Hi, there everyone, I don’t know how to put this, but I need advice. My sister got married to her not-so-nice husband five years ago, and ever since then, my parents only focus on her and her children. They will go out of their way to make time for them, and they will do anything and everything for them and my sister. My sister has had so many opportunities to leave him, but she doesn’t want to because she doesn’t want her kids growing up without a father. Both of us have three children, and all of them are born close together. Now my husband and I bought a house right next door to my parents, but they won’t even invite them to their house for anything unless my husband and I go with them. My children will ask them all the time when they can sleep over, then there’s always an excuse. My sister’s children, on the other hand, is there every day as my mom looks after them and if they cry to sleep over all her children does. My parents will stand or walk past our fence and call the kids to greet them when they take my sister’s children on walks, and will only come in our house when my sister’s kids are here so that they can come and greet their cousins. My eldest is noticing the unfairness, and it is eating at my husband, who in turn wants to sell and move. My husband’s mother, too, has no time for the kids, and we don’t force no relationship on them. Now I want to know is how do I explain to my kid’s whats happening without bad mouthing anyone. I feel deeply hurt, and my parent’s explanation is that my sister is suffering, and they don’t want her kids feeling and going through that trauma. I understand, and I don’t want my nieces going through that, but how do they just focus on them and my sister and discarding my kids, who are already asking questions. T.I.A
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my kids are being discarded by my family because of my sisters bad marriage: Advice?
I’d be mad to. Your parents also need to consider their other grand children’s feelings. I’d make it known to them, that the kids feel unwanted and unloved by them. See what they say. That’s completely unfair to you kids to be treated like that by their grandparents.
U r in a bad spot momma!! I got nothing except hugs!!
If selling and moving is an option I surely would.
If selling and moving is an option please do. But your sister being in a bad situation is not an excuse to cut your children out.
Personally I would just distance my self and my family from them clearly they don’t like your family.
Start talking about selling your house. Small talk say things like I think we just live too close and if we lived further away maybe the kids can have a better relationship with you guys.
Move and leave it! That is their loss and all you can do is keep pushing love and support to your kids! But do not beg anyone to be in their lives and teach them those bad habits! They deserve better! I wouldnt even tell them your moving nor contact or do anything towards them! Go creek walk to the beach stay busy and never home!
I would sell and move and just not deal with them much because At the end of the day they don’t want your sisters children to have to suffer but they don’t care that they’re making your children suffer in the interim. I’m not a person who believes in dealing with being treated badly over and over just because someone is “family”, if the respect isn’t there, especially for my children, then being family is a moot point for me.
I’d sell so your children don’t have to see happing every day it’s like a a slap in the face for them. Definitely move.
Maybe your mum is doing everythin she can to keep your sister alive!?!?
I personally would move. I also wouldn’t hold that against them as maybe they are just trying to make sure your children’s cousin have a good childhood. Yes I would be pi**ed at my sister but would only want my nieces/nephews to have the happiest childhood possible no matter the situation. I’ve also been in a similar situation and it is hard. In the end it is only the children’s happiness that matters tho. Maybe have them over your place and invite your parents over afterwards. I personally do not make any adult be active in my kids lives. I think if they want to be involved they will. If they don’t they don’t. My nieces and nephews tho I would do anything for them no matter the relationship between their mom and I.
Not everyone has empathy. Just because you are related by blood does not mean that you should accept being treated poorly. It is harder to explain to little kids why adults do certain things. Move if you can, that way you have a legitimate reason as to why the kiddos cannot visit. This may seem like a cop out but at least there will be less hurt feelings and even more hurtful explanations if you were to honestly explain to your kids.
My family were like this. Even losing my temper and saying something never changed anything.( It wasn’t because of the same situation your sister is in though. ) I just assumed favouritism and even though it still bothers me I just try and move forward. Things haven’t changed really, my kids just aren’t liked. They’ll stop asking and caring, and you need to not make excuses for them. Idd do what your husband wants, sell and move! Make your own happiness 
I would be mad also, but, are your kids well behaved? Are they horrible? I mean, that may make a difference also?! Im with your husbands idea, sale and move!!
I mean it could be as simple as because they are there every day your parents need to decompress. It’s probably taking a lot out of them supporting your Sis so much. It also sounds like she really needs that support. I would give them some grace and maybe talk to them about it. Leading with I know you all have a lot on your plate supporting Sis. Thank you for taking care of them so well. So and so are feeling like you don’t want them here and I am sure you’re tired and maybe even tapped out, but if you could block some time for them I know it would really make their day or maybe even set a future date they can look forward to”. I think you explain to your kids that GP & GM are trying really hard to help your sis and their kids because they’re going through a really hard time. This could help them learn to empathize while also helping them understand it’s not them, but the situation and compassion and patience is what is needed right now.
I’ve lived in a home with domestic violence. Your parent’s are the only stability and security your niece’s and sister need. Being in a constantly traumatizing situation. Seeing a familiar ally brings the person or children peace. (Leaving a domestic abuse relationship is difficult. The abuser has threatened the victim, children and other family members. They alienate them from money, friends and family.) Your parent’s aren’t worried about you and your children because they know your doing well. If I were you, I would talk to both your parents without your children. Convey to them how your children feel. Perhaps, they can set aside an activity or day just for your children. But also keep in mind your parents are older.
That’s what happens when one or more siblings have issues in my experience. I’ve got two brothers with addiction and mental health issues. All of the energy and attention goes their way. It’s a lose lose situation. I feel your pain.
Their might be stuff going on that u dnt no about ! Mabey try offer to take ur sisters kids here n their n take bit of weight off ur parents! Your parents no ur kids and u are ok dosent seem to be the same responce for ur sister n her kids if ur mom has a lil bit of free time mabey shed enjoy visiting them all at ur house ???
Nikki-lee Hazelgrove
Sell and move. Your kid’s don’t need to grow up in this negative environment. Your kid’s have you and their dad that’s all they need. Give them all your love. Best of luck💕
Can you bring them over to all play together? Could you watch your sisters kids while they have your kids over? I know this doesn’t help the overall situation, just some small steps.
Have a SERIOUS talk with your PARENTS tell how they are hurting your kids and you with their one sided unfairness.
Just explain things to your kids…and don’t force any relationships…
I would flat out say how you and your husband are going to sell the house because you moved next door to keep a close relationship with them and so your kids could grow up seeing their grandparents all the time. HOWEVER, they purposely favor your sister who chooses a bad situation and you and the kids are hurt because you are purposely ignored and you can’t take it anymore. Depending on how old your kids are, I would probably explain the situation too. It isn’t bad mouthing if it is simply truth.
I truly feel as if they know your kids are ok and your sisters may not be.
I am a grandparent and yes we do tend to give to the child that need the most. I have one daughter that always has a crisis and so that’s where all the energy goes we worry about her and her kids all of the time. The other two are well off but still complain that we make a difference. We do what we have to do to make sure that those kids have what they need…
I was in the same position with my parents and my brother and is awful addiction and marriage. I finally had to cut all ties and move away for my own mental health bc of was physically and mentally draining and when my oldest asked me about it all I told him was there were things that I didn’t agree with and that weren’t safe for us to be around and left it at that. He never really questioned it or brought it up after that
The key word here is that they are grandparents. Not parents. They are trying to help where the help is actually needed, and are probably exhausted having to take up that role. Instead of being bitter about this try being thankful for what you have in a good husband and a good father. Your sister is likely in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship with a controlling narcissist. This isn’t as cut and dry as you think it is. Reverse the situation for once and try to imagine being her. Just be honest with your kids about the situation, and point out to them how lucky they are to have the mom and dad they have, and that their cousins need help from Grandma and Grandpa to have some semblance of that.
I would sell and move.
Having this “in your face” every day and seeing what’s going on over the fence isn’t good for you or your kids.
Move away and you guys live your own life. Teach your kids they don’t have to be anyone’s 2nd best.
It’s an awful situation, but you can’t keep living like this everyday.
I would tell my kids never to ask ask go to their house and lock them off in silence. Just do ya own thing even tho it hurts and u probs wanna say something. I think its best to act like it don’t bother u and totally avoid them not even a hello.
I’d have a stern talk with the grandparents about WTF is going on and how can they be so callous to your whole family? I’d tell them if things don’t change, then obviously they have chosen to alienate and disown y’all and you will understand they have chosen to no longer be family, and thus you will have no further contact. And move away and cut them off.
I’m so sorry. My MIL idolized our son for some reason and we just told our daughter Grandma was crazy and it had nothing to do with her. It helped that her aunt had lived through her mom’s (MIL) idolization of her brother (my ex & father of our kids) and she saw that our daughter got plenty of attention and the same presents and opportunities as her brother. The rest of my ex’s large extended family of course adored both our kids equally, so that helped too.
Family is a circle of friends who love you, related or not. I came from a very small blood family (pretty much just my parents) but was blessed with a ton of honorary aunts, uncles, godparents, neighbors and friends who were like family. My kids enjoyed the same—at one point my daughter thought she had three moms! Me and my kids also have lots of “brothers” and “sisters” who as we explain, are “related by love.”
I actually have three little girls who call me “Grammy Pammy,” even though we’re not related, but that doesn’t matter. We are just like any grandparent and grandchildren, and we have so much fun! I’m good friends with their actual grandma, but their dad’s family is not in the picture at all. My daughter, now married, asked if I’m spoiling these girls, what would happen if she had kids. I said, “I’ll spoil them more!”
I’m sure there are lonely old (and young!) people who would love to have children in their lives. Possibly some who have been abandoned by their own children. Create a loving circle around you and enjoy your new “family.”
Maybe get family therapy to help y’all heal from the craziness and rejection, and understand what might make your folks go so haywire so you and your kids have closure.
Good luck, and tell your kids that everyone else in the world thinks they’re super lovable.
If the kids are old enough maybe they need to ask the grandparents what’s going on. It might make them realise how obvious they are
Sorry Sisters suffering self imposed
1 of 3 things is happening Tide could be exactly as you described it because your sister is in a craptastic situation regardless if she’s wanting to leave or not and your parents are there for her and helping her out anyway possible and are unintentionally focusing all of their energy on them Scenario 2 is Toxic family dynamics and they have favorites Scenario 3 is they are scared to have the BIG TALK of parenting styles and what the grand kids are allowed and not allowed to do and what parenting walls(is grandparents allowed to make their own rules for their time with the kids are what you have at home the same regardless of who’s watching) are in place
Sell and move less hassle and your children will grow up knowing that they are loved by mum and dad and nit second to no one your parent’s have made their decision I wonder when they are old who will look after them not likely your sister sge made her decision when she married her husband her choice just move you will be happier but if you cannot move try and not let them treat you as 2nd best and devote your life to your family
My grandparents were the same. Eventually it didn’t matter anymore and we were never close with them. You might let them know they are hurting their future relationship with your children, if they continue to push them away. It does hurt them.
MOVE … the rejection is damaging to your children
Some of the comments on here have me baffled.
I have 15 grandbabies, and yes, at times, several of them have needed me more than the others, BUT, I still made time for the rest of them.
It’s crazy that people are telling you to get over it.
May I suggest that you set up play dates for your kids with their cousins so that they don’t end up resenting them?
It’s not their fault
I’m sorry the kids are being brought into this.
Imo I think u should move ,but not for the reasons the others are saying .
Your sister and her kids have just be through a horribly toxic and traumatic experience and some how you’ve made it about you . This isn’t about you . You parents are being parents to your sister and making her free safe at an unsafe time.
If for whatever reason you feel the need to tell your kids something. Tell them that they love them very much and sorry you feel that way . Let’s invite them to dinner or the zoo, or a walk …
Imo give ur sister a hug and apologize for this happening to her. But don’t say " you could have left at different times - opportunities. 
If they’re already asking questions, they will remember the favoritism for the rest of their lives. I know I still remember it well. I’d have a serious conversation with them and if they refuse to change, sell and move away from the toxicity
As I tell my friends when they decide to become a parent…it’s your kid, don’t expect anything from anyone grandparents included & you’ll save yourself from disappointment 
I’d sell, pack up and leave and go and live a life focused on you and your family, it’s rare to live next your parents, move and go and make a life without them so heavily uninvolved, that way if the kids aren’t around it and it’s not on their door Step then it won’t affect them and just visit often occasions maybe 
Your sister and her children NEED the help and extra attention
Your children have you AND your husband
It isn’t always so easy to just leave especially with children involved
OP, if you want to know what your sister is going thru I suggest you read this and realize this isn’t the big drama you’re making it out to be. Instead of doing something to make things worse for your sister, her kids, and the situation, try helping her out instead.
The squeaky wheel always gets the grease. 
Don’t allow anyone in their lives that makes them feel like that.
Have you sat and talked with her, like a heart to heart. If the sister and kids are in an abusive situation maybe they are taking the kids often and helping her out more because they are worried about their grandchildren and are trying to keep them safe? Before you move sit and talk with them. Ask them. Tell them how your children are feeling. Maybe offer to do play dates at each other’s houses so the kids can spend time together. Maybe her husband threatened your parents? I mean there are so many what if’s. I think a family discussion needs to be had first. See what they say.
This happens in families.
Id tell the kids go ask mawmaw and pawpaw why your cousins can stay but y’all can’t. Go ask them. It hits different when a child asks why you’re rejecting them. I’d have them do it in front of me. Sh*ttt we all wanna know why. They can’t sleep over because they don’t have shitty parents? Wtf?
Move away. Far. Be happy. Don’t make excuses for your parents. Let it be.
I get it but you need to understand. She may have opportunities to leave but until she hits a certain point she won’t have the strength to. If you have not lived it you could never understand. With her having the extra support from them maybe she will find the courage.
Life’s not fair. Move away and make a good life.
Teach your child that life is not is fair and not only that you your self have said that her husband is not so nice so maybe Grammy and grandpa are trying to remove the children from the bad Situation and may be spending more time with them … as my comment my come off as bitchy I’m not I promise. I myself have been through this and have also been in a very bad relationship… fortunately my son grow up while my where alive and had some what of a relationship with them his papa passed when he was 4 and his Nana at 13 his other side had nothing do with him and now my daughter is growing up with no grandparents at all nor and aunts and and uncles unfortunately . spend time with your sisters children… be thier aunt support them show your children to love family even if someone is spending more time with someone else. sometimes others need more… the point being is they could be gone and not spending any time with and one and you and your husband would be In their place caring for your sisters kids. they are not doing it to hurt you they are doing it to protect them babies and their daughter… your lucky you have an amazing husband and dad she didn’t get so lucky and do you k ow how hard it is to leave a bad relationship ypu call it I stayed for 5 years while my son was little I left he followed having child makes it a 1000% harder to leave…emotional abuse is the worst words never leave 
Physical abuse the wonds heal for the most part if your lucky. LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY IS MY ADVICE. best of luck to your family and your sisters .
Speak with your parents about how you and your children feel. Don’t assume that they are sensitive to this. Your children need to be loved and included in the extended family, moreso their grandparents. I am sure you will all arrive at an understanding, but please don’t take offence and deny your children the blessing of being in their grandparents’ lives by moving away.
I would move and let it be. It may just be the best thing for your lil family. Don’t let your kiddos know they aren’t wanted 
That’s a tough pill to swallow for anyone, no matter the age. Prayers going up for you guys!!! 
U need to put ur foot down and give ur parents and option. I don’t give a shit. Either treat all grandkids the same of kick them out. End of story
As I have seen so much favouritism and this type of thing growing up I made a point to always make my 6 children and 8 grandchildren feel equally loved and make sure that they all feel my attention. So it bothers me when others don’t do the same.
This is so sad for your children it makes me want to gather them all up in a hug and tell them I will be your honorary amma and take them out and spoil them rotten like I do my own grandchildren whenever I have the chance
My heart goes out to you my girls had this growing up it’s so sad
My kids havent been invited to their grandparents in years their all adults with children i doubt anyone notices but me but you bet the favouites are there every holiday christmas easter mothers day i couldnt be bothered your better off moving away its much easier
I would tell them how its making your children feel and I would definitely consider moving away from them,
Never ends well living to close to each other!
You need to move away and give them chance to miss your kids then they hopefully will realise xx
Honest opinion…. Have your oldest speak to his grandmothers. Have them ask why. If the adults can’t give YOU another adult an answer then don’t make it easy on them. Make them answer the children who feel it. Give your children the right to ask granny what’s up! Hard questions sometimes need to come from truest sources so that the offenders know it’s real and can look at behaviors. If you don’t one day they will anyhow. Do it now so that some changes can be made before it’s too late. You’re protecting your parents by not allowing your children to put them on the spot themselves. Their feelings are very valid. Help them find the words then let them ask…
If you can afford to then I’d def move. And I’d tell your parents that their favoritism is no longer tolerated. Also if the kids are seeing violence then DCFS needs to be called. If she’s not ready to leave that’s fine but the children don’t get a choice and are stuck in that. Which my guess is why your parents are spending so much time her children.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my kids are being discarded by my family because of my sisters bad marriage: Advice?
Just mention you are thinking of moving and see what reaction you get. Then start looking, you have to do what is best for you and your family. Put yourselves first.
Id move. Protect your baby’s little hearts as long as possible.
Move! Save yourselves the headache and heartache.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my kids are being discarded by my family because of my sisters bad marriage: Advice?
So sorry to hear that they don’t bother with you children, it’s the worst isn’t it 
try not to let it bother you and get on having a happy life with those who do bother with your children xxx
Again communication. Speak to your parents, also explain to your kids too. An honest conversation with your parents may help
The kids will know without you saying a word. If your husband wants to move pack up and leave
My first move would be to take my hubs and kids to grams house when just they are home. Tell her and gramps you need to talk to them. All 7 of you sit at the table and you explain to them just what you said here. Tell her you would like her to explain to ur kids why they cant spend any time with them. If she cant change, i would move and if she wanted to see my kids it would be up to her to visit them. That would also take your kids from being right there seeing all the differences. Good luck.
Okay if it was me I would sit my children down and explain it just like it is tell him exactly what you feel is happening tell them what you think and let them conclude from there as far as her sisters in a traumatic relationship well that’s your sister’s fault that’s got nothing to do with your in-laws that’s your sister is the one that’s putting these children through this this is her fault a bad relationship a lot of kids grow up without a daddy and they end up just fine if that’s her excuse that’s a poised for an excuse I’m sorry but she’s the one putting her children through hell it’s not up to in-laws to help the children get through this Mommy needs to get her s*** together
I personally have no advice, I’m only 20, but I do wish you the best of luck. You are most likely fighting silent fights as well, and it is not fair for one to be picked over the other. The fact that your sister chose toxicity and abuse over being happy and less in danger is frustrating to me, but she made her choice.
im sorry to hear and good luck again. It will be hard to explain but you’re amazing for letting your kids choose to keep someone in their life or not.
Sell and move my moms side and dads side has nothing to do with mi e and my husband’s 3 girls for multiple reasons from their own choices and demise my mother in law is the only who spends time with my girls but even that is limited due to her work and helping all the others
Maybe talk to the parent’s let them know that your children want to spend more time with them ,see what they have to say about it maybe they are so consumed with other family members they don’t realize what’s happening .
Ide maybe explain that what they are doing could actually cause trauma for your kids? Seeing the unfairness and difference between how they treat them could cause them to resent your parents and not want to be around them anymore and that will be their own fault. I’m actually on board with hubby Ide not want that being rubbed in my kids faces every day. Ide rather move and be somewhere that the kids are happy and non the wiser.
This is obviously something that needs to be discussed. Your partners want to support your sister and don’t want her kids to suffer. But your children are suffering and so is your mental health. Make it clear that your children feel 2nd best abs ignored and the impact that’s having on them. Maybe there not aware of how it’s coming accross. Be clear and factual. Then maybe leave it for them to digest it all. They should be treating all grandchildren the same. But if there not going to, then they shouldn’t be making it so obvious to the children that at missing our. This can only be harmful to them xx
You need to move that is toxic for your children. I had two children previous to getting married to my husband, we have a child now. His family doesn’t acknowledge my kids, but can show up for their biological grand child. Doesn’t matter the situation, toxic is toxic, so move. I just deal with my family now. No one is going to be toxic to my kids
I would move away and explain to your kids, in a way that they can understand and is age appropriate, that the other kids need extra love because their family life isn’t that great. I went thru this with my mother and SIL, you can’t make someone love and spend time with your kids, even if they’re related. 
Good luck.
Move, you cannot change your parents but you can remove your children from being hurt so much ny their behavior.
Let your children know first that life is not fair. You have to work hard for the life you want. Next, they already notice. Don’t sugarcoat anything with them, it will only get their feelings hurt more.
You must let your parents know how you and your children are feeling. I believe your parents may feel you are doing a great job as a parent and don’t need that extra help. Your sister on the other hand and her children need them more at this point. A person in an abusive relationship needs support until they are strong enough mentally to leave. I was your sister at one point in my life. It took me 18 years and 4 times leaving before I was strong enough. Thank God for my parents and my sisters that were there for me everytime I tried to leave and everytime I went back.
Been there. My parents do for my brothers and always have. I started paying rent with my first babysitting job. My brothers lived at home and got waited on even after getting full time jobs and making good money, yet didn’t pay one cent. One moved out and still sent his laundry home to be done by mom, I was there the day he picked it up and whined about how his shirts weren’t done the way he wanted. My mother apologized. They lent another the down payment for a house. I asked to borrow $10 for gas until pay day and you would have thought I asked for a million. I had to listen to a lecture on fiscal responsibility and a lot of moaning. I finally said forget it I will walk. My dad does construction, always time to go help my brothers hang dry wall, build a wall, lay a floor, work on the car. I ask my dad to help with a clogged toilet and it got treated like I asked for the world. Couldn’t I just call a plumber and not bother my dad when he wasn’t working? Accept the dynamic. It won’t change. If you complain, then you’re a whiner. And they do plenty for you. In my family, boys are favored. I was fortunate in having a son, only child I have. They treat him like they do my brothers, but he did notice how I am treated different. You will not change anything. Move away if it bothers you. Surprising how important you become when you are no longer close.
I would address this with your parents and let them know the kids are noticing and asking questions and if it continues afterward I would move.
Let your kids ask the grandparents then move and let them have eachother . The grandparents sound terrible anyways
I would move. That kind of favoritism hurts and follows you into adulthood most times. Don’t let your babies keep going through that.
Number 1 dont buy house next door to parents
Not to seem rude, but are your kids well behaved, calm and polite?
I think you and hubby must have a heart to heart with them. Leave all the kids with a sitter and take them for a brunch. Make a l8st of examples of the unfairness and also mention that they have 6 grandkids and not just 3. Ask them what do they suggest to remedy the situation as you would love to save their relationship with your kids.
Sounds like your parents are just trying to be a good support system for the child and help give them a normal environment. They probably don’t even notice they are doing it. I would talk to them and let them know how you and your family feel.
Bias. I say, sell and move, some emotional scars in life aren’t worth it, no matter who causes them.
I feel that it’s important to teach our children that it doesn’t matter if someone is blood or not that they can hurt you. And that when they do it’s their right to express such things. If your daughter is noticing and you don’t know how to explain maybe have her ask her grandparents why things are that way. See what they have to say. Maybe your husband is right. It seems he’s not super close to his family. Maybe selling and starting somewhere new is a good idea. That little family you have…your spouse and your children. Those are the people that matter. That’s your team. Those are the only feeling you should be worried about. Fuck the rest.
Im with your husband, pack up and move 
I had the mindset, your sister had and I cannot tell you how wrong it was. She NEEDS to leave her husband, she IS setting a very bad example for her children, if she continues staying with her husband she is conditioning her children for abusive/narcissistic relationships, which will be a hard cycle to break. She HAS to leave , the sooner the better. She IS the parent and it is her duty to protect her children from abuse, not teach them to cover it up and learn how to exist with it.
Your husband is right, move away, so you are not exposing your children to the favoritism, because you have to protect your children. I would not sugarcoat anything, if your children are old enough to notice the differences and ask questions, they old enough to hear an age appropriate answer. Maybe something basic, “your grandparents feel like they need to balance things out, because their homelife isn’t as good as yours. I know it’s not fair, it’s not done out of meanness, it’s done with good intentions.” Depending on their age, you can ask them if they would like to move.
Prayers for all involved
I would honestly just get up and move and if they ask why you are moving tell them. If the kids ask why you are moving, it’s a good idea to explain it to them in an age appropriate conversation.
Let them know that trauma comes in all forms and what they are doing to your kids is also trauma. I would never do that to my grandchildren and I luv them all the same. Couldn’t imagine walkin past any of them without a huge hug… honestly if they don’t step up I would just move and let them know why ur moving. Your children don’t need to be felt unwanted
Is it fair? No.
But. But. But.
There is A LOT going on here.
- Have you considered that despite your mom trying to protect your sister’s kids…they’re still seeing/hearing things…and relaying those things to your mom that you wouldn’t want YOUR children hearing?
- Have you considered that your mom is afraid she’ll have to go pick your sister’s kids up in an emergency…and don’t want your kids around it?
- Have you considered the toll it’s taking on your mom? It draining for anyone…but adding your kids in when your kids are loved, cared for, and not in a bad situation…would be a lot harder on her.
4.its possible she is so far into solve it/fix it mode she’s not really noticing anything else.
Taking this as your parents are intentionally being neglectful of your children…when they’re probably not isn’t going to help the situation any whatsoever. Not for them. Not for you. Not for your kids.
If you want to improve the situation you have to get past your on feelings for a bit. You have to consider how your mom is feeling.
Then and only then have a talk with her. Have a talk where you can and are empathetic to how she’s feeling and not just stuck on your own feelings.
Try to find a solution…
Maybe switch off? Have your sister’s kids come to your house while your mom takes your kids?
Or ask what she thinks she can handle to help even out the attention between your sister’s kids and your own.
I can understand why this would be hurtful to you 100%.
To me, it sounds like since they invite your children over if you also come they are likely exhausted from caring for your sisters kids all the time. I don’t know how old your parents are, but caring for children full time isn’t meant for the elderly. It’s tiring. She probably doesn’t want more kids to care for.
With that said, at this point I’m not sure she’s even helping your sister, or if she’s just enabling her. Sometimes too much help isn’t help.
If you want your children to have a relationship with their grandparents, maybe bring them over. Help your mom. Sounds like she has a lot on her plate.
Talk to them but understand that they are trying to do what they think is right. Unfortunately it’s not good for you and your little ones. Just explain it and tell them but saying hey kid are crying to spend time with you? Tell them that if it doesn’t change you will pack.up house and never look back.
I’d definitely move. Toxic is toxic no matter if it’s family or random strangers. Your family doesn’t need to be around all the toxicity. If your children are old enough, tell them the truth but not in a manner that is degrading.
Good luck, momma. Sending lots of prayers and good vibes your way.