My daughter is 10, very mature for her age, and I’ve really been struggling with her lately. We’ve always had a super close relationship, but lately, she’s become so angry, so bossy and all she does is lie. I’ve tried talking to her; we’ve tried taking things away, grounding her, chore charts, rewards, and positive reinforcements… I’m just at my wit’s ends! I need help. She fights with her younger brother constantly, always nagging at him, taking his toys away. I’m looking for new suggestions, maybe books that I can read, or I can get for her to read. I’m sure being locked up for COVID isn’t helping, and neither is puberty making its way into our lives, but I want to help her and help get us back to normal.
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I’m struggling with all these same things with my 10 year old daughter also! She thinks she is the boss of everyone.
Omg. I have a 10 year old daughter and I’m seriously going through the exact same thing you are. If you happen to figure out an answer before me, LET ME KNOW. Lol for real. And just know, you are NOT alone!
Oh I am on the same boat with you! My daughter is also ten and ever since COVID arrived… attitude, bossiness and emotional outburst. Personally talking to her friends all the time help and also try to communicate with her her way. Ask her how can you help her feel better or anything you can do. Taking things away is only going to make it worse. I also got my daughter into art so she draws a lot and got her a 3D pen to keep her mind occupied.
My mom used to make me do house work when I acted up.
Its only begun ladies my 12 almost 13 year old has been moody since 10. Only thing you can do is redirect and pray it ends.
I have an 11 year old boy and he is the same . Ladies you are not alone lol but it does help knowing I am not alone in all of this . I often say it’s a good thing I love him because somedays it’s hard to like him . But every now and then I get a glimmer of hope when my happy carefree boy shines thru . I tell myself it’s just a phase and this too will pass .
Haha that’s just the beginning mine is about to be 13 in May an baby I be ready RIP her Ass I just took her phone away an she can’t watch tik tok or play games I swear she has done more house work around the house in 2 days then I’ve seen in a month an she going to sleep early
My daughter is 12 and I’m struggling with this aswell
Period time must be happening soon! Good luck that’s all I have.
Maybe she has a boyfriend and they are not getting along , 10 years old are now having a boy friend if she does well it is time to take her to your G “ doctor
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Maybe do outings with her. Mommy daughter dates have adult discussions with her and make her feel more involved.
Hang on momma normal is about 9 to 10 years away . Stick to your plan and expect her to do the same, with a little give in the hormone dept . She will thank you someday , not today , not tomorrow but she will . I am a mom of two grown kids 31 and 30 . I recently got a call from my son saying thanks for being strict and holding my rules with him , he said his Boss thanks me too . He is a good employee, a great friend and a awesome guy. So the plan your heart had for your kids stick to it .
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Sometime it maybe health trouble so good see doctor or thing girl become little woman sometime at this year or the food intake can new kind food can cause trouble.but l think the doctor maybe woman doctor at this age.l well pray for you guys too.
Oh yeah we went threw this as well. I took everything away . Was not fun for anyone at first. But he was forced to evaluate his negativity . And not talking to his sister at all. Especially if he is gonna be rude. He slips here and there. But every thing has been passworded for his benefit . And I threw on the time restrictions so he has to ask for it. He is 13 now. And he keeps having moments . But I took away phone and computer and it took 5 weeks before he even asked for them back. And I would have kept it a week . Usually maby 2 . But he did have the chrome book for school. And talking . But still I refuse to have negativity . But there’s also a pandemic depending on where you are and what that looks like it’s a stressful time. But as a mom and accommodating my child to not stress him out through out the last year of the pandemic . He definitely has taken advantage of it and try’s to push those boundaries . And now we have to back track to I understand but this is not acceptable
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My oldest daughter is 11 yr old almost 12 in a few months is the same way. I have a 10 yr old daughter as well but she doesn’t have an attitude towards me and listen to me. But my oldest is something else. You are not alone. She makes me feel like a horrible mother. I take her phone away from her all the time and she never goes anywhere. And her attitude never changes lol.
Do an overnight oxygen test to look for dips
Normal is dead.
It’s not part of your life anymore, for the time being.
Just pack away its clothes neatly and buy it black curtains and a mood ring.
Nobody between the ages of 10 and 22 is sane.
Nothing that is undergoing that kind of chemical change is going to be mentally stable for extended periods of time and if they appear to be then congratulations, you have a sociopath.
She’s stuck between my little pony and the blood lust pallete.
Don’t take it personally, just start savoring the moments where she still acts like your little girl, and learn to appreciate the woman she’s becoming and hope you taught her to hold her own well enough to keep from being preyed on by anyone, or at least tell you if someone tries.
There’s nothing as formidable as your baby becoming a teenager.
Mine is 19. You’ll get scarred and calloused eventually and the attitude and emotional attacks will stop hurting so much.
Just take it with a grain of salt.
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It gets progressively worse, I find 16/17 being the worst. Then when they are about 20 they will realize you was right about everything 
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Just growing up and testing the authority, you already said you and her have had a very good relationship but it sounds as though she has forgotten YOU are the parent she is the child if you don’t stamp your authority now it will get worse very firm voice , body language and don’t feel guilty or try to middle coddle afterwards .
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Sounds like she has some anxiety and is trying to exert control to try and alleviate it. Talk to her about it, and how you can help her be less anxious. Hormones are a bitch, and trying to navigate that +anxiety +pandemic is nutso. Therapy could help too.
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My sister is a behavior analyst (psychologist) and she has given me life changing advice. First though - I agree that you should consider actual biological imbalances. If it is behavioral though you must first accept that what you’re doing is not working and there is no reason to believe an escalation of what you’re doing will work. What does work is consistently modeling the kind of behavior you want from her, ignoring unwanted behavior and praise any attempt at decent behavior. This means always maintaining the calm kindness and compassion you want from her. Full of compassion say to her, you haven’t been your happy self recently honey, I’d like to help and work with you to get you back to being happy. If she snaps back tell her you care and want to help. If she is mean to her siblings tell her she needs to stay next to you until she can apologize and be nice to her siblings. Keep her close and you exude love and kindness- just the way you would want your own loved one to be with you if you were alone, angry, confused and did not know why.
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10-12 were really hard years. I worked hard to stay the course and ignore the attention seaking when possible. I figured out she was fighting for control where she could. I had to make sure her voice was heard, but mumma was a leader in the family. Once she became busy with friends, activities and school it got MUCH better. We call them the years she hated me! Hang in there!
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She could be getting her period soon. Have you tried spending just special one on one time with her? My daughter gets angry and defensive when she has emotions she doesn’t want to have to express.
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I’m not a professional, just a mom, but vitamin B complex and D3 helped my kid’s attitude a TON. And, I started giving her DHA (fish oil) and she said it makes her brain feel so much clearer that she now asks for it every day. So, vitamins and food (aka junk intake) make a real difference, as hokey as that sounds.
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Might be hormones could be getting close to starting her periods. my mom said I was a monster just before I started.
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Puberty sucks. Lived through raising 4 girls, one set of twins! Can say now that it does get easier. Twins just graduated!
You may need to go with though love. If she continues to lie take away her things. She takes stuff from her brother then she gets to sit in the corner until she can be nice. I have spanked my kids on the bum. They know that the rules are in place and I’m not going to give in. You need to stand firm no phone, electronics, whatever she like for a predetermined amount of time. The more severe the crime the more severe the consequences. You are parent first, friend once they move out.
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Practice mindfulness and yoga. Stay calm and remember what you water grows.
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Take everything but the mattress in her room until she earns it back!
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Let her know that she can always talk to you about anything and if she doesn’t want to talk to you maybe she can talk to a counselor or therapist or you can plan a spa day to get out and away from the house
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Diet can play a big part in moodiness. Sugar, junk food and preservatives affect the body. Get her active in something positive that she wants to do. Power struggles have to stopped by the adult. Punishment often adds anger into the power struggle. TLC.
Ride it out is all u can do have 4 kids boy girl twins r 10 and the same it’s a phase and normal puberty is knocking so that’s a whole new ball game hang in there
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There was a book I read as a teen but is good for the tweens called making friends and influencing people and it really made me a lot more social and open up to my family.
I’m in the same boat
My son turned 13 and puberty has hit big time…he’s not lying but has major attitude and as he calls it “teen moments.” I let him have his space and definitely keep open communication and Listening is a big deal to him…so I listen and not do other things while listening, so he knows I’m focused on him.
Just reasure her that you are there for her when she is ready to talk and then when she does come to you just stop what you are doing and sit and just listen and then give your advice
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We are going through this right now with my 12 year old as well as alot of my friends!! We are all in agreeance that its puberty related!!
“How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. There are a few books by these authors, including one for teens. They were recommended to us by our daughter’s counselor…actually, counselors…more than one. The one book I have read so far is very eye opening.
She could be hiding something. And that’s the only w at she thinks she can express it
I have a granddaughter who is the same way and it’s too much
Omg my daughter is the same!! The attitude and the lying is driving me insane!!
I have a soon to be eleven year old girl. We are in the same boat as you!!
Get her a Bible. Spend a little time each day reading it and talking together 
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I bought boxing gloves and punching bag for my kids… honestly it helped lol they are able to take their negative attitudes out on something vs passing me off. With kids stuck home and in some cases inside they have a lot of energy. They need an outlet. Give them that outlet. And don’t stick around watching either hive them space. It hasn’t worked once and I said we’d go a couple rounds if they didn’t check the attitude and it worked. They didn’t want mama to mess them up lol
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Same here she just turn 11
My son is 10 and very much the same
Its just beginning 
wait till she’s 14:woozy_face:
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It’s just puberty she is most likely hormonal I was the same when i was younger xx
A great book is “The Whole Brain Child” by Dr. Amen.
Our kids are going through something we never experienced. Covid restrictions have effected our kids in ways we can never understand. Being isolated and having outlets such as sport be taken away is going to effect her mental health as much, if not more than it is effecting us adults.
She is still learning to regulate emotions and feelings, and we don’t have the life experience of what a pandemic can do as we are learning how to navigate at the same time.
I think at this time, we gotta go a little easier on our kids and understand that puberty is a bitch at the best of times, but right now we aren’t in “the best of times”.
Stay the course. Be the good parent you are. Fight with her and for her, because you love her. Went through this phase with one kid… Working through it with the 2nd. You can offer to do things with her, but she may not accept. Kids at this age need an outlet and friends. I get the COVID thing, but if there is a friend or two you may feel comfortable letting her spend time with, that is probably the most important right now.
It is exhausting, but you got this!
Look into positive behavior support. And also, she may just be doing it to get attention if she’s not getting as much as she used to. Maybe do a mommy daughter day once a week as well if its possible to do so.
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Likely just about ready to start her period. Dear Lord, they are almost unbearable right before that change. I know I was and my nieces were too 
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I just don’t get that at every opportunity people suggest anxiety or therapy she’s a normal ten year old they will test the waters with parents at this age there’s nothing abnormal about it .
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Maybe counseling would be the best option for her. Or maybe she’s lonely and needs more attention so you as parent do stuff with her.
I am right there with you with my 9 year old. Everyday is completely exhausting. I have tried everything. I even took classes on ways to help raise strong willed children. I love that girl with every ounce of my body. But she is like a wild horse you can’t break lol
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Am I the only one reading the behaviors mom is complaining about and wondering how her 10 year old is “mature for her age”? Perhaps the expectations placed on her to be “mature for her age” and the responsibilities that go with that designation are just too much for a 10 year old. Would love to know more about that aspect, because I suspect this may be more of a daughter rebelling against a mother whose behavior and expectations need to change than a daughter who needs to change.
Its her hormones she is starting to change. Only do one day of junk food in a week. Try cashews or buying nuts instead. Cashews are a mood boosting food. I had a moody daughter. Tell her to be nice to her brother. Maybe ask her if she would like to do some activities as a reward for being good. You can look up on zoom or regular imternet. Talk to her before you go to bed. You will have a long road ahead of you. My daughter will be 25 in a couple of months. She is a 7th grade teacher today!
How old is the brother? Is he getting more attention than your daughter? Kids need attention and if they are good and not receiving attention or the amount of attention decreases, bad behaviour starts because as a parent we are much quicker to respond to bad behavior than good. Negative attention is better than little or no attention in the mind of a child.
Even though you’ve tried… you are probably not constant and it takes more than a week to change habits that have formed. Right now, she is Alpha in the house… you guys keep this cycle up and you will definitely not have any control soon and you will have bigger issues you will not be able to handle.
Dr. LEMAN. “B doesnt happen until A is complete.”
Sounds like puberty not far away, it does affect boys and them having moody times as well as girls can be s very confusing time, as their understanding becomes more advanced, stand your ground when you know your are right, re discipline etc, not necessarily punishments. But when they were calmer, don’t be afraid to ask what is going on. I often sent my oldest son to his room, if he had overstepped the mark, and would say he could come out when he was feeling better, that is in a better mood. Sometimes he would argue but once making this condition I wouldn’t argue back. Just stand my ground.
Ugh my 6 year old is like this with her 2 year old brothers. The attitude is driving me insane and I’m at a loss because everything I do it backs fires on me. Take things away “oh well I don’t care”
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I give my daughter a little leeway because we are still dealing with the death of her dad but it’s still too much.
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My 9yo been that way lately too. She is usually really kind, caring, helpful ect. Are ya’ll still doing virtual learning? I’m wondering if that’s the issue, being trapped in a box most of the time? Ours are supposed to go back next month but only 2 days a week for half day.
Edited to add that by box I mean the house 
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Like dcf told us you have to reward for the bad behavior and the good behavior dont take anything away and let them do what they want when they want how they want and with whoever they want!!! I have two boys that are teens and I am dealing with the same thing. I asked my oldest to do a chore yesterday and was told no and then called a bitch! Needless to say he got rewarded for his bad behavior and did not have to do his chore.
Went through this with my now 30 year old. First thing is to pray and ask for wisdom . Second I would make sure their is not something that is bothering such as bullying or something she is stressing about. If it is just negative attention she is seeking I would spend a couple weeks catching her doing something good and praising her for it! Finally you just have to make up your mind that you will not allow her bad behavior to make everyone in the house miserable
Try 5 daughters lol. Each child is different. Take everything she likes away from her and make her earn it back. Make her write out of the dictionary or write reports on why is she doing the things she does. Or write any kind of report full pages no skipped lines no sloppy writing or she will have to do them again. Or you can do the exercise routine. 20 situps, 10 pushups, 10 mins on the wall squatted. Or stand in a corner with books in her hands straight out. Or if you have stairs make her do 50 up down 1 up down 2 etc. It will help her to be more respectful and give her more things to think about.
Has she started menstruation? I was 9 and my kid was 10. Just keep an eye on her or maybe even take her to the doctor’s. It could very well be hormonal
If you not gone beat that ass I kid, I kid. Get her some therapy. Maybe she needs to talk to someone.