Need to vent
I am a momma of a 2 year old and currently in my third trimester of pregnancy. I stay at home with our girl while my husband works. Lately I feel like my husband has been doing everything to get out of being a father. And I feel like I need help now, more than ever. For instance; he is currently redoing our upstairs. The 3 of us are staying in our room that’s in the main floor. So my daughter and I leave every weekend so he can get some work done. We set a time we come home. Usually around 6 on Sunday. We come home. The house is destroyed with byproduct of the renovation. I get stuck cleaning that up that night and all the next day. He’s always drinking while he’s doing it and keeps it from me unless I ask, which I don’t care if he drinks, just don’t be weird and secretive.
We bought a chair not too long ago. It had to be picked up by Tuesday from the warehouse. They don’t keep furniture from the showroom we purchased from (weird I know) he was supposed to leave work around 330 to drive about 40 minutes away from his job site to go get it. (He’s the boss he can leave when he wants) the warehouse is over an hour from our home. He leaves work an hour and a half later and is now going to take 2 hours to get home with the insane traffic. So our daughter will be getting ready for bed, if not asleep already. I will have gone another day with out 15 seconds to use the bathroom alone. I feel like he’s doing things like this on purpose because I’ve needed more help lately. Like lifting heavier things and reaching things down for me. Am i over reacting or being hormonal or what? I’m just tired and wanted an extra set of eyes on my kid while she scales the wall.
He’s not a cheater. He would never so I won’t even consider that.
My bf and i have been together for a long time. We own our home and have 3 kids (10, 4 and 1)… yet, every single pregnancy he got weird like this. Then as soon as the baby was born, it was back to normal. For him, i think he was scared/worried as a new life was coming and didn’t know how to handle that fear/worry. While it sucks, I would try not to overthink but I would also talk to him. Bring it up in a calm way and just say how you feel. You said you’re doing renovations, so maybe hes just stressed that everything wont be ready for the baby?
My husband picked up a lot of overtime when I was pregnant, he drank more than before and now after baby has been born, he acted funny about certain things but now that babies born, he’s not weird like that.
My husband sounds just like this. Turns out he was a closeted, depressed alcoholic. Had to quit my nightshift job to ensure my daughters safety, I was afraid he’d pass out and leave her somewhere unsafe or drive drunk with her. Hes since recovered, but I’ve lost my career.
There lot going on with him and you right now thing well work out good just give some part time and god well bless you and him. And your family great new time soon.
Talk to him about it 
Sorry you’re going through this! Honestly I feel like it’s a mix of you being a little hormonal (which does not discount your feelings) and a few other things. While I was reading your post I couldn’t help but notice it seems like your husband does an awful lot. He works as a boss for construction (during the week, I’m assuming) which has to be a hectic job which allows you the opportunity to be able to stay home with your child, then he comes home and on the weekends he is renovating your home (which I know from experience is a LOT of work), I’m assuming he probably also has a smaller honey-do list (I know my husband does) and I noticed that you said “he doesn’t tell me he has a beer unless I ask him”, I mean I probably wouldn’t even think to tell my husband about the glasses of wine that I have after a hard day. Doesn’t mean I’m an alcoholic, it just doesn’t cross my mind. I probably wouldn’t feel like cleaning up my mess too much either after working all week at work and then coming home to work while my family isn’t gone. And perhaps maybe the driving time was a welcomed break for him. I know I’ve been guilty of occasionally taking the long way home just to have time to myself. I totally get where you’re coming from though- maybe he doesn’t understand just how exhausted you are and you don’t understand how exhausted he is. It personally sounds to me he is just really busy trying to be the provider of your household (which again, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t share in the responsibility in raising your child) just saying from a personal stand point there are a lot of wives out there who wish that their husbands would take that kind of initiative to provide. Sounds like you both could use a weekend away just the two of you to discuss your feelings.
I’m sorry but your husband is working full time and redoing the upstairs also???
So he is making the money and plus making your home better for your family and you still want more from him?
I think you are overreacting very much so.
I don’t think you’re over reacting at all. You shouldn’t be cleaning up after construction. If he can’t keep it upstairs then he should be cleaning the residual mess, working full time or not. You work full time too except your job never stops. People don’t seem to get that that a moms job is 24/7 and a dads literally isn’t. I’m somewhat in the same boat as mine works 7am-5pm and then chooses to work for other people even though there’s several rooms in our house that he’s half finished. Also I’m surprised it’s not effecting the child bc my almost 2 year old cries when he sees his dad bc he sometimes doesn’t see him for weeks at a time. Don’t let people dismiss you for wanting more.
I remember being pregnant so I say this knowing I went a little nuts for a while too… you’re being unreasonable. That whole bathroom thing is called motherhood. I know it is frustrating cleaning constantly but do you expect him to work a full time job, fix up your house and clean the whole thing as well? I feel for you. I know how overwhelming everything can be but you are wrong in this situation.
Sounds like he’s just really busy trying to provide for his wife and kids. It might be getting on top of him. I definitely think you’re over reacting.
My hubby works two jobs. I work one. All full time. So hes gone when I get up… he picks up kids and meets me at home at 5…then off to the his second job… we have a 2 year old and a 8month old…so it’s just me and them till the weekends… it’s hard but it happens… and it’s hard with a 2yr old and a baby… you think your tired now…girlllllll… lol. Good luck
But should she be picking the mess up if she preggers… she could go into labor or what if hurts herself or her their kid cuz hubs left mess…
Like others are saying, my fiance was the same. He drank more, went out… which was weird because he never goes out… Kind of ignored me. But like the others… Soon as our son came he was back to normal.
And if he works all week, and is renovating the house… which I’m guessing he’s trying to have completed before the baby comes… he’s probably under a lot of stress.
Omg, she’s not hauling bricks or stacks of lumber! She’s had all weekend away, he’s been working on their house. Pick up a broom and help.
Did he want a baby? Please don’t be offended by the question. But some men don’t communicate… they just try and deal with it…yet… Suck at dealing with it. I know some men that just don’t want another baby … like especially when the kids are still little.
Doesn’t matter if he’s working full time out of the home or not. You work full time inside the home. Parenting is a 24/7 job regardless of what other shit you have going on for BOTH parents. Not just the mom. And don’t let these broads saying you’re overreacting tell you otherwise because they’ve quite obviously been brainwashed by society’s misogynistic ideals.
I don’t know if he is doing these things on purpose. Seems pretty petty if he is, but…if he is, that’s complete bullshit. Regardless of what he has going on that is extra, he should be making time to help. Even if it’s just little things to help speed up the bedtime process or whatever. I work full time outside the home, and my husband is a stay at home dad. Yet when I get home, I don’t just make him keep doing everything alone while I do other things. That would make any person insane. And you definitely shouldn’t be having to clean up his renovation mess. He should be doing that at the very least. Jesus.
Honestly, and I say this as an 8 month pregnant SAHM of 2 kids (2&4), it’s a mixture of frustration, missing your husband and hormones. My husband works construction and is gone from 6am to 6p-10p. It’s rough, but he’s trying his hardest to support us and make sure I have money to buy what we need for baby #3. He’s exhausted honey and so are you. Just hold on to the fact that it will calm down when the reno is done.
He’s nesting, my husband did this kinda crap too his idea of helping is tearing something apart and redoing it. It’s frustrating I too would be the one cleaning up after him and I’d have to practically go crazy on him for him to get it done cause he’d start out gun ho and slowly stop working on whatever it was. 
I know it’s frustrating but this is probably his idea of helping and he might be nervous about a second baby, if he’s like my hubs he’s probably not the best at expressing feelings and the drinking is an outlet of sorts and if he’s being weird about it he’s probably feeling guilty for drinking in front of you cause you can’t and he might not be proud he’s doing it. Men are strange creatures:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
So as somebody who has actually experienced someone avoiding parental responsibility I do not believe that this is it he wouldnt be working on the house hed be going out, like the second he woke up and when youd ask him to do something it’d be like you ask him to pull his own teeth out. Hed be at work till 10-11 o’clock at night even though his job ends when the sun goes down. Hed make up any and every excuse to get away from the family and working would only be like half of the reason. I think he is just busy and didnt leave work on time probably because he just wanted to get the job done or to a certain point before leaving, but tell him about the cleaning like your pregnant and cant really clean it up so ask for his help.
Definitely definitely definitely talk to him about the drinking. Does he drink every day? Does he get drunk when he does? Do you see a problem? Hiding drinking is an alcoholic trait so I would really address that.
But if this is your only examples of him avoiding duties I dont think he actually is.