I feel like such a failure

My daughters father and mother are making our life miserable. My daughter is one she was in hospital last year for three weeks with an immune disease. Since then has had constant infections. They have been telling people including the drs surgery that she’s fine and I’m the problem even though her medical records would show what she was diagnosed with and treated for.

I do my best for my daughter and now I’m made to feel like a failure because she gets sick. All kids get sick
It’s at the point I feel like I should just change drs.
People can be so cruel.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like such a failure - Mamas Uncut

Your daughter’s father and mother?? Is this a foster care situation?

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This post is very hard to follow

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I’m a little confused. If her father and mother are doing it then what’s your relation to her? Also why are they talking to the doctors and surgeons? And are the doctors giving you issues? They would have her medical records that state everything

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I read it as her father and his mother maybe ?

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Man this post is a mess. Please clarify

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My daughters father…are making our life miserable.

Isn’t that himself?

I’m assuming the OP meant that her child’s father and the fathers mother are making her life and her daughters life miserable.
If the doctors have records of why she was sick and what she was diagnosed with, then there is no reason for the doctors to listen to them. Unless the father and grandmother are taking her to the doctors instead of you ?

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Haaaaaaaaaaalp!
Your daughter’s father and mother? Are you in a foster situation? The father’s mother? Youre the stepmother? I am confused.
Either way, it aint your fault the kid got sick. It happens. It WILL happen. All you have to do anymore is go outside and breathe and then BAM! You got the rona’. Tell em’ both to kick rocks.

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Sounds to me like she is being accused of a Munchausen situation. Not to be taken lightly, for sure.

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It doesn’t matter who is who, just remember they can be done with neglect for not assessing her medical needs, just keep doing the right thing like you have been and if they don’t so be it , it will soon backfire on them…

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My son is almost always sick. We do the best we can. Please don’t let anyone blame you. Children get sick. Some more than others. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Just focus on you and your baby

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If you feel like a failure, then you’re doing something right! Parents who don’t feel like they do any wrong or hold themselves accountable are those in the wrong.
Breathe, pray and ask God for comfort. You have to stop listening to others and trust yourself. You’re a mama for a reason.

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My daughter put her foot down when it comes down to boundaries.

Cut Grandma off.

Did we forget the HIPPA law? It is only the Mother’s business about what is going on. No business of Grandma’s!

Lay out your boundaries and stick to them.

Appointments are to be made by anyone whom wants to visit. No just showing up at the door. Visits are only 2 hours and everyone has to leave.

My daughter is doing this for her and the children’s metal health and it is working!
The children are so happy and amazing!
My daughter doesn’t stress anymore.

Happy Children, happy Mom and a lucky husband.

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I would talk one on one with this doctor. He’s the one thats diagnosed. Then let him know way the dad and grandma say it’s you. Let this doctor speak up to this man.

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Let’s get one thing straight … doctors don’t take medical advise from non medical professionals. They might ask a few questions to see if there is a lead but over all the doctors are just humouring the father and his mother

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FYI, if what she has had been diagnosed by drs and can be verified, the father accusing you of making it up can be used against him in court due to the fact that he is interfering with medical care and doesn’t know the extent of his child’s medical care and therefore is unfit to care for her. Drs take note of EVERYTHING. Keep a notebook documenting when she’s sick, diagnosis, prognosis, if dad makes any accusations and keep every text where he’s accusing you of not taking care of her.

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You know what you’re doing and what you’re not doing… never let anyone have you second guess yourself… nobody is perfect… take care of your baby and let God do the explaining for you

My middle son is sick every other week. He has been like this since he was small. He had a blood infection when he was 2 months old. No matter what we do (disinfect the whole house, immune vitamins, hand sanitizer) he still catches everything. It’s not your fault and you should keep them away until they grow up and stop playing the blame game. You do not need added stress.

I know how that feels. My youngest son has one of the rarest forms of epilepsy. His seizures were not the kind of seizures you could recognize and I had never heard or seen his type of seizures before. So while I was waiting weeks and weeks to get him into his pediatrician, I was told it was something else by a nurse practitioner and the e.r. docs, he was having these seizures many times a day and I couldn’t stop them. Finally when we got into see a neuro he put me down and made me feel like shit because he went a while having them. I felt soo worthless multiple times. But you know what, that mf wasn’t there, he didn’t know I was doing all I could to pinpoint the problem. So in my head I told him to fuck off!

Why do you care what they think? Do you really think a professional dr would listen to them after they diagnosed your child?

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As a parent with a child with multiple immune diseases I know how hard it can be for diagnoses and for sometimes doctors to take it seriously! We had many a&e trips before finally an amazing doctor came along and decided to test her in more depth.
My advice is if you feel your child is unwell you do whatever it takes to sort it out regardless of what other family members say. I’m not really sure how this is an issue if she has had a diagnosis, how can dad and grandma disagree?

I would cut her off. Sounds like she’s trying to pin you for munchausen by proxy.

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Change everything with her. Clean the air, change to organic clean eating, move away from the drama…etc.

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Put anyone that don’t like how you parent or what is going on in your life, up in the balcony, or need for anyone trying to tell someone how to parent. you don’t need anymore stress etc. When having to deal with a child that needs a little more help.
Hope you have a blessed & never stressed day :sparkles:

Quit listening to her. She isn’t the doctor. Discuss your problems with her with your husband and if he isn’t on board, push him over!! This is your child and you are the mother. You take care of that baby.

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Listen, the only thing a doctor will do is listen to what they have to say. They are not gonna take any unsolicited medical advice from any quack who thinks they’ve got knowledge of being a doctor. They are not doctors, their doctor is not going to listen to anything and I repeat anything that they say other than what they’re being told. They will take it into consideration when it comes to treating the patient. Your daughter is their only concern it does not matter what Joe blow down the road tells them. That doctor is going to look at your kid look at her actual medical history from whatever other doctor she’s dealt with and go from there. They are not and I repeat going to take any type of medical advice opinions concerns from her father and grandmother. So stop worrying. Stop fighting over something that isn’t important. What you need to understand, you have control over what’s happening with your daughter and the doctors. They can say whatever they went to the doctors unless the doctors are addressing you and saying you are the problem and that your daughter is in suffering from whatever guess what don’t worry about it. Do not stress your self out because your child can sense your stress and will feel it and adjust accordingly and you can make them stressed. So sit back relax and let the doctors do what they do best listen to other doctors not the crockpots who are trying to tell him whatever they think is going on.

I’m confused. Your daughters mother & father… What is your relationship to this child?

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then change DR’s/specialists

I have no clue what you are trying to say.

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Took six years to diagnose my auto immune issues so I get it . Who cares what they think you have had tests etc done and it’s not your fault . I’m auto immune suppressed and get everything and anything easily sadly part and parcel of the illness . You’re doing a great job getting answers and help if your worried talk to the dr if you feel they aren’t listening go elsewhere took me a long time and a lot of drs xo

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Wtf?! Why are you even worried about what anyone else thinks? You are with your daughter daily. You know what your daughter goes through. End of story!

There are people, especially older generations, who don’t believe a lot of medical issues exist. My grandparents generation doesn’t think mental health issues are real. There are people who think others get sick just for attention. Yes, there are medical conditions that can be faked, but a hospital will not admit someone, especially a child, for 3 weeks for no reason at all.

If you like the doctor your daughter has, then keep them and tell her father and his mother to eff off! There is ALWAYS going to be someone that has something to say about any and every thing. Brush it off and keep your priorities in line!

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Never hurts too get a second opinion

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Your kid, you do what you feel is best. Take care of your baby.

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Who are you to this child if she has a mother and father?

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They have ZERO need to talk to her doctors I would cut them out completely

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Get away from both of them. They sound toxic and don’t have your daughters best interest in mind.

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Is the doctor listening to the father & grandma? Is the doctor acting as if you are making her condition up? If he’s not then I don’t see the point of changing her doctor. If the child has a valid diagnosis then what they say shouldn’t even matter. Stop listening to them & keep your own records of your daughters diagnosis & care. I know it’s irritating when an ex & his family put you down but you need to be done using that energy on your child-Not your ex & his family.

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The dad’s mom shouldn’t be talking to any of your child’s Drs! Highly illegal! Go to court so dad has no say so in medical. I have full custody. My ex husband has no say so in anything!

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People are going to talk no matter what you do. Why would you switch doctors over people talking?

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Don’t share information with them and find a new doctor that will look into what thr root cause of the infections are. Maybe look into natural health. A good resource for that is the group The Natural Health Library, they have information on a lot of ways to heal infections.

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Wtf??? Why r you wasting energy on what others think? You have a sick child. That’s where the focus belongs. Lose the drama

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I wonder if she meant daughter’s Father and his Mother maybe? Either way, it’s your daughter. Don’t listen to them and keep doing what you’re doing. Just take care of your daughter and carry on.

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Hospitals are not hotels, they dont let someone stay for 3 weeks without something going on, if the father and mother inlaw want to armchair diagnose, tell them to do it at a distance as you’ll stick with trained medical professionals

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Grandma should not be at appointments. And father should be coparenting with you.

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Are you possibly living with mold ?

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EVERY mom is the best mom she knows how to be!
Don’t let anyone ever steal your joy - <3

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Don’t change that baby’s Dr. He has already have her diagnosis and you don’t want to put her through all the testing again for the same diagnosis. Let them say what they want and you tell them to talk to the Dr and let the Dr explain her diagnosis to them. Tell the Dr what’s going on and see what the Dr says about what they say. Don’t change Dr’s and keep on doing what is best for your baby and that is staying with the Dr you have!

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I know this sounds hard but have nothing to do with them.He might be the dad but he has no right talking about you.Care for your baby you are doing a good job.

Young one - you are a good Momma- if you don’t want to change dr - then make a point of telling them not to discuss your child and medical information with anyone other than you. If they do - it is a violation of HIPPA Law

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What’s the immune disease. Keep her feet warm put hats on when it’s cold get baby vitamins build up her immune system if she’s eating baby food try to get vegtables If there is breathing problems get air filtering machine keep dogs and cats away from the baby oh and dust. Tell these people your doing all this

If it’s that stressful do it by yourself and don’t even tell dad when the appointments are. Not being mean. But just because you guys have a child together doesn’t mean you guys have to do literally everything with the child together. I don’t tell my sons dad anything going on when I see him however I will mention it if I remember to but unless it’s like harming her and he needs to be there but not if she’s just got a cold.

Like someone mentioned above though I would check house for mold even around the windows or what not. Good luck!

Check for mold please

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