I need ideas on how to deal with this situation, I am desperate and don’t know what to do anymore or feel that I have the patience to keep dealing with it. This is a MIL situation. I want to start by saying that I have a wonderful husband, we have been together for almost 9 years. We have 2 beautiful daughters together, and he has one 17 yo from a previous marriage who lives with us since summer 2019. We have an amazing relationship but when it comes to his mom things can get very ugly. We are from different countries and met in Canada, we live here. My SIL also lives here, close to us. MIL came last October saying that she did not want to be alone back home with this whole pandemic thing going on… so we told her to come and since she does not have a return date we decided she would stay one week with my SIL and one week with us to give both families some space and privacy. When shes here she doesnt help, like at all… no cooking or cleaning, no babysitting, she would hold the baby but if she starts crying she gives her back to me right away. I am on mat leave, but we are 6 people living in a very small place and the only one who tries to keep the house clean, cook, take care of the girls is me. My husband works all day and his older daughter is the typical teenager who can live in a dumpster no problem. My baby is 8 months, and she doesn’t sleep through the night yet; she wakes up at least 6 times every night for feedings. And I still wake up at 6:30 every morning because I have a 4yo that also is home all the time. I am sorry is so long I just want to give some context lol. I have been noticing my MIL being super rude to me. Its been months already. So I talked tk my husband about it and he said we could talk to her to ask her. So we did… well, she started saying how lazy and dependant I am, that she hates how my husband has to take care of the girls while I have an hour to workout. 1 HOUR!!! I come back from the workout to put the dinner that is already prepared (by me!!!) On the table for everyone. And then we each take a girl and put them to bed. When my husband comes home at 5 pm, the girls are already bathed, they look nice and clean, the house is nice and tidy, dinner is ready, everyone happy and ready to go. But no, that is not enough. He shouldn’t be doing anything at all because he is working. She says she hates how I complain about being tired because I don’t sleep when that is something that a mom is supposed to be doing. Well, yes, and I am doing it; I complain because it is my way of venting, not because I think somebody else should be doing it, plus this is my freaking home, where I am supposed to be free. My husband kind of intervened, but he just said that she should not be rude to me. He did not say much, to be honest. She really hurt me, and I told him that. He talked to her, and she said that yes, it was wrong, but she really was mad. So my concern here is that things are gonna stay the same. Do I have to keep dealing with her attacks every time she feels like it?? My husband says there is not much to do there because he cannot just kick her out. How do we set boundaries without being cruel? I also have to say that I am very respectful and have never comment or try to hurt her. Sorry for the long post. If you are here, thank you 
Sounds like it is time for her to moe out and go back to her own home!
Your husband needs to step up and handle this.
She has place to live. So you can ask her to leave
Sometimes you have to be a b*TCH to get your point across. Family or not, stand up for yourself!
Send her to her daughters it’s her turn now
If she doesn’t leave or things don’t get addressed it’s going to hurt your marriage in the long run. Also If she is staying at your house she needs to help out. You should be able to enjoy your maternity leave and shouldn’t have to do everything on your own. I’m currently on maternity leave but my husband still comes home after work and will help cook/wash dishes/ give our toddler a bath, or whatever else I need. I never ask he just does it. Your step daughter also needs to step up and help out it will teach her responsibility before she moves out in her own one day and has to do it all on her own she will be so overwhelmed.
Umm you absolutely can just kick her out… she can’t just stay without immigrating properly… shut up and help or go home!
I would tell her to either respect me in my house or she can live with sil or see about going home? She’s not paying any bills and not helping out but yet she’s mad your husband helps out? Last I checked it takes two ppl to make and raise a baby. If she doesn’t like how y’all run the house hold she can pack up and leave. Why isn’t your husband standing up for you more? Does he believe he shouldn’t have to take care of anything simply because he works?
Kick her out! If you decide she can stay she must earn her keep a live by your house rules.
To hell with your MIL. KICK HER OUT. AND ANYONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE IT CAN FOLLOW out the door right behind 
HER.
I wouldn’t tolerate being disrespected in my own home by anyone. And my husband wouldn’t either. He’s going to need to grow some balls and stand up for his wife.
Is she working?? It sure doesn’t sound like it. If she’s not then that’s a lot of talk for somebody who’s being a freeloader. Her opinion should matter whenever she starts contributing to the whole household, until then she needs to stay in her lane.
You can most definitely kick her ass out😂
First off… you can kick her out or give her 6 months to find her own place. You can love someone but you dont have to tolerate them. Your feelings matter. It is YOUR house, YOUR marriage and YOUR children. <3 Or come up with a list of chores for everyone including your MIL. For everyone to help around the house so its not just on you.
Oh hell no! Send her to her daughters house! There is no reason why you shouldn’t have respect in your own home!!! None! Don’t tolerate it for the sake of her being your husbands mother. You don’t have an obligation to put up with that and shame on your husband for not sticking up for you with his mom! It’s his job to deal with her! He needs to set her straight!!!
I agree that you cant really kick her out (at least not out of the blue) give her 6 months make her do chores or get a job she lives there so she might as well help. i mean hell my four year old has chores lol. if she wants to keep up the rude attitude she has to go because at this point she is invading your peace of mind your positivity that you and your family have… at some point you just gotta say enough is enough if you know what i mean. im sorry im not much help but ive had my fair share of rude MIL i hate both of the MIL i have (i have two because one is with the dad and the other is the actual mother…) anyways i hope i helped a bit…
She does have a house of her own so it’s not necessarily kicking her out
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Dont let her do that. Next time shes rude stand up for yourself and put your foot down… let her know you invited her to be nice but if she cant manage to be respectful she gona go home!
Kick her ass out. Don’t put up with that shit. Period.
Forget that. Give it to her straight, she isn’t the woman of the house, you are. She needs to mind her business or get lost. Family or not.
She’s gotta go. It’s been enough time. You’re raising people and taking care of a husband. You were nice enough to welcome her but STAYING welcome is conditional on… you know… her being nice. I would tell your husband she goes because the last thing you need is all this stress and relationship stress. Put your foot down. And if your MIL comes at you again, handle it yourself. Make HER uncomfortable.
One thing that I can not tolerate is disrespect. And in my home, you will be escorted to THE NEAREST exit. I don’t care who it’s coming from. You’ve done everything you can to keep the peace but she’s still okay with the disrespect. I’d tell her if respecting me in my home is a problem, you don’t have to be here. It’s up to her.
Time for her to leave. You opened your home and she should have some damn respect. Kudos to you and your husband! You clearly make a great team! I mean how dare him support you and actually be an active dad every single day!
She needs to go home!
She has two choices…1…be part of the respectful family (she’s living there, not a guest, do her share and be respectful …or…2 …go home! Her choice. Hold her to it.
So she’s mad that your husband actually helps you out even tho he works?? I’m pretty sure he’s being a parent. Does she want him to come home and sit there while you do everything?? Wow. You deserve that hour of a work out!! I would tell her to go stay at the other place then if it bothers her so much. You and your husband seem like a great team so no don’t let her ruin it!!!
Good luck id say she has to go…
She is a guest in your home. Where you and your husband have set rules and make the daily grind work. Her opinions don’t change that. You opened your door to her to be kind. That door can also be closed. Don’t be treated like that in your own house and yes, she could help especially if she doesn’t want her son doing anything. There’s a thing about respect, it goes both ways.
Im not sure what nationality your mither in law is but generally in a hispanic family in the ways of the old times. Ard not supposed to clean up or cook or anything because she is a guest and an elder(respected). Now about her being rude to you that would be your husbands place to let her know that is not okay.
Kinda dealt with the same issues I told my husband grow a pair and stand up to his mother.
Send her ass home that is your house u have enough stress it is your husband’s place to speak to her but if he wontgo ahead and put her in her place she has raised her family and you are raising yours a relationship is 5050 and the teenager can’t help she gets punished
If she can’t be grateful and considerate for everything you have done and continue to do…send her back to her home. The vaccine is available now if she is so concerned with covid. Don’t risk your core family’s happiness or your sanity for a mother in law.
Unfortunately she was raised in a different time frame than you. When women we’re just there for the kids and their husbands and weren’t supposed to complain. But now we have voices and times have changed and we want our husbands to help it’s a 50/50 situation. In times like this sometimes it’s just easier to just pay her no attention because she’s going to feel the way she’s going to feel and you’re going to feel the way you’re going to feel. You’re not going to be able to see each other’s point of view because you guys were raised in two different time frames.
Sit down and talk with her woman to woman.et her know that you are both going to be in each other’s lives for a long time and that something has to change
I’d tell her and your husband that the pandemic is just about over… It’s time for her to head back home.
Throw the husband and mother in law away
Sounds like she needs to spend more time at her daughters home and none at yours
Ouch . Just ignore her 100% she is there for the husband and kids . Ignore ignore ignore
Ask her what her role/duties are. Ask what help she had with her children. Did she ever work outside the home? Did she home school her kids? How did she get along with her mother in law?
Is your maternity leave going to be ending soon? Once it ends, will you be returning to work. Or will you be " working from home" for your job? What was the child care arrangments b4 your maternity leave?
Get a return ticket for your MIL to coincide with the end of your maternity leave.
2. Make appointment for MIL to get vaccinated b4 your maternity leave ends.
3. Once MIL is vaccinated, then she can RETURN to HER OWN PLACE.
I don’t believe she’ll be helping you with the housekeeping.
Maybe that’s an option for you & your family. You’re are doing the best under the circumstances.
Hopefully, Canada will be able to get that vaccine for your MIL. & you can see some normalcy back in your life.
Good luck to you. I’ll say a prayer for you. God Bless my dear.
Tell her to f off. Well, really your husband should. When my mother in law did this (while she and my brother in law lived with us After her fiance committed suicide) my husband came hone one day to me locked in a room crying, he told them both they had 35 minutes to pack and arrange a way to go. Once they were gone he changed the locks, & our phone numbers. We had no contact with them for almost 2 years. My mother in law finally got the point that he had my back and wasnt going to have her around if she couldnt respect me.
You shouldn’t even have to be addressing this or sticking up for yourself in your own frikkin home. If she doesn’t like you or what you’re doing or how thing are, tell her to kick rocks. Go run your home the way you wanna run it but you aren’t disrupting mine and disrespecting me and the way I do things. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
If you continue to brush it to the side, it’ll only get worse. She should probably go back home and let you guys have your house back. If everything’s on you and she’s adding to the chaos then why’s she even there?
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As for mil, lets add perspective for situation to resolve - not implode.
Your married to her son. And he may be a man and a good man, and be grateful he is one that is willing to help out.
You can thank her for raising a good man, and then politely remind her that you know he will always be her ’ little boy’ - and by no means is that meant to be derogatory in any possible way - there is a thing with moms and sons i never understood till i had mine… you can ask your husband to affirm that he believes you are a good wife and is happy with you and satisfied with you, while he still loves her.
Then, see her loniliness and frustration.
You are capable, youre willing, youre looking after yourself for your husband. Ask yourself if she did this for her relationship with her husband?
This does not excuse her behaviour - but perspective is the best way to a good outcome.
If she wont be respectful after a mature conversation - sorry mom in law dearest, but its time to go home to your perfect empty existence, or be a bit more patient and tolerant with your home.
When you realise a persons behaviour has got far more to do with themselves than it ever did with you, you learn grace
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