Ohhhhhh this is the same with my family. Following for advice.
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Never force anyone to have a relationship with your kids, love them more than you think you can and move on
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sell your house and move!
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Yea your husband has the right idea move! Cut toxic out ! I wouldn’t keep extending an olive branch if they contact you within a year be civil but don’t go out of your way anymore. As far as telling your children. Be honest and respectful you can tell them the truth but add your dad and I love you very much . Let them know you guys care. That’s all you can really do.
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Your parents may just be focusing on those kids because of the toxic home they’re being raised in. They know you’ve got this and they worry about the other kids.
As far as your sister, it’s not just about the kids growing up without a father. If she’s in an abusive relationship, then she has to be READY to leave it not just have the opportunity. It takes time, and faith in the support of her friends and family to make sure she knows she has that system in place. Having BEEN the abused wife in my past, abuse begins first with tearing your self worth down to nothing. So you have zero faith in yourself, and become completely dependent on them. For your sister, focus less on the jealousy about what she and her kids get, and more on building her to a place where she has the confidence to leave him if he’s abusive. Emotional abuse is as bad or even in some cases worse than physical abuse.
As far as your parents are concerned, you’re all adults now. You can talk to them about how you feel and let them know that your kids need them too in other ways and they’ve expressed sadness over a situation they cannot control and see if they in turn make more time for them. It’s never the SAME kind of love between parents/children/grandparents/grandchildren…. There’s always lots of love for everyone, but the expression of love is different depending on individual needs.
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First, tell your parents how this treatment is making you and your children feel. If they dont make any changes to include the kids, then agree with your husband and move. Who knows, maybe the distance will make them realize that they should have spent more time with your kids while they were right next door.
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I feel like they’re just making up a shitty excuse. They’re grown ass people, they know that what they are doing affects other people. 
Idc whos struggles, nobody is gunna treat my kids differently bc they’re worse off. That sounds dumb. No matter the circumstances you don’t favor kids based on their lives. Kids don’t understand that. It should be equal time for all. If she didn’t want her kids struggling then she should figure out a different situation. It sounds like a pitty party.
I would move and quit asking. 
I would talk to them if nothing changes I would move children should be treated the same not your fault what your sister is going through
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I would be honest and have the communication with the grandparents and say exactly what your kids are noticing. Explain to them how hurt they are. Have them really understand it. Let them know if things don’t change you are going to move because it’s not fair for your kids to see that not grow up that way
Maybe your parents are exhausted caring for their other grandchildren. Seems to me they know you are more independent and that your children are just fine because you are raising them correctly. I believe they are very concerned for the other grandchildren because your sister chooses to stay in a toxic relationship which is hurting her children. I would be happy that they have faith in you. Families that are dysfunctional are hard to deal with, so if you no longer want you or your children endure this situation then move. Good luck to you.
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My daughter lives across the street from me, her children are at my house daily. I keep snacks and drinks for them always. I have many other grandchildren who don’t live as close. I have never had to be asked for them to come over. I can’t understand any grandparent that would require such a request. My door is always open for all my grandchildren and my kitchen is always open.
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Your parents can’t guess how you’re feeling if you don’t let them know. Also, it’s very likely that they see that your kids are well taken care of and in a loving home, whereas the environment at your sisters’ is probably not the best. It helps to communicate, so that nothing is taken out of context. Your children deserve a relationship with their grandparents as much as the other children, so they (your parents) should really know that.
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I would just explain that sometimes in life people make choices that won’t always include us and that’s okay. We will be hurt by it but will soon figure out there are tons more people who would rather be around us.
I would also explain protecting their inner peace and not allowing their emotions to create hate in their hearts because that is when you get children who become out of control. Sadly, most children don’t have proper explanation on how to handle certain feelings and types of people and with that overload it’s destined to cause some chaos.
Find a new house and live life without them why are you putting your family threw this mom and dad are not excepting your family move on
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When i was a child, it was in a somewhat similar situation with our father’s parents. I’m one of EIGHT kids. My dad’s sister had ONE child. The minute she was born, it was like we all didnt exist. We would only see them on occasional holidays, and that child basically lived there. Her mom went through drug problems, and a toxic marriage… so they always had her daughter. We would beg for more time with them or to sleepover. It was to the point where the girl would even have neighborhood friends sleep over, and i still never was able to. She was their baby it felt like. Over the years my parents & them grew so much resentment & fought with them so often, that we cut contact. We didnt see them all through our teenage years into adulthood… they passed away when i was in my 20s, about 3 years ago. The saddness was still there & it wasnt because of our close bond… it was because we still loved them, & they still loved us, but missed out on 10-15 years of time with them& it hurt. I visited my grandpa one time on my own before he passed, and im thankful for that moment… but it still hurt. When i think of my childhood, i dont remember any of the fights or that my cousin was favored, we just remember all the fun times with them. We are also close with our cousin now , the child they seemed to favor more. I would express how you feel, and even if they need to be there more for your sister right now, its not worth cutting them off. Maybe ask if they would atleast once a month dedicate time to just your kids, whether it be a night together or a trip for icecream. Its not fair, but pushing them further away could lead to regret one day for your kids in a situation they didnt cause. Just some perspective. Hope everything gets better for you all & your relationship with them💛.
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My sister is in a very toxic relationship and my mom is the same with her. I don’t let my kids around her husband so I’m honest with them. They also refuse to be around him and they know what he does to my sister so they know grandma is around her more so her husband isn’t as mean to her and she always has her kids to get them away from their stepdad/dad. It bothers them and me heck even last night I cried over it because my mom couldn’t come here cause of my sister. I use to lie to them and take being the bad guy but i can’t anymore and refuse to have my kids hate me cause their aunt won’t leave a man who abused her and the kids. There is nothing you can do to make them all change we moved to another state so I didn’t have it thrown in my face every single day it was taken a big toll on me. Moving has been the best thing my husband ever did to get me away from them. I would move and be happy you don’t need them and your kids don’t need to ever feel second best. Be happy and make them happy show them all the love they need.
The neediest and the ones hurting the most get the most attention by necessity.have a heart to heart with your mom and your sister. Your sister is probably afraid of change.maybe you with your kids hang out with mom and sisters kids when they are there, giving your mom some adult help. Its not easy but always try to give others the benifit of doubt because maybe they are doing the best they can.
I had to explain the not so great things about my parents (bullying, racism, socially excluding themselves, being a braggart, thinking they were better than everyone and their opinions and ideas were the only one that mattered) to my children around the age of 10. They didn’t quite believe me at first but now as they have gotten older (now 20 & 14) they have seen the not so nice out of their grandparents (who live right next door) for themselves on multiple occasions. They also know how to set their own personal boundaries with them, how to say or know when they reach their limit, even how to fight back against the negative sometimes with effective communication and leaving abruptly, while still being respectful. They’ve grown into pretty resilient kids because of it. Sometimes you have to understand that you as their parent can’t protect them from everything (including their grandparents, unfortunately) but you give them the knowledge to be strong people and the tools to fight the hate to protect themselves and their mental health and well-being. They will be much stronger for it.
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yes. sell n move. you all deserve a better life
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Move and leave them to it seems your more popular when your gone these days
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I agree with the husband. You parents suck. I would tell them exactly how i feel and then move on with my life.
Why not offer to help your mom with your sisters kids? Why not do picnics in yard for the kids or camp outs? Be that “favorite” Aunt! . That’s what I would do for my sister…
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Do as your husband wants
I would sell and move so your not hurting yourself and children on a daily basis over a serious relationship they want with their grandparents
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What about your kids, why did you move next door if they are like you say don’t say anything else to them put the for sale sign up if they want them to say hello let them knock on the door stop been a doormat grow some balls big ones.
Shes kinda putting your kids thru a situation by unapologetically caring for some grandkids more…if you have the finances to move do so cause shes literally putting it in your kids face. Good luck
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Maybe they don’t even realize you feel that way. How would they know if you don’t talk to them?
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You need to talk to your parents first! Let them know that your children notice it as well.
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I would let your eldest who is noticing the difference in relationship with his grandparents explain how he feels to your parents. Sometimes children have a way of shining light on a somewhat complicated matter. As far as this situation goes I myself have a brother and sister who literally take advantage of our parents and expect them to do everything for their kids. Pick ups-drop offs from school-babysitting-you name it! My parents never offer to watch my kids or take them for even an hour or simply come over and spend time with them for no reason! I understand the being burnt out by my siblings but it does not make the unfairness and bitterness go away.
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I mean it is really nad mouthing someone if you are telling the truth about them I would just tell them whats going on and move. If they dont want a relationship with your kids then dont force it. But it wont be a healthy relationship and you dont want that for your kids!!!
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I would move why would you want to subject yourself and your kids to that treatment on a daily basis? And as far as what do you say to your kids, it sounds like they’re already smart enough to figure it out on their own. You should move, you should protect your children, you could still have a relationship with your parents,
but put some distance between you and them. As far as having a conversation with your parents as to how you feel, I wouldn’t, if they are that blind and ignorant to the treatment of you and your family then you’re only going to come across to them as selfish and jealous. Just move out and put emotional and physical distance between those people and your family.
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Sit your parents down and say " what the hell " then sell your house and move
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Have you explained to your parents that, unintentionally or not, they’re creating trauma in your children who are also their grandchildren?
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First talk to your parents…
They might not realize what they are doing to your kids…
And are probably exhausted from always having your sisters kids…
Were they like this before or were there not kids then??
If no they were ok it could be the stress of having their child…your sister in such a bad situation. While on your side everything is good…
Remember your parents already raised kids .older now…
Just tell them .my kids feel hurt because they feel you don’t like them the same. See what they say. Good luck
Your parents are in a tough spot. They want their grandchildren to be protected from their abusive father. They are probably exhausted trying to help your sister and her kids. That’s probably why they prefer to bring the kids to your house instead of having your kids over.
Be honest with your kids, I learned the hard way how unfair family can be & I notice sooo much now, we keep our distance from unfair bs to save us and our babies the bs and hurt:woman_shrugging:t2: do not feel bad for being honest with your kids and removing yourself and family from the situation. Hopefully your parents will see that and change their ways and make your sister grow tf up, if not then they are just missing out on you and your kids & that’s not yalls fault it’s theirs, will it hurt you and your kids? Not as much as the mistreatment is rn so I say just do it, tell your kids, break the cycle of bs and just enjoy you and your family by yourself 
I promise it’s way more better that way 
goodluck and I’m sorry your going through this:grimacing:
Be as up front as you have been here . Ask for a talk with your parents just them and you and your husband. Be honest and upfront. Express the idea of selling due to not wanting this hurtful behavior in your face daily. Dont yell or blame just state your point of view and listen. Dont try to give them excuses either . Then take what you learn and deal with it however is best for your family.
I would talk to your parents and tell them they are hurting the kids and that your sister made her choice. Then I would sell the house and move even of its across town.
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Be honest with your parents. Then tell them you can’t let them continue making YOUR kids feel less than their cousins. Life is hard enough without that kind of outright favoritism. Maybe offer to take your nieces/nephews occasionally overnight so your parents can take your kids and they’ll know everyone is safe
In my experience the kids will know in time what is going on. The shape of their relationship. It will be rounded out in time. Raise your own family teach them what is appropriate. Live is not fair.
Believe it or not, but you are the example of a good mother and therefore your momma may feel like your sister’s kiddos need her and your kiddos are in good hands
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Been there, my parents did my kids same way over my sisters and brothers kids and still do 23 yrs later. My kids noticed it and they treat them the way theyve bn treated their whole lives by my parents. My parents loss, cause my kids wnt go visit them now that theyre in their 70s and 80s. Hey they md their bed all these yrs, but they still gt my sisters and brothers kids, so they dnt nd mine, never have. Wish i had some advice for u, but im sorry i dnt. Good luck hon.
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They are jealous you have a happy marriage and you children know love
Please have a good talk with your parents and help them understand what you and your kids perceive to be the problem. Then, allow your parent’s a chance to respond and be open minded to their response. Dont do anything so rash as move, until you’ve had a chance to talk it out.
So maybe explain to them that they need gmas love and attention MORE right now. My daughter gets pushed to the side…becuz the other parents need help. We just need love. Maybe gma is so comsumed with the sisters problems and just worn out. Maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it?
Or maybe its time to learn that people aren’t who we want them to be. Sending alot of love. It hurts. Them and you:persevere:
If you haven’t mentioned this to your parents then do that and give them a chance to fix things with the kiddos…of not then go all in for the move…maybe your parents are wore out from always having your sisters kids…which no isn’t fair to yours…
Maybe you should talk to your parents and let them know how you feel and how it’s a affecting your children if that doesn’t work maybe go with your husband’s idea and move but really think lonbg and hard about it
I will never understand this kind of crap she is a grandmother to all the kids she should be ashamed of herself
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I have been in a similar situation, my sister has had 2 bad failed marriages and has children from both. She doesn’t work and has been given lots of opportunities to improve both hers and her children’s lives. Myself and my partner have worked really hard to have good jobs and we work hard on our marriage to make it work. We almost feel punished for this by my mother as she focuses so much time on my sisters children and not ours. We rarely have any time together and have very little childcare support from my mother. My mum instead frequently has my sisters children overnight even in the week and my sister who doesn’t work has all the free time in the world.
Everything came to a head and I explained how I felt, that my children were missing out on a grandparent and we’re old enough to see how different they were being treated. My mum said she wanted my sisters kids to have the same opportunity as mine and that mine were lucky because we have a more stable home. I explained that without her realising it, she was almost punishing my children for how different their lives were to that of their cousins. I also explained that although they had unsettled lives she wasn’t their parent and it wasn’t her duty to fix it but just be supportive and stable influence in their lives.
It’s been really hard I won’t lie, there’s been a lot of resentment but I feel like my mum did start to see where I was coming from. She has started to see that it is my sisters responsibility to ensure her children are happy and supported and in turn she is now making more effort with mine.
I have been in a similar situation, my sister has had 2 bad failed marriages and has children from both. She doesn’t work and has been given lots of opportunities to improve both hers and her children’s lives. Myself and my partner have worked really hard to have good jobs and we work hard on our marriage to make it work. We almost feel punished for this by my mother as she focuses so much time on my sisters children and not ours. We rarely have any time together and have very little childcare support from my mother. My mum instead frequently has my sisters children overnight even in the week and my sister who doesn’t work has all the free time in the world.
Everything came to a head and I explained how I felt, that my children were missing out on a grandparent and we’re old enough to see how different they were being treated. My mum said she wanted my sisters kids to have the same opportunity as mine and that mine were lucky because we have a more stable home. I explained that without her realising it, she was almost punishing my children for how different their lives were to that of their cousins. I also explained that although they had unsettled lives she wasn’t their parent and it wasn’t her duty to fix it but just be supportive and stable influence in their lives.
It’s been really hard I won’t lie, there’s been a lot of resentment but I feel like my mum did start to see where I was coming from. She has started to see that it is my sisters responsibility to ensure her children are happy and supported and in turn she is now making more effort with mine.