My oldest daughter is not his, but my youngest is his; I posted on Facebook to pray (didn’t tell anyone what was going on for neither one of them) for my oldest daughter and my husband’s grandmother never had any concerns about what was going on with her didn’t ask us or anything, then I posted on Facebook about my youngest to pray for her and then my husband’s grandmother was blowing up my phone having concerns on what was going on when I confronted her about it all she could say was she didn’t know why she wasn’t concern about my oldest. How would you handle that situation cause? It hurts my feelings, thinking she doesn’t care about my oldest, only about my youngest. Suggestions on how you would handle it cause now she won’t even talk to me because of the situation. She only talks to my husband?
If they can’t accept and treat everyone equal, they aren’t around
She’s a witch. My ex husbands mom was like this. My ex husband passed away a year ago this past Christmas. This witch sent MY daughters who weren’t his the following message. We have decided as a family that you all are no longer welcome at OUR family events! Like, who does this crap?!?
Be happy hubby has to deal with her. Not your grandma not your problem. Probably how she sees your oldest anyways. Not her grand baby. Not her concern. Said but let granny go:scissors:
Everyone is to be treated the same regardless if she can’t she can’t be around. End of story! Feeding for you and your oldest babe she doesn’t have a right to be in your lives if she can’t behave & treat your oldest babe the same as your little babe x
you think thats bad my son is my exs moms grandchild and even before he was born resented him because my exs other child her favorite didnt want his dad to have another child even though mom did thus treating her grandson from day 1 like crap and still does almost 11 years later id say if she cant treat both the same she never will and to avoid her because the other child will wonder why they are treated different
When i was married to my sons dad I didn’t play when it came to treating my kids equal. I have 3 girls before my son. If his family didn’t buy something for all the kids then they didn’t buy anything for him. I would send back anytime they bought for him and not the girls. After a few times they seen i wasn’t playing about you buy for all or none.
Let her know how much when your youngest gets older it will affect her to know that grandma treated her sister differently than her!
Honestly her bond with your oldest depends on how old grandma is and how long you and your husband have been together
I mean, I would delete and block her from all social media. Not interested in dealing with anyone like that. I wouldnt be going to any family functions either. Neither would my kids. She can either fix it, or just leave us alone. I would also talk to him about not sharing any info with her. That would be that on that.
Maybe she didnt see it that day? Not everyone lives on social media.
I totally understand this, I went through a similar situation with my now ex’s family!! They even went as far to tell my oldest that he could address them as his family, grandma, uncle, cousin etc. Just to turn around after my youngest was born, to start excluding him from family events but wanted to take my youngest son, who is biologically her grandson!! I nipped it in the bud immediately, if my oldest couldn’t go, the youngest couldn’t go, period!! They pretty much distanced themselves for years, until they were older, and by then my oldest didn’t want anything to do with them!! It definitely hurt him though b/c he took them seriously when they invited him in as a part of their family!! Unfortunately, in these cases, all you can do is be honest, but, you can’t force someone to feel like you do!! Make no effort to make this right!! She got caught in her ways and now needs to be the one to make it right!! My advice would to not leave your oldest alone with her or force her to visit!! I would accept it and move on, that is something your husband should battle out, he should be firm in that is just as much his child as your youngest!!
I would just block her until she is ready to be a grandmother to both your children.
Can’t treat BOTH kids the same, you don’t get to have a relationship with EITHER. Plain and simple.
I don’t care how many people feel the need to say “not biologically theirs, not their problem” type crap. If you don’t put your foot down now, it will only get worse from here on out. But don’t force it either because then it becomes an “only because I have too” thing, without any genuine care. Explain it and let them think about it and come to the sense that they are in the wrong and come to the decision of wanting to get to know their extra grandkids. I don’t get how people can be so cruel to a child in any way, shape or form. I hope she comes to the understanding that she’s intentionally hurting an innoncent child simply because she’s not blood-related.
One is biologically hers grandchild,one isn’t. she’s not a bad person because she doesn’t love your child as much as she loves her actual grandchild. You got to accept it for what it is
Its up to your spouse to say something. He should make it clear that they both get equal treatment or there would be consequences. When I first got with my partner I had 1 son from previous marriage and before me or my son came around his family he made it clear that he would not accept anyone treating him wrong (My inlaws love him as if he was their own but its important that ur partner sets the standards)
The older generation do not understand blended families…
Delete her out of your life.
It’s never going to change
Cut her out. My in-laws do the same exact thing to my oldest. I refuse to associate with them or allow either of my kids around them.
When it comes to grandparents and step-grand children you cannot force a relationship, either they will accept the child as family, or not. Only thing you can do is make sure your eldest understands the problem lies with the grandmother and not her. You can use the situation to your children on how important it is to love and care about others, even those who are not blood family.
Hate to say it but it is pretty typical unfortunately
Sounds like you vaguebook too much.
I can see both sides I can understand getting with someone when you already have kids you would want them to be apart of their family too as it should be, but at the same time for the older generation blended families is something they are not really used to either especially financially if someone comes in with more than one child that isn’t biologically theirs in anyway.
Boundaries! Set them and be clear! Both kids are both our kids and both your grandkids or neither of them are
My grandbaby isn’t bio mine but he’s mine. I couldn’t love him more. We are talking about a child . We are allowed to love people who aren’t blood. Granny needs to put in the effort .
I mean I could see her not really being concerned at first but then seeing another post and being like ‘ok what’s really going on?’ But… if she specifically said she didn’t know why she wasn’t worried about your oldest… in those words, then I’d be concerned.
If u don’t step up to this kinda crap your going to bring a rift between your kids block her , it either she accepts your eldest child or cut her off
Surely you don’t think she should love and care about them both the same. One is her biological grandkid the other isn’t. Blood should always be thicker than water.
First of all- Stop vaguebooking and scaring/worrying people.
Second- were they ever given a chance to bond? To grow a relationship? If you only see her on holidays and family events you can’t expect her to feel like she’s her granddaughter.
Some people are just ignorant and cold hearted. Can’t accept them all then cannot accept any of them. End of story. Maybe some day she will learn to be a better human
I don’t play that crap , when I got pregnant with my second daughter knowing that my oldest wasn’t biologically my fiancé daughter we both decided to be straightforward with everyone that no one will be playing favorites with either of my girls because to my fiancé both my girls are his also and if they had a problem with it then they can stay away!!!
For me it’s fine. If they don’t love my child so be it. Im here to love and protect them.
I disagree but unfortunately it happens and in alot of cases the ch ui led has hurt feelings.but in family’s like mine the grandparents is biological and has picked a favorite grandchild and it has been tough and hurt feelings.how do you pick and choose? So unfortunatly it’s a no win.its sometimes ju sz t best not to have alot of contact.
If your husband accepts your oldest as his own then he needs to step up to his family and say all or nothing! That’s his responsibility! But if your husband thinks of them as a step child then you have no ground because the division starts in your home! But I’d quit asking for prayers and vague shit on fb because you’re just looking needy and begging for attention. If something is truly happening then talk/message people you really know and have a real conversation instead of involving people that don’t really need to be involved in personal shit!
Same situation my dear. As much as it hurts it’s the sad reality we have to accept. Let her be. Stop expecting specially now that you know there’s nothing to expect. What’s important is that how much you love your daughter. But don’t teach your daughter to hate your grandmother in law. Teach her how to love regardless if others doesn’t care. If your grandmother in law can’t love back your daughter that is not your fault nor your problem. One way or another, someday she’ll realize it’s her loss not yours because she should be happy that there will be another child to love her like a real grandmother if only she accepted it.
Talk it out with her one of these days. You don’t have to force each other about the issue anymore so long as there is a clear boundary so your daughter wouldn’t be hurt someday.
I’d kick her out either way. Screw that kids are kids and should be loved the same. People are selfish. All the in laws got kicked because they did this to my kids.
I feel that all kids must be treat the same its only kids they dont understand and he took you with that child one childs value is never more then the other…childeren are children i have 3 of my own and 1 thats is not mine and i will never treat mine better or give mine more then the other one never
Maybe she didn’t see the Post about your older one.
And idk what’s going on and why you need prayers but honestly if my nephew is sick I’m more concerned than if his older sister gets sick. Older kids can usually take care of themselves they sleep they just kind of relax until they get better little kids are very needy. Maybe she’s just concerned because he’s a little. I mean unless she’s outright rude to your oldest one I think you’re blowing this out of proportion
Some people are just not going to except non biological children sadly My great aunt, my Nana’s oldest sister was like that. She was sweet and loving to me but would hardly ever acknowledge my adopted aunt. We are only 22 months apart in age. Aunt Mary’s attitude made no sense to either of us.
Well if its his grandmother things were much different I’m sure in her day. She probably doesn’t like mixed families. Idk you’re not going to force her to care for a child she isn’t related to. Unfortunately if her mind is set, I don’t think you’re going to be able to change her mind.
I would get over it. Twice you mentioned “posting on Facebook” while posting on Facebook. Take a stepback and realize it’s not that serious. She might have not even seen it and when you confronted the, I assume way older lady, she might have not even known what you were talking about. Let it go and stop focusing so much on how people respond to your social media posts. Maybe call her and tell her what’s going on instead if being passive aggressive about the whole thing and trying to bait her. Get off fb and live what’s in front of you.
Don’t worry about it mama. Prayers are silent for that reason. It’s on her conscious,not yours. Keep on loving who you love,& she will continue to do the same. It won’t change how much that child is loved. There is no love like yours.
I need more information…more family dynamics and honestly age of grandma. Some older people are old school? Maybe doesn’t like the fact you had a child. Not saying it is right but could be many factors…and the fact you confronted her makes me wonder about family dynamics and history of your relationships with everyone.
You cant force someone to care. Does your oldest grandma on her dad side act concerned about your youngest? I have 3 kids and my oldest has a different dad. It happens.
I am a grandmother to 9 grandchildren only 4 are blood but if anyone treats them differently there would be hell to pay.
As a step child, my stepfathers parents never cared about me, but my stepfather never had bio kids. But they did treat my cousins way differently than me. Needless to say, I don’t have a relationship with them, and it doesn’t affect me. But in the case of 2 siblings, I would imagine it would be easy for your oldest to see what’s happening. You have to protect both of your children’s feelings.
As crappy as it is, you can’t make someone love your child. If your spouse loves your child, that’s what’s most important. I understand that it will hurt your feelings bc it would hurt mine too. But for your own peace- let it go. Your daughter lacks nothing if she is loved by you and your spouse. She doesn’t need the affections of your spouses GRANDMA. my kids have been neglected by people that are/were supposed to love them that ~are~ blood. But ultimately, I can’t make people see how special my children are and I can’t make them love my children even when my kids are soooo lovable.
I let it go.
Unfortunately she can’t force herself to love or care about a child that’s not biologically her grandchild and it’s no ones fault just one of those things
It’s the complete opposite on with my fiancé’s grandmother. My fiancé has a sister but she not biologically her granddaughter but she always wants her kids to stay the night and stuff but will never ask about our kids. So we ended up just cutting her off
Here’s how you handle that shit. Delete her from FB, and let your husband handle her. Chances are she wont be around long enough to do any long term damage to your kids.
You just have to let it go or you will drive yourself crazy. It’s her issue. Give your children equal love. You cannot control what others do or feel.
My step grandma treated us this way. My mom had 3 of us from a different marriage and 1 with my stepdad. My little sibling would get gifts and hugs and everything and nothing for us. It hurt my mom but we’re better off without the grandma anyway.
I cant understand how people can ever treat children differently,they are the innocent ones in these situations.
So u run interference with her and the child to lessen hurt feelings. My parents deliberately kept themselves away from my kids…their own grandchildren. I had to run interference when they were around all the time and also when they tried to play favorites. Even sent Xmas presents back one yr as they sent to one GChild out of three. My kids never really knew them and learned not to give a damn about them. They died and r forgotten. Nice legacy for them.
If she can’t treat each child equally when in person, then she sees neither child. Period. Both children will eventually notice. There is something lacking in great- grandma’s character not to care about a child, especially one brought into the family by her grandson.
I have 5 grandchildren. My oldest one came into our family with his mom when he was 8 months old. He isn’t the grandchild of my blood, but he is the grandchild of my heart. He is mine as much as the other 4, and all of the extended family treats him as such. He is ours. (My extended family would NEVER treat a child like she is with yours.) That’s the way it has to be, and that’s just the way it is. Anything less is unacceptable, and I would rip into anyone, like a dog with a steak, who would try to treat him otherwise. You are your child’s defender against injustice, especially within your own family. That’s your job. Protect you child.
If it is obvious enough that the children notice I wouldn’t go around as much. Unfortunately, some people don’t understand that you love kids regardless of blood. My FIL is the same way to my daughter and we basically cut him out of our lives. It sucks but there’s nothing you can do. To me if your daughter can tell she’s treated differently then that relationship is null and void. No one should make children feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.
My two kids have different dads, but I’m their mom. When they were young, my mother always favored my daughter over my son. They’re now 32 and 27 and it’s still the same. So it doesn’t matter if they’re blood or not, some people are just evil
My 5 kids dads mum has next to nothing to do with my kids, he has 3 kids to his ex and she will move heaven and earth for them, im not fazed anymore, good on her for staying loyal to her 1st 3 moko, at the end my kids wont acknowledge someone they dont know, if they need need me n their dad to bak them up they got us all the way… She will be just a figure in their future and if they happy with tht then so am i
You got one of them fucked up mother in laws
Learn it, live it, love it or leave? She won’t change, she’ll just do more nasty shit
Delete her on Facebook. She won’t talk to you or care about all kids then she doesn’t need to be snooping about your business.
You can’t force anyone to care about your kids but you can protect your kids. I wish people would be more kind to blended families. My kids grandma only really care about my two bonus son’s(I’m not the mom) She’s doesn’t care about my oldest(not my hubs) or the our youngest two we have together. But will swear to everyone else she does. My kids don’t go around her and I don’t go outta my way for her. If she was better I definitely would. Also let your kids know nothing is wrong with them. That something is wrong with her.
Sorry but my son in law married again after my daughter pass away and his wife gets mad because I treat my granddaughter ms different she had a daughter when she married him I should’ve to hear her snied remarks because I treat my grandchildren different now I buy her Christmas gifts n they have new little brother i bought him gifts it feel like she’s always making remarks to my grandchildren about it I feel like I should not have to buy anything they are not my grandchildren but I do out of kindness
Iam a grandma and my oldest grandson isn’t my sons, but I’m telling you I love him just as much as my sons biological son, I couldn’t ever relate to a grandparent who feels less for one of their grandchildren on the fact they didn’t come from my son!! I love my grandson’s exactly the same those boys are my life and I wouldn’t ever be able to think of him as not mine or treat him any different, if this is happening that woman don’t and shouldn’t get the pleaser of being called grandma!!!
I have 4 bio kids 1 step. My mom favors my oldest two and my oldest son. Its noticeable for my step daughter not so much for my youngest who is 3. Its a constant battle. But after a talk my mom is including my step more. With my mom its more about the ages and behaviors of the kids. My oldest are 13 and 12, more independent then the others. My oldest son is 6 and the first boy grandchild. My step had some behavior amd attitude issues at first, that’s getting better. My 3yr old is obviously more needy with attention. I wont hold back on saying something but I also wont hold back my kids either.
just limit your contact and take her off your fb. can’t make her be concerned when she’s not
Unfortunately, that’s just how it is sometimes. If its just over little stuff like prayers on a FB post, I wouldnt worry about it. She isnt obligated to care about your child just because you married her grandson. Just make sure that your oldest is aware that she aint obligated to like the old lady either!
Her problem, not yours… it’s sad, but she is the one losing out
As long as you love your babies don’t worry about it.
Leave it go and move on
Establish boundaries. My oldest family is mostly deceased dad, grandma, grandpa. My youngest grandparents are involved in her life but from the start I made it clear they weren’t going to treat my kids differently. They are only 8 and 4, I will completely cut them out before my oldest has to try and comprehend why a adult is making poor choices. I could careless if its cause of their generation or upbringing we have a choice now to do whats right.
Delete her off of Facebook.
If she is dodging you and only talking to your husband that’s a bit of a res flag like yes she was confronted about something but that’s no reason to straight up ignore you non the less only speak to your husband like if y’all are married most of your decisions are made together so she’s really not getting anywhere just being mean. As for the favoritism that can be a whole nother ball park there are many reasons a grandparent may choose favorites but what it really boils down to is WHY she’s chosen that. It maybe a incontinence thoughtless action or there maybe a bit of bitterness behind it
Some people a not accept the fact because they are not blood my mom is the same with my step kids. Which I think it’s so unfair. They are my kids blood or not. She should feel the same. But she doesn’t she’s starting to warm up though.
There’s a chance since she’s not biologically the oldest grandmother that she doesn’t know where she stands as in doesn’t want to over step any boundaries. Maybe a nice talk with her with where you and her stand. As in that you’d like her to be a grandma. See where her feelings are. An adult talk not a calling each other out on things. A nice calm adult talk.
She a bee each anyway its sad but it’s everywhere I was a step kid and while my step dad wouldn’t have let someone purposely hurt me there were snubs, forgetting me, uninvites sadly I was legal just not blood. It still didn’t matter to some, others were awesome good to me. All I can tell you is it must have toughened me because I grew up self confident, reliable and responsible adult. Now don’t get me wrong the minuet the kid feels hurt I would put a cabash on it!
It’s sad. My dad is totally different with both of my stepsons he loves both of them. He says that they are his grandbabies as well because I excepted a person with two kids before we got together. And it’s Kids fault that they have different parents. So if she has a problem with it you probably need to go i address it to her about it and tell her what it is that she feel some type away towards your oldest daughter. Because she has a different dad and if she has a problem with it then she isnt allowed to be around your family. Because if it was me I would have addressed it to my father and then I will tell him that if he doesn’t except the kids I won’t except him. You have to put your foot down in situations and you have to talk because people do not care about you they don’t care about your feelings so therefore you speak up and you tell them how you feel. Honestly since you already basically told her And she didn’t have anything to say about it I would talk to her about it again and then go from there and if it doesn’t fix up cut her off just completely cut her off And if your your husband gets upset about it then I would tell him no. because you know it’s your daughter’s feelings that were talking about and really it’s about your kids. I wouldn’t want anybody to treat any of my kids differently step or not step.
Cut her off she doesnt deserve to be in the family
She’s embarrassed you called her out prob
Are you sure she saw the first post? Maybe she missed it. If something is wrong with your kids why aren’t you telling their g’gma & other family instead of posting a mystery post on fb?
Maybe don’t vaguebook
It’s so sad to see parents/grandparents not accept other children. If this isn’t addressed now it will continue to happen later.
My partner and I would always hope that either side of the family Will treat our kids (bio or step) the same but not expected them to. People had their own experience and and preference when it comes to their own kids. You can only control with you do not what others do.
I had 4 kids from a previous relationship before I got with my husband. Their family treats my kids as their own. With no hesitation.
I would say include her equal or not at all… my mom “accidentally?” plays favorite with my son over any grand kid… it is unhealthy all around so we have boundaries. My sons dad family accepts my daughter… i wouldn’t be nearly as giving with time with our son outside of a custody agreement if they excluded her when she was around. But luckily they are accepting and loving… they respect that hes taken her in as his own so she has a dad. Im very grateful.
I personally would be offended. My oldest has a different dad than my younger 2. But my fiance’s family has always loved my oldest like their own, I think I would be feeling some type of way if the family left my oldest out or treated him differently. Blended families should be equally accepted and loved as biological families. But unfortunately its not like that sometimes and it feels really shitty as a mom to have your kids treated differently. I feel for you.
Does she treat your oldest different to your youngest I can understand her caring more fir your youngest she’s her blood there’s a different bond there but she shouldn’t treat your oldest different
Shake the dust off and keep going. Keep her from getting your post’s through settings. I have a similar situation. Always remember it is her loss. Let hubby talk to her…you don’t have to. However, teach your children both to respect her position of elder. You do the same.
Ask her I have 2 grandchildren that are not my sons but I love them as if they were so im concerned about them and if my grandmother or mother in law seemed to be more concerned about one and not the other I would definitely ask what’s up u can’t love them both and be concerned about both then u won’t see either
It’s her loss! All children are blessings! Shame on her?
You can’t force her to love a child thats not her grandchild and cutting off a grandmother that’s clearly loving to the younger one seems toxic to that younger one. Does your oldest not have her own set of grandparents from her fathers line
When. The. 2. Of. You. Got. Together. That. Became. His. Daughter. I. Have. 4. Sons. Some. Of. Them. Have. Stepchildren. I. Think. Of. All. Of. Them. As. My. Grandchildren. I. Don’t. Do. For. 1. If. I. Can’t. Do. For. All.
Maybe she felt she had no right to feel concern for your oldest?
My grandpa was like that because I was adopted and not his blood. He apologized before he died. I forgave him.
Unfortunately she has probably grown up with prejudices that we don’t have now. Just love both your kids equally.