You’re a piece of work
Love is not a warm fuzzy feeling love is a decision. It’s deciding to stand through the tough and and the good. It’s deciding to accept the fact that you won’t get everything you want nor will they get everything they want. It’s deciding that strong friendship is a foundation for a happy life. It’s deciding that your child deserves the absolute best from both of you. Love isn’t all about sex and a weak belly and jiggly knees it’s about the day in day out taking care of business.
Please don’t fault yourself for being honest. Just because you want to be truly happy in your life is not wrong.
You can’t make another person happy if you aren’t.
Your son can still love his father . Hopefully he will understand and you both can encircled your love for son and be family from a distant.
Don’t take years from either of you that you can be with some who can appreciate your affections on equal levels.
It doesn’t have to be ugly unless it’s made ugly.
It’s tough when the person is a good person- unfortunately they aren’t the right person for you.
Sounds like a rebound gone bad…
He deserves better let him go
He can still see his child.
Both need to be happy.
Hard to find a good man
Communication is the key
Seem your not mature not
Ready.
A man like that hard to come by.
You both need to be happy
Build ups, don’t let go of the best thing you have, you’re looking for reasons to dislike him and it sounds like you used him, now your over it, don’t keep dragging him along your making him look horrible yet you can’t even say what he’s done wrong, your Knit picking. Own up tell him the truth he might be feeling the same way too, don’t get a big head sounds like you were the needy one not him and you chose to have unprotected sex, grow up he’s probably the best you’ll ever have poor guy
You both need to communicate with the other to tell each other what you want in a relationship. You both must try, and attend counseling, go on dates (hiring a babysitter) If you give all of this a try first and your relationship isn’t working… then you’d need to plan each of you parenting obligations.
Perhaps it’s not him but really you? It can’t be easy knowing you don’t love him, maybe you need to stop and figure out other than ngs about him that you love
Love is a decision, not a feeling.
Feelings of passion comes and goes and wanes with age.
Is he responsible? Does he respect you? Is he a good father and does he take care of the financial needs of the family?
Love is a decision. Its up to you.
The highly stylized notion of romantic love is a fairly modern construct. Being partners, building a life together based on respect and affection can be deeply satisfying. Elizabeth Barrett Browning says it best!
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Consider that he loves his child as much as you do. If you can accept that the find a way to live close together so he can be with his child everyday. Or yall have a house for the child while you and his daddy takes turns living with him…no child support. You equally provide for him.
Well Girlfriend, if you are not happy you are not healthy or happy and that will reflect on your parenting.
Make a private plan to leave. Get your thoughts, paperwork, and 2 plans together to leave. Put your plan in action and be careful.
What you think will not be an issue when you tell him your leaving with change your life. Been there done it
Go easy on your self, motherhood is not easy! You might not be “fuzzy “ in love but you certainly have a noble man by your side!! Start with that and build your life around love. It will happen. Trust me!!!
First of all let me say you have a great guy to love. Second of all do you really know what love is. Sounds to me like you are in love with him you’re just not familiar with love. I got married in the same way not ashamed to say been married 62 years to the most wonderful man there is great father. Love him and he will love you back. There is all kinds of love sounds to me like you have it lady. Start dwelling on other people instead of your self fulfillment you talk about your child he is the most important thing. Good luck on love, it’s right in front of you.
I went thru this, wish I had stayed with him. We sometimes get bored and think things will be better. Having a wonderful man and great dad is nothing to sneeze at. I wish we had gotten counseling. I loved him but didn’t feel in love. I miss my best friend. Think long and hard before you do anything. Talk to a counselor. I think for me it was a mid life crisis. If I had talked to someone, it might have turned out differently. Good luck!
If you can’t love a man like that who can you love ?? It is so sad for him and your child . Get yourself some help to find a way thru this. God Bless
You need a lesson in life. I do not feel sorry for you. Go your merry way and good luck to you. Do the child a favor and leave him with the Dad. You need to grow up. A good man is hard to find.
You also need to consider if you want half of your life to be without your son. It breaks my heart when we go somewhere and my son can’t go because he’s with his Dad. I would never keep him from his dad because he adores him. Do that leaves me sometimes going places without my son. My heart aches when that happens. I have a wonderful husband now but there’s always tough times in any relationship. Try to open communication back up between the both of you. I believe you could have a great marriage with this man. it’s always sad when I say goodbye to my son when he leaves. Of course kids are resilient but it does hurt them not having both of you together as a family. I’ll be praying for you to fall in love with him…
There is an unrealistic focus on romantic love in our culture. What the media presents as love is actually infatuation. Sounds like you want excitement rather than peace. If you leave this good man, you will probably regret it eventually.
Love in the beginning you get those butterflies. Through the years it changes to something else. Just becareful. You may leave and then realize he was the one. It is hard to find men out there like you described. Maybe what is missing is date nights or doing spontaneous thinks to keep that fire burning. It’s your life so you have to be the one to live it. You can ask for advice but what everyone else things does not matter. It’s you that needs to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy. Big changes if you leave so be prepared. Your son may want to stay with his Dad. You will have to find a way to share custody. See so many struggling with that. Best thing you can do it sit down and think about what you really truly want. Maybe go to counseling with your husband and see how that goes. Commitment is what it means after marriage not just the feeling of love. We all have dated people and in the love bubble in the beginning. Honestly it changes over time. Standing by one another, working hard to support one another not just the feeling of love. If you feel your missing out on something with your husband tell him. Try new things take a trip. I personally would not just give up.
Love is a commitment. You can choose to love your husband and it sounds like he would be a lovable guy. Just change your mindset. Neither of you are perfect. We all have our little idiosyncrasies.
I would talk to him again. I know alot of people who have great realationship with there ex’s and are able to raise there child together… I pray it all works out fir the three of u. U all deserve happiness. Communication is the key!
Get counseling on how to do parent your child . Do not think just because it seems your child “loves dad more than me sometimes” does not ever mean he wouldn’t be heart broken if and when you split from Father.
If serious, the sooner you both go into counseling, the better for all 3 of you.
I dont think you know what will make you happy , if your missing something then let him know so you can build on showing love for each other , you have the foundation and a good guy. What’s lacking is working towards a relationship that’s more of what you need . You both need Counselling to grow your relationship together not apart
But… is he in love with you? Sounds like he adores his kid,but is just friends with you. Maybe you need to talk to him. If he feels the same way you should probably split up with each of and co parent the child and go back to being just friends. Each of you will then be free to find your soul mates and still be beasties and raise your child?! You are totally overthinking things. Talk to your hubby find out where he’s at. You don’t have to start with I m not in love with you,just talk,heart to heart.
If you’re not I’m love with him and you don’t feel that it will ever happen the best thing you can do for yourself and your husband is leave. You both deserve to be loved .
Happiness comes from within not from another person. Wake up in the morning and say I’m going to be happy today and make it a good day. You may never find another man as good as your husband or one who won’t mistreat your son. You need Counseling to learn to love yourself
Relationships are not all about romance and woo, woo, woo.theyre for teaching us about ourselves. Mabe you’re realizing something lacking in in your capacity to love. Sometimes we dont get the relationship we want but the in one we need. Don’t beat yourself up, all of us have something to work on. Whatever burden you’re carrying will follow you into any relationship you enter into. Work on your capacity to be love and you will be much happier. Love is not about what we get, it’s about what we give.
Feelings of love come and go!
I’ve been married for 40 years to the same man. Feelings come and go. A commitment of marriage means staying through thick and thin. For better, for worse, in sickness and in health!
Sounds like you have a rare man there! One who loves you and his son! Maybe you need some counselling to help figure it out! Talk to your Pastor.
Pursue happiness. If your son is more bonded to your husband, discuss what is best for your son. Perhaps giving your husband primary custody. A home and life without love is a breeding ground for resentment which your son will absorb. Divorced couples often times make better parents, rearing more stable children. You married out of convention, not love. It’s NOT a life sentence for ANY of you.
Get counseling so you can learn to love and respect yourself. Stay with him until you get help maybe you can fix it.
Some people search for love their whole life when it was there the whole time right in front of them. Like gone with the wind.
To trigger i meant. And furthermore just nos a beautiful person, with a lot of compassion , came at my way and its the same. Allways he is agreeing of anything i do. But i cant find passion or Spirit that triggers me. Though he is an intelligent Guy,but not interested, i Guess, in what gets me going.
Maybe try kindling the relationship! Having a baby changes relationships. So get a babysitter and do date nights/ trip with your husband. Go on long walks and talk about each others days or dreams.
You are hurting him worse by staying and not accepting him for who he is, and giving the love he deserves
hugs This isn’t something that has an easy solution. As always, my advice is for you and your husband to sit down and have a calm discussion about how you both feel and what you both want to do. Chances are that he’s feeling the same way. There are a lot of options, from divorce to staying as you are to an open marriage.
You’re not a horrible person. You both got married to make things easier and to give your son a family. But, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to lead him on or he to do the same. You can love someone but not be in love with them. You feel how you feel and shouldn’t feel guilty just for that.
I wish you both the best.
Relationships are hard they take a lot of hard work but the best things in life take time to grow…when i was young we courted then got engaged then married then start a family…this was over several years and a lot didnt make it as far as marriage ir a child together…Nowadays things progress a lot quicker and people expect things to be perfect straight away.I feel your pain and hope you find whatever it is you want xxx
Damned if you do & damned if you don’t. We need to make choices for children first, but then a choice I’d needed for you. God Bless
It’s my impression that you are now bored, what’s love got to do with it? Did you “love” him even sporadically during the years that you wore yourself out training him? I may be wrong but in your golden years you may look back and see that you confused a good project for another chance at love. He’s changed for you, do you need to prove you can do that again?
Been here and the choice you will ultimately make is hard. I say do what is right for you, your husband and your son. Pray over it and decide. I chose to leave and it was the best decision I made for him and I but I hung on for years which may have harmed my sons a little as far as understanding how a loving relationship should look like between husband and wife.
Choose to love him, pray for connection.
Well it seams you have a good man and great family. Sometimes to improve we all need some help. My suggestion would be to get a goid counselor who you can talk to and determine what you need to make you happy. It’s impossible to communicate that to your significant other if can’t explain it to yourself. Second try doing some marriage counseling so both of you can work on communicating with each other. Do these things for your son. No matter what you chose the personal counselor will help you and in doing so help your son. Tge marriage counseling will assure you that you won’t wonder " did I do all I could"
I don’t know what you think you are going to find. Sounds to me like you have it all right there. You are taking a chance of bringing a new man into your life that won’t love your son and may even be abusive towards him or both of you. Give your marriage some time to grow. Make a commitment to work with your husband for the next year. Maybe try counselling. Good men are very hard to find. I’m much older than you and have been around the block a time or two. Give your marriage more time.
Honey be Honest with him and your self stay good friends because of baby truth always works and yes not talking dose have a lot to do with it I have husband like that but I’m 67 and been marry 38 yrs but I have everything but him it’s ok because I have Jesus all I need amen
Grass isn’t greener on the other side…Have you tried counseling, going to Church together? You are what you focus on… No one can make you happy but you… Another person doesn’t complete you…Focus on all the good things he brings to the marriage. Not to mention you can really damage your child from taking away his dad on a daily basis…jmho.
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Stop thinking of yourself all the time. Count your blessings and what you do have instead of whining all the time.
The question I’d ask you is… are you not happy with yourself? Or are you just not happy in the relationship.
You need to work on self. And for that reason alone let that man go and be good to someone else.
Love is not always a physical or emotional connection as you discovered in the past. Love is an act. 1st Corinthians 13 is the description of love. You need to receive and act on it. Start looking at the positives in your relationship and act on that. I understand this because I have been in this position. When I realized I would rather be with someone who demonstrated real love through his actions…I found in my heart contentment…and a love for him…I then began to act on this and spent my time developing this love. Better to have a good man who loves you than one who will tire of you and start the process over. Grow up …
Love is a noun, not a feeling…it is a verb…an action word. Action means you must work everyday on it. Marriage is not disposable. That is not the message you want a child to see. Divorce is the easy way out. Unfortunately, we are a society of “I want what I want, and I want it now”.
I understand that you are venting. You are not asking for advice and you have the ability to end your marriage.
Keep in mind…the grass is NOT greener on the other side. I speak from experience . My ex didn’t love me anymore and we divorced. He now says what he gained is not worth what he lost. Now it is too late. Please make the right decision .
You really got yourself in a pickle.The only thing I can suggest is be right open with him. Tell him you don’t want to be in a relationship with him because you don’t love him. Tell him he can see his child anytime.It seems you just came from another bad relationship. Maybe you thought you needed someone to protect you. Don’t stay in that relationship because you may become pregnant with another child.Break it off as soon as possible.I pray that God will take care of you and show you the way.
Keep in mind that hormones are a big factor in “feelings”. Might want to have a medical evaluation prior to making that life decision. Your child certainly deserves at least that.
Think million times before you make decisions…Have space for a while…Only when the person is gone that you will realize what is confusing you…(if you love him or not)But better be prepared if time comes that you realize you love him but its too late already…he found the one who will love him in return…regrets come in the end…So better be wise with it comes to decisions…Its hard but try harder to know yourself first and love yourself first before loving someone…
You still live him just not in the traditional sense. You love the part of him in your shared child. All of his quirks and spirit you would see in the man that fathered your child are in your son rather than him. So, by ending your relationship with the father and continuing to love that which you have been asking for subconsciously all is right. Your son is the relationship of your 2 spirits intertwined and its just that. For all you are and are not, for all he is and is not, that is that child. All you can do is take care of it. It as in that spirit because in the future he’s someone’s match.
It sounds to me that you are the problem and the answer. You’re unhappy because you are someone who can’t be pleased. He must have been a h
Good friend cause you slept with him. Try to understand what you want. TELL HIM. YOU CAN work this out together. Don’t let a good guy go. There are very few good guys.
Be grateful for what you got , it better to be with somebody than to be alone .
Y’all can’t just tell her to force herself to love someone be a they’re a good man, that’s stupid. That man deserves a chance at someone who will love him back.
Well, at least you are honest !! This is a hard decision, l know because l lived it. In my case, l divorced my first husband and moved back in with my parents because l had a two year old child. I can’t say l would have done anything different than l did back then because my love for my sons father was gone, l found out he cheated on me and that was the breaking point. How do you fall “back” in love with someone who killed the love that you once had for that person? It was hard on my son, to this day, he doesn’t understand why we got a divorce. To him l should have have “stuck it out”. He never saw the , not hate (pretty close to hate) but a real dislike, l had for his dad. You have a hard decision to make!! But, living with someone you don’t love, would be hard for me. What ever you do, it’s your choice and will be a hard decision. Do what is best for your ease of mind.
First off if he is your father’s son… that’s incest. ( I’ll assume it was a typo).
Personally I would get a divorce. It would be amicable as you are such good friends. Just be sure to share custody.
This man stood up and became a father !!! Not too many men would do that. Your son considers him his dad and I wouldn’t tell him different until he is much older.
This man deserves to have a living wife and family. Let him go and get it and stay out of his life except thru custody.
I’m wondering what your list looks like for the reasons you CANT Love him ?
If he’s a great dad , good provider . But doesn’t light your firecracker?
And what about you ? Are you even attempting to be a good partner ? Have a you made a pro and con list ? To see what you will lose by breaking up the home ?
Allow him to take the lead in matters as head of the house. Sounds as if you want someone that is not always in agreement with you. Hold on to what you have as you said a great guy.
The grass is not greener on the other side, always remember that. You can leave and you may find another good person but you may find a mean arrogant person who will not be good to you or your child. Chances are 50-50 so if you do decide to leave a good man and father, leave your sweet child with his sweet loving father and move on to another pasture full of unknowns and disappointments and perhaps another good life, but spare your child the ordeal as you look around for whatever is out there. Let your husband be the main parent while you do your thing and let your husband find a woman who loves him too. It is not just about you but you can leave or get counseling but good luck either way.
Sometime no matter how you try it just doesn’t happen I felt like I was home alone for years and he was right there just me but the sooner you start over the sooner you will be happy and so will your child before you get to the point that you hate looking at him Children will be OK as long as you don’t disrespect his father in front of him I left when my daughter was eight months old her and her dad have a very good relationship because I allowed her to go on the weekends like she was supposed to I gave up holidays because he lived out of state and of course that’s the most time they have away from school and she has a very good relationship with her and her older brothers and sisters now
You should have used protection, or better yet kept your legs together and seen how you felt before a baby was in the picture. Sounds like he loves both his parents very much. I agree with the lady above. Your baby’s happiness comes first. Maybe you haven’t given your all like you think because you’ve been too busy thinking about whats on possibly with somebody else. Been married twice and sounds like you actually have a keeper, but you can’t see the Forrest for the trees.
Time to get out before you cheat. Because cheating hurts. You guys can get a divorce and still have joint custody of your son. It sounds like you’re unhappy and why stay in a marriage when you’re not. Good luck
I was you a very long time ago. I found every excuse why I could to not love my husband, instead of finding all the reasons to be in love with him. I filed for a divorce and caused much heart break ( I live with that everyday and will for the rest of my life ). Maybe you are not allowing yourself to be in love with him, because your plans were ruined (moving because you got pregnant). I am not going to go into it, but we ended up staying together. We moved, started over, and we have been together 36 years. I love him more than anything and he is my best friend. Maybe you could still follow your plans, but take your husband and son along for the ride. Try to open your heart up for the idea of being in love with him. It sounds like you have a keeper so don’t toss him away. Life gets really hard some times, and you want someone that will take care of you plus have your back. Remember the hardest jobs you will ever have in your life that require the most work is being a wife and mother. I wish you all the best
There is a movie called thirty days. Similar situation. Yes it is a christian movie and not by far an I one to push Christanity on anyone You should watch this movie and take some notes. If after you do this and you feel the same way. Then yes it’s time to move on. I would say at least give it an effort.
No relationship is perfect.
Love will and should develop if you communicate EVEN in bed.
You already know that you want to leave. It would not be fair for any of you to pretend and stay. You both love your child. You can still be amazing parents not together. You have to just say it. Maybe he is feeling the same way?
Sounds like you need counseling for yourself and together as a couple. If you don’t do all you can for your marriage and get to the root cause you’ll carry it wrongly to another relationship. God is the one that will fill your void. Feelings come and go and cannot always be trusted. Read a book call The five love language. Not only help couples to understand what your mates love language it will give insight to have greater relationships with family and a close girlfriend. I am speaking now from experience of 3 failed marriages, getting finally in touch with loving myself to have God bring what kind of a man that’s was right for me. My choice always chose the fun loving guy that was a everytime a cheater. Sounds like your husband has kind, quiet demeanor, loving you and your child. We all have strengths and weaknesses and marriage is constantly challenging us to change with every high and lows we go through. He’s your friend says a lot so don’t be quick to end. Give it some time, get some Godly counsel. Life is full of choices so chose wisely! God is only one that can heal the heart!
Seek a professional counselor for you then you can both eventually see the counselor. Prayers for healing your marriage.
I found out, i am aries, that Friends of me, also aries, are irritated by the allways ok of the libra. He doesnt seem yo trigger some of pasión with us.
Sounds to me that you need to grow up. You have a husband that most women would LOVE to have. What is love? I think if you remember what your friendship used to be you’d realize that is what love is. Buck up Buttercup, everyone is telling you about things not being greener on the other side of the fence is absolutely true. Besides, green is the color of envy.
It’s better to live alone than with someone you don’t love.
People co parent apart all the time and if you sit him down and make a cohesive plan together you will be happier.
It’s hard to find a good man, alot of fakes out there. I know someone who thought she didn’t love her husband, she left and he met the love of his life now starting a new life being blessed over and over again. So be sure because the good are few and far between but if you don’t love him. Leave your son with him and move on with kindness. Don’t drag this out.
Did you ever love him? If you didn’t leave. If you did Some women after child birth get hormone problems. You might talk to your doctor.
You are cheating him and yourself. Two happy parents can co-parent better then two unhappy ones.
Co parent. Don’t ask for Child support. Split the time, that means living in same school district when he starts school until he graduates
My son is still married (only because neither would pay for the divorce) to a women now for 14 years. They have been separated for 10 of those years and the 4 years prior to their final separation they were separated 2 of those 4. They did not love each other when they married. I made the mistake of making my son “Man Up” when he got her pregnant and do the responsible thing and Marring Her. My MISTAKE. I Love her to pieces. To me, she is a great person, horrible wife, horrible mother but a great person to me. Don’t know why I like her so much. Haven’t figured that out yet. But they had 2 children which are split up and being raised by the grandmother’s. I have their youngest. (8 year old son) She went on to have 2 more children by 2 separate father’s. Still being married to my son. She says she is so glad she is still married to my son or she would have married one of the other fathers of the other two children (which are placed with family members too). My whole point… If it is not meant to be… It doesn’t matter… It is NOT MEANT TO BE… Let go and God Bless…
I truly hope you find what your looking for and wish you peace and healing.
Real love grows over time. Hang in there, you won’t regret it!
Two years from now, you’ll be asking for advice to get your husband back…just grow up
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Smh some these people are nuts! Shit people say is crazy! Listen it’s your relationship ultimately the only one who can give you best advice is yourself …my opinion is sit down with him …discuss your feelings and ask him what he thinks? Maybe he feeling the same not saying you guys don’t love each other but you can love someone and not be in love with them…year after I had my daughter I realized how much different my daughter’s dad and I were …I went to him told him I was ready to end things he was upset but said if that’s what I thought ok…IT DID NOT AFFECT MY DAUGHTER!!! she could still see her dad whenever and she LIVED with me…it doesn’t make you a bad person because you realize you guys aren’t meant to be some people really aren’t and don’t let these people make you feel that way either I can bet their just as miserable in life NOBODY is perfect…but don’t stay in situation where nobody is happy life’s short I learned that lesson two days ago! But before jumping gun exhaust other choices such as talking to him first since it’s your relationship then maybe seek a counselor for your self make sure that it’s just not that your bored or having some issues you need to deal with your son is young enough now that when you guys split he will adapt my daughter has just fine my ex is married happily and so am I things will work out
Pray the Lord turns your heart towards him!
Don’t Drag Your Son on Your Search for Happiness…….
Don’t Let Satan Make YouFocus on What You Don’t Have….Focus on What You Do Have.
Happiness Comes From Circumstance….
JOY Comes From the Lord!
Remember….
The
Grass is Always Greener Over the SEPTIC TANK!
It’s better to have one happy parent than 2 miserable parents
When the grass looks greener, there’s always a septic tank
Just be where the grass is not always greener on the other side
There is no such thing as a perfect mate. You have to work at making your relationship work.ive been married for 53 years. There are times that I w as noted to leave but then I woul d
See how good he is with his family
Dont make a rash decision
Be true to yourself girl!
Well I can tell you no man talks with a woman and marriage is really very hard men are selfish self centred and football mad but if he pays the bills treats you like a princess then he is a keeper as they are all the same - some good some bad and some worst think yourself lucky you have a good one
Sometimes its a Matter astrológical. Could he be a libra? Balance?
Please try counseling.
Gerald Gerrard wah cb heng i haven tio
You may be afraid to love and commit yourself because of your past experiences.
Do you have a relationship with the Lord!
Ask Jesus into your heart
GOD IS .
Then seek Him for your life. He will fill you with love and see where it goes from there
Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins and when we accept His death as payment for our sins and follow Him till we leave this life, we will enter heaven. That is the only way in.
God bless you
Please seriously consider getting some couples counselling with a good therapist before you make your decision. You will both always need to have a relationship because of your equal responsibility to your son so even if you decide to split both of you will have more skills. Good luck.
- Get on birth control so you don’t bring an- other innocent child into this mess you’re living. 2. Get counseling so you don’t do this again. Wait until you both have had therapy and see how you feel.
Now days most courts have week to week visitation, which I have seen work good,the longer you Stay with the feelings you have it will end up being hard on your son.He will pick up all the vibes,sit down and explain out to your sons father like you did on here and suggest the week to week visits you just might find a happy lifestyle
Mat I gently say: you’re right, toureta horrible person. Seek professional help.
You have to be happy within yourself and not look for someone to make you happy.
Jesus will fill that void in your heart and make you whole!
Shared custody usually it works if both parents work together
The boy needs to stay with his Dad.