As someone who deals with bipolar 1 disorder,avoidant personality disorder etc and had a rough teenage life silently…there’s a lot going on here I feel like …there’s a million emotions going in for him right now…and sometimes when things are too much we shut down to avoid hearing things from the people we care about because they may not be what we wanna hear like you parental empathy or concerns…it may seem like he values his gf thoughts rn but I promise you subconsciously he’s only talking to her because he’s worried scared has so much in his head rn and just like you said he knows she’s gonna go along with whatever decision he makes about anything right now. Please don’t take that personal. I’d write him a letter. Heartfelt. Make sure number one that you care about how he feels regardless if it’s rational and that regardless of how he feels or sees things he’s not a burden. Then just let him know not as an ultimatum but the options you’d like to give him are what you’d like to see happen for you and your family with him involved at home but list his other options and that thinking about how he feels now is natural in some circumstances especially his and how does he want to feel going further. He doesn’t wanna feel this way so he may be more open to medication. Mental illness is very much like grief and denial and avoidance and sabotage are real. And so you know this isn’t just a simple he gets out of his 5-7 days and hopefully they put him on meds and therapy and it should be smooth sailing for anyone involved now. It can take years to find the right meds and the right therapist. Patience will key for all involved. Mental Illness, trauma, it’s very much inconvenient. I can’t stress that word enough. It will be inconvenient as heck. Write how you feel about him the situation how you’d like him to proceed because he’s worthy and deserving of peace and love in his heart and you want that for him and to be a part of his life etc not just how the household will potentially run until he’s outta the house. Our internal monologue and how we see ourselves starts with the voices of our parents and you didn’t just take on the role of guardianship it looks like you e been placed with the responsibility of being his inner voice right now. He does care what you say and think or he wouldn’t be avoiding you. Remind him tagt whatever you told the drs behavior and all it’s so he can get the best help he can get and not fall through the cracks. Just wrote him a letter. We may not always remember what people say or do but we remember how people make us feel and make sure he feels cared for personally and in general and that he can take control of his future etc.
I would not let him back in the house unless he takes his medicine. They can get in a very deep dark place and u must protect your own. Prayers
may have to have a ocurt order in place and they will medicate him daily
Who pays for his phone? Could you just block her from calling/texting? He would have to agree to do whatever the psychiatrist says to do in order to come back into the home especially with other children.
He needs you now more than ever.
Sending good vibes+light.
you have three other minor children to raise, if the girlfriend encourages and supports non compliance then he can go live with her.
Technically you aren’t throwing him out. You’re letting him know what the rules are and if he chooses not to comply he chooses to leave. It’s not your fault. You’ve done so much to help him and it seems like there’s a fine line between help and enabling. Some people need to be so uncomfortable before they’ll help themselves.
You need rules in order for him to stay with you. He has to take his meds and go to therapy.
He is mentally disabled. Check to see what the state will offer him. Group homes are available in some states, as well as SSI.
As for your family, you need to do what is best.
He genuinely can’t help it. I would do my best to set the boundaries of him continuing to live there. Like, look man. We love and support you. But not to the point of damaging ourselves. If you want to be here at home, you need to take your meds, _____, _______. (Not sure what all boundaries is fitting for your household!). And honestly, his gf sounds absurd. I can’t imagine being with someone and not wanting the absolute best for them. She sounds self destructive, and like she isn’t a good decision for him. Good luck yall
Oh momma. I don’t have any advice because I had to unfortunately go through something very similar with my little cousin. She was schizophrenic and had an addiction problem. When her mom died in 2016 my goal was to let her come live with me once she aged out of the foster care program she was in. I ended up getting pregnant and my cousin chose to stop taking her meds. I know I made the right choice of not exposing my daughter to that but it wasn’t an easy choice. The last time I saw her I had to have her arrested for assaulting my grandma. In 2020 we lost her. She was on drugs and living in the streets and every time I think about it I cry. I wish I could have done more, but at some point I guess they have to make their own choices and we have to do what is necessary for the ones who can’t yet make their own choices…our children. I feel your heart break and I wish I had answers for you. I get it and I’m sending you positive thoughts. You can message me if you’d like.
They say “one bad apple will spoil the bunch.”
Wow awful situation and I know it breaks your heart but think of your family (mainly kids) first and foremost…your children don’t need to be around or witness something awful!!!
send him or write letters/cards to let him know you have love for him and care about him. Contact organizations that can reach out to him so he knows someone cares and is there to assistance him or that someone is there to listen to him without judgement. Do the same for his friend as it seems she needs to know someone cares regardless if they are CONSIDERED Adults
Just keep reminding him that you love him and will always be there for him, no matter what. He will not be angry forever. Continue to guide him, but set boundaries.
you can only do your best and be there for him when he needs you. you may be in for a long wait but it will be worth it when he realizes what you have done for him.
Sometimes you have to just tell them to go you have other kids to protect in your household if he doesn’t get help n stops meds then he has to go tough love when u can’t help them they don’t listen