Life is not easy but for the child’s sake u need to try to make things. Good men r hard to find turn your problems over through to the lord he will see u through
Sheesh! Some of these comments make me so upset. I can’t believe the way some people think…
Yes he’s a good man and a good father but that doesn’t mean he’s a good husband. Clearly there are some things lacking romantically between you two. If you are still wanting to try and make your marriage work than I’d recommend marriage counseling. You may finally get the communication you want from him and it may spark something between you two. If after the therapy you are not happy then I think you should ask for a divorce but seek family therapy. Figure out a great coparenting plan. You can still have your son raised in a loving family without being in an unhappy marriage.
Its definitely not an easy decision and I can’t imagine the war going on in your head about it all. Just breath and take it a day at a time. Best of luck to you mama!
Honey, I’m almost 60 and have kids from 32-17 and grandkids from 12-2 and I definitely have not had the perfect marriage but we kept our vows, hung on for the ride and worked thru many hard times. My husband is now 100% disabled due to his military service and all the years he spent in the Middle East with the Army. I mostly raised the kids because he was either deployed or emotional/ physically vacant. Love can grow thru adversity. If he is a good father, a good man, etc you might just lose the best thing you’d ever have…as well as losing time with your son, loss of financial support and so much more. Once you file papers and let the courts decide custody, child support and divisible of property and bills you are in a high stakes game with how the dice may roll. Blessings to you as you decide your future.
1 Like
I’d say to give therapy a real try. You never know what it could bring out in both of you. And if you still feel the same way, then it’ll be an easier transition to end things .
The problem here is not that you dont love him the problem is you want freedom in every aspect but you know whats going to hapoen your going to live a miserable life yes you will meet someone else and it will continue there will be a time when it all ends your going to get old and feel useless then you will say to yourself if i only knew then what i know now my advice to you is look for Gods help and he will help you out why risk everything you have right now you have a man that loves you and your son stop thinking about yourself and start thinking of working things out. Am a minister and i deal with this kind of problems every day ill be praying for you and your family
Move on. He can still be a great father and a friend/co-parent. Don’t stay in a loveless marriage it’s not fair to either one of you.
Sorry but I’m gonna say the dreaded C word- have you tried COUNSELING?? Maybe, just maybe if you find a good counselor, they can help put stuff into perspective for you & help turn your relationship around some??? 
I was married to a man for 35 years who I adored fir the first 20. He was abusive & a SOB. He was life & death sick & I could not bring myself to leave. Gd blessed me finally & he died. Set me free. Treat your husband as that friend you got pregnant by. Stick it out‼️
I think u can take some time off from him, try to live without him for some time and see if you are right. As you said you have been trying since last 3 years and it’s been on your nerves so definitely this is not healthy for both of you guys. By changing atmosphere, you will most likely realize the real value of being with or with out him.
If you don’t love him I would say leave… it is ok to leave if your not happy as long as you both share custody as 50/50 and get along well for the kid then I don’t see why you should stay… but also keep in mind that it is not easy to parent on your own even with shared custody… and know it may be hard to find someone else but that doesn’t mean stay… if your not happy then your not happy… do what makes you happy as long as you both take care of the kid then you will be fine and I see no harm… but again I will not lie when I say this it will be hard on your own specially at first but it is possible… also last thing I have to say is if you have already told him you don’t love him then you have already made your decision and at this point staying could end up hurting you both more along with that precious baby of yours… you kid may not understand at first but if later down the road they ask what happened just be honest with them and I’m sure they will understand… you don’t have to marry or stay with someone just because you have kid/kids with them…
Can you all agreeingly (if that’s even a word lol) live together for the child but only on a friendship level? Like roommates that co-parent and date outside of the home?
1 Like
sounds to me , you are both ‘dead’. …find an Osho center near you and do 60 "dynamic meditations together with other Osho people. …meditation is your key. …and I’m not say’n you’ll stay together afterwards. …but, for sure , you both will be clear[er].
Dear girl, you have just listed so many good points about this guy. I think you mentioned that he doesn’t talk to you? Tell him how you feel about that and anything else. I think he wants to please you. Also, begin to thank God for all of his good points. It will be amazing to see what will happen! Don’t give up yet.
You know what you need to do. The sooner you do it, the easier it’ll be
1 Like
Counseling… Definitely counseling 
There is passion, and then love. Passion goes away, burn out. Love stays, is commitment.
Yet you loved a man who was manipulative. Sounds like therapy might help. None of us are perfect.
What is your expectation of love? If you are looking for fireworks every time you kiss and chills when you touch, that’s not happening. It’s a myth created by romance writers. Love is getting up in the middle of the night when you get sick, and getting a warm washcloth to wash your face. It’s helping with the things you have difficulty with. It’s a long haul choice. Marriage has not always been about love, some couples never met before their wedding. Yet they lived together and did well.
Life is short. Many people get divorced, and live happy lives afterwards. Sounds like you guys are friends, work it out.
The grass is always greener. You change your attitude and he will change his.
Being in love comes and goes it peaks and valleys all the time still being preggers is a rather difficult reason to get married
If you leave him, you can provide a situation that will keep him close to dad by how much time and access dad and son have. My ex had them every weekend and Tuesday & Thursday after work and anytime he’d say they had something planned or vacations growing up. We’d be at baseball games together, although, coming separately. Going to their birthday parties, no Matter who planned it. Work together at allowing their time together! He wasn’t happy keeping them when they were sick so he’d rely on me and I didn’t mind. He trusted me and I was more up on Their care and dr. I love being with my kids. The kids loved having it both ways and grew up very happy!!! We still enjoy holidays, birthdays, fun days, game days, etc… with all the kids, grandkids, ex, me, current husband and me & husband’s daughter and family.
If you were just friends why did you have sex with him that sounds like more then just friends to me . The grass is not greener on the other side and good men are hard to come by . Love isn’t always that exciting romantic adventure we picture it to be and being friends first make for the best relationships . If you were just friends and didn’t want more then you should not have had sex with him and gotten pregnant that’s on you
You put your child FIRST before your feelings and needs!
I would just hang in there. He sounds like a good man!
Is there way you can take a break, go to family, friend’s house for a couple days to clear your head. See how you feel when your not with him all the time. Sit down and talk with your hubby and tell me how you feel, does he love you? When you told him, you didn’t love him. How did he react?
You said the two of you have been friends and you’ve told him your not in love with him. You didntsay how he took that news but that doesn’t mean you can’t continue to be the best of friends and separate but great parents. It sounds like you were both just trying to do what you thought was right when you got pregnant. Sit down with this great father and caring man. Tell him what you would like to do. You both deserve to be happy and children will be happier with happy patents that supportive of each other than with parents that are together and miserable. I would also suggest that you give yourself time to think it through apart before you both go your own way completely. Since things moved so quickly it could be that your not sure that you would of ended up together without the baby and he could be feeling the same way.
Or there is always the chance that he will find someone else and you will find that you have more feelings girl him than you think. But no matter what always put the child first and make sure any future partners know that the two of you respect each other and you co-parent your son.
1 Like
Loving someone is a decision a mature one.
I’ve bern with my husband 52 yrs he has changed on the last 10 yrs its a bad situation for me he is a Vietnam vet he is suffering from.a mental situation for him to turn on me and very abusive
First of all you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
What exactly is it that makes you want to lay with him and have a child but now you don’t feel the same. Women are more confusing then anything on earth.
You said he’s a great father and husband. What do you want ???
Most women now days would kill to have a man like you described.
Take time to understand yourself before you make any major decisions.
Peace and love.
Before you go, if you haven’t already, please read and practice The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
2 Likes
No man will be with me just my 10 yr old grandson who has had heart surgery
Sounds like you both need to sit down and have a long chat about your journey and relationship.
I shed no tears for this woman. She’s mostly thinking of herself being selfish. How about you start where your friendship was started? Start off by respecting him and his role, write out all of the things that make him feel good and make him proud of his accomplishments so far. Talk to him and let him know the things you love about him and tell him what you value about him and respect him for, and you tell yourself these things and stop focusing on the things you don’t like about him. Remember he chose you too and you getting pregnant wasn’t the only reason. I have a wonderful husband that many women would kill for, but I will NEVER give them that chance, if God gave you this child, then God also gave you this man to love and respect until death departs you. You will most definitely harm your son, especially when he sees that daddy respected mommy and loved her as much as she was willing to let herself be loved by him… not only would you break the vows you made to your husband, you will also break the little bond you have with your son break his little heart and your husband’s heart as well. I pray you start finding the definition of marriage in God’s eyes. Do you, but in the end, you’re always going to regret leaving that man.
No other man will love your son as much as his Daddy.
You and your husband need to have time for you and him to reconnect ,romance talking etc.
Go to a counselor. Find some shared activities.
Look for more of the good in him.
1 Like
Love is a Choice. It is not a Feeling
Sit down with him and talk. Tell him how you really feel. Come up with a plan that is the best for both of you.
Wow ,reading what you wrote is like listening to my narc ex moan about me to his mates everytime he saw them
" She’s perfect but could be younger ,she gives me the world but could be thinner ,she loves me more than anyone ever will but I’m bored of her,she spoils me and gives me everything I ask for but I wouldnt mind trying a blond instead ,she gave me 4 perfect children but my mates get laid by different women every weekend and I’m jealous,I wanna try it "
Guess what he’s been alone for over 4 years because he couldn’t find better ,when someone is that great to you and your kids you won’t beat that,sounds like you fancy a bit of bad boy to spice up your life but funny thing is most of them will sleep with your mates and beat your ass if you dont do as your told , good luck looking for someone else and I completely agree with everyone else let him keep your son whilst you go have your midlife crisis
I’ve now found someone who treats me and my kids the way I treat him and I’m happy let your husband go be happy
Sorry to be so blunt but if you had a man who abused you bashed you hit you punched the shit out of you run you down blasted everything you did…I would understand your feelings but to have a decent man who stepped up to his responsibility and married you, opened his arms to you as husband n wife, accepted responsibility for your pregnancy n your son, is there for you n his son, obviously appreciates you. How do you think he felt after all he has done n tried to do to make your union work when you said “I don’t love you” gosh that must have been a kick in the teeth. Love isn’t a flick of the finger. Love appreciates. Love is kind. Love is giving. Love is being there. Love is enduring. Love takes time. Love is more than a fuzzy feeling that sends goosebumps up your spine. Love is the first word in the morning the last word at night. Love is doing. Love is memories. Love is that song that makes you remember good times. Love is showing love. Love is giving love in return. I would suggest you get up tomorrow and say to yourself I love this guy because he is worth loving. Keep repeating that to yourself every hour of your day be positive in yourself and together I love this guy he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, he is a winner.
I think you are ungrateful he sounds lovely
Love isnt a feeling its a choice.
1 Like
Love is a commitment
1 Like
Go get councling it will help you make the right choice ask him to go as well
Just know the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
Google: Life Partner vs. Soul Mate
You cant have it all!
How do you think he feels knowing you don’t love him??? YOU guys are Destroying Each Other!!!
I’m married 39 years. When I married my husband we were both on the rebound from other relationships and became best friends and got married in between of 6 months. Needless to say we didn’t know each other well but we’re comitted to to each other. We both had alcoholic families so we had to go into counseling many times because we didn’t know how a “normal” family looked like. But we both said we would not cheat but we would divorce if we felt like we wanted to cheat. We raised a boy and a girl who are now adults. Thru the years we fell in and out of love many times. We almost divorced twice because of some behavior on my husband’s part but never cheated. It is very expensive to live and raise children on your own so it was better financially to stay together but we worked hard on it. We took dance lessons. We took vacations together and a few without children. We had to make dates without children. We try to learn things together. We have separate hobbies, clubs, and friends so we are more interesting to each other when we are together. But the love that I thought I didn’t have grew through the years and memories we made together. From working on the house or yard. Supporting each other through good times and bad. Forgiving each other and compromising over and over and over and over again and again. If he’s a good father and does good husband stuff but it’s boring. Fix it. Make it less boring. Ask questions but then really listen when husband tells you what he wants. My husband was not romantic. I had to do all the romance, surprises, and planning of vacations and activities. I tried to accommodate who my husband was because opposites attract. It was often hard to do things that I thought were boring but through the years I grew to learn from Dan and grew to love him so much I couldn’t even picture life without him. If it’s intolerable or with ANY kind of abuse, leave. But remember that many arranged marriages start without knowing each other and end up in deep love through working together, making memories, and raising a family thru a deep commitment to marriage and excepting each other for who you are while each finding and having personal growth. Go to counseling during rough times ( maybe even now).Don’t give up unless you have to. Your second marriage can end up with the same way unless you .change. Might as well work on the first one. It sure sounds like he’s willing to try. You can end up with the love of your life.
I’m going to be moving back to texas where I was born and raised
Find a program called ‘Marriage Encounter’. Do that before you make final decisions. He and you f
Why don’t you love him?
Write a list.
It’ll help you to figure things out.
Maybe he is feeling the same
Why did you get pregnant…?
2 Likes
But do you LIKE him. That’s what holds you together. 
I would concentrate on his Good Points you don’t get many Men like this
you are lucky.you married him until death so stop being silly.
Give him his child and move on.
Why did you get that involved with someone you didn’t love?
Do you even l
Know what love is?
1 Like
Let him read this post
You dont know how fortunate you are. You are being selfish. This man is one in a million, learn to love him fir who he is.
I think you are confusing yourself. I think you love him in the right ways, but You arent head over heals in love with him. You have to understand that crazy exciting love doesnt last for long but is changed to a long lasting friendship and partnership that is built on love. Nobody can tell you what to do but you have the main ingredients for a long and happy life. So many women are looking for what you have and never find it. You may never find the kind of love you’re looking for.
1 Like
Move on. Your husband deserves to be with someone who is in love with him.
1 Like
Sorry but I just think that a child should come first. Apparently, at some point it was more than friendship, you got pregnant. I’m sure most people don’t agree with me and that’s OK. I just think that after the child you brought into this world is raised there will be plenty of time for you to be happy. I do not know one single well adjusted kid from a divorced home who was happy. I think if it’s you or your child being unhappy it should be you. Like I said I am 100 percent that few agree and that’s OK.
1 Like
If you are not happy then leave him. Maybe you not meant to be with him. Why would anyone sleep with their friends or marry without the highest connection. Don’t stay because of a child that’s not healthy…
Just remember one thing, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. You need to water the grass you have.
1 Like
Love isnt a feeling. It is a decision. Those exciting flitty feelings in the beginning is lust, and natures way of keeping the world populated. That feeling eventually fades to something more real… And in that moment is what makes or breaks a relationship. If this is the feeling youre looking for you will be unhappy in any relationship.
You have to be honest with him. Don’t let it go on if you don’t love him. It’s not fair to him or you.
I feel for you.I really do.Some of the comments on here are very harsh and unhelpful,not to mention judgemental.I was in a similar situation…many moons ago.I was a single parent with a 5 year old and I met a guy 7 years younger than me.He was besotted with me but I didn’t really have that attraction.We became best friends and eventually I grew to love him.He promised me he would love my son like he was his own…and he did.We went on to have another child together.He was a fantastic father and a good man.We were together for 8 years.But there was always something missing.We were just too different.I ended up falling in love with someone else.That turned out to be a disaster.That was 23 years ago.I never found ‘the one’.I am 58 now and have been alone for years…and think I always will be.We share 3 grandkids and remain friends.He is as good a grandad as he was a father.Do I have regrets? Oh yes…I think looking back I wasn’t happy with myself.How is your life in other areas? Are you happy with your job? Do you get out? Do you have friends? Do you socialise? Do you like where you live? Do you do things together? I wouldn’t be too hasty.No one wants to be unhappy but I would make certain that it’s not yourself you are unhappy with.Oherwise you could make a mistake you’ll regret for the rest of your life.
1 Like
You can make this successful. Be honest. Love your child’s father but move on. Both of you have to be on board with going forward without each other but together for the babe.
Sometimes we need to look beyond ourselves and see love is more than a feeling. First he has been told you don’t love him…that hurts. So why talk to you! Your son knows that you don’t love his dad, kids know that stuff. You have a nice guy and probably have never and just are stuck on having drama! Well I’d give it up and seek to be with a man that will always be there for you and your son. I bet he provides for ya’ll as well. Go beyond your feelings and value the gift you have with a good constant no drama man. You are blessed.
I’m waiting for God on this one. When the time is right, I know He will make the best choice for me & for him, whoever that may be.
Read the 5 love languages and try speaking to a therapist you may have underlining issues such as depression or simply just needing to talk and have a trained professional tell you this is not the right time to make such a big decision. If you aren’t putting in any effort how can you expect your love to flourish? You told him he wasn’t loved but you want full blown perks of being in love it doesn’t quite work that way. Seek help from a marriage counselor or therapist your going to be ok no matter how great of a decision this sounds like it is I promise you the regret will sink in when you least expect it.
You probably have been with other men, or probably have someone in your life right now… start there and be honest….
Anyone who responds to this site is causing more drama, how do you respond to a one sided Story and not even know where it comes from???
Why do I get the impression that there is another man involved? 
U r selfish.love is not peaches and cream
1 Like
Everybody deserves to be happy and it sounds like there is plenty of love for the little guy. If living separate will give you peace then do it; as long as the dad has a big part in your son’s life.
3 Likes
Weelllllll you asked.
First you should have used protection if you didn’t love this man. 2nd you shouldn’t have married on the same grounds.
3rd don’t be a liar. You stay with him for your benefit not your child’s. You don’t want to deal with being a single parent. You’re a selfish person.
I won’t say go or stay because only you can decide that.
I just feel bad for him if he truly loves & cares for you because he’s going to have one massive broken heart. And let me say karma waits.
2 Likes
It’s called commitment. Grow tf up & stop being so self centered. Or either keep your fucking legs closed
5 Likes
All relationships no matter how passionate the beginning, when they mature arrive at some type of companionship and friendship-
2 Likes
Maybe you don’t know how to love. Get counseling for yourself first.
1 Like
Dear friend, his type is rare and you are very lucky to have him. The grass is not greener on the other side of the road. Don’t take a decision you will regret later. Trust me you will love me when you focus on the positive side of him.
It’s ok. So you have to do things the least hurtful way possible. Move out so you can move on but move close enough to make co parenting easy enough. And do good co parenting. The occasional family outing, like holiday stuff. What happened happened and you cant be forced to love. You deserve a life with love in it. But take your time. Dont rush. It’s not just you now that can be hurt and abused, so go slow. And talk quietly and gently with your son’s father. He doesnt deserve to be hurt, do your best to minimize it. Do good and generously with the co parent stuff. Equal time.
You’ve already told him so now all you gotta do is move on. You both can have a very significant part in your son’s life. It’s called co-parenting!
It’s a bummer for sure. But tell him what you wrote. He deserves someone who loves him just as much as you do. Your son will just have to deal with having two families. Trust me he won’t be the first. But your not being fair to either of you. What you wrote is honest and truthfully he should feel it’s not there. But to hold both of you back is bad. And it will come out sooner or later. And it won’t be good. Better to split as friends and keep civil. Than to blow up and have your son torn up in the middle.
Leave him. Take your son with. Your son will be just fine especially if he has a great dad. It’s not fair for both of you to be unhappy. You will resent him and he will feel the same. Kids are not dumb, they see thru you. Your son will be just fine. I left my ex husband bcz we both deserved to be happy. My son was 5. My son is 23 now and has always had a great relationship with his dad. His dad and I were friends for years before we married and we are still on good terms today. I left first, got myself situated then came back for my son. You have one life. Make it a happy one and your son will be happy too 
Good luck to you
Shut up and give your kid a good life. Ypu did this. No one cares about your feelings. Make a great life for your kid. You laid down. Ypu made this. Deal
Sorry but my question is why did you sleep with him if you had No Feelings For Him In The First Place Or Use Birth Control
You checked out, he didn’t. You CHOSE to marry him even though you didn’t love him. YOU chose to make THIS life for yours yet you aren’t even trying. Dobt wait for him to do something magical. Make the magic happen. Forst off, telling a group everything you haven’t told him seems immature. Is anyone a mind reader? When he says ok,say and you give me 5 sentences more. When life feels dreadful learn how to laugh anyway. You are blessed with a man that is at least TRYING yet you think life is all rainbows and unicorns. Life is what you make it. For the sake of your son and because it’s the right thing to do, at least TRY. Communication is key. At least if 8n a year things don’t change you BOTH will understand why. You say he is kind, decent and hardworking. A great dad and helps around the house. Exactly what is it that you’re looking for to " fall in love"with him"?
I went through a bad patch with my spouse. I, too, didn’t feel like we had 'it"
We were married 34 years when he passed away suddenly. I was deeply in love with him and so happy I stayed and we worked through it all. Even when we were separated he was kind and good. So if you have a good one, try. At least in the future when your son asks what happened you can say, I tried. Right now you’re phoning it in.
Saying it straight. It’s only one person’s opinion. I am not bashing I seriously am trying gto help.
#beentheredoneit
you are not doing each other any good to stay in the relationship. If it is not there it may never be
You can co parent and be friends.
2 Likes
If you were just friends, why did you have sex with him?
It’s only been in the past couple generations that we have jumped in and out of relationships for ‘love’. That emotional excited feeling isn’t love, it’s limerence. It doesn’t last forever. Love is an action verb. Love is doing for someone even on days you don’t feel like it. Sounds like you are getting shown more love than you are giving. It may help to behave more loving and not focus on a romantic fantasy.
28 Likes
I feel really sorry for your husband. Sounds like a dream husband and father. You can’t force love though. I hope you can remain friends for the sake of your son. Your husband will hopefully find someone who will love him like he deserves. You may one day regret your choice and wish you had tried harder.
28 Likes
I wouldn’t be spreading your dirty laundry on Facebook. Poor guy
Have you ever thought of going for counseling? The husband you have sounds like a prize. You said that you came out of a manipulative relationship and now you have such a great man and you say you don’t love him. Were you in love with him when you married him and fell out of love because he is too good to be true? What are you looking for in a man? Do you know what you want? Please do not make any drastic decisions, you may live to regret it. So many women would love to have a husband like yours and you don’t want him. You have the responsibility of taking care of your child, and it’s all about him right now. Good luck.
9 Likes
Rebound, !you should have given yourself more time after the break up of the first relationship, maybe going to bed with the friend wasn’t the wisest thing to do while going threw a break up. Lesson learned, but you have a child to think of now not just you!give it time to make sure your doing the right thing and for the right reasons, and consider maybe you are going through a depression it happens !
2 Likes
𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴.
2 Likes
Stay for your son and don’t bring a step father into his life. Work on the positive thing about your husband. Most marriages go thru times of not living the other. That is when you have to work harder at finding common ground and growing in the same direction. Sex isn’t everything in fact in long term relationships it is just one thing of many many things. Your son will grow up to be a better man and have a better life if you stay with his father. I know what I’m talking about I have been married 38 years
7 Likes