There are two options to me. Be true to yourself and
1, leave and allow him to be with someone who feels all the things for him - as he deserves that
2, stay and find new ways to be passionate and fall in love in a new way.
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Iād try to work on it tbh there isnāt any nice guys anymore and you seem lucky to have him
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Why donāt u both write 5 things down on a piece of paper why u fell in love with each other then let the other read it. Hell spice up things in the bedroom bring in toys or something. Try foreplay, date night do spontaneous sex in the car stuff that u havenāt done since u were young.
Oh my goodness people can be so judgmental. She came here for guidance, not judgement. Listen, I totally get where you are at and only you can make this decision. I have married for love and I have married because he was a good guy. Neither worked out for me. So do whatās best for you. Divorce is so very hard with kids, you will miss your kids every other week or whatever the arrangement ends up being. It is so flipping sad and hard but in the end I did what I thought I needed to do for me and my family. I ended up waiting another 6 yrs and remarried and the perfect guys still turned out to be a total ass. Long story to say you have to make yourself happy. No one can do that but you.
I truly hope you can find peace and happiness Very soon. I am sending all of the good vibes your way. 
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Am thinking of you and know what you going through.
Life isnāt like the movies. Love takes work.
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I think you need to forgive
so you can get free from unforgivness and then you can start to heal and love him againā¦
Life is funny, if he wasnāt interested you would be. Marriage takes work.
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I would encourage you to work on your relationship. Marriage is not something that should be taken lightly. Itās a real commitment and at times, it can be a struggle.And after the first initial years of passion have gone and the daily grind settles in eventually this kind of thing happens. And many of us have said this already. That being the case, I donāt think youāre asking what to doāI think what youāre really searching for with this post is for somebody to tell you 'itās okay to leave your husband.But as I said in the beginning I think you should work it out. Certainly I think he needs some help because of the cutting issue, but I believe you both have a communication issue that needs resolved.It reads to me that you believe that you share a rich foundation built on a strong friendship and children, and that is why I think you should fight for the marriage not just for your childrenās sake, but for your own. Donāt get me wrong, sex is great, but it really isnāt everything. We live in such a sex worshipping culture.The media would have us believe that the best relationships, or even all relationships, are meant to be this passionate amazing sexual xperience for us. And it can be! However, I think the problem is that you remained silent for too long on your strong desire for him to seek help with your intimacy issues and he was not being as attentive to your needs. Now seeing as how he has had these issues resolved you could now take the time to fully communicate what you want, how you want it, andāI stress thisāwhat he wants as well. Because sex is more than just āme and my own pleasureā. Ask him what he wants, what he craves. I think youāll find that if you take some time to communicate with one another what you want and need sexually from this point forward this would solve a lot of your problems.
But really, marriage is so much more than sex.Itās finding that someone whom you can grow old with. Someone you love being around and someone who understands you. It seems like you have this person right in front of you but you just need to work on communication.
I hope you work it out.
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If you are good roommates, and heās an amazing father and helps around the house, why donāt you have an open marriage? Marriage doesnāt have to be about sexual desire for the other. It can fully be about being good friends and raising those kiddos. But if you have an open relationship maybe you both can find some happiness.
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That is the stupidest thing ever. There is no such thing of a ālove that consumes youā thatās called lust. Appreciate what you have and rekindle your love. That is all in your head. Buy a dildo and spice up the bedroom. Gawd.
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If it is erectile dysfunction it could be from medical issues and a warning sign for cardiac issues. He needs to get checked Asap. He needs to put his embarassment aside for his kids and his marraige. Good luck.
I use to cut, so please donāt necessarily take this as a form of manipulation. Its not a joke, its a serious overload of emotions for him that he cant digest, so he puts the damage on himself to numb it up. Its like hell and easily becomes addicting. Iām not trying to scare, Iām just warning. Please be careful!
Sometimes as awoman its not about you its about the children if he is great you can make it work for them they are who is important in this situation mamas make alot of sacrifices for there children rhis is yours
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I understand. Do what you feel you must for yourself. I am kind of in the same situation, but older and we donāt have children together. Wanting for the right time to make my move. Prayers for you.
I would leave. Tell him how you truly feel. How can you make your children happy if you arenāt happy? You shouldnāt have to put up with it. If you are not happy then you have to do something about it, itās not fair to you and it will just get worse the longer you stay.
Mmm sounds like you are looking to chase a dream and not wanting to work for that reality. All consuming passion all the time is unrealistic and Half the time love is a choice.
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It sounds like you know what you want! Life is short ā¦ I would talk to him about it and see what he says maybe he agrees with you tooā¦ sounds like you wouldnāt have problems co-parenting and we all know that āstaying together for the kidsā isnāt good ā¦ they will grow up not seeing affection and could affect their future relationships ā¦ also if your not happy your kids KNOW no matter how good of an acting job you think your doing !
Any relationship takes work .the grass is not greener on the other side . the grass is greener where you water it. I would try to rekindle your marriage because those vows are for sickness and health poor or wealth your NOT supposed to give up ā¦ Vows dont hold the same value these days its sad
Why are people glossing over his cutting and telling her to stay in a sexless manipulative marriage? She can get her grove on. Show her children by example that self worth is a priority. And have a glo-up in her future. Kids can still have a relationship with dad, it just frees her to find herself something more fulfilling. And I sincerely hope she gets her grove on.
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. Heās 36 and Iām 38. We have had so many struggles over the years, including this one. Each hurdle, weāve chosen to work it out and find ourselves not only as individuals but as a couple as well. Whew, the learning weāve had to do would exhaust a person! Weāve learned to communicate everything, even when itās not nice. Weāve learned that passion changes over the years. Weāve learned to forgive. Weāve learned to grow in a new direction. Weāve learned that marriage takes a lot of hard work and dedication.
Because youāre on the fence about this, my best advice would be to start from square one. He knows that youāve lost your passion for this so set a timeframe. We gave ourselves a year. If we both werenāt happy with where weāve grown at the end of that year then we would just need to be honest with each other.
Stop and look. Who is this man in front of me? Heās not the same person he was just as Iām not the woman I was. Whatās his love language? What makes him tick, passionate, light up? He needs to do the same but in regards to you. Loving someone by their love language and not by your own is so important!
Start dating. Dinner and a movie in bed. Picnics in a blanket fort. Find a sitter and go do something different. Start playing the little love games you used to. Find new ones. Find new things to try. Not just sexually. Go on adventures. There are tons of free things to experience if money is a part of the stress. You guys need to make time for you, separate from the kids.
Once your timeframe comes around, youāll know for sure. This might even happen again as you guys grow into the next stages of life so if you guys choose to keep going just know that youāll always need to work together on this.
If you do choose to leave, understand that you may go through this again. Any relationship will require a give and take. It will change overtime. Itās all about how much work youāre willing to put into it.
I wish you the very best no matter what you decide
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Ummm are more people going to address how he CUT himself when she did try to leave? Instead of mostly telling her āthis is a you problem you should stay and try harderā
That is manipulation.
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Grow up,marriage is alot of work ,itās.not all passion and roses
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Maybe start dating each other again? I recently read an article about a man who no longer her loved his wife. He began to cheat and fell in love with someone else. He asked his wife for a divorce but before she would agree, she asked him to carry her out to the kitchen every morning and make her coffee. He did this every morning for several months and slowly began to fall back in love with his wife, after taking the time to do all the ānot so importantā things his feelings started to come back. One day he went to the mistress and decided he wasnāt going to leave his wife, when he came home she was gone, she had cancer and she wanted their son to see that he was a loving husband and father.
Sometimes it takes the efforts to do the things that ādonāt matterā to fall back in love with someone.
Maybe try dating him again and see if it changes anything. Iām in same boat and we are starting to date again and my feelings are changing to be good again. Itās hard. 
Have you seen the movie FireProof and heard about the Love Dare? There is a workbook out and a Facebook group or more to follow. Itās 30 days.
Have you tried seeing a sex therapist? Someone specifically to spice up the bedroom or work through the issues there? That might be an option if you feel like you want to try.
An open marriage is also something to think about but if heās "obsessed with you"as you say, it might not go over well.
Have you gone to counseling by yourself? It might be worthwhile just to clarify your feelings and to get an outside, neutral opinion on your situation.
There is always the option of a trial separation too.
Feelings are fleeting if u got a good man keep him too many live their life by temporary feelings
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Thatās lust not love
I cannot tell you what to do. I can only speak from experience.
- My s/o and I have been together since I was 16. I will be 27 next month. We have 2 kids and during the last decade, shit has been HARD at times. We have had all types of issues, bedroom and otherwise. There have been moments wherein I wanted to leave. Thought about itā¦ But I never have and I am so glad of this every time.
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If you only knew what most women would give to say they had a man that was a loving, hardworking husband and father. I donāt think youāre going to find what youāre thinking youāre going to find once you leave. Dating sucks. Men are not typically what you have found in your husband. You really need to rethink this. Separate for a little while. Give yourselves time to miss each other. Date each other again. If possible find a different job so yāall arenāt together every moment. You dear have what old people call The Seven Year Itch. This is where your marriage is tested hard. Once you get through it your marriage will be stronger but you have to work at it. It sounds like you have an amazing husband. Donāt throw him away bc you think something better is around the corner. Fix your marriage.
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Leave. Everyone deserves to be happy & loved the way they need to be loved. It would be selfish of both of you to make the other stay. He is a great dad now, he will be through a divorce & as a single dad. Try a separation to see how things go. Iāve lived a loveless, sexless, passionless marriage. It is miserable & you feel so lonely. No one deserves that. People change, they fall out of love but are still good people. He just is not the end for you. There is nothing wrong with that, nor should you feel shame about it.
That is all up to you on what to do
If youāve tried everything and you arenāt in love with him, leave. By staying youāre showing your kids that being in a loveless marriage is ok, when it obviously isnāt. Just cause he cuts, donāt feel obligated to stay. As a person that cut and tried other ways to unalive myself for years, I would NEVER cut or attempt suicide in any other way to manipulate somebody to stay. He needs help from a therapist if heās gonna do that type of stuff to himself. You need to do what makes you happy and if anybody says otherwise, theyāre wrong. Life is too damn short to stay in a loveless marriage. Go find your happiness. If he really loves you and the the kids, heāll get over it and move on too.
Date.
Get to know one another againā¦what happened to sticking together through thick and thin?! He got help. So what it wasnāt the min you demandedā¦he still did itā¦
Appreciate what you haveā¦not too many women have husbandās like yours!! There are much more important things in life than erotic sexā¦
Your not trying hard enough!
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Youāre describing my first marriage, Iām very glad I left him because otherwise I wouldnāt have my son and he is a great man, dad and person. But honestly there was nothing wrong with my first husband either, he was a good guy and Iām sure he would have been a great dad too but I wanted that passion and I left him for my current partner and it was very passionate, at first, but, what Iāve realised now is no matter who you are with passion fades but hopefully whatās left is friendship and support and respect and understanding, and thatās true love, people who have been together for 50 years arenāt still together because its passionate.
Your talking about LUST not love, the grass isnāt greener on the other side. The grass is greener where YOU WATER IT. You made a oath to love that man for better or for worse, sounds like your immature and just want to get screwed by a bunch of random dudes. Do him a favor and leave, i think he will be better off without you. He deserves a honest loving wife that loves him and it sounds like you can notā¦
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Try to rekindle your relationship or if you cant just leave and dont stay cause of the kiddos just make sure this is what you actually want cause you may decide down the road that you made a bad decision and it will be to late to rekindle your relationship with your husband he may move on and seeing him with a new woman tends to make woman jealous so please think on everything and make the best decision for you and your kiddos
Girl, if he got his issues taken care of, let him try and rock your world again! That passion will come back!
Itās your time to get help. There is more to marriage than sex.
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Ok so. I have been married twice and im going to say this. This is a common thing people do and thatās not called love thats called honeymoon infatuation period. It is normal to go through this, a real in love relationship is hard, its not easy, and its not all butterfly and rainbows. Its not the notebook. Its for better or for worse. Through sickness and health. Not just for the better. I have always told this advice because it helped me in the end. There is a 80/20 rule. You have everything you want in a man buttttt there is still that 20 percent lacking because guess what we are all human we arenāt perfect. I guarantee, you have some things that lacks in areas in your life and ways that he just donāt speak on either. Donāt go looking for 20 percent in someone else that you want and than have it and than have him horrible in every other way. The cutting is a form of self harm of his own mental health and you should be there for him just like you would want him there for you, not saying its ok, but why break your family up for just some sex and passion? He should still get some therapy for that though but you should still be there for himā¦ what if you got sick with cancer God forbidden? You would want him to be there for you as well. Sex is very important inget it, but maybe you could take some classes for sex education, do role play, go to a swingers club if you wanting that type of thing and do your passion with others while having each other as well( not my sort of thing). Im just throwing out suggestions because Iāve been in the same boat. Hope the best.
Theres a saying about falling in love alotā¦I donāt really remember itā¦but marriage is workā¦the work doesnāt stop once you are married.
Its an everyday job.
You are to fall in love with himā¦over and over again.
When something is brokenā¦fix it instead of throwing it away.
My ex husband didnāt understand thatā¦or careā¦its been almost 4 yrs since i have seen himā¦he went to work one day and never came back.
I never healedā¦so think really hard before you do anything.
Ask yourself if you can see yourself with anyone else.
My marriage was 9 yrs just aboutā¦there is no one else for me.
Just thinkā¦and ask yourself ā¦
Allie Sanchez and Jasmin Ramirez read the comments but everyone has their reasons on how marriage works ā¦im still learning 
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I watched my grandparents marriage closely. They fought (Irish & Cherokee tempers), they were horrible to each other at various times, they lost a daughter and lost touch for years, then got it back together and were incredibly sweet and devoted. When grandma passed, I asked grandpa if he could go back and change his life, what he would change and he said heād do it all over again and marry her again. The lesson I took from that is that itās a commitment to do ālifeā together, regardless of obstacles, seasons of darkness, seasons of light, seasons of passion, etcā¦
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The passion never lasts. Youāll likely find yourself in this position again if you leave. Youāre looking for an idea of romantic love that doesnāt exist. That doesnāt mean you should necessarily stay if youāre unhappy, but you should be aware of the reality when making your decision. Weāre all given this false concept of romantic love that simply isnāt the reality. Honestly, what Iām saying is: absolutely leave of your unhappy, but maybe donāt rush into something else bc I have this feeling youāre going to end up trapped again. Just be careful, donāt let your heart keep getting you stuck, if the passion is what you want, you should maybe just be single and date casually when youāre able. I donāt think everyone is happy in a long term relationship, and thatās okay. 
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Iām sorry but not sorry people are becoming very selfish nowadays what ever happened to fight for love I totally understand about you not feeling that romance fire shit but how about you making that fire even if you donāt feel it dress sexy talk sexy to himā¦ if you have a great husband at home being loyal respecting you not chasing other women adoring youā¦ really?? What more do you want?? You must know that thereās hundreds of women going through so much trying to keep their marriage heart broken because their husbandās or not loyal cheating, chatting or flirting with other women if his love language is not the same what does it matter if he is being loyal and honest its very hard to find good man out there either their selfish or ungrateful so please be honest with your self no one said marriage was easy stop being selfish!!! The grass isnāt greener on the other side and if it is they probably spray paint it open your eyes. Sorry not sorry!!!
All relationships get oldā¦ If you get along hang in there. The grass is not alway green on the other side. I felt the same way but my husband was addicted to porn and killed my confidence so I left. A year later he died from a massive heart attack. I loved him so much but the addiction was killing me now I live with the regret everyday that I wasnāt there and he died aloneā¦
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Bringing GOD into your marriage and putting him first will work wonders. Itās is extremely hard to find a decent man now days. I would suggest going on and intimate weekend get away and rediscover youāre passion for each other. Donāt give up on what you have.
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Wild hot love never lasts itās impossible to keep that level of fire burning most marriages are lucky if they grow together and good friends is often the bed outcome as far as the sex try sex couples counseling l have heard they work wonders
The grass isnāt always greener on the other side it just looks that way because itās actually been watered !
Spend the next 90 days really working on communicating without being hurtful do you have to work at the relationship that you want just doesnāt come with fireworks
Think youāve answered your own question you should never stay with someone for other people not for your kids or your current partner we live once and although it may break his heart realistically itās just as bad staying when we could be with someone who truly loves him itās holding both of you back I understand it may be hard but sometimes things donāt work out and you just have to take that leap I hope u find your happy river after n I really hope he finds his as for the children if you both co parent and work together as parents still they will b ok itās wen things get messy that the children get affected xx
Happy mom=happy kids. If he is obsessed with you and he cut himself before this could very easily turn violent. My kidsā father became violent with me and died by suicide after I told him I was divorcing him. Not to scare you, but this situation could become quite volatile. The dependency issue is something that can easily morph into abuse. You canāt control him. But, you can keep yourself and your kids safe.
You are very lucky to have a man who looks after you and helps around the house. That is rare in a man. Only you can truly decide what you want and you need. Iāve been with my husband 16 years and I feel like that as the passion has disappeared as we are always together. However, we broke up for a few nights and the passion came back as it made me realise how much I had missed him not being around. We had a good talk and now we are working as a team to bring back the spark we lost. Itās not easy and we arenāt quite there yet but we are both trying. Date nights, making romantic meals, baths together etc. These all work just to show how much we truly love one another xxx
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Go get counseling and try to work it out if not just because you cannot complete the marriage because of how young you were does not mean that you cannot complete raising the kids together. Being married so young is complicated and thatās what you both need to realize.
I see both sides to this. If circumstances are right; I definitely support leaving if youāre unhappy. My ex is an awesome person, but weāre better as friends. We ended it quickly rather than wasting time trying to fix something that would never realistically have worked out. Weāre both happily remarried to who weāre meant to be with now and all is perfect. However, it doesnāt sound like your marriage canāt be āsaved.ā It sounds like his āissuesā just werenāt dealt with very well in the first place, but since theyāre fixed nowā¦ you should probably keep working at seeing if you can rekindle some romance. Do you actually have no feelings for him or are you just trying to convince yourself that you donāt anymore? Putting a wall up isnāt giving him a fair chance and it sounds like he truly is a good husband. I agree with not forcing it, but at least put some real focus on things that might help bring it back naturally. Make it a point to have alone time with no kids to work on yourselves (yes, I understand what a challenge that can be sometimes; I have 4 kids). It doesnāt always have to be a ānight out.ā Sometimes we feed the kids first and then just have a date night in our own kitchen together after we put the kids to bed, shower together or take a bubble bath, massages, simple stuff like that. If youāre both really putting your āallā into it and nothing changes after a reasonable amount of time; maybe then start discussing a separation. Just donāt rush into it without being positive that itās the best decision.
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I think u both need to sit down alone and have a adult conversation about it and both tell the truth on how u feel.
Maybe try a trail separation. And be careful what u wish 4.
You are lucky to have a good Man,many donāt.
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The real questions are what do you want for your kids? Do they need to see their mom give up on their dad? Do they need to see their mom destroy herself trying to be everything that is fake? They will model themselves after what you do. Is there any way that you can let him take them for the summer months so you an take that time to work on yourself? Take a step back and really look at yourself and your situation. A marriage is hard. Keeping the passion going is hard. I know, 21 yrs with the same man. Never been in love with him but I do love him dearlyā¦ he knows. But we make it work.
I donāt know how long you have been married. BUT!
Marriage is not all the fireworks and excitement. Especially if you are trying to compare your marriage to any other couple or tv/ movies
ALL married couples do have ups and downs and lulls
Being married should nit be built on sex!!!
Marriage is a relationship
And should be based on friendship and a ton of communication!
Whe was the last time you two went on a date- a date that there was no expectation of sex afterwards. Just pure conversation hand holding and fun???
Bowling perhaps , a ballgame, a picnic? Kids are young they need to see what a marriage is the good the bad and the ugly and learn that through communication and understanding that you donāt just quite you work on it and you work hard!!!
He doesnāt need to be the planner of datesā¦ you should have that responsibility too!
It not fair of you to want to quite because you arenāt attracted to him in the bedroomā¦ in fact shame on you for being g so selfish and shallow!
You look and any couple who has been married more than 10 years
And you will find out that theirs are not the passion and fireworks as to what you are searching forā¦ they will tell you friendship , patience and communication and faith is what their marriage is.
Having him cut himself ā¦ you must communicate with him, that this is not going to happen again and that this relationship was not built on guilt and manipulation. How dare he only think of himself when there are other lives, not only in this home that would be effected by this selfish act FOREVER!!!
On that noteā¦ you two must have a sit down talk a REAL talk and start opening up to each other.
No more brushing the elephants under the rug !!!
Really talk
Donāt do the ā you neverā¦ā or the ā I hate when youā¦ā talk
Do the āwhen this happens I feelā¦ā or the ā I feel this when this happens or is saidā¦.ā Talk
You get nowhere with just blamingā¦. You will get more with how you are feeling and come to an understanding and resolve.
His bedroom issuers are real and as a man hard to realize that he needs intimate help!
You should be patient and have patienceā¦ try something new in the bedroom, if you plan some dates the build up to the ends of an evening of connection more than sexual is an amazing feeling!
The wild passionate love is fleeting it will soon become boring
Hear me outā¦ Have you tried getting him a girlfriend? If you donāt get jealous then leave the relationship. Thatās not fair to him OR you to not be with someone who is wholeheartedly in it. Donāt YOU want passion and romance? Donāt live miserably just to save faceā¦
The truth is that marriage as it is is outdated , whatever love and obsession u have with anyone , it will eventually burn out
The solution for the future is for couples not to stay together , u get married and each partner lives in his /her own house and I just be visiting each other for sex and to see children , u also allow each partner to have extramarital sex
It has worked for me and many others
Pick ya Lip up in deal with it tbh he sounds like heād be better off without you anyway you sound pathetic your the problem buddy
This was exactly the situation for me. Almost sounds like I wrote it! I did end up ending it. Our boys were 2 and 5 at the time. It was tough for us to seperate ave figure everything out bc he was so hurt. But I just couldnāt give him what he deserved and it wasnāt fair to him. Fast forward 7 years later and we are really good friends, co parent amazingly, Hes happy with his gf, Iām happy with my new hubby. It can happen. Life is too short to be unhappy!