I have came to the realization over the summer that I’m becoming bitter and resentful toward my husband and he doesn’t even realize it. I feel lonely in parenting and even more so in marriage. This makes me sad.
I’m a SAHM of a 4 yr old with special needs (I’m still working at accepting this) and a 1 yr old who does not sleep through the night yet.
My husband and I have been together for 13years. In the beginning we went places and did things together but as the years pass it becomes less and less. At first I just thought it was normal that we could do our own thing but then along came the children and I started to take on the attitude that he is the one missing out not me but now I’m hurt because he attends nothing. I get my kids pictures done 1 to 2 times a year and he refuses to come along for a family photo because that’s just “f’in stupid” I’ve taken the kids to the fair, the zoo, a few animal parks, an amusement park without him. He refuses to participate. Our family time includes usually one meal a day and a ride around our property in the evening. In the last 20 months we’ve been in a restaurant once together with our children and I don’t think we have been out to eat alone in over 2 years, unless you count a hospital cafeteria while our child was in surgery; if he even goes with me to the hospital for our child’s medical procedures, he usually stays in the parking garage. I coordinate and transport our child to all therapy sessions, manage grocery shopping, child care things from bath to bedtime almost all house hold chores (occasionally he cooks but does not clean up). Even the last two years he has opted out of Christmas at my parents.
I get sad when i see other families getting family pictures or hear about them going on an adventure together because I’m almost certain it’s never going to happen for us. I recently rsvp’d to not attend an extended family members wedding because I’m sick of going to this stuff alone.
He works full time, runs a small hobby farm, grows a large portion of our food, takes his days off and vacation time to work with another family member doing general construction work. I get no free time away from the kids because they are with me 24/7. Other parts of our marriage are also suffering. I think he would also would be considered an alcoholic, consuming atleast 2 cases of beer or more a week.
Are my expectations to high? Am I asking for to much to have more involvement from him? I think about 1 corinthians 13 4-8 and wounder if I’m just creating a records of wrongs? Is this normal family behavior. I’ve considered leaving but I’m concerned that he’d try to take my kids away from me? Or the dangerous situations he would put them in(which I’m able to prevent now)because it was his time. Or if I’d be making things harder on myself having to attain housing and chase a paycheck. We have always be in agreement that our children would not attend day care. My youngest has never even been away from me for more than a few hours.
I feel like we are running parallel lives or something. There is me and the kids and him and work.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I guess I'm here for an attitude adjustment - Mamas Uncut
Security isn’t a reason to stay in a bad relationship. There is no refund from the time wasted. Im sorry but sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. You deserve a real partner who will help you and act like He wants to be around.
Maybe the kiddos need to go to daycare so you can work so some of the financial load can be taken off him. Try and make just you and him time without the kids. Express these concerns to him. And if you truly are thinking about leaving a job and having child care set up will help you in the long run either way.
Me personally could not live like that. He sounds cold AF. I need heat & passion…he’s let the fire go out and your left with ashes. I’d go find me a 
. Good luck hun
Do u remember your first date if so go back to that with him plan a special time you can tell him I have to go somewhere with you and go back to that day go there and ask him what he remembers about th I s place see if that sparks things also leave a little note about all the things you liked about him ask him what he likes about you all couple therapy tricks and techniques also drinking does hinder relationships and drinking also changes people and things they want to do
I feel like I wrote this myself nearly word for word. 
message me if you’d like!
I’m not sure if this would help but to address what you said first, your bitterness isn’t likely toward your husband, it’s more about not feeling like you have that time together anymore. The 1 year old can sleep though the night if you try sleep training. Was totally against it until I went days without Sleep and developed severe PPD. Secondly, that’s what this sounds like. It’s hard to be a stay at home mama . 3rd it’s unfair that he won’t come with you but I’ve dealt with that before. Like I would love to do family Christmas pics but when the time comes we never have time and holidays at my moms(in-laws aren’t around) are rough. So we just don’t enjoy it. I do wish we did the matching pj pics in front of the tree but I believe if you explain that you want the magic for the kids before life ruins the innocence of kids. It’s important for them to see him proactive in his life. Also to add, is he depressed? If you feel this way it’s affecting him too, I’m sure. Before you have kids things are more exciting because it’s just you too. I remember the first sitter we had and I wasn’t worried at all and I just remember laughing with my fiancée like “ I love you so much. “ it poured those butterflies back. It’s worth it to find a sitter a couple days a week to go do something together. Think about what you’d do before you had babies. Do something spontaneous and fun. It sounds like he’s a trade man which I have one of those too, prior military which I’ve noticed a lot of them are closed off emotion-wise. I would talk and just have open communication about all the things you said here, write a list if needed to remember bc I can never remember the problems. Always use “I feel statements”
If he’s not willing to put effort then it seems like he doesn’t care about making family traditions. Many other men would be jumping to that to make their family happy. I know he works a lot but if he was in your place he would see how much you work too. Any preschool-preK for 4y/o? Daycare for 1 year old. I liked going back to work. It helped me have adult interaction and some space. We just get touched out being moms.
Some of this i think is normal especially with small children & one with special needs. Can you make a list of good things he does? Is there anything there that makes you happy? It’s easy to see the negative if that’s what you focus on(idk your situation that may be all there is). If there are positives then its at least worth trying to talk to him… attend counseling. We had a difficult time staying connected when the kids were small… we had to have a hard conversation about if we still wanted to stay together and try to fix things. We worked hard at fixing our issues and we just celebrated our 20th anniversary. 
You can try couples therapy…but he had to want to participate in life with you …you can’t make him. If he doesn’t want to work on it…you can’t live like that. It is soul crushing. If you are lonlier with him than you would be without him…might want to think about where you want to be 5-10 years from now. A vibrant living person… or used up and bitter.
Little kids are hard to deal with for some even when they are ur own kids lol the chaos of having small kids does not last long just keep enjoying those babies well there small i think dad will get on board when life calms down a bit…u guys have been married 13 yrs ur oldest kid is only 4 so that means it was a lot of yrs just the 2 of u…ur jelly of a picture u created in ur head and dont have maybe his picture is different talk about it compromise find common ground
God forbid we have feelings or needs
If you don’t want to/can’t afford to do daycare. Check into Mother’s Day out. Usually done my churches, one day a week for free or fairly cheap. This would give you a break at least. Maybe some counseling for you or marriage counseling for you both.
Honestly, I feel the same girl. I love my hubby, and the others who father my kids (I’m poly, but my hubby hatted my last bf and that’s a long story, meaning hubby might not be my unborn child father, but will be his dad. It’s confusing and I’m not in the mood to explain). The father of my first child isn’t around due to his ex getting him locked up. And hubby is the father of my second daughter. The father of my unborn I let got because of the mean words filled with hate from my hubby cause he doesn’t understand the whole poly thing.
Anyways, my hubby don’t like going to go things as a family. I’d suggest a park or something. Zoo, or amusement park, or something that’s like once a year for our town like the fair or something. But he tried to come up with excuses as to why we can’t go and such. And if we can go, he’d want to go without the kids, and he says “because I won’t reward their bad behavior”. Yea, I know my kids have a hard hearing, don’t listen, and talk back, or get into things, and other things kids tend to do as they grow, but they are still learning. I’d still like to go out and do things as a family, but no. I feel like I’m stuck at home unless HE wants to do something. Or he’ll try to get his parents to watch the kids while we do something fun. Which occasionally I’ll like to do something without my kids, but not all the time. They won’t know how to act in public if we don’t take them out in public to teach them. I feel so a lone when I want to do family things. The way he was raised, his parents didn’t let him do anything. Basically kept him home except for school. And now, his mindset is … Ugh … I just wish he’d listen and help me acting parent the kids. We do things together as a couple occasionally, more then we do things as a family. And it makes me sad.
So I completely understand the pain. Though we only been together 6 years.
You said you’re here for an attitude adjustment. I don’t think you need one. He does.
I’ve been with my guy 12 years and married almost 6. I had 5 kids already when we got in our relationship and then my husband and I had 3 together. That’s one thing I absolutely love about him, he has always gone to all the kids’ school functions, doctors appointments, family events, park literally everything. And he’s always worked full time and I’ve always been at sahm and he will still come home and cook, clean, laundry, give our kids a bath, whatever is needed. I try to do as much as I can on my own, but sometimes I need help and he realizes that and steps up. So no I don’t think you’re asking too much. It took a long time for us to get to this point. And I feel like me expressing exactly what I need has helped a lot. And I always stress if I have tell you to do the things, it doesn’t mean as much. I shouldn’t have to tell you when the dishes need to be washed, if there’s dirty dishes just do them if you want to help. If there a full basket of laundry, and you want to help just do it. And now it’s to the point where he helps when he can and I don’t hardly have to ask. Of course we have our issues still and we’re not perfect like I said we’ve come along way. But if your husband is willing to listen, talk to him and express what you need.
I hAte to say it but it sounds like he’s checked out .
Find someone else to spell you if hubs won’t. You need a break & to get some counseling so you can deal productively with your situation. Personally, you’re not doing your kids any favors by keeping them only with you. Different people & different environments help them grow and learn to socialize. I do understand day care is expensive and there are no guarantees although you can check certifications, references & Google caregivers. But at least find a babysitter or several that you can rely on.
Does your husband feel distant from the kids, like you’re the only one that can respond to/handle them?
Also having any special needs child is so stressful. Maybe both of you should talk to counselors about how you’re dealing. Maybe hubs has his own version of PPD, disappointment, or blames himself for your one child’s differences. If he won’t open up to you, maybe a counselor/therapist can get to the root of things.
Alert his doctor about his drinking. Sounds like he’s addicted to alcohol.
Is your husband worried about money all the time? That can be a big source of anxiety for men. Does he feel like he has to be working all the time?
I think everyone is exhausted, and that doesn’t help. What was your husband’s relationship like with his own parents? Is he going through something at work that has him upset? Are you still having sex? Is he ashamed of something? Is he depressed? What were his hopes & dreams?
Talk to his friends and family. See if they have any insights as to what is going on with him.
Good luck! Hope things get resolved, but life is what happens when we’re making other plans. Keep striving!
I think you just need to sit down with your husband and talk about how you want him to be included in the family things etc and talk about how you’re feeling and such. And have him really hear you when you express yourself. I also suggest you get into counseling/therapy and on some sort of medications as it can be tough being a SAHM with a toddler with special needs and a one year old. This is a lot for just one person to take on themselves
As far as the not wanting to be in family photos thing maybe express it in a way that doesn’t seem like you’re wanting it but put it in the light of for your children “if something tragic were to happen to him and he died his children wouldn’t have any photos to look back on of them with their dad together.” It does sound like you might benefit from couples therapy if you can convince him to go.
I think having a one year old that doesn’t sleep during the night and a special needs child has a lot to do with it. You’ve just lost perspective that it’s been affecting you and changing you too, not just him.
I would work on getting your toddler to sleep so you can get more sleep, first.
Then the next phase I suggest you start getting more help with the kids, baby sitter, day care, etc. even for just a few hours. I would take time for yourself and join a group for young moms or a counselor to share your feelings and work on things you want to change.
I would discuss the drinking with husband and ask him to cut back. And start planning alone time with him even if it’s just one date a month. Schedule it and give him lots of notice /time and make sure it’s something he would enjoy.
That’s a good start. I also agree with other suggestions to write notes to him and maybe ask him to write back.
He definitely checked out ! You need to focus on you & make yourself happy . Even if it means leaving him . OR … fake it to make it & get yourself a side piece . I’m thinking he probably already got himself one 
So ……
You do you !
Life’s too short girl
Show him this post and see what he thinks. It’s one thing to say it, it’s another to show him you’re consulting others and are serious. There’s just not enough bonding time to keep y’all together, and if he wants his family he better change something. Whether or not you stay now I can promise you that you will not put up with this forever. It will build and build until you snap and leave. He needs to get his shit together and work with you like a real team.
Dick moves yo. I think you should live your life with love and respect. Not heartbreak and questioning. I hope you find clarity.
It really annoys me when people just can’t get to the crux of the matter and just say leave. You would be far better off in the long run. There is no reason in the world why you would not get custody of those children, you’re a good Mom from what you’re saying. Hang on to those photos and document as much as possible. See a lawyer and get an opinion that never hurts. You deserve so much more in life, go after it. The years go by quickly and before you know it your kids will be grown and have driver’s licenses. Be kind to yourself.
Wow there’s alot going on in your household.“busy” I mean…you with the kids and home…him full time job and hobby…is there anyone who could have the kids for you for a day and one night and book a night away to be together…sounds like you both kinda lost and in a rut.
Sounds like you are both unhappy. Maybe marriage guidance councillors to both open up will help. It sounds like you may be able to get help with your children both physically and financially, have you looked into this? Try talking to close family members and see if they can babysit once a week, so you two can go out and have some fun.
Your feelings are very valid as he’s checked out and not stepping up to be a husband or father.
I’m sure you’ve tried talking to him, setting up family building activities etc but if not give this a go. Consider therapy together and if he won’t come go anyhow.
Build your own support network.
In his defense it sounds like he NEVER gets any time to himself.
Have you tried being a paid caregiver for your kid? Your husband might make too much it’s income based.
But uhhhh yeah sounds pretty typical for 2 small kids.
You aren’t in a marriage-youre in a situationship. He’s clearly lost interest and has buried himself in work to forget it. I say, suggest therapy, although from the sounds of it, he won’t go. If that does happen, him refusing, you already know what should happen.
Definitely try and tell him how you feel, you said he dosen’t know how you feel so start there. He’s your husband and you have every right to express your sadness and disappointment to him. Maybe write him a letter if that would be easier for you. If he shows you he dosen’t care and keeps being selfish then you need to decide what your next steps are. I would suggest couple therapy but if if thinks taking a family pic is stupid then I can’t imagine him agreeing to therapy. If he says no you can still get counseling and help sorting things out and just someone to vent to. I really hope he listens to you and is willing to change his attitude.
He has dis-associated himself from marriage and family. Sorry but if you were to give him a choice I am sure he would opt out. I have been in that situation
His behavior is unacceptable. I’m sorry I really don’t have advice, but its not you that needs an attitude adjustment. You have every right to feel the frustrations you do. I’m sure he works hard, and maybe he doesn’t have as much time available to spend as you do with the kids, but he should make every effort to be present when he can. They are only little once. They will have a special bond with you and will have none with him. Eventually you’re going to run out of steam doing this all on your own. I’m sorry friend. 
Trust me - he won’t try to get your kids should you divorce . If he does , give them to him and see how quickly he comes running back with them .
Get yourself and your husband in counseling ASAP . If he refuses to go , you go alone .
I’ve been married 13 years. We go thru seasons. It’s a choice to be married, everyday.
That said, both of you have to choose it.
Suggest therapy and dating again… Really sit him down to talk.
You’ll know if you stay our leave by his response.
So, start a plan to be without him. Assistance, job, insurance, etc. Write at all down & call whoever so you’re ready to go if needed.
There is no normal in life just know that first and foremost! But you have unmet needs here so you could really benefit from seeing a therapist to communicate this to him safely and productively. It isn’t how I’d want my marriage to work, I did a brief roommate stint myself and it didn’t work for either of us so we had to work with a third party to change it and it’s a lot of work from both of us. Start there to unload some emotional burden and decide what is best for you and the kiddos. Good luck
2 case’s a week is nothing now if he’s drinking 2 and 3 case’s day now that’s what you call an alcoholic
Hes a jerk. One day he’ll regret his non involvement. Offer marriage therapy or leave.
I think he doesn’t know how to be around your special needs baby in public. He doesn’t want to be in public as a family and face that he has a special needs child. The flags are going up everywhere…staying in the car for appointments, not wanting to eat out, not helping with them. Did he want children ? Did you all plan the pregnancies ? I am not being mean. I teach special needs children and see it all the time. The Dad’s can’t handle everything that comes with being a parent and the responsibility of parenting a special child or children in general.
I dont agree with the way he’s acting but please dont throw the word “alcoholic” around unless he was legit diagnosed with it. My ex boyfriend went through a 5th a day until he was diagnosed with liver problems and now it’s back and forth because he knows hes sick but his mind refuses to let him quit drinking. My father goes through a big case every 2 days.
If he is an alcoholic that could be the reason he is like the way he is. You need to talk to him about his alcohol intake and talk to a therapist about it
That’s awful girl I’m sorry. That’s definitely not a team or family as far as he’s concerned. He is completely uninvolved in his own family. I couldn’t live that way
I feel like he needs to cut back working and drinking. He needs to add more time in eith the kids, and y’all need to to invest into your time alone. If it means him cutting back work is the sacrifice, that’s fine….you can enjoy working a part time job while HE enjoys those hours with the baby. Either way….if you’re not happy…everyone will be miserable. It’s time to figure out a way you can support yourself, bc if your husband can’t fulfill the aforementioned or even attempt and make at least some improvements, you’re gonna have to boot his ass. Simple as that.
This is so sad I’m sorry but please don’t choose poverty for the children by leaving. You’re not keeping records he’s not fulfilling his father duties.
He is doing everything a man knows how to take care of his family…work. You say he uses his off time to work even more. He feels he is helping the best way he knows. It sounds like he is also grieving like you the thought of your special needs child. Your family needs help together in accepting this disability. If you can reach out to console your husband and let him know your fears and feelings he may want to comfort you as well. There’s help for kids with disabilities and you should have a group of relatives and friends that could give you both a much needed break, even if it were just a meal once a week to give you both time to yourselves.
Ima say something that won’t help with your relationship BUTTTTTTTTT you kids will know who is there for them in the end. Which is you
You just described my 10 year relationship with my ex to a T. With the exception he only worked a part time dishwasher job and started off with using cannabis. Then towards the end alcohol became involved. We also have a special needs child as well (this behavior started a little before we had our SP and then got 10x s worse after) .
I begged and begged for seven years for him to try couple’s therapy and it got to the point where he would tell me how to feel and completely dismiss my feelings and often mock me crying and make fun of me. I understand no two situation is completely the same but girl, if he’s not willing to save it. Don’t wait for him to change and stay solely for the kids! I did that for so long and it emotionally destroyed me. Then after I left I realized the effects it was having on my children. I finally left for good in early 2017. It got to the point I wasn’t suicidal as I could never leave my babies but I often thought death was better than what I was having to go though alone.
The reality is you can’t make someone change no matter how bad you want to save your family if they’re not willing to work on it. If I were you I would try and talk to him again. Tell him exactly what you’re feeling and go from there. But whatever happens don’t continue live this way. It sticks with you even after the marriage has ended… trust me…
I thought it was the end of the world when my marriage failed when my son was 6 months old. I was living from far away from family, had no money, no car. I just sold my first house and I’m looking forward to what God has in store for me. I see my son every other weekend. This is hard, but my ex-husband is on disability, and I travel quite a bit, so this arrangement works for now. Yes, I miss out on a great deal of my sons life, but we make up for it the best we can when we are together. His father’s health prevents him from throwing the football with our son, being active with him. When we are together, we stay on the move-beach, swimming, bike riding. That’s the only one I get good exercise lol He is the joy of my life. One day, things may change and I hope and pray to be able to help him with his homework, eat dinner together and say our prayers together before bedtime. My point is enjoy your precious time on this earth with your children. If you think your husband is willing to work through counseling, great. If not, move on, sure it’s hard, but you will come out so much better on the other side. I stay in counseling to this day, I find that it helps. Life is too short to be with an emotionally unavailable partner/husband. Give him a chance to straighten up. I’d ha unwilling, show him the door. I am still not remarried and don’t plan to remarry. I’m having too much fun living my best life. Life is full of unexpected adventures, take your children and walk into that sunset and love your life ! 
Mine is like this . He doesn’t work though . No
Your expectations are not too high
Sounds depressed. You have to have a come to Jesus talk with him about the effort he’s putting in, and why he acts like this. Depression causes people to not want to socialize, and for many, hobbies, work, and drinking are the only things they can find the motivation for. If he refuses to get help for himself, or go to counseling as a couple, or you invite him on date nights and he shuts you down even after telling him how alone you feel, then… he’s not willing to do the work it takes to be married. If you are waking up everyday and choosing him, then he needs to wake up and choose you… even if he’s sick or… whatever. Choosing you may mean talking to his GP, or going to couples counseling. Choosing you may mean giving up a few hours of farming or the extra work on his days off. Choosing him each day might mean pushing him for a date a few times a month and finding a sitter. Choosing him might mean making the doctor’s appointments. Choosing him might mean having uncomfortable discussions about mental health, or his drinking, or your loneliness. Everyone here talks about ending it. Inviting him to things isn’t working on your marriage. You do the work first. Then you make a decision like leaving.
It sounds like he may have some social anxiety or some issues causing him not wanting to go out. Have you tried talking to him or counseling.
The fact that you think he’s the type of person who would completely take your kids away, when he expresses next to no interest in them now tells me one thing - your marriage probably wasn’t as good as you’re remembering, even before the kids. Because he’s a NARCISSIST.
I would not tolerate any of this. I would leave
He is not acting like a mature father or husband tell him to get with it or don’t stay with him he’s not your child
Sounds like he has a drinking problem also tell him to get help
Everyone saying he working his ass of to provide and condoning a unhappy marriage like this. Need to gtfo 
this dude be choosing to be working all the time and furthermore y’all suck for making this woman seem like she’s asking too much! Go back and re read and ask yourself if you would be okay with it and a unhappy marriage! Typical she’s not allowed to feel a certain way cus she’s a sahm! Y’all are so unsupportive sometimes!!!
I couldn’t stay with my husband if his behavior was like this towards my children and myself.
It sounds like there is a whole lot going on here. You both are not getting your needs met and both feeling lost and overwhelmed. You both are responding to the stressors in life in different ways, and I imagine you are both feeling unloved and unappreciated. This often leads to a vicious ugly cycle of anger, bitterness, resentment… I’m sure there is “blame” to be had on both sides, and you both have issues that need to be dealt with, but I would start by praying for him, seeking healthy support for yourself in a trusted mentor or a good counselor, and reading the Love Dare. Resentment builds and he is too blame for some of this too, but the more you focus on the negative the more it will sadly grow. Someone has to be the one to make the first change. Act loving, kind, thoughtful, respectful, even if you don’t feel it. You may just find the change that needs to be made on his part. And yes, there may also be serious boundaries that need to be set, but begin in prayer.
When you marry someone that busts their ass to provide for you 24/7. Expect them to do exactly that. An be ready to be doing your job the exact same way.
Fucking leave. Someone will love you AND your children the way you all deserve.
That’s how mine was. He was also an immigrant though. Turned out he used me for his green card, so I divorced him before the 2 year mark. Didn’t sign off on the papers and he went buh bye. We had no kids together, but I had a child. He refused to do anything with us, and when he did, it was nothing but fighting.
Is he a Christian also? It sounds to me like he needs to know his entire role as a father and husband does not consist of providing money only. Christian counseling right away and pray! Never underestimate the power of prayer Stay in your word and you will find answers. Remember that Godly women should not seek council from worldly sources. I’ll be praying for you, all things are possible through Christ who gives us strength
What you see on social media isn’t always true. You definitely sound like you are depressed, try to find some time alone. Start researching some good babysitters- go without him to do something for yourself.
it sounds as if you are in a marrriage alone . if you plan on having it this way for the rest of your life , dont do anything but if you are unhappy enough you should make a plan to leave this man
Honey it sounds like you need help. Your expectations are not too high. He is doing Zero to be a father. And unfortunately it sounds like he doesn’t want to do that part of the job and thats not something he can pick and choose against. You need to either leave and be a single mom or threaten divorce and explain to him how you feel and why you feel that way
Have you talked to him yet? I see these stories where people come to strangers first . Talk to your husband suggest couples counseling. Find a way together and if he isn’t willing I think you know what you need to do.
It’s the alcohol addiction! It ruins family’s I’ve been through this. It’s best to just leave.
Nowhere in any of this have I seen where you tried to sit him down and talk with him. He’s not a mind reader. And it sounds like everything as he is doing is ensuring his families taken care of.
I felt some of this because my son is disabled and I do everything but that is because his dad works nights. He’ll come to any appointment I ask him to, though, and has left work to come straight to a surgery with zero sleep. My heart goes out to you. Maybe start gathering information on supports and help you can get if you leave.
Try marriage counseling. My husband and I have been together 16 years (married for 10) and we have 3 kids. The oldest has special needs and the youngest is a baby. I also stay at home, So I get a lot of where you’re coming from. We did counseling right after our oldest was born and gained a lot of helpful insights that have helped us over the last 9 years.
You’re not expecting too much of him. You need a break and the kids need to be with their dad. So you’re not wrong there. But he also sounds very busy with work. He needs some time to himself too. Try to figure out ways for you both to get breaks (alternating days maybe). Maybe he has some depression? You mentioned you’re still coming to terms with your sons needs, how has he coped? Does he accept it? Do you guys talk about it? Getting a special needs diagnose can really put a strain on a marriage whether you realize it or not.
Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up. See if he’s willing to do counseling and go from there
He sounds burned out doing all that damn work
Tell him how you feel. Say you are already living a life alone with your kids & how he is already an invisible parent. Tell him this HAS to change!!! In the meantime, stash some of your grocery(or other bill money) away each time, stash enough for a deposit on a place & line up a job & have a plan.This doesn’t have to happen overnight, but if he doesn’t make changes, after knowing how you feel… That’s your cue to leave! Most men never take u seriously & think you’ll never follow through. FOLLOW THROUGH & show your children it’s ok to walk away from a bad situation. It might be the wake-up call he needs to get his life (& priorities) together & win u back. If not, you dodge a bullet & can start a happy new life. Either way is a win for you!! What would you tell your children to do in the same situation with their spouse??? That is your answer… Be the strong person you would want you child to be. Best of luck 
Are you sure he isn’t cheating on you? I think he has been done with this relationship. Time to move on
You said urself that you fall bk to the one chapter in the bible…seek God & pray! Don’t give up.
As you said, he’s the one missing out.
He sounds horrid. Even with a bar on the floor he can’t even pass. I am so very sorry. This isn’t normal. This isn’t right. He’s a terrible person and I absolutely believe you can do better on your own. I’d consult an attorney. More than likely he wouldn’t want to take them from the sound of it. Document all of it.
They are his kids too so he should be doing stuff with all of you, he should also be giving you a break sometimes. This makes me sad and also thankful, because my boyfriend works all the time but will fix breakfast for my daughter so I can sleep, he takes our son for a few hours when he gets home from work, he regularly takes me on dates, spends his free time with us, takes my daughter to go fishing or whatever she wants to do, he helps me clean, he does so much for all of us even tho he works everyday, doubles a lot of days. If your husband won’t get it together and step up as a dad and a husband, I promise you another man will and you won’t even have to ask. Really sit down and talk to him, express all of your feelings in depth, explain it for his understanding. I hope you find some peace and happiness, I also hope you get a well deserved break.
Im sure the special needs of one of his kids have caused A change in him too
I was with someone just like that for 20 years. I fell in love with someone else who showed me what love and marriage is supposed to be like and walked away. Best decision I have ever made. That was ten years ago.
You need a break and y’all need to hire a babysitter once a week to 1 get some adult time and 2 give you a break from the kids. If he isn’t on board to go with you go alone for real cuz that ain’t healthy.