I don’t seem to have a popular opinion, but I believe you do what you feel YOU need to and is best for YOU to find closure and begin healing. Whether that’s working things out amongst you both or getting closure so you can begin to divorce. The ONLY thing I’d heavily advise would be prepare mentally for what she may say and expect she may even say she actually did know about you and just didn’t care. The conversation will possibly help, or it could possibly hurt you more. If anything, I wouldn’t ask anything. Id simply message her and tell her what you KNOW. Which is the proof you found and that you don’t need anything from her, you just wanted to make her aware incase she wasn’t so she also wasn’t being played with. She has 5 kids and there’s a chance those kids know him and liked him… it’s not fair to them either for him to be pretending to be a good guy that he truly isn’t.
Regardless, this is your life. Your marriage. Your decision. I will never tell someone to divorce unless it’s a dangerous situation bc someone is abusive. But anything else, I feel it’s up to the people IN the relationship to decide next steps forward. There’s no shame in anything you choose as long as you’re choosing it FOR you. 
2 Likes
Her side of the story doesn’t matter. She owes you nothing. It is YOUR husband. He owes you everything.
It’s up to you what you decide to do with the information you have.
All I know for sure is he knew he was married to you and that should be enough of a reason to leave
1 Like
If you think there’s even a chance that you want to work this out with your husband… DO NOT SPEAK TO HER. You will not be able to forget the things you learn and they will make it that much more difficult to work through. Having said that, it was not her responsibility to keep him faithful, that is on him and him alone so whether or not she knew is irrelevant. At the end of the day you have to decide whether or not you can and will trust him again and speaking to her will not make that any easier. Good luck 
I went through a divorce a year ago. I was the bad person according to him, but it’s because I refused to tell everyone my side. I just didn’t care at that point. There is no reason to be the other woman, especially in your own marriage. If HE wants a girlfriend he can have one but that means he doesn’t deserve a wife. The girlfriend is irreverent. My ex’s gf knew about me, cause I had met her before I knew about them. You have to do what’s best for you and your kids and sometimes it’s leaving, for my situation it was.
1 Like
run…sadly the chances of you ever trusting him again will never happen. I myself would most likely go to talk to her to see what her side of it is.
I wouldn’t be surprised if one or more of those 5 kids she has are his.
Don’t go looking for things if you’re not going to do anything about what you find.
Good luck.
1 Like
Confront her, you already have the proof of his side. Then leave. He knew what he was doing. What’s the worst he could say, sorry? He would only be sorry because he got caught. Just leave.
1 Like
This is abject disrespect, nothing more and nothing less.
Doesn’t matter if she is aware he’s married. Does your husband know he’s married?
1 Like
Well since he’s decided to date other people, you should too. What’s fair is fair right?
Many gals don’t even care anymore if a guy is married or in a relationship.
For some it’s all just a sick game to see if they can “win”.
If they were just truly only friends then you would have know.
1 Like
Leave were is yours dignity.and yes tell her your are going to be used over and over again with this attitude
What else do you need to know? Why punish yourself, get him gone let her keep him
You can reach out to her in a professional way not as an aggressive wife get to know the truth.Then you can Talk to your husband about it‼️
I would tell her in case she doesn’t know, but ultimately it is your husband cheating it was his decision, he is the one with the contract that he signed when you got married, he doubled that contract when he had kids with you. He is the one that broke that contract and trust! Why do people always blame the other woman, you do not know what he has been saying to her
2 Likes
She didn’t break vows
He did. Your worried about the wrong person. The only person you should be in top of is HIM
Leave him before you regret not leaving when you had the chance. Especially if it’s a repetitive thing, I promise they don’t change. They just get better at hiding it. And the more you stay, the more comfortable they get doing it because they know you won’t leave.
1 Like
They don’t change, if it’s not her, it will be another. I’d take this time, get your self straight on bills, and move forward. Do you want to live this way, ask yourself that. At the end of the day, you get 1 life, live it.
4 Likes
If it’s been going on for two years that is a full fledged relationship…why would you contact her and hear her side .there is no side …time for a divorce
Why would you care for her side of the story? He cheated and that’s enough information regarding your marriage. I would end it immediately. If he is a good father, don’t take that away from your kids, it can be done if you separate the father from the spouse.
1 Like
Its not complicated and she is irrelevant.
He’s been cheating on you for over 2 years.
Put him out, change the locks and get an Attorney. A good one.
I find it so sad when women say “it’s complicated we have kids” MA’AM he didn’t find those kids to be a complication!!!
1 Like
It’s not complicated. Don’t let him rope you in. There’s no excuses and it’s a lie if he’s going to tell you it’ll stop or won’t happen again. You snd your kids deserve better
15 Likes
I walked with 5 children and pregnant with our son once he does it once u forgive he keep doing it again and again I did forgive for 11yrs and he cheated all our
Relationship
There’s nothing complicated about your situation, nor is it uncommon. Imagine one of your kids was in your position. What advice would you give them? After you’ve thought about it, take that advice. NO parent will give their kid bad relationship advice because you love them too much. You should love yourself the same. Cheating is cheating no matter how you look at it or try to justify it. You can message her if you’d like, but what does it change? It doesn’t matter if she knows he was married, HE KNEW he was married and that should have been enough and it wasn’t and that’s really all the answers you need. If you can’t approach your husband with the videos and get the truth from him, then the ugly truth is, there really isn’t much of a marriage there to fight for. Honesty, trust and respect build a ground for solid communication and without those, you can’t have a relationship, period. No matter how much you “love” the other person. The fact that you have kids, doesn’t complicate anything, in fact quite the opposite, it should make it crystal clear. Do you want them growing up to think that it’s okay to be lied to and cheated on?
1 Like
Why would her side determine how “this”turns out? It doesn’t matter if she knew about you or not. Your husband is the one that should be respecting YOU and what y’all have built as a family!
I’ll be honest. I don’t know whats so “complicated”. I hope you figure it out and make a decision that is better for you a d your children.
9 Likes
Why is she the focus? Talk to your husband. He’s your issue here. Whatever she has to say is irrelevant.
I mean her side really don’t matter your husband knew he was married. No matter if she knew or not doesn’t really change the fact that he still cheated. First in order would to record all evidence and contact a divorce lawyer because 2 years of betrayal is not forgivable in my opinion.
Does he come home to you every night !!!?
It’s HIS FAULT. YOU ARE IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM NOT HER. STOP BLAMING THE GIRLS. YOUR HUSBAND IS MARRIED
1 Like
Idk I’d not even bother hearing her side. It’s been going on for far too long. You should just get your plan together and start the divorce documents
1 Like
I would definitely get her side of the story and see if it’s still going on. You both need counseling to see if it can work
How did you find out? Did he tell you or did you find out by finding the other woman’s page? If your going to stay and work it out I suggest counseling for both of you together and separate. He needs to cut all contact. No secrets, you should be able to look through his phone at any time. You both need to get tested for stds, any questions you have about the affair (if you want to know) he needs to answer truthfully. If you want to leave, save up money so you can support yourself and the kids. Figure out if he moves or you move. File for custody, and find a good divorce attorney. Good luck, hugs… we’ve all probably been there before, but only you can decide what you want to do.
3 Likes
Usually they don’t change. Can you live with it, only you know when enough is enough. Raising your kids in the middle of it with a stained relationship shows them how marriage is. Would he go to counseling? You deserve more than this
Of course you can’t believe ANYTHING he says. From here on out.
The absolute only reason to contact her is if you want to make sure she knows he’s married so she doesn’t waste her time being duped. Other than that you know all you need to know. I wouldn’t spend another second on this- start moving forward and onward immediately
3 Likes
Unless some of those 5 kids are his I don’t think that matters. Yea if she knew it is wrong on both of their parts. But he’s the one that made the commitment to you. Not her. Message her and find out, with messages it’ll be even easier to prove during a divorce. It’s really not complicated. Can you live with it or no?
Even if she doesn’t know after 2 years she’s not leaving him for you so you can figure out what you need to do for you and for your family
Run baby don’t walk run as fast as you can. You deserve better than that
Sit down on the couch with him, watch the Lorena Bobbit story. Then just look at him and smile 
100% I’d message, or else you’re always going to wonder. I’d rather know and be hurt by it than not know and wish I asked
Please. You know what to do.
Sounds like a divorce to me…
Put nair in his shampoo bottle! (Totally kidding) I’m so sorry love 
Start contacting some attorneys and get your ducks in a row.
I’d definitely message her. He did you both dirty af. Be petty.
Her side doesn’t matter he cheated.
3 Likes
Get your own boyfriend , somebody better and see how he feels.
I would 100% message her but be prepared for a half truth or lies. Depending on what she knows and is covering up. Otherwise, pack up and let em go.
It doesn’t matter her side or his. The fact is it happened
No she will just lie. Best advice nleav3. He won’t change
Kick him out. Send him alimony bill and child support bill if you have children .
RUN!! Get out of your situation, for your sake and your childrens
Why does her side count? He knew he was married. He knew he was cheating. He’s the one who owed it to you to not cheat. She’s irrelevant.
What do you mean you’re worried about how this will turn out if you contact her? It already turns out your husband has cheated and betrayed you and your children. She was just the tool in the shed. It’s not up to her to keep your husband from deceitful behavior and cheating on his family. If it was not her, he would have found it elsewhere. He is the one accountable!!
Message her, u and she deserve to know the truth
Get your ducks (finances) in a row before you let on that you know anything. Lawyer up if you think you need to. If he did it then he’ll do it again and you deserve better. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wasted years with an unfaithful guy.
1 Like
Your husband knew he was married long before this other woman did.He has been lying to you for a long time…Personally I wouldn’t waste my breath on her,but as for him,I would be sitting him down and have a serious talk.If you want your marriage to work,maybe counseling might work,if he agrees to it…If he doesn’t then I think I would not stay with him. I can’t speak for anyone else but myself,but I could never be able to trust him,and without trust,then it may as well end…
Get proof, get a lawyer and leave or have him leave
It really simple. Get a divorce. It will
Never be ok now.
Also her side of the story? What? Her side doesn’t matter.
contacting her is a waste of time for sure. she’s trash if she knew about you. don’t choose to stay for the kids either that always ends bad. do what you feel needs to be done, but don’t be too hard on yourself. he’s an asshole, & honestly if you stay it’s going to be hard to get that trust back.
I mean, it’s not complicated. You have a cheating husband. That won’t change. Confronting her will only cause more drama, it’s on your husband. His poor choices.
I’d document everything. You’ll need it when you go through divorce court. Take EVERYTHING from him. Cheaters don’t deserve 
Boy bye. He’s done more than what he’s saying 
Why would you need her side ? He cheated that’s the end of it . Leave him
Yes talk to her she might not know so tell her her although she will prob stay with him anyways and yes get a lawyer and leave he a cheating A hole and start a new life for you and the the kids you don’t deserve that treatment
My now ex husband was telling everyone we were in a open marriage, but he failed to tell me hence why he’s a ex
There is nothing complicated about it.
Your husband is a cheater. Cheaters cheat. She probably isn’t the first and she probably won’t be the last.
Your issue isn’t with her, whether she knew about you or not. She wouldn’t even be in the picture if he hadn’t brought her into it.
You gather your proof, file for divorce, alimony, child support and you put him out.
Your children need to see someone love their mother properly.
Unless of course you don’t mind being lied to and cheated on.
He’s a liar. He played her until she wanted more and now he is playing you
She probably figured out he was a dirty cheater and ended it.
Personally, I wouldn’t bother with the side chick @ all. It doesn’t matter if she knew or not & she probably won’t tell the truth anyways. I wouldn’t bring up any of it to him either. Collect your evidence of his affair, etc, consult with an attorney, & kick his ass out. He made his choice when he started stepping out. 
File for the divorce and get urself and ur kids out. After that send the girl a message and let her know what’s going on. She may not know everything. But u need to make sure that u and ur kiddos are safe before u confront him.
Are the 5 or any of the kids his?
Who cares her side of the story. He was lying to you and hiding things for a very long time. He betrayed you. There is literal video evidence of him with someone else. If he respected you or your family he wouldn’t have behaved that way. Period. As women we have got to stop making excuses for our men when they ran out of their own. Men will continue use to degrade us and disrespect us until we demand better and don’t settle for less than that. With that said you know what’s happened. You have to decide what is best for you. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. I’m sorry he did this to his family. I’ve been there. It’s horrible and gut wrenching.
I’d ask her. I was saved by girls who told me about my ex. The girls who told me the truth and wrapped their wings around me, owe gold medals to sisterhood and I’ll forever owe them. It’s been years now since the ‘other’ girls helped me, and I’m now happy and in a new relationship 
if it wasn’t for the other girls I’d still be believing that twat.
Xx
Get a divorce. Doesn’t matter how many kids you have. Staying for the children’s sake is pure stupidity. HE knew HE was married.
Tell him to f#kk off - buh bye !! No reason to contact her … End of story …
Worried how? I’d be filing for divorce! Safe them clips first. Does it matter where or who she lived with??? She’s taking videos with my husband oh he(( no… my husband out there disrespecting me and our children. Nope. It wouldn’t matter her side of the story. That man been lying to you for years. Does it matter if she lived with Elmo or her brother or on Mars???
Divorce please. That’s all. I think if you go digging he’s lying about a lot more than one woman. This sucks. But do not allow him to dictate your life any longer
If you’re worried about him leaving know this he left when he decided to step into the role he is playing for this other woman and just like someone else said her knowledge of your and his relationship isn’t the factor here it’s his knowledge yes definitely let her know just in case she is as much in the dark as u are but don’t solely blame her I learned the hard way it’s easier to blame someone you don’t know as opposed to someone you love and thought you knew but also women are not stupid so she could have known about you and the marriage but there is no telling what he has told her that being said unless you are willing to accept this and you and him want to make your marriage work then don’t put yourself thru another day I set back knowing there was something going on questioning him almost daily and being told I was crazy and to quit accusing him of something like that to the point I almost believed I was crazy only to finally be told the truth over the phone and even though I had known almost 4 years at this time that it had happened and was still going on it almost destroyed me because I knew my heart wouldn’t lie to me ever but I kept telling my heart to be quiet and I’m a very good woman ive never cheated never even gave him a reason to doubt me but he still took what i had given him and instead of returning it he gave it to somebody else never play seconds it is ultimately your decision nobody else’s
