A few weeks back, I discovered my husband was seeing another girl that he claimed was his friend and kept it a secret from me for 2 years. I found her social media pages one had videos of them together in his car, going out, etc. This woman is our age (36) and has 5 kids but according to him she lives with her brother and that she knew we were married. I don’t believe she did judging by her videos from 2 years ago of the them together. I think the last post I saw she made of them together was sometime last year but since then, she hasn’t made any posts or videos about them. My husband and I have 2 kids together so this is really complicated. I don’t know if I should message her to see her side of the story but I’m worried how this might turn out.
Walk away, don’t fight over the kids, co-parenting is important. Find someone down the line if you want that will respect you. Do you and your babies. That’s it. The kids are what matters now. Her side, his side… doesn’t matter. It happened. Walk away with your respect and dignity. That’s the easiest road.
Your husband knew what he was doing… leave him!
Before you leave, make sure you are prepared for what’s to come!
Run:running_woman:
Everyone saying u don’t need her side, isn’t you. I’ve been here. More then once. Their side is just as important, and I have contacted ever single one of them. I was also told “they knew” but most of them didn’t in reality! If it gives you a piece of mind, even just a drop then do it!
I was in a relationship with my ex for 17+ years. He constantly cheated, talked to other women behind my back and destroyed my character as the mother of his 3 children. They knew he lived with us. One day, I got tired, my heart was tired, I put my foot down, called him into my bedroom and ended our relationship. I didn’t talk to him for months, but co-parented. It took me about 5 years after that to love myself, build myself back up and eventually met the most wonderful man. He accepted my 3 children as his own, we’ll be celebrating our 4 years of marriage on the 31st, and 11 years total together. If I can muster up the same strength to walk away. So can you! Best of luck!!
I would definitely confront her
If your man is spending time with another woman and hiding it, she’s his side chick. Odds are, she knows he’s married and she doesn’t care. As hard as it is, you need to get rid of him. Kick him out!
What does a side matter? He cheated and lied for 2 years? How can you trust him after that? It was a whole relationship and he took her out.
He is the one that keeps pursuing it .
Leave him, she had to know and he knew what he was doing.
Her side isn’t necessary and it will probably just add insult to injury, you already know he cheated that’s all you need to know.
I understand you have kids but cheating is something almost impossible to come back from and have a normal functioning relationship. He’s a liar, clearly a good one since he hid this for years
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, good luck❤️
Leave and never look back 
Arrange to meet her and take him along,confront them both face to face x
Some people would say leave him and yet they’re being cheated on too and still in the relationship lol
Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was get a divorce after almost 27yrs. But after finding multiple chats and God awful pictures I was done and there wasn’t any coming back from it. The trust was gone! It’s been a struggle because I’ve been a sahm forever but the mental peace was so worth leaving
One of those kids are definitely without a doubt his.
Leave, file for divorce, respect yourself and go!
I know your hearts hurting be prepared and leave.
I would suugest get your ducks in a row and leave him. I would also say after you leave, send her a cordial message letting her know the truth of the situation and that you are done with him. What she does with that information is up to her. Then wash your hands of him. Know your worth.
Let me tell you I once was in this situation when my ex said they was just friends when I found out and she said she would quit calling after she told me they was just friends as well she knew we was married. Yeh then I caught her continuing to call and texted they both was lieing best thing for you to do is run while u can cause niether one of them will tell u the truth and if u have already seen video of them together it’s proof in the pudding your better off without him.
Get lots of proof and get a good lawyer
Yeah, morally is sucks if she knew about you, but in the end, HE let her in. I wouldn’t confront her, that just adds more stress to you. You have a decision to make now.
As someone that has stayed and the other women knew about me?
Leave. It’s soul crushing
Your loss of trust in your husband is the issue here, not her. It’s him you need to deal with not her. Speaking to her would only make you feel worse, no matter what she says. Would you really believe her if she swore there was nothing going on? You need to come to terms with this and clear your head to make decisions about your future. If it is available to you, couples counselling may help.
Her knowledge of your husbands status is irrelevant, his knowledge of his own status however is, you need to get tested, get legal, and get out, unless of course you enjoy dishonesty and heartache then endure
Divorce his ass and live happily ever after.
Plan a romantic evening go downstairs and bite his weiner off everytime he looks at it he will remember what pain hes caused you
That’s YOUR husband you have the right to reach out. Now what response you’ll get is tbd but really I wouldn’t care if it were me
Talking to her is a waste of time. She owes you zero loyalty anyway. Zero. Even if she knew about you or knew he was married. She owes you nothing. He’s the one who owes you loyalty and to not be a DB. So now it’s up to you to decide what you want to do. Good luck to you.
She didn’t commit to you he did. Now you know and have a decision to make. Get all your evidence straight first.
Have a exit plan incase things turn sour but say something
Don’t ask questions you aren’t ready to act on.
Example: yeah they been having an affair… are u ready to leave?
At least you would get closure.
Make sure non of those babies are his! Definitely have a chat with her seeing as you are the wife. I’d want to know details and if she knew?!
2 years? Do you even need to ask? You know what you need to do.
I would message her and divorce him x 2 year relationship is a long time x so sorry you are going through this x
Do you even need to know her side of the story? You know, for a fact, that he cheated. You have all the info you need. And not only did he cheat, he literally had a whole other relationship so he definitely has emotions invested in it. What else do you need to know?
i am not going to advocate for divorce but i understand the tremendous betrayal you feel. however, i don’t think the focus should be on her right now- it should be on your husband.
I couldn’t get past the first sentence. I didn’t to read anything else. Leave.
Lawyer, and then
Summons to the divorce for proof, also it seems your children may or may not have unknown siblings, please at least get that answered or at least into question. Get tested for stds , and for your own benefit let that man go. Focus on yourself and your children. 
My hubs and I have a different life as far as Opposite Sex friends. We’re combat vets. Of course we have opposite sex friends. However, there is a line and he would lose his mind if I ever randomly went out like that with any of them, except a few we deployed with. And I would ruin his life if he pushed that line.
You’ll have to really consider if you can save your marriage. 2 years isn’t a 1 time mistake. That takes thought. Planning. Planned LIES. Deception.
I know some couples can work it out and I support that bc marriage isn’t dating. But 2 YEARS?
You’re better than me. I’d be filed and changing locks already.
Whatever you decide, decide for YOU. 
Your children will be ok. Therapy will help. They will find out and if you stay, be ready for that can of worms.
Ew leave him.Sure hit her up for closure I guess but he put your health at jeopardy and your relationship/family. Leave him hid someone for 2 whole years disgusting.
1 time and it don’t stop he will continue to do what he does he’s not going to change don’t be that chick that stays you deserve better that!
Girl…only advice GET THE HELL OUT AND TAKE IT ALL
KEEP ALL HER BS FROM HER PAGES AND ANY PROFF AND FILE FOR DIVORCE
You husband made a commitment and vows with you. He strayed from the marriage and involved another woman. Personally, I don’t think you should have any issue with the other woman nor do I think you should contact her. This is your husband’s mess to clean up.
If she knew you were married or not, that’s irrelevant. She wasn’t in a relationship with you. Your husband is the one I’d have a problem with. For 2 years he lived a double life. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Save yourself future headbreaks and headaches by getting out now. I’m not sure what state you are in, but if you’re in one that accepts adultery as grounds for divorce, and you can prove he cheated, he walks away from this marriage with nothing. You would be awarded 90% of the martial property, and depending on your financial status, possible APL and Spousal support, along with child support you yourself and your children.
Find a good attorney and schedule a free consultation. Good luck.
I’m confused. Why does it matter if she knew or not?? Why would they determine your next move? He cheated on you. Leave.
Get Ur ducks in a row. Seek lawyers advice. Get some savings up. Save videos etc of the cheating. Sort out other accommodation if need be. Then boot him out of your life
Contacting her is a waste of time. Is there really anything she can say that will make you want to stay with him or trust him again? I’ve been here. It never stopped. There were breaks, or maybe it stopped with 1 girl and started with a new one, but it never stopped. I wanted so bad for it to work out, I was afraid of change. But I only ended up causing myself immense heartache by talking to the other woman and hearing what all she had to say. I knew deep down no matter how much I loved him I would never be able to trust him again. Trying wasted several years of my life. I know it hurts bad. But gather all of your evidence (for lawyer/legal reasons) and end this. You will cause yourself so much more heartache and serious damage to your self esteem and self worth. It took me years to feel ok about myself again. Take control of this situation. 
Your husband is obviously weak and let her in even if there was nothing now he already let one girl take control over his decision there’s no saying he won’t let it happen again. I gave my ex multiple choices which just added much more chaos to my life. We have 2 kids together and when we finally broke up
I found out about a lot more he was hiding.
Time for you to make a choice, they made theirs, ESPECIALLY HIM
Let her know and divorce him
Who’s daddy to her 5 kids heck your man could be daddy to 1 of her 5 children
Girl …… she doesn’t own you anything, your husband is the one you should be questioning not her
Her side of the story has no bearing on anything. Walk away.
How do you guys know he cheated? Did he confess that?
Her side doesn’t matter…HE’S the one that cheated
She didn’t take any vows to honor and love you
HE DID
How are you gonna find out your husband has been cheating for 2 YEARS and then ask for advice?
LEAVE 
HIS CHEATING ASS ASAP
And as the icing on the cake have the divorce papers served while he’s with her, so if she somehow didn’t know he was married she will
see a divorce lawyer immediately and save those pictures for evidence. Kick him out of the house, he obviously has another bed to go to. Don’t forget to change the locks on all doors too. good luck, he can never be trusted again.
Friends or not he didn’t tell you. Leave him.
Believe me after putting 47 yrs in, I gave up trying. A cheater is a cheater most of the time. I just ignored it until I couldn’t. At my age I’m so sorry I didn’t leave in my 20’s.
you don’t need her side. it doesn’t matter. she’s not the one who made vows to you.
cheating is nonnegotiable IMO. that’s exactly why i divorced my ex-husband. we have 4 kids together & our youngest wasn’t even 6 months old when i filed for divorce. ZERO regrets.
forgiving him, just allows him to do it again, but hide it better next time.
She didn’t marry you, but you can ask. She really doesn’t owe you anything. He made the vows
Just here to tell you that his cheating has nothing to do with your looks, body, worth etc. it has everything to do with his lack of integrity
Have you confronted him?
What do u mean she said she lives w her brother…who cares who she lives with?
Girl…he is a cheater. I’d get rid of him. Get tested for STD’s and hire an attorney. That’s ultimately betrayal and I’m so sorry your going through this.
This girl is a “friend,” bs is just that! BS. CONFRONT HIM. Be done. Kids are resilient.
Leave him. Some of those kids might be his
So you’ve known since last year? Please leave
Why does it matter if she knows he was married or not he knew he was married and that’s not OK
Leave. Once a cheater always a cheater
Talk to your husband, not social media. Only he can give you the answers you need.
Listen to these fuckin savages leave him!!! leave him!!! This is your choice if you feel like your marriage is salvageable then I’d go with that specially since starting over is fuckin hard right now speaking from experience.
Don’t downgrade yourself by talking to her… You deserve better… Get tested for aids and leave him.
Honey hes cheating kick his ass to the curb take the blinders off hes making a fool of you.and your kids … you try that see what he’d do .he step out of your marriage … and it’s as simple as that … I’d call her and tell her he’s all hers enjoy but sweety make sure you save up 6 months of what you’ll need to survive and make his sorry ass pay… also find out if any of her kids is his lol I bet so
He’s cheating 100% I think
Message her and find out then get rid of his ass
If you are going to leave him, get prepared. First get all of your important papers together, deeds, titles, bank accounts. Social security numbers, his , kids. Your past tax papers, weekly work paystubs, Bills , Credit cards Bank Loans, Your family pictures. Get money out of the bank accounts before you leave him ……( Find out in your state if you can sue her for busting up your marriage) ……Save her post on Facebook To your phone or computer ………… Do all of this before you let them know what has been going on…… Go talk to a Divorce attorney, ( First visit is free) Take care of your mental health, and the children’s as well. Good luck!!!
I would maybe forgive a one time deal but something that lasted that long? He obviously didn’t care to be careful even. No man can love a woman and go date another while being married. That’s awful but I wouldn’t bother hearing her out. I would pack my shit and go. He’s not gonna change. Once a cheater always a cheater
Absolutely message her. Get both sides. Even tho that shouldn’t change shit. The fact that it happened and for 2 YEARS!! One day while he’s at work, throw his shit in the yard, change the locks, and serve him papers. Or just get the kids, and yalls shit and hit the road. Once a cheater, always a cheater…
Wow! I’m not sure what you need to figure out! He’s been unfaithful, lying & doesn’t seem to care about hurting you or your family! Unless he confesses and agrees to some kind of marriage counselor, you should leave & respect yourself & your kids & not allow him to treat you this way. If you have a son, he sees this behavior as ok. If you have a daughter she sees this as how women are to be treated. You have to think of them! You deserve a man who will love & honor you! 
MESSAGE HER! You both deserve to know the truth
I wouldn’t even care about her side of the story. Just wash your hands with the situation, walk away and don’t look back. I had to do it myself with 3 kids, it wasn’t easy but it was worth it. Have more self respect than to stay with someone like that. You obviously can’t trust him and if you tried to trust him your mind would always be on guard. You will over think everything, suddenly everything he says becomes a lie and all his actions will be suspicious. Hold your head up and let him go.
Once a cheater always a cheater he may do to her what he did to you I would wash my hands walk away and be the bigger person eventually he will know that he lost the best (you) and everything that came with your relationship
You can message her but what for? There are videos of them together. He lied and cheated and that’s all the proof you need. Know your worth, let her have him. Guarantee she knew about you. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you stay with him and let him disrespect you.
Her side of the story is irrelevant; he’s your husband, he’s the only one who should hold any loyalty to you. This is between you and him… nothing to do with her… xx
First things first, get tested asap.
Don’t CHOOSE to allow it to be complicated because of the kids. I promise you, your kids are better off with y’all not together and having a decent co-parenting relationship than they would be if y’all stayed in an unhappy situation. And the truth is, if he’s out there mingling, he’s not happy. For this to be going on for 2+ years, you can probably look back and see so many signs, and probably even recognize yourself you aren’t very happy, you’re just comfortable.
You can message her for her truth but it won’t do anything for you. The fact he basically went on dates with her and she had the audacity to post them on a public platform speaks volumes. You have your evidence for a divorce. Go be happy you deserve it.
I don’t think her side of the story is important. You don’t know her, she’s not a friend or family member. Her 5 kids don’t matter. Focus on your husband.
Any decisions made now so be because of him and have to do with you and the kids. That’s a long time to be hiding that. I’d never trust him again. And that would be a harmful situation for everyone.
Move on and let him deal with the consequences.
Hire a lawyer and file for divorce. Whether she knew or not is irrelevant to the fact that he knew.
Ultimately talking to her isn’t going to help you. The issue is your husband. He clearly has a lying and dishonesty problem. What you need to decide is what you want to do. If you stay are going to be able to forgive him and will he be able to let her go? He obviously was emotionally involved 2 years ago is a long time so he and you need to figure out if your marriage means the same thing to each other and if you still value that. He obviously needed something attention, drama from doing this. I would suggest trying counseling but you need to be prepared for him to resist or choose her. Good luck. It’s absolutely awful going through stuff like this.
This is truly between you and your husband. Why are you not holding him accountable
2 questions- what is happening in your relationship with him? Are you happy with him? Do you want to fix this or do you in your gut think you will not recover. Your job is to teach your children what love looks like. How they should treat and be treated their love. Can you do that with this man?
I would message her confront him and leave
Girl you better message that woman and see what she got going on with YO MAN!! LOL
Makes me laugh, It’s ok for blokes to have girls as friends🙄 but I bet he wouldn’t like it if you had a bloke as a friend. It’s bloody wrong. Just leave him be happy😁
I’d leave. He’s very aware he’s married to me and steps out. Nope I don’t tolerate that
It doesn’t matter who’s side of the story you want to believe. Your husband cheated on you. Leave him.
I wouldnt say anything to her. She didn’t step put on you HE did. He is the one that needs to answer for what he did. Honestly, whether she knew about your or not is irrelevant at this point. It happened. Move on and co parent those kiddos.
He cheated on you for two years. Whether or not she knew is completely irrelevant. Blame the person who made vows TO YOU.
The last thing this is is complicated! You have proof he is stepping out! Your better than that! You deserve better than that! I divorced after 18 year’s and found a man that accepted me and my 2 daughters! One of my daughters. Told me she was glad because my new husband taught her how a woman is suppose to be treated!
What’s the point in messaging her? She knows lol she’s also not the one who made a commitment to you he did and he let her in. Soooo time to file and let them and her brother figure it out