I feel like my sister doesn't treat my oldest newphew the same as the others: Advice?

I just need to rant/get advice. My sister has three kids. She treats her oldest like complete garbage. I went Christmas shopping with her today for her kids, and the entire time, she was saying how she only had so much money, and her oldest barely had any gifts at home, but her youngest 2 had so many. SHE KEPT BUYING THINGS FOR THE YOUNGEST TWO. My nephew is literally only going to have a few things whilst his siblings are opening multiple things at a time. Am I wrong for feeling this way? She has always played favorites, and he has always gotten the crappy end of the stick. What should I do?

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Buy him some presents so he knows he’s loved. He probably can already tell how she feels unfortunately.

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Straight up tell her she’s acting like a shitty mom. Because she is.

Wow that so sad. How about you get him an extra gift of you can. So he feels special.

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Buy him gifts and the others just a couple. If she questions it say well someone has to mother this child correctly smh … poor kid :frowning:

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It depends on how old they are. My older teens don’t get as many gifts because theirs are more expensive.

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I usually would buy more gifts for the child that has less.

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Be honest and tell her she is totally being a crappy mother.

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That sucks I know how that feels buy him a couple extra gifts or buy him a gift card. Because I have experienced this I count all the gifts I get my children to make sure its equal amount

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Buy him what he needs…

If my sister was acting this way I would tell her what for. We would not get along.

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Well someone needs to put your sister in her place if not you then someone else !!! I’m sure he feels and sees this how very sad for him to always get the shitty end of the stick you don’t ever play favorites with your kids you love all your kids equally and there all different so your going to love them all differently but never any less … Please reassure him he is very loved :sob:

Why ? Foes he have a dif father or ?? I would tell her how you see it .

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I’m sorry but me being an aunt & I seen my sibling treating my nephew/niece that way, I would speak up. Right is right & wrong is wrong. On the other hand, if you’re able, buy him the things he need. I’m sure he’ll appreciate you so much.

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Omg thst poor kid. If youre able to, get him extra gifts ),:

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Man if that was my sister I’d smack some sense into her. Poor child😣

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What a POS!!! Tell her off!!!

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I do dollar amount for my kids! My teen boys stuff always cost way more then my daughters toys so she always got tons more gifts! But the same amount of money was spent on each child!

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My mom was like this. We no longer talk. Last I heard she had cancer and I have no desire to reach out to her. It was more than stuff like this. Eventually he is going to hit his limit and she is going to act like the victim. Just be there for him.

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Call her out. That is wrong. Maybe she needs to hear that someone notices.

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You spoil him. Get him something you know he really wants. Get small things for the little ones. And when she points out that you’re playing favorites which she will. Nail her ass to the wall and tell her that you are just picking up her slack. That’s what I would do

Breaks my heart that a mother could ever do this too a child and play favorites , how is my question. She does not deserve kid’s. Tell your sister what she is doing and how wrong it is.

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Tell her how you feel, or buy him lots of stuff - only things you can do.

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I wish I was rich would buy him all the things. :disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved::disappointed_relieved: my heart breaks for him. I knew from a young age my mom hated me. And she still does. It hurts different when it’s your mom

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Don’t say anything. Just give him what his mother doesn’t. If she cuts you out. He will have no one in his corner. I know it’s awful but once he’s older he can turn to you xx

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I would just show that nephew some extra love since his mom clearly plays favorites for the younger ones. That’s so unfortunate and sad for him that he has to experience that. Have you ever asked her why she treats the oldest so crappy? He’ll notice if he hasn’t by now how mom is and when he gets older she’ll regret it. He needs love and affection and attention just a much. I think gifts are one thing but giving time is another. Get him some really special gifts so he knows auntie is always there. :heart:

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Ummm, you stand up to your sister/the mom and ask “wtf?” . then you ask if you can watch him way more often and love on him, and call cps. … Fr thats so messed up. What else is she neglecting him of behind closed doors?

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You know how expensive things are as they get older. It doesn’t matter if the oldest has 5 and they youngest has 8. It’s not the amount you get, it’s the thought. Some of you are ungrateful af.

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My kids always get the same amount of presents doesn’t matter how cheap or expensive ,me personally would ask the mom if I could buy him a few :gift: just so it’s fair

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I’d definitely tell her how fu***d up she is being for sure
Poor boy :frowning: not right at all and just love him and hug him and make sure he knows hes special too by you since his mother obviously cannot

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This makes me mad. I raised two sons on my own with very little money. Also my boys are 5 yrs apart. I never made any difference between them. I don’t even do that now with my great nieces and nephews. If my sister had done this I would of called her out on it. If you can please get this child some more presents so he can feel special too.

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You should tell your sister she’s a piece of shit in her day will come

All you can do is try to make up for what she doesn’t do. Saying something won’t fix it, if anything she’ll just leave you out.

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Open your mouth and say something, maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. Maybe she does and she’s just shitty. Let her know that you feel like it’s wrong but she favors the younger two over the oldest he deserves just as much love as they do.

She needs to be called out I have 5 children and we always make it fair.

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Get him something from you if you can. Be there as his support

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TELL HER!!!
One day my sister called me out for doing the same thing and I literally had no idea I had an older daughter that I knew I had to please because she was no longer the baby and my attention was on the two younger kids and then I had this brand new baby who is super colicky and demanded all of my attention Meanwhile my middle child didn’t get any love or any affection and one day she told me that I treat him like complete shit and that he’s just invisible to me while it broke my heart it was the best thing that she could have ever told me. It opened my eyes and I started doing one on one time with my middle son I started reading with him more,playing Legos with him and asking him to be my helper. I actually took the time to get to know him… Wow. I was missing out on so much
maybe she doesn’t know hopefully she doesn’t know. Because I didn’t know and I changed it as soon as I found out but it took an outsider to let me know I hope this helps and good luck you are an amazing Aunt for even recognizing

That is wrong I always make sure they all have the same equal amount i feel sad for her oldest Maybe have a talk why she doesn’t get him more presents he’s gonna feel something towards his mom. Smh

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Maybe you should ask her why she treats her oldest like crap. Not a good feeling knowing the siblings are treated better.

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Be h76s advocate. Be the one to make him feel extra special. She sounds selfish and childish and she is damaging him for life.

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I am sponsoring a brother and sister, going to great lengths to make sure its even.

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Do you have kids? Are you around all the time? Do they have an agreement? My oldest is 17 youngest 8 months. Until you know all the answers don’t judge, just ask. Grandparemts might be helping little kids toys are not much big kids are sooooo much more. Oldest kid 400 little kid toy 5.99 each. Just ask.

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So many, so quick to judge. Do you live with the kid? Do you know how he is? Do you know why in this one trip, the other has more? Maybe find out all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

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Other than the basic question of why she has those feelings towards I just don’t understand how people can do that. My boys are 11yo and 3.5yo and guess what they are basically getting the same things for Christmas!! Bahaha Santa’s bringing them both Bow and Arrows and gear!! And Momma’s providing echo dots, hot wheels, monster trucks, tech decks and kinetic sand…basic boy shit because that’s what they asked for and that’s what they destroy…I mean play with the most! After their Santa Gift it’s gonna be like the Hunger Games here May the odds ever be in our favor!! Bahaha gotta teach my 11yo how NOT go be a target for his 3.5yo brother. Survival of the fastest…bahahaha

Growing up with 6 siblings, my mom made sure we all had the same number of gifts, she would pass each one out and have us all open 1 at a time so there was no jealousy. We each got 1 “big gift” and a handful of small gifts, but always an equal number. Maybe sit her down and explain how the uneven amounts of love will leave her oldest feeling neglected.

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Funny how so many focused on just the gifts…

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What do u mean by treating him like crap?? It cant just be gifts u r referring to… does she not love on him, praise him, or include him… talk down to him??? Cuz all those things r very wrong & very sad & I would be pissed & call her out… but if it’s just material things then it may be tht his things costs more… I have 4 kids ages 16, 5, 2 & 4 months… at Christmas it looks as though my oldest doesn’t have as much… when in reality i spent a bit more on him

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One day she will be sorry especially if something happens to him been there and seen it with my sister.

Don’t tell her she’s a crappy mom, but ask her questions. “I notice you have bought little A and B X amount of presents, but big Y only Z amount. Why is that?” Or, “You always seem to come down so hard on nephew, much more so than his siblings. Is there a reason?” Or, “I notice nephew seems to get a disproportionate amount of negative attention compared to his siblings. Do you think he’ll come to resent you for that?” Or, “I see you treating nephew so much worse than the other two: )specific examples). Are you aware you are doing this?”

Maybe treat nephew to some special outings, time alone having fun or just talking with you to balance things out. If sister questions it, just say, “I think he needs more positive attention than you are able to give him.”

If you are all out together, give him opportunities to take the lead, make decisions and be the hero. Praise all the kids, but let the eldest know he is an able, in charge person.

Are you a parent too? Maybe find a class & offer to pay or partially pay for her to take it with you.

I think it depends on the age for amount of gifts. If he’s older and understands that his gifts cost more then his siblings then it MIGHT be okay. If he doesn’t understand why his siblings got more then it’s NOT okay. I would talk to your nephew and see if he thinks his mother plays favorites. He may feel left out. Talk to him! He may need you!! My nephew is 13 (but he is a also a giver-he worked this summer mowing a couple lawns just to get him introduced to it and he asked to do it. He spent his money on his younger sister and younger brother) he understands that his gifts cost more then his 5 year old brothers or his 7 year old sisters. Talk to him and be honest. He may be to shy to talk to anyone about it.

Make up for it auntie

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Maybe he’s got less because his stuff is more expensive?

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Well first of all you’re a wonderful Auntie for noticing so you definitely deserve a pat on the back for that and second I would call her out on it and remember people don’t like to be told the truth so be careful how you approach it in my book I think every child should be treated the same and I know how you feel for I too experienced the same thing with a family member it’s a sad thing but I leave things in God’s hands and I still love them dearly good luck

I would tell her. She may be so used to treating him that way that she doesn’t even realize she is doing it anymore.

My dad was treated this way different dad’s. :broken_heart: It definitely affected his life and not for the better. :weary:

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I’m not a member yet, but having been on the receiving end of your dilemma, I feal qualified to respond. I was treated like crap all my life by my mom, The only girl and 2 older, 1 younger brother, I was DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL. MY OLDER BROTHER’S DEFENDED ME UNTIL I was old enough and strong enough to keep my mind and heart HEALTHY. MY Father and I had the same relationship and he was the influence for me to choose to be an exceptional WOMAN. It was their support and love that helped me survive this same Unbearable childhood well up until I had my own child ( that is when I told her how she would treat me for the rest of her life or never see me or her ONLY grand child ever again, I left and it was a year later SHE extended the “olive branch” and that was thru our neighbor/ friends of 30 + years. Your friends have all given you exceptional advise, my “suggestion” is to talk to the oldest (how old is he and do you feal he’s mature enough to understand that he can make the same choices about his heart and mind now and always, that maybe he and the family may never know what HER problem is, but it is just that, HER PROBLEM. I’m hoping you have a close enough relationship with the whole family to see if the rest give him a “Brace” of love and support to be strong enough to NOT let this destroy him or GOD FORBID, ABUSE his own children the same way. Can you talk to the father about this ABUSE, because it is abuse and could have destroyed me and my only child. If you can’t approach the Father, maybe a Pastor or Teacher. But make no mistake, calling Child Services would only make the situation twice as horrible, getting thrown away is way worse. With your compassion I feal you would the perfect person to help the child especially with the Father’s support. I’m sure he is well aware of HER problem, but Why she is doing this can’t be all of the cure. I do hope I’ve been able to explain to you What helped me survive and to Florish into a reasonably HEALTH and Happy WHOLE person. If not and you would like to talk further, send me a friend request and we can talk further. Your heart is in a good place, GOOD LUCK

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Buy him some things yourself…

I have two teens, a preteen and a toddler. The toddler has the most and the teenagers has less. I’m not playing favoritism, but the older the kids the more expensive the gifts. So, at least with mine, it has to do with the cost of each gift. So, I domt know the age difference in her kids but maybe that has something to do with it

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If it,s your children you got no special one their all the same you love them no matter what.

Idk ,How old her oldest one is ,But I know with My two oldest ones presents cost more! For an example like they want,Electronics and Name brand things,Where the younger two just want like plastic car and dolls!
It would probably be best to mind your own business!!!

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I’d say buy a butt tons of gifts for him and very little for the others so it evens out. Since she wants to play favorites, try your best to show he is loved from others

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The older you get the less you get. Buy it yourself if you want.

Fan responds.

Her oldest is only 7.

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7 years old? :disappointed_relieved::sob:. Yes… I would get him soooo many gifts

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I would buy the other 2 1gift each and give him tons of other things.

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Tell her as you see it ,no beating around the bush about ,tell how you feel also

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Gifts are one thing…how about how she treats him emotionally. Are there red flags that may be someone should step in outside of the family? Yes, xmas should be equal also but love and emotional treatment are more important. You need to speak up and help your nephew somehow or your gonna have so much guilt

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I personally would go get him some more stuff myself

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It all depends what the oldest got. I have 11 2&1 year old. My 11 year old has less present under the tree because he got an ipad. But we spent the same amount on them. My 11 yo doesn’t believe in Santa so we were able to tell him why he would have less because one of his gifts was super expensive.

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She’s your sister So be honest and tell her she’s being a bitch to him and that’s not fair. His feelings are gonna be hurt and she needs to make things even.

I would say something to her. I would also tell her that what she is doing is extremely damaging and she should be ashamed. I would also tell others in the family. Many times, when others know, it brings the person to the reality that they have nobody’s support.

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Sounds like you may want to think about joining the "my sister is a narcissist " page. This is their MO.

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Tell her how you feel and what your seeing. I have a 17, 15, 7 and 2 year old. They open the same amount of gifts christmas morning, and I spend the same on them. Also all my kids get gifts from Santa as well.So there is no favoritism.

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The older they get the more expensive the gift itself gets. Maybe she got him items that cost more compared to small baby gifts?

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It can’t be that hard to know what to do…TALK TO YOUR SISTER…but if you have known all this time how she treats him like garbage then why haven’t you already talked to her about that…if she is and has been abusing him mentally, emotionally or physically then you should have already stepped up and helped this child…and yes, if she treats like you say then she HAS BEEN inflicting abuse on him and should have already been reported so this child can get help and counseling…not that hard to figure out what to do.

This kid needs to learn to love himself. She is lacking something.

I would definitely get all equal unless the older one is asking fot expensive gifts (like play stations, videogames etc.) If that’s the case then it’s totally understandable. But otherwise, it’s not right.

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Buy him extra Christmas presents and be there for him

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My oldest has less but he is getting everything he ask for. My 7 year old is getting a few more because she is getting a baby alive and accessories. The diapers and food only come with 1 in the original box so I am getting her more. My youngest has the least but he is 10 months and getting a ball pit and balls to go in it. 60 bucks spent on all three of them. We have stocking stuffers to get but that’s a dollar store run. We normally spend 100 bucks each. We save all year for it. Maybe ask her if you can get him a few small things. Or see is the money is equal. Sometimes the money is important

Did you ask her if they gets get the same amount of gifts?

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Get him a bunch of presents and mark them from you. I mean what else can you do? Some parents suck when it comes to that.

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I’m more concerned about emotional abuse

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Older they get the more expensive one item older kids have. You never mentioned ages, so IDK if the issue is how expensive technology is compared to a simple young child toy. But outside Xmas gifts does he have unfair rules no one else has to follow or treated like a “Cinderella”. If you become blunt with her and tell her she may become defensive and then you will be dealing with a fight on your hands or she may deny you any visitation. My mom had a favorite. He got anything he wanted. Was I jealous? A little, but now I’m an adult it’s in the past and I’m over it. My husband was treated like garbage from his mom and he is fine as an adult as well. It’s all on her when the child sees the treatment and decides later in life not to have a relationship with his mom. Neither my husband nor I had a relationship with our mothers because of it.

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You went shopping with her. Sometimes when I have bought Christmas presents, I have started in September. Perhaps, she has bought items for her older son. You’re not aware of it, because she is finishing her shopping. Could that be the case? Have you asked her what each child is getting?

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You can’t tell her how to raise her kids. There are people in my life whose kids, I believe, got a raw deal. I try to go out of my way to be kind and nurturing. I think sometimes they think maybe my oldest got a raw deal because she is a difficult kid with special needs, and she knows how to push buttons, particularly mine and her father’s. And if you’re not around her all the time, it’s easier to deal with, and therefore I probably look like the asshole. Sometimes parents have kids they just cannot get along with. Maybe she thinks his behavior isn’t as good as the other kids and you just don’t see him at his worst? Maybe he’s harder to buy for, or is super picky, or refuses to tell mom what he wants, and she’s overwhelmed. So she complains that she has nothing for him, and buys the others more because she’s subconsciously trying to appease her guilt… just happens to be in a nonproductive way. All you can do is compensate for her misgivings. You can’t raise him for her… well, you can ask, I suppose. If she really hates him she might consider it. lol. Take him out, let him stay nights at your house. Favor him. Odds are he will NEVER forget it.
…Or he really is a dick and he will use you up and when you need help later in life he’ll take a piss on you. There’s really no way to know. :woman_shrugging::grimacing::grin:

Spoil the fuck out of him yourself. Give him so much love

Christmas isn’t about how many gifts one gets, but who thought of them enough to give them something. Now, I am sorry but I didn’t read your whole story. But as kids get older the price of the items cost more, , & yes I could be wrong, but that could be why he doesn’t have ‘as many’ things as his younger siblings. Again it’s not how much or how many gifts one gets, but the thought behind a gift or gifts. And if you think he needs just ‘as many’ gifts as his younger siblings. Yes you can go out & buy alot more gifts for him or buy him that one special thing you know he wants

Call her out, sometimes people need to get a reality check. Hopefully it’s not emotional abuse on top of favoritism…

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How old is this kid? What’s the relationship with the dad. Different dad then the others

How could a parent even choose a “favorite”. All my kids are MY kids . From 9 months old to 9 years old. My youngest gets more attention obviously but I do not have a favorite and my 2 oldest get the same amount of gifts if I happen to buy more then I thought then both their names go on it and they open it together my youngest is only getting a couple things. Shes young enough she doesn’t really understand.

See I’m the sister that would be calling her out on that bullmess :triumph: if you can’t treat him right then give him to me and begone ya hooker
(Sorry thats a hot button for me)

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Honestly there isnt enough information for me to accurately judge the situation

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“Barely any gifts” Do you know what she’s got him? He might not have “as many” but the gifts could cost more then the littles ones, you never know! I find as my little one gets older presents get bigger in price. I’d talk to her x

My oldest has more toys than my youngest and if anything i treat my youngest the best. She is only one and my other is almost 4. No i don’t abuse or do anything negative but my one year old just doesn’t need a lot but my oldest is learning new things like reading, writing, getting into movies, etc. so she got more gifts. Like someone said above. What are the ages? Is he wanting expensive technology? Maybe she has a set limit for each child. Maybe he didn’t ask for much. Maybe someone else is getting him a lot. Buy him more things if you’re concerned. If not then don’t judge. Ask her what each child has and if there’s anything you can help get for them especially if she’s tight on money.

Tell her how unfair she is to this little boy. Ask her what’s the matter with her not treating her kids the same. How would she like it if she was slighted. Buy extra for this boy if you can

I know that feeling!Your favorite child can be your most disrespectful heathen you’ll ever have the pleasure of getting hurt the most by! SPOIL them all!

Spend time with him and let him feel your love. It is better than presents. He needs someone to SHOW him that he is good enough to deserve love.

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Make up for the lack of motherly love… be a cool aunt

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Tell her to stop showing favorites with the younger ones and spend more money on the oldest one

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Wonder if it’s someone i know. The eldest has heaps of things at my house which he refuses to take home.