I feel like my husband may be cheating: Advice?

I’ve never actually written on here but have been in the group for a long time. I’m really fed up; I’m 46, and I’ve been married for 18 years with two adopted children (12&15 now). I feel my husband has no time for me, there’s no romance or intimacy anymore, and if I try to initiate, he just ignores me! My gut is telling me he’s cheating (he sis this to me 13 years ago). I also lost my sister to cancer just before Christmas, and I feel he hasn’t supported me with this at all. He’s very impatient and snaps at me if I do wrong, or he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep! It’s always about him and I’m Tired… I have been unhappy for a while but can’t afford to leave and rent a place plus I’d need to take my small dog as I can’t bear the thought of leaving her! I also can’t live like this though, it’s really getting me down! I’m not sure what I want from this post but I just needed to let it out!

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Heres a thought…talk to your husband! Communication is key! :green_heart:

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Guess it’s time to file for Divorce it’s new year and time to be happy… He will have to pay support so utilize funds to get your peace and stability… A women’s intuition is always right… Good luck and God bless

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You have to trust your gut instinct! You may feel like you can’t leave and make it on your own but you can!!!
You are strong and need to be happy :two_hearts:
I was with my ex for 32 years and got a text saying he needed a break then after ignoring my calls, he worked out of town, he texted and said he had been seeing someone else for 2 years! It broke me. It changed my heart and soul forever!
But 3 years later I’m ok and am learning to be on my own.

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I feel this in my soul right now…

Don’t give him so much power.sounds like u try but he doesn’t meet u even half way.start with a plan.one step at a time.u r not a tree,u can move.make any move,it will make u feel better.there r Resourses available to women.google & see,not sure ur state.but never settle.take care

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You do what’s best for you right now. I would get counseling first, while also working on getting yourself in a place to separate…if it comes to that.

You need to outright ask him if he’s cheating. You must tell him that you suspect he is. You must also take his actions as gospel. Many cheating men will say they aren’t, but they are. Being in an unhappy marriage is miserable. You have to have courage and know that you don’t have to stay in an unloving marriage. Even if he’s not cheating, he’s not giving you what you need in that marriage. Life is way too short to be unhappy.

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That (gut feeling) … listen !! Its never … ever wrong !!

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Time to get serious - put it on the line. If you don’t get what you need kick him out take all the money out of the bank acct and get a good lawyer

I hate to be the b word here but I’m curious why you called them “adoptive” and why you didn’t mention not wanting to leave them. If he isn’t sleeping well maybe he is under a lot of pressure. Youve lost a sister and I’m sure that’s a terrible thing but if you look at it from his side maybe he’s under tremendous stress with the world the way it is and being the man of the house and the responsible leader of the family and maybe you’re different for those reasons too and losing a sister. Sometimes we miss that we are the problem. Just trying to be helpful. Best of luck to you.

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Save some mad money up and go to a different bedroom if he’s not willing then don’t sleep next to him

Stoooooppppp, you know already. Read your post! Then remove your personal business from social media girl. Sending prayers

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Slow down and give yourself time to grieve before you make major life decisions. This is your choice I wouldn’t let strangers make it for you.

They are your kids you legally adopted them so they’re yours …my mother never referred to me as my adopted daughter…I was her daughter…always trust your gut …if people stopped and thought I can’t leave because of financial reasons they’d still be there now …you can leave take your kids (and the dog) and go …make a plan save money and do it ? If your so unhappy and he’s been like this a while stop wasting your time

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sorry for all the difficulties you seem to be going through right now. take a pause, grab a cuppa and settle down with a note pad - pen it all down, the good the bad and the ugly. then write down next to each statement the flip side of that - looking for the very best in each statement. whatever you are projecting to your husband - see where you have neglected and abandoned yourself - take back your power - you got this. Condolences for your loss - grieve the person you were a few minutes ago, and create the future you desire. have a listen to Caroline Myss when you have a chance. Hugs

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Communicate. And always listen to gut instinct.

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Consult an attorney. Then, and only then make a plan. Your financial security is at stake. I know. I tried to be “friends” with my now ex husband during our divorce. And financially got screwed. I’ll have to work at least part time for the rest of my life.
Good luck :four_leaf_clover::+1:

Communicate with him. Seek counseling. Get proof. But after 18 yrs its going to be different. Period. Love is a choice.

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Ask him outright and if he is cheating get him to leave the property why should you leave :woman_shrugging:

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He’ll never admit the truth if it is true because cheaters always lie…they make it look like your to blame…if it is true make a decision for yourself and children and do what’s right for your wellbeing…it’s almost impossible to live with a cheater and a liar…and a person who is self absorbed and lacks compassion for others…it’s the first thing we throw in their face when we argue…your young make your move now for your health and happiness…before the resentment and regrets you may have will take over you life…be free of the hurt…good luck…

After 23 yrs I left my husband 5 years ago. I was a a housewife and raised our 4 boys -2 by birth 2 by marriage for both of us that were raised together. My mother and my brother died 7 months apart in 2014. but my husband had an affair with a crack pipe for the last eight years of our marriage… and I had had enough when he couldn’t even be there for me when my mother and my brother were dying and died. I could not live like that any longer.
I was dying inside while I was alive and it went on for so long that he truly took for granted that I would never ever leave. I mightcarry on and nag, but he was just going to ignore me and he was going to do what he was going to do - he had reached the part of not caring and taking me staying for granted…
He has since admitted to me that he really, really thought I would never leave. I said… fooled ya!
I didn’t know where I was going to go or what I was going to do either. I hadn’t worked in 20 years. I was raising 4boys!! And it was not easy and we did break up. I found a way to get a job. I made it through the last five years and I even started my own business.
I was miserable I was like you I did not want to leave a marriage I had put my life into. I didn’t want to change my whole world, and there’s days that are not easy now, but if you know you can’t live that way, then you know.
All I can say is as far as how to make it on your own, you just going to have to pull your bootstraps up and find a way.
I got a job at Walmart .worked my ass off put money in my 401k for about 4 years and then started my own business out of my home-- so don’t make killer money but I pay my bills.
The misery isn’t going magically end. I remember how wished mine would, but… only I could end it.
I wish you strength and I hope you make the right choice for your own self, because that is all that matters. None of us ‘giving advice’, not your hubby, not your friends, not your family members, Not even your children. Trust me. They grow up and move on…so choose FOR YOU. please remember that you … yes YOU, matter !!! You are worthy and important enough to be who comes first in your decision. :wink::kissing_heart:

I know exactly what u mean. I have 5 kids and he’d rather be talking to his friends on xbox or his phone. He snaps and yells at me and the kids all day long. In fact we just got into a fight and every time we do he tells me he wants a divorce

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Apply for section 8 and HUD housing. Apply for government assistance. Get out. I know that’s easier said than done but there’s plenty of support out there. This sounds like emotional abuse. Call the National DV hotline and they will place you in temporary housing, help you file for divorce and help you get on your feet. He doesn’t have to hit you for it to be abuse.

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We’re here for you and I’m so sorry about your loss. You have to do what is best for you… it may be a long hard road but your happiness is worth it❤️

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I don’t know the right answer to give you…this a tough thing if you don’t have family or someone you might be able to stay with or a safe place to go. But I definitely will say a prayer for you that you figure out the best move. Alot of relationships and marriages are really going through it right now. The enemy hates to see people happy and in love and so the enemy uses sin to trap people in ways and destroy marriages. I don’t know if you believe in Jesus or anything but I will definitely pray you find the right answer and can feel the peace you need…my marriage has been through it too but we are still together fighting to make it work… doesn’t mean you have to do the same if you feel that it’s not going to work. But I would just encourage you to take it to God… and maybe just confront your husband about the cheating… let him know you will be ok either way you just want to know the truth and if he is or you find out that he is decide if you can forgive him or if it will be too painful…maybe it would be good to separate a while and he will miss you and maybe will fight harder to win you back and show you what you mean to him… sometimes guys don’t know they had a good thing til they let it go and realize what they lost… so yea I’d say just confront him and if you feel led to take it to the Lord to help you find the right answer :pray::purple_heart: God bless

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File a protection order for domestic abuse. have him removed from the home and file for temporary allowance from him… While he is out file for divorce and child support

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Sounds like a little something I went through and mine was cheating if your unhappy get out u will only get more unhappy If u stay and then u don’t deserve to be treated that way niether u and your kids go get in a better environment divorce is so hard but no one deserves to be mistreated or unhappy

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Why is there mention of taking your small dog if you were to leave but not your children? Is his relationship with them good? Is your relationship with them good? I find it VERY odd there was no mention of you either taking them or missing them if you don’t. I dunno there’s a lot of programs that will help you get on your feet so money shouldn’t be an issue because there are a ton of options to keep a roof over your head and get you where you want to be. It’s just up to you to make the choice to go.

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Your husband may be cheating. Or he may not be cheating. But, you having these feelings is a very strong indicator of where your marriage is. You don’t trust him. You don’t sound like you much like him. I think you may be looking for someone to say it’s ok to leave. There are ways around all the obstacles you mentioned, if you want out. You don’t need to stay married to someone you don’t trust. He doesn’t need to stay married to someone who doesn’t trust him. If you look at your marriage, and you think “I hope my kids don’t think this is what a good marriage looks like,” it’s time to let go. That’s what finally convinced me. Leaving was brutal, but it was best for us. Good luck to you.

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You’ve probably tried this, but have you tried sitting down and actually telling him how you are feeling? Or just talking maybe he is holding something in too or is feeling the same way… I know from experience that we feed off of energies from our partner and if you both seem unhappy a good old talk might help. If he is so unwilling to do that then I would let it be known that you are unhappy and looking into other arrangements.

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Speaking from my own experience here. Did you ever consider that he might be depressed or going through something mentally? My husband was acting similar. But then I found out he was depressed and suicidal. We had a long talk, I prayed, and he sees a therapist now. It’s not always cheating with men that make them act like that. Sometimes it’s internal stuff too.

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Tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. Men go through a mid life crisis between 40 and 50. I’m not sure how old he is but you need to know if he is willing to work on your marriage. If he is not then you have your answer. There are womens shelters that will help you with housing and find a job and get back on your feet. Don’t feel like there is no way out. Do you have family or friends you could stay with awhile till you get back on your feet. If not then consider the shelter if you decide you just can’t stay any longer but you need to explain things to your children. They need to share their feeling too. Good luck and I will say a prayer for the whole family.

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The best thing I did was go to a couple therapy sessions to work out what I already knew, it was going to be HARD but I needed to leave. It was a struggle with two kids and two dogs but I felt my children seeing a happy mom instead of an anxious crabby mom as well as improving my own mental health it was what needed to happen. Good luck!

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NEVER stay with a cheater
They didn’t respect you the first time and letting them get away with it won’t change them

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Honestly you need to speak to him. This sounds like depression. Is he gone a lot? Is he hiding his phone from you?

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Oh yea he’s cheating. Hope you figure something out and get out soon. Nobody deserves to live like that.

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I’m sorry to say if he has done this b4 once a cheater all ways a cheater my husband did that to me I couldn’t look at him just made sick

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reach out find a therapist to help you work through the loss of your sister and relationship issues might be that you just need to sound off kind of get everything off your mind then make your life decisions once you feel you have your balance back don’t rush into anything sending you love hope and best of luck :heart:

I hate to be the asshole here, but why did you feel the need to tell us that your children are adopted? Does that really make a difference?
2nd of all you’re worried about a dog?
Bottom line… I’m quite sure your husband is cheating and fuck you and your dog if that’s all you’re worried about
Moron

I’d wonder if he has erectile dysfunction. How old is he? That would make him hate life & lash out at you rather than embarrass himself. Ask him flat out & offer to make a doctor’s appointment for him. Usually some pills do the trick. It’s a common problem for men after 50, often sooner. If he says no, ask him to prove it! If he refuses to talk about it, call his GP to “remind” hubs he’s due in for a checkup and for doc to ask him.

If that’s not the problem, see if he’ll go to marriage counseling with you. If not, go alone.

If you are convinced he’s cheating and you want to leave, don’t tip your hand. Do some untraceable research (while you’re away from the house, on a friend’s computer, get a P.O. Box for mail). Contact a women’s center for good advice, educational materials/classes on separation and divorce (legal, financial and emotional considerations for you & children), get lawyer and other referrals, figure out a good safe house or two just in case.

Good luck.

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Im heart broken for you at the loss of your sister. I also know how you feel with the husband. Love yourself and just make steps to get where you can leave. Until then take care.

Christ dont take advice from 99% of these women. Sit down and talk to the man. He may need help.

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Maybe you should try to talk to him. See what’s going on, it could be any number of things. If it doesn’t get better by talking then take some time for yourself and see if you think you want to stay or go.

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I will not say leave because I am hearing one side of a story. The truth is in the middle. But don’t stay because it’s easier. If you are not clear on what you want then go talk to a therapist.

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Take a break. Don’t say anything and just leave for a week. Go visit/stay with family (if possible). If in that week you find peace then leave, but if you don’t consider counseling and it could open his eyes up to issues he may have taken for granted. But remember we are not as perfect as we think and maybe he feels the same and you don’t realize it.

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It could have something to do with a health issue and he may be unaware of it himself. Try to talk to him maybe suggest a medical check up, counseling. If he admits to a affair of refuses to see a doctor or counselor then start making plans.

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i have a feeling he is … i ws treated that way whenever i was cheated on .

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Both of you get couples counseling, and individually counseling for yourselves? 🤷 No one should stay in a relationship/marriage if you’re not happy. And don’t stay for the kids!! Kids sees and hears every thing!! They watch you, work ethnics, your relationships with others, etc. Good luck.

He may be having issues in the intimacy area.

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I am so sorry! I was lucky, married THE man, after divorcing the first, who happened to die in May. My heart aches, but my advice is communicating. Talk to each other, TOGETHER, face to face, CARING, not hostile and loaded! Remember you loved. :purple_heart: I hope this helped.

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Love how the first thing to go for is that he’s cheating. I was like this too until I opened up to my misses and explained that I’m feeling down and felt like I was battling to just get out of bed everyday. A simple conversation can solve many issues. Not every man is cheating when they’re distant.

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As a child of divorced parents, kids know when something isn’t right…even if you try your hardest to ‘act’ normal around them…we know. Divorce is hard for everyone, but you deserve to be happy, whether that is staying together or separating. A counselor may help you work through this and decide your next step. Or, if you truly think he’s cheating, a good private investigator for the divorce. Good luck!

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The best thing to do is sit down and have a good conversation with him. He could be cheating or it could be other things. Have you tried checking his phone? If he was cheating you may find something on there and if he’s cheated in the past he could likely cheat again. I normally don’t care for sneaking around and looking at your partners phone but I think in this situation you should. I would personally have major trust issues if my partner cheated and would be hard to continue a relationship knowing he cheated. My finance and I are open with our phones. I don’t care if he uses my phone and could care less if he looked around because I have nothing to hide and he is the same way. We don’t keep our phones locked either with secret codes just to enter the phone. I think talking to him is what you should do. Express your feelings. If you cant get anything out of him then check his phone.

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I think he is going through mid life crisis. A bit of a narcissist. Not something new, you are finally open to see behaviour you are no longer willing to tolerate.

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I would say, start trying to save up money. Regardless of whether or not he is, it’s obvious you’re ready to be out the door. You should make sure you’re able to take care for yourself.

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Definitely have a sit down and express what’s bothering you. If there are no changes then it’s time to move on. Time waits for no one. You’ve already spent most of your life with him time is so precious. Learn to love yourself and it will all fall into place! A woman knows when she is fed up!

Ok here’s the thing, there are kids, why do you have to be the one to leave, iniate the divorce and ask to keep the house to which he will need to pay child support. Half of what he has is yours. Don’t try to be the good guy and put yourself on the street without your dog. If he’s cheating kick his ass to the curb. He can go live with the new girlfriend. Im sorry to be blunt but I feel like that’s what you’re asking for here. A history of cheating and you stayed. There’s an old saying…
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me”
don’t let him get away with it.

We got your back, steady strong.

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Follow you gut fealing. Its a scary feeling…when you know its time to get out an Have know where to go. You need to reach out to the right people. You need to vent. To someone. You don.t need to be drug down by people that has know idea what you are going through an make you more depressed. Go for some help. Prayers for you.

If he never leaves his phone unattended he is totally cheating… if he freaks out when he cannot find his phone n panics. He’s cheating.

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Try talking 2 him and telling him how you feel! How he’s making you feel! He might not know how he’s making you feel he might think everythings ok. If your both unhappy tgen this way you can work on yt? Like having date nights ( putting the kids in their rooms and ordering take away (lockdown) while watching a film)!!!

I would have an I opened and honest conversation. Id tell him exactly how I feel. I might withhold the suspension of cheating because for me I would want absolute proof and that’s hard to get if you come at him with your suspensions and he is in fact cheating. I would tell him that you feel neglected and mistreated. Let him know that you are at your wits end and that something needs to change, suggest going to counseling or getting seen by a doctor and make it clear that you aren’t going to pit up with mistreatment

If you took the time to write this then that’s how you feel- trust your intuition… nobody else knows your situation but you… also Are you overreacting since you seemed to be going through a lot and your judgment could be off. Ask him? If they constantly keep picking fights though that’s def. red flag

My now ex husband of 23 years was working out of town. When would come home he was very distant and constantly on his phone texting. He got up one morning kissed me told me he loved me and left. He didn’t come back wouldn’t answer my calls or text. So I checked the phone bill there was a number he on there hundreds of times. So I called it. Of course it was the other woman! She didn’t answer but I got her name off the voice mail. Anyways he left me for her. Check the phone bill for suspicious activity. It hurts to find the truth but I’m a much happier person now.

The real question isn’t whether or not he’s cheating. It’s whether or not you’re willing to tolerate his treatment of you? If so: maybe look into some counseling? If not: overcome the obstacles and go. Then maybe the counseling anyway, surprising how much baggage someone else’s behavior can leave you with.

I wish I had the right words to say, No one knows how hard it is unless they have been in your Situation…If he dont want to talk about it or Solve the Problem then I would ask him to kindly leave and figure himself out…But Dont Punish yourself Honey, Stand up and demand a Explanation or Seperate…God Bless you…Hope things turn out right for you and your Doggie…

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Praying for you, you deserve happiness. Life is short and no one should feel miserable or unloved. Your happiness is what’s important. Tell him how you feel, give him a month to change and if he doesn’t change by the date you set then he obviously doesn’t care to change and it’s time to go. Message me if you need an outlet.

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Why you say adopted kids ? Why not just say 2 kids . You adopted them so they are yours. They don’t need a label

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talk it over, then from there you can decide on what to do or how to deal with it… maybe there’s no problem in the very first place… felt the same before but only ended up making wrong decisions… wish you’d feel better

As you process the emotional stuff look for low income housing. Programs like HUD or a friend roommate. Im a surviver and all I know is you have to make plans. Let people you trust in. That’s all I know. From their its all gut.

It could be stress from his job or if this started happening since 2020 it could also be having to deal with even more rude clients/customers due to COVID and all the regulations that go with it

It’s sounds like you’ve already made up your mind with what you want you just can’t afford to do it. I’d say get a job or save some money until you can get out or find someone that has a place you can crash for a bit to get on your feet.

It helps to vent. And sometimes it helps to leave no matter what.

Sorry you are going through this. Maybe he is just depressed ?

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If you think it’s a duck it’s a duck Leave him …It may hurt but if you don’t leave now and go thru it you will in a few years and it’s better to do it younger.

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Is it odd that she seems more about her dog than her kids?

Go to therapy! It helps to talk to a professional about these issues. Sending you good vibes :black_heart:

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If you own your home you don’t have to leave. You have been married a long time. If you take the children you get the home or some kind of child/spousal support, especially if you been a stay at home mom. Men rarely turn down intimacy. Go with your gut

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I’m sorry mama :heart: you are stronger then you know.

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Communication and get a job! If you can’t do face to face then write a letter.That ‘s what I can say.big hugs

Best bet is speaking to him

Trust your gut, if you feel like he is cheating chances are he is.

Actions. Sperms. Louder. Than. Words

If you feel like it , its happening in one form or another things aren’t the way they should be…you have to be happy don’t waste your time wondering if your right and don’t let him have the opportunity to gas you follow your gut and make the needed demands/ changes.

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Ask him… I’d flat out ask… Communication is key

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If he is having an affair, he is the one leaving! Not u!!

Be free, don’t look back.

Communication is key. Put ur foot down and tell him like it is. If he doesnt want to change tell him to hit the bricks!

If it looks like a duck, men rarely turn down intimacy?? What is wrong with people this is why divorce is so high have you attempted to fix these issues talking with each other if you can’t get the words out write it in a letter you can’t leave him on the grounds of cheating without proof but you’ve said you can’t stand him maybe he’s not interested in being intimate with you because he feels your cold and distance he feels that your pulling away from men always say about how tired they are etc to their partners they don’t talk about these things with their friends like women do maybe you haven’t listened to him enough either plus if you claim divorce on grounds of adultery and he proves he hasn’t cheated recently (yes there’s a time limit) he can take everything because it’s your paranoia and maybe the fact he did it once plays a part in that maybe you never truly forgave him but I think there’s more to this story than what we are seeing here

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Could it maybe be that his bits aren’t working properly anymore which can cause depression and withdrawl from loved ones. It would explain why he is acting mean and why he isn’t interested in sex. Maybe he can’t get fully hard anymore, maybe he can’t ejaculate… maybe he is just an ass :woman_shrugging: whatever is going on it requires some pretty clear communication from both of you and I think couples counseling would help as well. Good luck!

Only thing is to sit down and have a serious talk. Prepare yourself for him to get defensive or try to make you look crazy. Put the cards on the table tell him how you feel and how he makes you feel. It’s going to destroy your relationship everyday little by little the longer you don’t speak up. After you tell him how you feel ask him what’s going on? You know he’s not telling you something and then ask what does he think can be done to resolve this because you refuse to live in an unhappy marriage any longer. Something needs to be done. Don’t move out. You have kids and you don’t have to do that. But after the talk of you don’t feel comfortable sleeping in the same room tell him to take the damn couch. I went through a divorce. I knew he was cheating and drove him nuts until he finally confessed. I mean I made his life miserable! That confession was all I needed to divorce him. Best thing I ever did. When they change their ways and start acting differently we pick up on it immediately and they are so stupid they don’t realize we know them better then they know themselves.

No one deserves to be cheated on, either male or female

Never think you can’t leave. You’re unhappy you make it work. I left with nothing. Nothing! I started all the way from the bottom. Got myself a shitty apartment… roaches and all. Then each year I moved into a better and better place and got better and better jobs. Now I own my own home, car and have a great job making more than doubley ex makes…you can do it

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First off, I want to express my condolences for the loss of your sister.
I know normally I would say to follow your gut. BUT, I would try and explore other possibilities as well. Depression and anxiety is at an all time high right now. It is possible that he is suffering from depression. Not everyone shows the signs the same way. That would also explain some of his actions you explained.
Now if you think he is cheating. Do you notice him not being home as often? Is he overly cautious where he leaves his phone/laptop, etc? Do you notice him texting on his phone more than usual? Is he working? If he IS working, is he coming home at his usual time? If he ISN’T working because of covid or whatever reason, is he leaving the house?
You need to express your feelings to him. Ask him and talk to him to see what the problem is. I wouldn’t just leave because you THINK he may be cheating. If there is something that can be worked out through talking about it, some changes, maybe counseling etc., that might be worth exploring.
If you ever need someone to talk to, to just vent or anything, feel free to pm me. No judgment here.
Good luck!

Well you can divorce him and get a job. Your kids are old enough to take care of themselves.
Don’t waste your life anymore when you could be happier. It takes risks.

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Sometimes we are to busy for ourselves, color your hair, wear makeup at home do things for yourself and maybe he’ll notice you for who you are empower him with sweetness

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Exactly, I believe. Following the recent past events, Mama Anitah has really pulled me through. Even if and when I don’t want to acknowledge it, deep down I believe there’s this bigger picture to everything. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have done it.she hasn’t brought me this far to leave me!
My thanks goes to mama.Anitah, you are a life saver you are the reason why i want to live a thousand years on this earth, Because you brought my lover back to me that was the light of my world back to me in a time i couldnt bealieve it to happen. I confess to the whole world that you are great and you are capable of bringing back lost love. Contact Dr mama Anitah,on:WhatsApp/call:+27769842561 In case you are out there suching for divine and ultimate help

Men need that shit too… if he ain’t gettin it at home, he’s gettin it somewhere…

Hugs and praying for your strength, I’ve been there. Message me if you need to talk :heart:

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