I have been struggling lately with my current relationship. My husband and I have been married for almost four years now and have a one-year-old daughter. These issues have been going on since I became pregnant. My husband is a truck driver (so he is away a lot), and when he is home can be very busy. But lately, it seems that he is not present when he is home. Playing videogames, choosing to be out in the shop all day, and basically ignoring our daughter and me. He just doesn’t seem to want to spend time with us. When I bring up these issues, he will throw a fit about how he should just sell all his videogames. I’m not sure how to get through to him anymore. Am I right for thinking he should make more time for us? I need suggestions
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My BD does the same thing. It’s not wrong of you to want him to spend QUALITY time with the family.
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If you listed other things and he only heard the complaint about video games. Approach it different. You said he’s a truck driver gone alot. I’m sure when he’s home he wants some down time. Maybe plan some time while he’s off for family allowing him alone time to still relax before hitting the road again.
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Tell his harded headed self that family first then fun. Video games can come later. Explain to him that is daugter is growing up without him and he is missing it!
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I get it from both sides, he may just be tired of want some personal time to himself but also family time is important just bring it up to him! Communication can go along way!
hope ever gets better:heart:
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I would have planned trips to do for when he is home. I would be gone somewhere when he asked me why I was never home when he is there I’d say will I guess I do not need my car or licence s if I can’t use them. Then I would ask him if any of that sounded familiar. Then calmly say I did not think you wanted family time all you needed I thought was your video games. Better to show them then try to tell them it may take a couple months but he will get it. Good luck and God bless.
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My husband drives truck and does this exact thing. I said during the week sure (he is home every other day) but on his weekends he has to do family time.
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He has another woman. Sorry but that’s what believe. When they loose interest it is a sign.
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My husband and I were/are going through something similar and a friend suggested we read The 5 Love Languages we have read it together and put in the efforts talked about and our relationship is making a 180 degree turn its a slow process but definitely opened our eyes and changed our perspective I was skeptical at first but it really has helped
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I threw out my husband’s computer. It’s an addiction.
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My hubby is a driver as well. We worked on a plan so he had down time where I understood. He gave me time away from Kidd as well even if it was limited as I needed that too. Come up with a plan but his job is hard and needs away time from it all as well. I always wanted to go out & be together and he wanted to be at home. We each gave a little and it worked. But communication is key.
Sadly he has a gaming addiction yes its real trust me i did research on it my husband has it and its taking a huge toll on our marriage n he has honestly slowed down tremendously prayers to you and your family
Maybe make the suggestion that you play some games with him (not sure if he is a PC gamer / console) and then he can do something with you that interests you. That way you both compromise and he might be more open to these conversations.
I don’t think anyone is “right” here. You obviously both have some emotions that are not being communicated and feelings aren’t wrong. Find a way to share with him calmly, allow him to share with you and if that doesn’t work go to therapy. Find a way you and him can do something together, that’s not parenting.
Doesn’t always means he cheating,he could stressed from work or something else is going on,talk to him and see what’s going on.
If you don’t have proof of him cheating don’t accuse him of it
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Create opportunities to bond…without force…and, resepect his need to have some time to himself, just as you probably need at times… “Long distance” relationships, or relationships where one person works away (military, police, truckers, etc) can become complicated over time because the people involved have to have a “lightswitch” of sorts… On when together, off when apart… They have to be able to function normally in both scenarios…which can be hard for everyone. If your vows were true, work on it…be patient, pray on it…
We own a trucking company. My husband is gone 3-weeks at a time. Girl he’s got another. Check out what spot he goes to regularly. Don’t fall the he’s depressed bullshit. Just saying.
My husband went through something like this. Found it UT was his job. He was very depressed. He would come home and it talk to anyone then go down the basement all night. Maybe he need to talk to someone to see. It isn’t easy but it helps. He is like a different person now.
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Maybe someone can watch the baby so you can have a real adult date night. You can even stay in. Play his video game with him, order some food. Better yet find some time to practice a two player race or fighting game and kick his butt at it when he plays! And maybe it’s not him, maybe it’s you. Practice some self care for yourself and see if you feel better.
When he says he should just sell his games id say im not saying that all im saying is you should spend some time with your family and if ur not able to do that then maybe things need to be changed
Yea somethings wrong he up to somthing like got somebody on the side. He works out of town. Give me a break about hes depress wake up people
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Four years? That is not a long time to start having these issues so you can confront him about Whether he’s talking to someone else and giving them his time or if he’s just losing interest in what he has at home for whatever reason because if he’s gone most the time and comes home and still tries to spend that time away from you there’s definitely something wrong but he’s not telling you
I’m going throught he same exact thing hun I have four kids with my husband of 10 years and not he wants a divorce but is saying I can’t take the kids who are in school and he is bacically on the road all the time I have bipolor depression and I finally found meds to help cuz I was to the point I didn’t want to get out of bed and clean and cook but now that I have been he wants a divorce and doesn’t care about my mental health
Why can you go join him in the shop Take the baby out if you want some time with him. Have you asked him what is going on. Tell him what’s on your mind. Give him time to think about it. Though. Good luck I know relationships aren’t that easy.
Maybe…you could learn the video game and play with him maybe that is how he destresses…have you tried planning a vacation or taking up an activity you can do together?? Camping?? (Playing devils advocate here…) but sounds like you are a stay at home wife… why does he have to give up things he enjoys?? Maybe find a happy medium…
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Agree with him yes get rid of the games. My husband did like 19 years ago. He agrees nothing should distract you from your family time. Not every day is promised so make family time first. Have another talk with him if he still dont care then stop letting him hurt you. Love yourself and your child enough to not be ignored by a grown ass man who plays video games tf! Theres good men out there who would love to be cared for and loved by a real family, the universe will send you one once you let go of something with no growth.
Id feel the same. I get he wants some time to chill and deserves it just as you do but I’d want some attention too. Im not fully aware of your situation but I personally would be wondering how many truck stop hoes hes hitting up. He can’t be gone all the time and not want anything to do with you for no reason. Hes getting something somewhere.
Ask him to spend more quality time together (after he decompresses awhile). Otherwise, do like I did and do fun things with your daughter away from him and your home (he’ll wonder what you’re doing & miss you). Men tend to take their wives and kids for granted, unfortunately.
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tell him you just want to spend some time as a family
Let him sell his video games. A grown man with a family shouldn’t be playing video games!
Sometimes truckdriving isnt for families
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Lol this is every married couples struggles. Wait till you have more years together then you learn that you are better when they are off to work lol. Idk js. I have been with my husband for 15 yrs and he is a really busy man but i also understand when he wants his time so i just let him alone while I’m in my phone or watching my series. I understand i wouldn’t want to come home and listen to my partner complain every time i get home and get there for family time when I’mclearly exhausted, I’ll be honest who would want to come home to a person who don’t understand and complain about not having family time as soon as one open the door.
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Being a truck drivers wife I can understand how you feel. It is a lonely life for a truck driver and they get really use to their own company. Try to take more interest in what he is doing and do it with him. When he’s out in the shop walk out and see if he needs anything or if you can help. When he’s on his games ask if you can play. It can be a lonely life for a truck drivers wife but it doesn’t always have to be.
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Maybe couples therapy. He could just be overwhelmed and trying to decompress but it’s not working. Who knows though. You may also not be able to help per say, not saying your doing anything wrong just you may not know what ways could fix it. Therapist could help you both, no shame in it.
He should want to spend time with his family. He needs time for himself, comprise. If he isn’t willing to do that, you know what you need to do
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Being a truck driver requires a person to spend alot of time alone and they have to learn how to be okay with their own company. Making the adjustment and transition to actually having someone to spend time with when getting home must be difficult . I’d try allowing a day or two when he gets home to decompress and then planning a day for family time or maybe even a date night day 3 .
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Might want to try Marriage counseling. Most insurances will actually cover it or help cover it too. Definitely give it a try, you never know what the both of you are burying down deep.
Yes you are absolutely right regarding your husbands behavior towards you and your daughter. You have to set your foot down and if he doesnt come around then give him an ultimatum.Tell him exactly how you feel.
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Yes he should make more time for you guys. Mine goes through times like that, but he makes sure to help with the baby and he turns his games off and we have a family night
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My bf is a truck driver also and I feel the same way. He’s always on his phone or rather spend time with himself. We have 2 kids and are expecting a third I’m worried this is only going to bring more distance. He’s always saying this isn’t the job he wants but I’m not sure if that’s the only problem anymore.
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Been there before in your shoes and it’s definitely not good to go through. You deserve his attention and so does your daughter. Spending time with you 2 are more important then video games and if he continues to think otherwise I’d give him a talk and if he won’t fix it then I’d leave.
If he throws a fit like a child and says maybe he should sell his video games. I’d tell him to sell the damn things. You have 2 choices: stay and let things continue to stay the same or make the change. If he values gaming over family, why stay? You’d be happier alone than feeling alone in a relationship. Your daughter needs better than that.
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Anger is usually men’s cover for other emotions, usually fear. What’s bugging him? What’s he running from?
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My husband and I went thro the same thing. I told him when he gets home I want him off his phone and game for 1 full hour to spend time with us. After that hour is up do whatever you want to. But just be aware we are here and we are your family. And we miss you when your in the same house. It worked.
Easy take away the console
Stay calm. My husband goes through this sometimes. I finally got the courage to just ask him and talk to him like a friend would instead of nagging at him with anger as his wife. He opened up to me, now he more present at home. Yeah sure he has his days still, but I understand them more now also and he feels more comfortable at home also. You just have to talk with him. If you think it’s someone else he has just be calm and ask him. It’s the only way you will get the truth is to just be calm and try to understand without focusing so much on what your so upset about. Maybe say something like I know you like your video games and I really dnt mind it and I would complain less if you spent just a little time at least with us before you go play. Find a steady ground so everyone can be happy, and not just one sided. If he thinks it’s going to turn into and argument he not going to open up to you.
Sit down and have this conversation with your husband find a way to compromise and move forward otherwise ask for a divorce and move forward alone.
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You need to get him to sit down and talk with you about this. It’s obvious something is going on and until he opens up to you - you’ll never know.