husband is easier on the older children because their mother isn’t around and that’s really hard on them especially when other kids have their mom in the home. HOWEVER, your husband isn’t doing them any favors. When they act out in the real world people won’t give a damn why they are acting out. Maybe you should suggest counseling to your husband. The kids can get individual counseling and then maybe you guys can have family counseling
Hi sweetheart it is tough doing the blended family thing. We are one of 7. We have actually gone to couples counseling together to try and get on the same page and it has helped alot. I would throughly recommend it, we the adults are getting along so much better and not being manipulated by our children as much anymore. Please go. You wont believe the difference u will feel.
I’ve seen it happen. If you dont speak up now and clearly and have some deep conversations it wont get better!
If he does not realize he is doing or doesn’t see it, give examples. I had the same issue but it was a little different. Mine treated the daughter we have together differently then he treated his son from another relationship. He was easier on the daughter we have together. She could throw a full blown out tantrum in a store and he would buy her a toy, but the son could leave a toy in the floor and he was wanting to ground him and take away privileges. He didnt see it until I started pointing out examples where he was treating one differently than the other and he is making an effort to treat both the same.
Lord have mercy. It doesn’t matter if their biomom isn’t in the picture, favoring a child(ren) over others, is wrong, blood or not. Dad needs to step up. Mom, point it out, ask him why. Then go from there. All the kids are his, so, there’s no point in trying to make up for the fact the biomom isn’t around. He can’t change that by spoiling them or giving in to them or by spending the majority of his time with them. ALL his kids live in the home, he’s got plenty of time to share with them all. Maybe you can step in and be an example. If the kids boohoo about age appropriate discipline, age appropriate rules, etc., he needs to back you up and vice versa. If he gets mad and won’t be a team player, counseling may be in order… If y’all aint on the same page, it will get worse. Just be there for all the kids, be the better example. Good luck.
Maybe he does this because you lack being the mother they need. Instead of even speaking about their mother at all… why don’t you ask yourself whether you are caring and providing for them as if they are your own children?
When you marry someone with children, you take partnership in caring for their children as your own as well.
Just even questioning the favoritism doesnt sit well with me at all. You sound more jealous than concerned more than anything. Are you worried that your own children wouldn’t get enough attention from their dad?
I mean… are his children getting love and support from you? What have you been doing as their mother? Why are you even comparing? 
Reminds me of stories like Cinderella and snow white… where the stepmothers are just selfish and evil…
Thank God I wasn’t raised this way.
Maybe you’re not in it for the idea of blended family so why did you sign up?