I’ve been pushing my boyfriend away for awhile now because I don’t feel like we are connected like we used to be. More like roommates with three kids. I know that I could have tried harder but I found messages between him and an ex and he was comforting her and they were talking about how unhappy they were. He feels bad now because I found the messages. He says he wants to work things out but idk. Seems like emotional cheating to me…. I’m so hurt. But I know that I caused this because I was pushing him away
You pushing him away doesn’t give him an excuse to go find someone else. If that’s what he wants then he needs to end things first. And now he is sorry cause you found out. If you didn’t I’m sure he wouldn’t have stopped.
He left the relationship…
Run. Life is way too short. It’s not worth it unless it’s what you BOTH really want, and even then you wouldn’t be asking if you really wanted to make it work. Life is way more beautiful when you take the time to fully love yourself! You’re worth it!
You can’t force love. Bring it to his attention and try to stay calm and let him make that decision. And if he chooses to stay, he need to prove himself to you
You can’t blame yourself for him being unhappy! Who knows how long he’s been unhappy for. It could of been months, days he was unhappy! You knew from your gut, that why you were pushing him away, you had every right to do so. Best thing you can do is just move on. You both deserve to be happy! And just be there for your kids. If you want to work it out it will take both of your efforts to do so. Or you both just go your separate ways. Yes it is still cheating in my eyes! I think your better off without him.
Prayers for you in Jesus mighty name Amene
He was in the wrong. Neither of you should run to others when you feel that way but you surely needed to tall about your feelings early on. At this point you should leave as he has shown his commitment to you behind your back.
Hmmm … Gut feeling…not you…you were pushing him away because deep down inside you knew. Only you can decide. Just saying. Gotta let the bad go to receive your blessings
It doesn’t sound like you “caused it”. If you felt you were pushing him away because of issues that were already happening, I don’t think you can say that that alone caused him to confide in her. I do think it’s wrong for him to be confiding in an ex of all people, but I would just take this as an opportunity to now communicate with eachother and try to salvage what you have, if both of you believe it to be worth it.
It is emotionally cheating. So that’s on him whatever is happening in your relationship needs to be figured out. If he really wants to work at it, he’ll cut ALL forms of communication. But you also have to be willing to try even when you don’t feel like it. You need to talk to each other. Why do you both feel this way or why do you if it’s just you. What’s changed besides the children. How’s the communication? Etc. TALK.
It don’t matter if you pushed him away or not. He should not be talking to his ex about your relationship!!! Shouldn’t be talking to his ex period unless he has kids with them and that’s what the conversation is about!
I can see both sides of this. You need to break it off and go your separate ways.
He should feel bad. Did you ask him what he wants to do about this?
Be smart and leave this guy. None of this is your fault. You pushed him away because something in your gut wasn’t feeling right. And you were right. If he is so unhappy and is comforting his ex instead of trying to make things better than he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who will always be there with you thru the good and bad times in a relationship. You deserve someone who won’t go running to their ex when they know there’s something not feeling right in the relationship. Be smart and leave.
Stop blaming yourself. You have every right to feel the way you did!
You didn’t cause this. If he’s unhappy, he can leave or try to fix it. There’s zero “reason” for anyone to cheat.
I think you’re both in the wrong.
If you’re having issues in your relationship, you address them with your partner and make a decision to either work together to fix the issues or end the relationship and move on separately.
Shutting your partner out and distancing yourself from them doesn’t fix anything.
Running to your ex or an outside party only causes more issues, it doesn’t resolve the issues you have.
But know this, he is only “sorry” because he got caught. Had you not found those messages, he would have never admitted to them.
You were unhappy and shut him out. He was unhappy and talked to someone who knows him well. You both did this. Time for you both to talk to each other for once!
He should’ve been fixing his relationship with you instead of talking with his ex…
If your supporting him get rid of him ,once he cheats it will happen again there all kinds of ways to get help you kids and you are #1
This one goes both ways but you pushed him into her arms you even admit to pushing him away. Humans are social creatures of course he’s going to find someone that can relate to him if you won’t. He shouldn’t but almost all will bc we are human and ignoring your partner is neglecting your partner and a form of narcissistic torture
It is emotional cheating, if you want to stay in the relationship I suggest that he cuts off all communication with the ex and you two start couples therapy.
He only feels bad cause he’s caught.
If you didn’t catch him he wouldn’t feel bad, and it would continue.
Remember you are an adult and accept your responsibility in your relationship. It sounds as though both of you hurt each other’s feelings. Strip away circumstances and poor decision making and ask yourselves if you both are in love with each other wholeheartedly and committed to investing time and nurture your relationship. Don’t make a snap decision, remind each other why you fell in love. Be conscious of each other and conscientious. If your ‘boyfriend’ continues to nurture an emotional connection with his ex, you can be assured he is conflicted and both of you may be experiencing commitment phobia. You have 3 children together and essentially are a family. Using the words boyfriend/girlfriend imply there is a lower level of commitment. A man’s ego needs a woman’s admiration and understanding. If you want him in your life find ways to admire him and tell him how much you appreciate him. When the man feels confident in his relationship he will desire to be closer emotionally.
Your boyfriend was telling his ex he was unhappy in you alls relationship. You were not happy. So I don’t understand why you feel bad. Your boyfriend should never have spoken to his ex about his relationship with you. Be smart! Stay away and find someone new. If you take him back then I
Bet this is not the end if it. He will find someone else and blame you.
I guess my question is this- if you feel like you’re just more like roommates now and not connected then why are you so bothered by what he did? Yes it’s wrong but it’s giving you want you need to leave because apparently neither one of you are committed to the relationship any more.
In a normal relationship if you push your partner away they don’t go to another person for the emotional connection so don’t blame yourself.
YOU PUSHED HIM AWAY
Doesn’t matter who he confided in you weren’t emotionally available and venting about not being happy isn’t cheating
I’m not going to say he should leave you or you should leave him BUT you should both probably separate, you’re not good for each other
The sooner you do the better for the kids
You didn’t cause anything, if he’s not happy u either work out the issues or leave not fall back to an ex…
You are both wrong. Get a marriage counselor and if you both want to work on the problems it can get a lot better.
You post have mixed feelings, do you want to save your marriage or do you want out ?
Hes only sorry he got caught! Move on & UP momma!
Take a little time and think it over before you make a rash decision. Think about the whole picture and your financial situation. An ex always seems to want someone back when they have a new girl or are they are alone.
You said it in your post hun. He feels bad now that you found out. He didn’t feel bad beforehand. Even if you were pushing him away, that’s something he needed to bring to you. Not her.
Ask yourself do you want it to work? If the answer is yes, put everything aside and work on yall. Go on dates, talk, try new things. Pray.
Be done. Leave him, move on.
You are both to blame. Get a counselor and then decide what you both want. Also consider your kids. You are getting nowhere now and you need to communicate.
This isn’t solely your fault he reached out to his ex. He has to take responsibility for neglecting you too.
BOTH of you are at fault. Nows the time to decide if you want to recommit. Same to him. You be knowingly pushed him away & he turned to a third party.
One u shouldn’t have to try hard Two he was already entertaining someone and only sorry cause he got caught. Take those babies n leave
Maybe stay as room mates you both do what needs to be done for the kids the home etc… as long as you both agree to Rule No1 don’t bring anyone home Lol
Do you care tho? You said you felt disconnected anyways and apparently so did he? Sounds to me like you wanted out anyways
Remember- their never “sorry” until they get caught.
That should give you your answer.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Doesn’t matter … seems like you know what to do, you’ve subconsciously made the decision already
You shouldn’t have to try so hard
I hate it when I have to lay in the bed I made.
Sounds like you both would be better off separating.
Hell no get away from him
You were both in the wrong. Communicating with each other (by either of you) could’ve prevented all of this. However this is where you are, so your options are limited. You both need to decide if it’s worth it to you to put in the work, if yes, couples therapy would be a great start. Actively trying to connect and communicate with each other. However if you BOTH aren’t willing to put the work in and try, it might be time to walk away. Real relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. There’s hard days, but if the love is real it’s worth it. Like I said though it can’t be just you, and it can’t be just him. You both have decisions to make.
no he was causing it because he couldn’t let go of his x
Girl, this ain’t your fault. I’m going through the same thing except with a coworker and I wasn’t pushing him away. Men are pigs. Don’t blame yourself.
Well so you both acted like dicks. What do you want to do now? Guess what real relationships go through ups and downs and take work. If you view him as a roommate then why are you upset? You need to decide if he’s worth the boring parts as well as the fun parts. You both were dumb both had consequences for behavior that way so what is next? I would try counseling and see what happens. If you are already out then break up with him and allow him to find someone who loves him for him.
Sorry but… messaging an ex about how unhappy u are after having 3 kids with the person your “so unhappy with” is never the way to go…
Well , you are old enough to know that actions have consequences,when you start neglecting your partner emotionally, mentally and physically you are opening the window for that person to look for attention somewhere else . From what you wrote he did not said any lie to his ex , maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable to talk with someone else .
Now you feel hurt , but what about pain and hurt you inflicted on him , his feelings are valid too .
He didn’t cheated on you , so it’s up to you if you want to work on your relationship or not , just do not waste each other time and move on if you have not interest on him