I found texts in my teens phone about his girlfriend being sad she isn't pregnant....what do I do?!

My 16 year old son has been with his gf for over a year. He’s in a long term relationship and he’s a teenager, im not naive enough to think he’s not having sex. I’ve told him over and over “I hope you don’t, but if you do be safe.” Anyway, he got in trouble last night, I took his phone and peeked through it. My husband believes in absolute privacy, I do not. I see msg’s where he’s talking to his gf about her starting her period and she said she’s “kinda sad” he says why and she says “because I’m not pregnant”Excuse me?!?!?! What the actual hell did I just read?? I’m not saying anything bad about teen parents, I was one, but I don’t want that for him. It was a STRUGGLE.Do I bring it up to him? I honestly don’t even know what to say at this point, I’ve already pounded the safe sex talk into his head.


Yes I would talk to him. And as the mother of a girl, if any future boyfriends parents ever saw a text like this I hope they would talk to me!


I hope you showed your husband and yes you absolutely have every right to check the phone. Good thing you did. I was a teen parent too and I definitely do not want that for my own children. I’d talk to the gf or tell her you’re going to talk to her parents about it. That’s way less painful than having a baby. Good luck. I know it’s difficult.


I can’t tell you what to do but if it was me, I would DEFINITELY say something to my son. I wouldn’t stop there, I would let the girl’s parents in on this situation too. She should know that her daughter may be trying to get pregnant. IDGAF about their privacy. :woman_shrugging:t4:


Ummmmmmm definitely not a privacy issue!!! He’s still a minor!!
Definitely talk to him and her parents also!!! They shouldn’t be worried about getting her period or not!! That’s crazy talk!
I understand if accidentally it happens but definitely not a planned pregnancy!! And definitely sounds like she’s trying to get pregnant!!


I would absolutely talk to him about it, AND her parents. That is super scary for her to even say at 16 and I don’t see things going well if this is addressed.


Who pays the phone bill? If you, then you have every right to go through it. If he pays it then you shouldn’t go through it!


I’d be upset too! I got pregnant at 18 and there’s no way I would want my 16 year old son to become a dad at that age (although he’s seen how it’s been as we both have grown up together so I think my son has learned enough through that alone not to make some of the choices that I did.) Good luck! I feel for you mama!:heart: I think your son is being safe but maybe doesn’t know how to communicate to his gf that being teen parents is not what he wants (i think she is the one who likes the idea of it but he doesn’t know what to say back to her.) That is what I would try to talk to your son about. Make it more of a conversation on what to say to the gf and not necessarily about what your son is doing “wrong.”


I disagree that checking his phone will make him sneakier. I was already sneaky, knowing my dad checked my phone made me more scared to get my ass in trouble, lol. Nothing about him checking my phone made me rebel against him, or try to be sneakier.
He was a single dad and I respected him too much to make it harder on him.
I think it depends on the child. I knew as long as I lived in his house and he paid my phone bill, that was his phone that he let me use. I got punished from it because it was a luxury, not a necessity and him going through it was part of the deal that was made when I got it.

I would hold a dinner for them and the other parents.
It takes a village, I would prepare them for what that looks like.


Before I went and bought condoms, I went of the county courthouse website and ran a child support worksheet. I told them, they would be paying long after the playing was over.

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She’s basically trying to trap him bc she is very young and prolly thinks that they’ll be together forever etc etc especially if she has his baby. Can’t knock her feelings and thinking bc she is very young and we have all been there, young stupid and in love thinking it’s gonna be forever. But her parents definitelyyyyyy need to be made aware of this comment so I’d have a sit down with all of them! Her parents and her and you guys. Un real and scary I can’t even begin to imagine my son one day being in this situation and the knowing how little girls can think especially scares me.


I’d definitely have a talk about it with them, but I just wanted to mention it may not of been her being sad cause she was “trying” it may have just been a thing where she thought she was because her period was late and she got attached to the idea of the baby. But I do believe you shouldn’t have crossed that line of invading his privacy, you just showed him that you don’t trust him and him not to trust you. Sticky situation for sure.

I absolutely would have a talk with my son if it was me. I would say raising a child while still being young is a major struggle especially while still in school

Message her mother and tell her she is trying to get pregnant and you don’t want that for you son … it might be forward but I’m sure everyone would be thankful in the long run…


Find a baby they can babysit for a few day together that’ll change their mind :face_with_peeking_eye:


Maybe don’t say anything just make him watch a bunch of videos about the struggles of teen parenting and how some wish they would have waited? Not sure if a good idea but yeah.


Does he have condoms readily available for him? Like are you buying them for him?

As the mother of a young teenage girl, I can only hope a pray that if it were my daughter saying something like that, the boys parents would let me know.


Safe sex talk is not going to get you anywhere anyhow considering she is upset that she’s not pregnant. Difficulties of being pregnant and raising a baby is a higher talk of concern. I would have a talk with him. It might be something he’s concerned about. He might feel better getting it off his chest. Teens get caught up in fantasy world. Reality is much harder. I would bring it up with her mother as well. You still have time to talk some sense into them.

He’s going to be upset with you, however, he will later in life thank you. I would have a conversation with her parents with your son and her present. I think this needs involve everyone because it’s a major issue.


I would talk to both of them. But don’t look through his phone. It’s about privacy. If you do he won’t trust you ever again


Honestly if it were my teen son I would sit him down and talk about how hard it is to raise kids when we’re still young ourselves and also give him the reality check of how much it costs. Also I would tell the girlfriends parents
Show her mom the texts

Let him know the reality of this relationship might not last and then you’re tied to this person for life

Also the best advice I got for myself is don’t have children with someone until you’ve dated them for 5 years bc that’s how long it truly takes to get to know someone

Honestly, I would contact her parents. They have a right to know that too and should have the opportunity to have a conversation with her about that. Accidents are one thing, but she needs a big reality check. I would definitely have another talk with him on your end too.


Tell him about your struggles. Make sure he knows how hard it was for you to raise kids as a teenager. To make money to support them, the things you put off because your kids came first. All of it. I was a teen parent too. First at 17 second at 19. Had my last two at 27 & 28.
School was put off, I didn’t get the career, finances were a mess, I don’t own a house, I JUST got my first car and my license at 31 years old.
Shouldn’t be trying to get pregnant. I’d bring it up to her parents and let them know that based off the message you read, their daughter might be actively trying to have a baby and that she needs to be put on birth control at least…


Sounds like this girl is trying to get pregnant and your son is wanting it too. They think it’s going to be all sunshine and roses. They are young and naive. I have a son and 2 daughters. When they were teenagers I took my girls and had birth control put in their arms. They only thing I could do for my son is to tell him to use condoms. (I wish there were other options for guys).Regardless, they will find a way to have sex.

No cause his phone you should give him privacy. As long as you are open and honest with your child . I told my boys when they were younger no glove no love and if they needed condoms to come and ask me . I was a young mom as well but I was very open with them as I didn’t want them to go through what I did .

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Are you on good terms with the girls parent? If you are maybe try meet them for coffee and say you saw the texts and you think it might be a good idea if the girl goes in the implant to prevent this (at least then she can’t “miss a pill” or injection if you know what I mean) or if not buy your son a packet of condoms and make it a joke like you don’t know anything just give them to him and say just making sure you’re being safe, I know the last thing you want is a screaming crying pooing baby hanging off you before you’ve been able to experience adult life x


I personally would ask him about it. Maybe they were using condoms and the condom broke, or maybe they were safe and used everything correctly but she got her period late so they thought it was a possibility, talked about it, and she just got used to the idea and enjoyed the fantasy of having a little family. Id talk with no judgment and no freaking out. Now if he said something along the lines of, “Well we can try again” or “I was really hoping you were pregnant.” Then I would worry. Just because she wanted to be doesn’t mean they are trying or will try or that he wants anything to do with the possibility of a baby

In most states non emancipated teens have full custodial and medical decision rights for their babies, but the financial consequence for the pregnancy related medical fall upon the mothers parents, so your clear financially but you still need to confront your son about this


Please don’t bring it up to him. You will lose his trust knowing you went through his phone. Instead, use the information you have and talk with him without letting him know you have seen what you have seen. Have a heart-to-heart about safe sex and what his goals are after high school :heart:

I wont say you’re wrong because I can definitely back up on how being a teen parent is a struggle , but knowing my parents checked my phone I ended up being really sneaky unfortunately. I hope he doesnt end up being that way. But since you did see it , please have a talk with him.

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Have your husband speak to him and you and your husband need to speak to them both to

Unmmm, yes! You talk to your son, the gf and her parents!!


It seems like she wants to tie down your son. Mom run​:triangular_flag_on_post: :triangular_flag_on_post:


You have every right as a parent to check their phones til they are 18 and police and social workers etc will agree with this for them who say you have no right to … and you obviously have a concern to now I would sit your son and his gf/parents down and dicuss the matter

Does he pay for his own phone? No? Then you have every right to go through it whenever you want.

I say talk to him, but dont be angry as that can cause more problems than not. Address the situation, ask him if thats what he wants. If he is not ready for a kid, he needs to talk to his girlfriend about it. If you know any fathers going through custody battles, have them talk to him too.m

From an experienced step-mom, she sounds like a red flag for a custody battle. What girl truly wants to be a pregnant teen unless she thinks it will keep him around or wants someone else to support her. Im sorry if this sounds harsh, but its the truth.

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Screen shot and go to the girls parents house with them .

Anything you do, will make him want to rebel. Maybe he needs more family time, responsibility, athletic teams…hes 16, here’s where you back off, we had to learn and so do they, they want adult settings and have no skills,

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Id speak for to her mum yes it might course issues but a baby isn’t a toy there hard hard work and cost a fortune


so that is not a privacy issue  when they’re both minors and they’re trying to get pregnant


Speak to the girls parents immediately


He will NEVER trust you again. Rightfully so. Keep that in mind.

Yes you definitely should not bury your head in the sand about this one

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They’re 16 and dumb. Period. So yes talks should be had , with both. Including her mother. If handled appropriately and calmly, You could possibly actually talk some sense into them. Good luck


Ashley Monette nothing said they were actively trying to get pregnant :tipping_hand_woman: its definitely a privacy issue as there wasn’t a reason for the OP to go through her sons phone. If there was a reason, completely understandable, but all was said was he got in trouble and she peeked through his phone :woman_shrugging:


No :tipping_hand_woman: you decided to be nosey when it wasn’t really needed, you just wanted to snoop just to snoop and give yourself a reason to be mad. Birth control and condoms aren’t 100% so she could end up pregnant one way or another as long as they are being safe its all you can do. If you feel like a conversation is needed id include both your son and her as well as her parents to make them aware that she feels the way she does and said what she did to your son being only 16


Umm well it’s time for a family sit down talk. Parents included. Everyone around the table immediately


I will talk to him , to her and to her parents as well , this is something that should be addressed asap


I would say something about her because it seems she wants to get pregnant and could be pressuring him


As a mother of a daughter id want to know about this. Maybe talk to her mom about getting her birth control. Make sure condoms are available.


Your son might be angry that you snooped in his phone…but you’re his parent first…then his friend…
If you’re a parent and your child has never been angry at you then you’re not a good parent.


I remember being a teenager and wanting a baby. Thank god, I was 20 before I had one. I wanted so desperately to have someone that loved me no matter what.

You need to check . This is an awful situation that could ruin his whole life. This little girl wants to get pregnant and he is so stupid. Time to break this situation up. Tell the girls parents right away.

I would be talking to him, and his girlfriend!! Also having a chat with the gf parents cuz absolutely not.

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The girl and her parents need to be having a conversation with you and him. All together. I’d be pissed if someone’s dumb daughter was trying to get pregnant at 16 and lock my son down like that.


Ya better pound the safe sex into her head too. I would be sitting them both down and having a real serious conversation over that .

Talk to the parnets
But first give her chance to come clean on her own to her parents
Have a talk yourself with both of them
Screenshot that conversations
They can’t play it or get out of
You do stupid things you get stupid prizes
Everything you do has consequences for bad or good
Make them read to teenage parents
I can tell you as one myself
If I could have same kids I would have waited til my body was truly ready to carry a baby
I was mentally emotionally and financially prepared
But I wasn’t and I have to trust the journey of my life
But show her and if she has any questions or your son
I’ll help
Cause they have to understand this affects everyone just not them but everyone
Their life they have now will be forever changed
I was very honest with my girls
One only really seems to listen
My other had one at 19 and she’s realizing
Not all fun and games
But she gave us one best present Ronin and he’s handful
My youngest is having some health issues and she may not be able to have kids
Which is fine with for now
But talk with them done yell listen
Then tell them to hear you out
Print all the comments off
Have teenage moms talk
But in end they’re gonna do what they want and will go to the extreme to see each other
Maybe new rules in place
They can’t be alone in either house if they’re both there
They have to stay in eyesight
But then they react and sneak around
I say go with your gut on this after you have the talk with them
Make the education hard
Do a Organa trail game for them and make about real life
I wish I would have listened and been smarter with my actions
If see this kids
Wait enjoy life and explore see the world and all the beautiful things it can show you

I had all the talks in the world. Also left condoms in his bathroom. They will use them if they don’t have to embarrass themselves buying them. It worked.

Notify the girls parents. And tlk to your son what his life would look like at that age with a baby. They ain’t been together long either. Show him the lilly slater storyline on eastenders.even though I think there glamorising teen pregnancy abit atm.

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I think you should check your kids’ phone but I’ve always held to the “we aren’t sneaking around” policy in our home. I tell the kids I will look through their phones occasionally and they hand them over when I ask. I check to be sure they aren’t into anything dangerous or concerning and if they prove they are trustworthy, I do it less and less until I don’t feel the need to do it anymore.

But that ship has sailed for you. At this point, I would sit him down and be honest. Tell him you looked through his phone and tell him you understand that would make him uncomfortable and you are sorry that makes him feel that way. The goal is to make him feel less defensive and angry - so you need to build with some transparency and honesty. Then tell him what you saw and share why you’re concerned. Ask if they are trying to get pregnant or if she just feels disappointed bc she thought she was and started dreaming about a baby. They might not be trying. It might have been a scare but then when they realized they weren’t pregnant they felt sad. That’s pretty normal. Share your own story and although it’s worked out great and you love your kids, you know how hard it was and don’t want him to face the same struggles.

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oh i’d be having a conversation with my son and absolutely the gf mother about some birth control and if allow her to read the texts!


Definitely talk to her parents… like id feel obligated too…no reason a CHILD should wish they are pregnant… omg!!! and they wouldn’t be allowed to see eachother either anymore either. He is 16 and this is absolutely not ok.


First of all, NO WAY to absolute privacy until they’re adults. I would probably get in contact with her parents and let them know. Then you can tell them they can have supervised dates at home until they’re 18 or until they’ve emancipated themselves

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At 16 years old there is a greater expectation for their privacy but I would also agree with you. Personally, until you are 18 and or/capable of independently caring for yourself you’re choices 100% affect me and at 16 I still have, at the very least, a legal responsibility to ensure that my child is properly cared for. If that means going through their phone to make sure that they are making the most responsible choices that a 16 year old is capable of making, that’s what’s going to happen.

You should absolutely sit down with both of them and let them know that you saw that text message. Children earn extra privileges and trust based on their ability to make good choices. While teen parents can be just as phenomenal parents as non-teen parents , not a single person on this earth wants their teenager to become a parent.

I would be tightening the reigns a bit on their ability to see one another and make it much more structured. When they can both prove that they are capable of making better choices (safe sex) then they can have the same level of privacy that they originally had.

Sometimes pregnancy can seem glorious and grown up in the petri dish but expose it for what it is. A lot of hard work sacrifice and Vick f up in some cases life freaks and goals.

I’d bring it up with her parents, both kids and watch some kind of documentary about the reality of it. Yes- I’m that mom, but I would :blush:

She needs a reality check. Tell the other parents sit them down tell them What will most likely happen jobs sleepless nights loosing friends. Having a baby is not something to romanticize its serious business.


This is why I don’t understand a teenage girls right to birth control or not. Her choice but if she gets pregnant who takes responsibility for that? I think the parent should choose the form of birth control. She can lie about the pill. And as far as he goes. Condoms don’t always work.

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I also wouldn’t let this become about poking thru his phone - don’t even mention that. Talk to her mom, Plan the dinner and movie together and take your son home from that so it settles in. Don’t let them process it together. Let it be awkward for both of them.

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They’re kids and they are not just entitled to privacy! Privacy is for adults who are responsible for themselves and the consequences of their actions. Having/making babies is an adult conversation and they are not adults. I would definitely say something to the girl’s parents and I would be having a heart to heart with my son. Sounds like it’s more her than him but still…I know how deeply influential a girl can be to a teenage boy…been there done this with my 2 adult sons. I also have a 10 yr old daughter and I will definitely have access to any account(s) she has access to as long as she’s still a minor. Period.


Hell yeah, you bring it up to him! Because it won’t affect just him. It’ll affect you, his father, him, his siblings, everyone in the family, on both sides. I’d also be talking to him about making adult decisions and making sure he thinks he’s prepared for the adult consequences of what a baby would entail, and what that would look like if she does get pregnant and have his baby. He’s on the hook for 18 years. It’s not a party and a good time and pawn your baby off on whoever to go live your life. He’ll be expected to parent and provide for it, from day one. Maybe start that conversation withing asking him what his future looks like? Is he planning on college after school? Trade school? Entering the workforce right away? Etc… and lead into asking him about his girlfriend and her current and later plans… see how he responds. I think all involved should be sitting down and having this conversation. Mom, dad, her mom and dad. And both of them.

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Do you have contact with the girlfriends parents? I almost think you need to tell her parents. If my daughter was wanting to get pregnant that young, I’d make her get a depo shot or some long term birth control

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It’s time to talk with the parents of the girl and pray to God they’re not like the one of my sons gf and see if they will put her on birth control and give her the talk. It only works if both sets of parents are doing the teaching and discipline. In my situation it’s only me. My son’s girlfriends mother believes her daughter is a Saint and does nothing.

I also don’t believe in privacy. I randomly ask for the phone. That’s your kid. They’re not an adult. Those kiddos also hide things. Just don’t flip out on him. That’s why they lie to us and hide things is because we get upset. Keep calm the best you can and talk to him about this. He doesn’t need a baby so young. It’ll be hard on him. But don’t beat yourself up over it. All we can do is our best and even then sometimes it isn’t enough due to they’re going to do what they want anyways.

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I would defiantly be taking to her parents … I’d raise it with your son and ask about his intentions and if he quite understands about what’s involved with a baby. Maybe the condom broke and it was just a scare ? Lots of questions need to be asked to make sure there isn’t another unplanned scare

I personally would have liked to know what his reply to her was… leaving that out makes it hard to know how to comment… if he said something in the line of it’s good you’re not pregnant. Then I would just let it go. But if he replied that he was sad too… then you definitely need to talk to him and her parents… maybe all at the same time.

Hmm tough one. I would talk to him about it be open say you checked his phone and what you came across. Maybe see how he feels about how his girlfriend being sad and so on. Maybe he can even help with the choices what to do about it since it’s his privacy . Like if he just wants it kept between the two of you be sure to be on the same page that having a child that young would be super difficult ECT. Or maybe he’d come to the id a of all the parents talking about it maybe he realized that his girlfriend may need some one to talk to her about it. Or maybe you as his some could try to talk to her about difficulty of being a young mom and how it doesn’t always work the way you think since you been through it and her parents might just blow up and try to lock her away and keep her from her soon. All kinda depends but definitely go with your gut!

Talk to her parents don’t ever stop being a mom love and prayers from a mom

I’d show your husband, then I’d get the girls number and call her and ask to speak to her parents if you don’t already have their number and let the daughter and your son know you know what was said and tell her parents also

As long as they are under age a parent has everybright to look through their phone. Children especially teenagers are sneaky

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Oh mama I would be pulling up on his girlfriends lawn like leave my sons peen alone! No joke! I would sit them both down together and tell them the struggles you went through! That girl obviously doesn’t know her worth! She’s thinks at 16 by getting pregnant he will be hers forever! Oh no it doesn’t work like that! Oh no no no! My son had a girlfriend like that let’s just say I made sure they broke up! Gtfoh

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Walk him through everything,rent,car, insurance, clothes, diapers, e.t.c.

I think you did the right thing going through his phone, i believe in privacy too but this world is too scary for us to be too trusting of our kids.

Sit them down and tell your story, it might help it might not.
They are going to do it either way but you need to explain to them, they need to finish school and do fun things not be tied down and not be able to be young free adults see the world and travel together before making a family. Tell them their relationship will last a lot longer that way

If the respect for privacy is stopping you from sorting it out then start drip feeding to him the struggles you faced as a mother

They are kids and don’t get privacy. Go to your kid and find out what’s going on. Go to her parents too. If it is his, be there and be supportive.

I’d be livid she sounds like bad news

Bye byeb phone. Bye bye girlfriend he’s too young for anyway. He obviously can’t handle “privacy” and freedom. Start calling the husband grandpa and get him used to it and then get the child to shape up and focus in life and keep him away from girls, especially girls like that.

Ask your husband how he feels about being a Grandpa now…Oh better yet, Ask him how he feels about potentially having to raise his teenage boys child, so the boy can continue to have some privacy🙄