I guess I'm here for an attitude adjustment

I have came to the realization over the summer that I'm becoming bitter and resentful toward my husband and he doesn't even realize it. I feel lonely in parenting and even more so in marriage. This makes me sad.

I’m a SAHM of a 4 yr old with special needs (I’m still working at accepting this) and a 1 yr old who does not sleep through the night yet.
My husband and I have been together for 13years. In the beginning we went places and did things together but as the years pass it becomes less and less. At first I just thought it was normal that we could do our own thing but then along came the children and I started to take on the attitude that he is the one missing out not me but now I’m hurt because he attends nothing. I get my kids pictures done 1 to 2 times a year and he refuses to come along for a family photo because that’s just “f’in stupid” I’ve taken the kids to the fair, the zoo, a few animal parks, an amusement park without him. He refuses to participate. Our family time includes usually one meal a day and a ride around our property in the evening. In the last 20 months we’ve been in a restaurant once together with our children and I don’t think we have been out to eat alone in over 2 years, unless you count a hospital cafeteria while our child was in surgery; if he even goes with me to the hospital for our child’s medical procedures, he usually stays in the parking garage. I coordinate and transport our child to all therapy sessions, manage grocery shopping, child care things from bath to bedtime almost all house hold chores (occasionally he cooks but does not clean up). Even the last two years he has opted out of Christmas at my parents.
I get sad when i see other families getting family pictures or hear about them going on an adventure together because I’m almost certain it’s never going to happen for us. I recently rsvp’d to not attend an extended family members wedding because I’m sick of going to this stuff alone.
He works full time, runs a small hobby farm, grows a large portion of our food, takes his days off and vacation time to work with another family member doing general construction work. I get no free time away from the kids because they are with me 24/7. Other parts of our marriage are also suffering. I think he would also would be considered an alcoholic, consuming atleast 2 cases of beer or more a week.
Are my expectations to high? Am I asking for to much to have more involvement from him? I think about 1 corinthians 13 4-8 and wounder if I’m just creating a records of wrongs? Is this normal family behavior. I’ve considered leaving but I’m concerned that he’d try to take my kids away from me? Or the dangerous situations he would put them in(which I’m able to prevent now)because it was his time. Or if I’d be making things harder on myself having to attain housing and chase a paycheck. We have always be in agreement that our children would not attend day care. My youngest has never even been away from me for more than a few hours.
I feel like we are running parallel lives or something. There is me and the kids and him and work.

I dont think you are in the wrong because if you wamted to be a single mom you would of been that, you aren’t asking for too much but have you ever wonder if he really wants to stay in the relationship or even wants to be a parent? Maybe talk to him about how you are feeling and if it doesn’t work i would say its time to leave. My husband and i have not been together for as long as you have but we have been together 6 years and obviously things change once you get married but they changed in a good way, we have an amazing relationship, he is a good dad, he spoils me, where ever he goes our kids and i go, if i dont feel good he takes care of the kids while i have a break. Dont settle for what you don’t deserve. Your kids need a happy mom!

1 Like