I took over guardianship of my nephew over a year ago, but he has been technically living with us for closer to two years. When I took over guardianship, he was 17 and a junior in high school and flunking out, so after paying for and pushing him through summer school, he made it to his senior year. Long story short, he has had a lot of anger issues over the past few years, suffers from depression, and just has a hard time in general with getting close to people because of what he’s been through with his parents. He has been dating a girl for over a year who is three years older than him who suffers from mental illness herself, which definitely doesn’t help, but we know that we can’t do anything but give him advice as he is an “adult” now. We have had to teach him basically everything from cooking to laundry and how to clean dishes. Simple things like getting him a student checking account, getting a job, getting his permit to drive have all been things we took over doing to raise him to be a productive member of society and get ready for life after graduation. Fast forward to today, he was messaging his girlfriend that he wanted to kill himself because he feels like he keeps hurting everyone around him, and I brought him to the hospital for psychiatric help. After 6 hours, he voluntarily committed himself for help, and they said he would have to stay for 5-7 days. He has completely stopped talking to me; he is allowed to call out and get phone calls and has told them he won’t speak to me; his girlfriend tells me he calls her all day long and that he is angry with me for telling them things he has done and forcing him into this situation and they will not release him until his 5-7 days are over. I know I did the right thing, I have three daughters at home from 14 to 9 years old, and I cannot have him mentally unstable around them, so getting help is a must to be living here. He has nowhere else to go, and now he tells his girlfriend that he will stop taking any medication they are giving him once they let him out, and she encourages this decision. I just don’t know what to do; we obviously love him and want to help him, but if he doesn’t want to help himself, what should I do? Do I allow him to come back here angrier because I tried to help him and know he isn’t going to take steps to get better? Do I give him an ultimatum that to love here, he must stay in therapy? How do I throw him out knowing he has nowhere else to go if that happens? I feel so stuck right now, and because he is 18, they won’t tell me anything or let me talk to him.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I have guardianship of my nephew and need advice
They must have someone there who can give you professional help.
You have to be firm but let him know you love him
It amazes me that people think that locking up someone who is already extremely angry & depressed is helping them. What part of taking him away from his family, friends, belongings, freedom & forcing drugs usually with side effects is help? Most likely you have lost your nephew forever now. He will probably live on the street over living with you. Stop trying to contact you. You’re only making it worse. Tell the girlfriend that your hoping he will reach out to you but aren’t going to push it. Let him decide to talk to you. If he does listen to him, validate his anger against you, tell him you love him. You will have an uphill battle rebuilding this relationship. It won’t be as good as it was (it sounds like it wasn’t all that good in the first place. Expect worse) if he chooses to have a relationship with you at all.
If you have guardianship I see no reason why they can’t tell you anything.
Unless it’s because he’s 18… Then they might not since he can make decisions himself.
Praying you get answers
I think you need more help now than him. Therapy is good for the ones that love so much. He has his own path to go down, and like you said you have 3 kids of your own to take care of. They really need you, especially now. He’s getting help, just needs to take it. I didn’t and life sucked until I woke up. Hang o mom. He’ll be ok, or not. Give him into God’s hands
I just put my 22 year old son out on the street for being disrespectful and irresponsible, and Now he doesn’t talk to me at all but I know in my heart I did the right thing because something has to make them realize they gotta step up or step out. One day he will understand it was all outta love and come around, but for now he needs to understand to get things outta life you have to work for them, leave it in God’s hands and pray about it and believe it can and will happen when it is suppose to!
You did the right thing mama
Look, you throwing him into a mental institution where they only feed and pump people with drugs to “cure” them, is the wrong thing to do. I’m with girlfriend on this. He absolutely shouldn’t be taking medicine. He can be depressed. His upbringing sounds awful. Him being in therapy, is one thing. You throwing him in a mental hospital for a week, where he’s doped up on drugs is another. You have no idea what you just did. Anyone who thinks like you do is insane. There are other ways to help this child who’s been through the ringer. Don’t forget what he went through, it’s okay for people to feel negative emotions. I literally can’t believe you threw him in a mental institution.
Since he’s 18 I’m surprised as long as they didn’t find him suicidal they let him go…
But I certainly not allow at my home anything could happen and you all be in a situation.
You have done the best you can and you have to out your girls first. As hard as it is I would not have him back there as youe family may not be safe especially if he plans to go off his meds. I had a sister with mental issues and it’s a very hard road to have to go down when they are so unstable. Speak to a Social Worker at the Hospital where he is and tell them your concerns they may be able to find somewhere for him to go. You have done all the right things for him, But he has gone beyond anything you can do now. Clearly his past has caught up with him which is sad for him. But you MUST put your girls and your safety first. You will always love him but now needs to be at a distance.
Write him something every day and if you have to tell him the ‘new rules’ then make sure you also reassure him how important he is to you…remind him that the way he feels is not his fault, but don’t talk about his parents…remind him of the wonderful future that is ahead of him, and that him accepting therapy is the best gift he can give himself…all the very best and thank you for stepping up and taking him in when he was needing you.
Honestly medication just goin to make it worse therapy yes but those who doesn’t want help won’t b helped he has to figure out that himself all yu can do is b supportive don’t push him just guide the more yu push the more hatred he will have against yu
I do kind of agree with the ones saying that locking him up for feeling depressed and suicidal was kind of harsh. But going forth allow him to contact you if he needs anything but like I seen previously tell the girlfriend that you were jus t concerned about him and to let him know that you understand why he feels that way and if he needs anything to call. If he gets out and doesn’t contact you then he doesn’t come back home with you. If he does reach out to you have a deep conversation about how concerned you are about his behavior and how you do not want it to affect your other kids. Require he see a therapist and regularly seek treatment for his depression or he will have to leave. You have to think of your other kids first and his mental health and anger issues can drastically affect them. Furthermore, if you do it this way you are informing him of what his options are and allowing him to make a choice going forward about his body and his mentality.
We tried to help out a cousin in a similar situation. I would encourage you to set very strong boundaries. If rules are broken, he gets the boot. No second chances. We gave several chances. We wound 8p having to pay for an attorneys representation in court because cousins activities wound up with our home being raided by police and us being threatened with cps by the police if we didnt cooperate. We didnt understand what we were supposed to be cooperating about.
So why aren’t YOU seeking professional help?
FB is not the place for this and you need serious help, FAST!
You need to put your children first. You did your part to help your nephew. If he’s not going to do his part to help himself, there is nothing more you can do.
He’s an adult. You have young children to protect. You have done so much of what you can for him, but your young children living at home rely on you to protect them and he sounds like a danger to himself and others. You did the right thing getting him help, but mental health is his responsibility and burden. You can’t help him if he is resistant to getting help and pre meditating not taking his medications upon release. Do what’s best for you, get some therapy for you and your family to help your trauma over this situation. The facility will have to give him resources upon release to help him get into a safe place, it’s up to him after that.
Geez that’s all imma say coming from anperson who’s little brother is died at 12 from being locked away. Your part of the problem
You did the right thing. Once he gets home he needs extensive outpatient therapy. Both individual and group. Cognitive therapy is incredible. He needs to continue to take his meds or he needs to go. My mom had me committed because I was suicidal and crazy. It was a very long time later that I accepted help. I attempted suicide, turned to drugs and lost custody of my daughter because I was so caught up in not needing help. I’ve come off my meds several times and every single time it turned into a suicide attempt. I’m 40 now and have been on my meds straight for 15 years. Wish I would’ve listened in the first place. Get him into therapy asap.
Well ya he’s 18 and adult. Where are his parents? Time to get a job and on his own. Any friends or maybe gf.
Okay this is really touchy subject for alot of people to say the least. But I’m going to put myself out there a little for the sake of the original poster. Coming from a person who has many times over just been thrown in a mental institution for being suicidal or out of control. Where we are basically kept like prisoners, drugged out of our minds and taken from our only devices, our friends and family and put with people we don’t know, with doctors that act like they care nurses that treat us like we are animals and just want us to go away because for some reason or another we are some type of burden to them I get why your newphew is upset and doesn’t want to speak with you at this time. I’ve been there. Sometimes all we need is someone we can talk to someone listen someone to just let us cry someone to just let us be with them someone to let us know it’s going to be okay. I fully understand that you had to do what was best for your children and that’s okay to but in his (your newphews) state of mind he’s not going to see it that way. Give him some time and space he may come around. As far as his medicine honestly let the man do as he wishes he’s going to anyways and if you try to push them on him he’s only going to resent you more and want nothing to do with you. You see when people go through something like he has is bound to have some type of negative reaction to it rather it be anger out burst, depression, or whatever the case maybe he had a rough up bringing he needs to talk about it he needs to let it out we all need a out let some how or some way! I feel like medicine just mask the issue and doesn’t actually let you feel what you’re actually feeling so there for do you actually ever heal from the thing that broke you in the first place? As to what to do it’s really up to you and what you feel is best for your family. At the end of the day your children and husband come first
He can live with the gf
Tbh depends on state u r n but u if u had legal guardian ship over him bfor he turned 18 then u actually can petition the courts for legal guardian ship over him because of said mental illnesses and like I said it depends on the state on steps of that nature u have to take. That will also help u get him away from the lady u spoke about because if courts grants guardian ship u can place a order through the courts to where she can’t contact him or your family. Also depends on the state whether regardless of his age on whether u can just put him out with his stuff or not because in most states because he has lived there X amount of days,it’s considered his home as well as yours.(all of this depends on your state) and idc what Noone says this is my opinion getting him help so he does not actually kill himself and or others because of whatever reason is good.(again this is just my advice and or opinion on your post) best wishes 
for anyone with mental illnesses of any kind.
I hope he can recover from this. I’ve seen what it does to people. I understand you thought you were doing what you could in the moment, I just hope he can get through it all without them making him feel crazy for being depressed. 
I had someone tell me at work that they were going to just go home and kill them self. I told my supervisor and was told they say that all the time, and nothing was done. The next shift, they did not show up for work. I pushed the issue with the super, and they had the police go by…they had indeed overdosed. They made it… a month later they say I’m gonna go home and kill be self. I went higher up than my super; they got admitted to the hospital for care. When they came back to work, they were angry and wanted to beat the person up that told on them. I said I did, and if I ever hear you say that again, I will tell on you again. We are good friends now
You took him in on your own free will. You made a choice to make him your child. So, he is a priority just like your other children. He already knows he isn’t yours. He Lready feels unwanted, unloved, not cared for. He already feels like a burden.
Just because he is 18 doesn’t make him an adult. Especially with mental issues. He is still a child!
He thinks and feels like a burden. He hates his life. He hates himself. He was brought into a world to fend for himself and no one gave two shits until he was 17.
Stop thinking about all the things you have done for him in a year or less. Start thinking of how he feels. His emotions and outlook on life needs to heal from the trauma he has endured. Without that healing, he will never be able to live a good life. Stop putting a time limit on it. He needs to grieve his old life. He needs to learn what love is. What it’s like for someone to truly care for him.
Putting him in a hospital made things worse. An now he will never let anyone in again. When he really just needs someone to validate his feelings. An let him know it’s going to be okay. He has people now.
If he wants to come home, he must let you communicate with his Doctors. Let him know you must be part of the team. In order to be a family everyone needs to be on the same page
I feel like I would need more information to come to any kind of conclusion. We got a little backstory but were there outburst of anger that would make you think that he would physically harm himself someone is this ongoing all the time? Is there a pattern? enough to put him in a mental institution?
Why do people in these comments think the second you turn 17-18 you are on your own? I don’t know a single 18 year old who doesn’t need their parents help sometimes. I’ve been an adult since I was probably 12 and my mom is still there for me no matter what I need, until I can put my life together and not have it hanging by a thread, I’ll always have my mom if she’s here. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t go through with the suicidal thoughts I was having. I understand you have other kids which is the only reason I’m not so freaked out you just sent him away especially since it took SIX hours to convince him (or give him an ultimatum) No one is gunna listen if you tell them what they need to do, especially if they’ve lived a shitty life, he needs to be listened to and accommodated on some things to feel heard. No one is gunna listen when they don’t feel heard. You’re both just going to keep talking at each other and no one is gunna listen to a damn thing the other needs. He needs to be heard by a professional, on a normal afternoon, not when they drop by his psych room. I don’t disagree that I wouldnt have left him be after I knew he said that. But like think about it, a 17 year old boy who lives with his aunt has got to have heavy things on his mind. He should have been in therapy the second you got custody, but I think the best thing is to seriously talk to him. Not about what you’ve done for him or what you need him to do, but about what’s on his mind all the time he feels he needs to do this FOR other people because he’s a burden. 18 does not mean you automatically know wtf to do and how to handle the fucked up things in ur head and file your taxes. It means you can legally join the army and that’s about it. If you can’t put yourself in his position and kind of understand why he thinks that way or why he’s having a hard time with himself, do him a favor and let him figure it out. Because I figured myself out after an attempt, because I had no one who was actually helping me. They were really worried about how what I think or what happened to me, negatively effected them. I could just tell when it was an act because they didn’t want to have a daughter without a diploma, or a daughter without a job. When I felt like a little kid who was robbed of the chance to be someone because of the choices the adults in my life made for themselves. It’s so much deeper than “he’s just a bad kid” or “he’s got issues” I wouldn’t expect any less especially if his life was ANYTHING like mine. I would expect a little curiosity to taking the easy way out. We’ve all thought about it. Now next time he feels this way, he knows not to let anyone know. You do not just not have kids when they turn a certain age, idk why people in the comments act like they had it all figured out at that age and didn’t have any troubles by telling you to dump him back where you found him. Having a rough life and realizing it, especially at that age, is the scariest thing you can think of, especially if all of you are grown now and still have problems you’re working through. Try doing it as a child with the adult problems. And if you did, why would you wish that on another person? I didn’t have the most horrible life but I wouldn’t wish a single trauma I’ve been through on another person. Especially the way these comments look. I pray all of you have healthy family’s in the future and your legacies are born into good situations.
So he’s been mentally unstable the whole time he’s lived with you
And now that he’s 18 and still suffering
Your not wanting him around just because he mentioned killing him self because he’s upset about hurting everyone around him
I don’t agree with what your saying
I get it that you have your own children to take care of
But you stepped up because his parents couldn’t and not. Your pushing him away to isn’t helping his situation
I hope you make better decisions on continuing helping this boy have a better understanding that he’s not the reason his parents couldn’t parent him properly
It’s so crazy that there are actually people bashing her for getting him help but yet they are prob the same exact ones screaming that we need mental health reform. So I guess we are just supposed to standby and not intervene when our loved one has a mental breakdown?? Then we would be the bad guys if they did unalive themself. I would rather my family member be mad, alive and medicated than unalive.
It’s a hard road I’m talking my own trip down it and I made sure my better half knew of my issues before we got serious it takes a team to make sure we are okay sometimes it’s hard to get out of alone sometimes it takes being the “mean one” for them to understand that you are there for him
Idk if this helps but if he stops meds ask him (when he returns of course) if he would be willing to treat his depression with vitamins.
My husband wanted to commit suicide after a huge life change when he lost his job from being hurt and pronounced disabled. I didn’t have insurance and I read a book left in the new rental that was called THE COMPLETE BOOK OF VITAMINS. I read that niacin improved mental status for those who were bipolar and schizophrenic. It also said that Vitamin D3 was a natural antidepressant. So I gave him 2 a day and after a couple weeks stopped talking about it and after a month became more talkative and active with our son. Sit him down and explain that you will help him get started on this and find a job to save for an apartment. Start a goal a list of goals. When he accomplishes them it will help him to feel more confident. Maybe when they help him he will get his gf on them too. Tell him you live and care for him otherwise you wouldn’t have invested in him this far. Talk to the kids. Explain what’s going on. Don’t keep them in the dark. They need to confide in you when he does things that need to be reported. God bless.
Your kids first. Doesn’t matter what anyone says. Just like I have told my mom if the episodes she has ever put my son in danger or gets children services involved it would be someone else’s turn to take care of her. And you can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves.
Sooooo… you did all the things to help him be a productive member of society EXCEPT seek mental health care during your two years with him and now you’re surprised that he’s having a breakdown?
There’s only one thing you can do which is make sure he continues to take care of his mental health through therapy and medication if necessary.
First i want to say, Im sorry you have to go through this. Loving and living with someone with mental health issues is very difficult. Write a letter to his doctor, ASAP. Explain what his life was like prior to you and what you’ve witnessed during his stay with you. Give the doctor a full picture of his developments. Explain your fears and your willingness to be part of the team that helps him through this difficult time. Ask to have a family meeting with both the doctor and your nephew prior to his release so that you can explain that you want him to be happy and healthy. No more expectations than that for now. He needs to see that someone is willing to stay and love him. You are going to need help so having your own therapist with a background in family counseling is crucial so you can make the right decisions through all of this. I wish you luck and I pray for your nephew’s recovery.
You have done what you can - time to protect your daughters and you and you partner. He can go live with his girlfriend.
Oh, MY!!! This sad story brings back my own struggles with suicidal depression!! Mine started with “misunderstandings” of being sexually molested a few times starting at age 3 years, then my dad leaving my mom and I when I was 8 years etc, HURT so badly BUT kept it all inside til I was married and had 4 kids! Two of them were very sick with 20 or 30 bowel movements a day, drawing their little legs up in pain, having pneumonia frequently, then Drs not believing me, telling me that it was ALL my fault due to being nervous!! It turned out to be food allergies, but won’t go there, but I distanced myself emotionally, TRYING so hard to just take care of them, wash diapers etc—got very little sleep etc, til my emotional pain turned into a STRONG desire to kill myself because I felt so responsible for EVERYONE elses misery!!
To make a long story short, I committed myself to psychiatric hospitals, counseling AND Meds FOR OVER 60 YEARS, trying to get some Relief! And Finally at age 85 years I was able to dig down thru Buried Guilt and PAIN and ream out the CORE of, for ME, what was the key of when my dad had left and I was told, and accepted, that his leaving was also ALL
My Fault! It colored how I dealt with all of the Drs. and other men, trying so hard to Please etc. and just snow-balled all thru my life!
Until I grew up, realized my emotional PAIN was NOT All my fault, learned to pray and ask for understanding and forgiveness and learned that if I helped others, by baking them a cake when they were ill etc. and later becoming a nurse aide and letting myself FEEL good about giving an elderly patient a drink of water and hearing a feeble, “Thank you” I began to heal.
But I wanted to get better so not sure how you help someone else if they don’t want to heal but maybe some of my efforts will help you! That was another effort I used was to TRY and help others find relief from the Crippling Pain of Depression!! One of my tools I used to help myself. ALSO the kindness and understanding and LOVE and SUPPORT of others HELPED! Never punish someone for Emotional Illness as that is like pouring GAS on an open flame! One time in our Sunday School class, when I was an adult, a well meaning teacher asked me if I was full of Demons!! That did a LOT of damage as I tried so HARD to always be socially acceptable so never really understood that damaging comment!! But I was determined to NOT let her stop me from going to church and asking for Help from a Loving God!
Now I am 89 years old and FREE of emotional PAIN! But it has taken most of my life to get here. And Understanding, Love, Meds, therapy and Kind, understanding Doctors plus loving family support, is essential!
I hope my story will help others to be patient , kind and loving to EVERYONE as no one knows what battles they are fighting! Good Luck and God Bless!
You stand your ground either he take the meds and get help or he’s out
The girl friends sounds to be a nasty bit of word she could tell him to speak to u but to me she’s definitely behind some of his bad actions and ur doing a great job but ur daughters definitely needs to come first tell him go live with his girlfriend if he don’t take his medication and seek more help pity he don’t dump the girlfriend! sounds like a plane crash the two of them already 
Wow… some of you are really fucking disgusting mean. OP had not obligation to take him under her wings, but she did anyway. His parents are to blame for his struggles and you all bashing OP for doing what she was supposed to do taking him in.
To all the people criticizing her for not getting him mental health help. Shame on you. Maybe he didnt want it? Maybe his mental health wasnt too bad until this pandemic drags on and on forever? Maybe he was in a better place and excited to learn to drive, get a job etc… maybe we just dont know… she has kids of her own as well so lets not judge… she has done an amazing thing by welcoming him and doing everything she has.
What a sad situation.I would tell him he stays in meds and therapy or he can’t stay you have other children you gotta worry about
You need to tell this to his Dr and that in order for him to remain in your home he HAS to follow his treatment plan. The Dr legally can’t talk to you about treatment and plan without nephew’s permission, but you can talk to the Dr. You may need to seek power of attorney over him due to mental disease or deficit (legal terminology for it) and then Dr would have to speak to you and if nephew refuses to follow medical plan he could be committed for long term treatment (usually six months).
Don’t tell him you have other children that come first. With a child that struggles with depression there are reasons for that. His parents not being parents would be one of them. Having another adult tell him that he least important will not be helpful at all. I’d say put down the boundaries you’ve mentioned and word it very carefully and thoughtfully and make sure he knows he is important to you. God be with you through it all, my heart goes out to all of you.
For everyone shaming her for not getting him help sooner…. Shame on you. You can lead a horse to water all you want but even if you shove their head into the river, you still can’t make him drink. If he wasn’t receptive to therapy it wouldn’t have done any good.
She showed him he was loved and valued and worth everything he is capable of being. She got him into the right place to be when it became a dangerous situation.
In regards to the OP. You’re in a tough place. If you kick him out now, you’re only showing him what he thinks he already knows, that he’s more trouble than he’s worth, but you also have to protect your younger children. It may be advantageous to discuss a group living scenario or residential treatment program. He would have a place to stay, mental health resources, but also could have some independence to come and go as he pleases and learn how to manage his illness and conquer the world.
It is hard to notice mental health issues in a child and takes time to seek help. Make sure you let his doctor know what is going on and let them handle it. You can’t help anyone that doesn’t want help. Just be their for him when you can and stick to your rules. You have other children in the home to think about and make sure you let him know that and you love him when you can. I wish you and your family the best!!
I can’t believe the amount of people encouraging her to just not this lad back home. 
He has trust issues as you say so by doing that all you will be doing is proving him right. 
I think you tried to do the best thing you could. I think it wouod havr been better to talk to him and ask him to go to therapy. Mental health facilities are not fun places to be even if one is truly suicidal. He probably was not, hes still a teenager even though he is legally grown and sometimes they exaggerate. I do think that help is better than no help so good job for getting him somewhere. Good luck 
I can’t even imagine what you are going through. Call a counseling facility and get yourself some answers
You do have to lay out his chouces. If you are talking to the girlfriend, tell her as well. Make it clear to her she needs to do her part. You must do what is best for you.
If he won’t be compliant with mental health care and he’s a risk for the other children in the home you may have to refuse his return to the home. I know that that sucks. But you both need to trust each other. That he will work on his mental health and that you will still care for him. Hopefully while he’s there somebody addressed his GF not wanting him to be healthy but I’m not holding my breath. Unfortunately he’s 18 and an adult and you need to keep the other children safe from him and his choices. There just wasn’t enough time before he turned 18 to enforce him getting the help he needs bc it takes years and years to undo what others did to him. Don’t give up and keep encouraging him to be mentally well. I hope he decides to work at getting well too!
Our niece lives with us has for awhile yrs she is now 16…she is afforded and treated like she is one of my own always has been to include all the love and patients that the other children receive…if this was one of ur girls would u be considering kicking her out?? Protecting ur girls is not any more important then he is but u seam to think so which I’m sure he feel which I’m sure lends to the anger towards u. He feels unwanted and u dont seam to be helping… maybe start there!!
If she wants to encourage him to go unmedicated then she can deal with that fallout. You’ve done what you can. He’s an adult who isn’t ready for help yet and there’s literally nothing you can do to force it.
Don’t let him back if he’s still angry and off his meds. If he makes the choice to remain toxic without trying to improve himself he shouldn’t be allowed to force that onto your daughters.
id b angry with u too. fuck that. those places are hell. u should have talked to him n tred counseling n a psyc dr first before throwing him to the wolves. he probably feels like he cant trust u now n that is a huge issue especially if trust is hard with him.
my husbands put me in psyc hospitals multiple times and ive come out pissed at him every time. instead of just telling me hey ur getting really bad again u need to talk to ur dr. not the point but…
also. if he volunteerily admitted himself in hed be out in 72hrs. not 5-7 days. 5-7days means they forced him to go-they(the drs) admitted him.
I am 73 now but my middle son was a hand full in his teen years. He was very Brook smart. He read his lessons and he got good grades at test time.
He started drinking and doing a lot of pot. Their dad has never really been in their lives even to this day.
I warned and warned him until one day I had him committed a few weeks before his 16 birthday. He stayed there all summer.
I have omitted a lot but just to encourage you, he ended enjoying his summer at the hospital-not in the beginning!
Today as a 50 year old man, he is a loving son to me, a wonderful and attentive father and grandfather.
Many a time he will come and hug me and thank me for showing him tough love when he needed it. He after tells me he would have ended up in jail like many of his then friends have.
It’s tough to be a “good” parent especially when no one else is doing anything-or very little- to discipline their children.
You are doing the right thing!
I’ve been suffering with depression for years now. I have depression and ptsd. I’m different from others. A lot of times when I get this way which i have a few times I always seek help. Get on medication therapy and it has always helped me. For me the reason why I have trouble is I forget the reason why I feel so normal and happy is bc I was taking the medication and forgot to take it like i should and it causes me to go thru it all over again which now i realize and will continue to take my meds everyday. Everyone is different though but I have ptsd from my childhood. It is very hard. Right now I feel my meds aren’t helping. It’s a process of finding what’s right and what helps you to live normally again. Learning ways to cope with therapy also helps. That’s all I really want and I hope your nephew sees that that is all you really want for him. Is to be able to live a normal and happy life. I have also contemplated suicide as well but for me I have a fear of death and pain so that has stopped me from doing so. Life is so hard sometimes and I feel for your nephew because I understand how hard it is when you feel the way he does. You do feel alone and scared and worthless. You feel it would be better if you were just gone. I do feel you did what was right. By you, him, and your children. He will understand with time. Just try to be there for him. I’m glad he has someone who can support him.
Can’t his parents step in and help he’s an adult now anyways 
So for those of you being appaled by the fact that people are saying she shouldn’t let him come home without help and medicine, why? Yes hes depressed and feeling abandoned but when do you get to decide that he and his health is MORE IMPORTANT than her daughters health safety and wellbeing or hers or her SO. She should NOT let HIM and HIS feelings become first priority and fuck everyone else. Your mental health or lack there of, does not make you more important than anyone else, does not make your actions based on your mental health okay and acceptable. If my sister destroys my house and breaks things and tries to hit my children because she’s having a depressive episode, she doesnt get a free pass and I do not have to let her back in my life or even forgive her. “Oh but she’s depressed” yep you’re right but actions have consequences no matter what, good and bad. If you keep allowing the behavior, if you keep forgiving, if you keep letting it go, ESPECIALLY if they refuse someones help or refuse to help themselves, you are actually doing WRONG by the person with the mental health issues. You aren’t helping them by letting them do whatever the heck they please because insert mental health issue. If he wants to stay in the house he needs to help himself and/or accept help, he NEEDS to take his meds, he NEEDS to go to therapy, he NEEDS to be held accountable. if he refuses help she does NOT NEED to help him, she does NOT NEED to let him back in her home or her life, she does NOT NEED to give up her health and safety and the health and safety of her kids and her SO. Do not let anyone on here or anywhere guilt you into letting him back in your house ESPECIALLY if you fear for the safety of your own children and you
Kudos to you for taking on this situation in the first place. Keep in mind everything you are doing you are doing out of love. I know we always second guess ourselves when people resist but what if he actually comes out better. What if this experience gives him the opportunity to let go… of everything he is carrying. If he is that behind I could imagine the love he didn’t get.
Honestly if the gf is going to talk him out of getting the help he deserves and he comes back angrier. Why can’t she take on some of that responsibility 
. If she loves him it shouldn’t cause him to destroy himself.
Keep going 
show him all your love. Eventually things will get better.
Prayers and positive vibes your way 
You report what he has said to gf to the facility.
First thing that you need to realize is that if he checked in voluntarily, he can also check out without anyone’s permission.
As the parent of a child that died by suicide, I will say that the most important lesson here, not only for him, but also for your children, is unconditional love. Judging him as toxic or dangerous, is counterproductive, he already feels like a “loser”. Continue to guide him as you have in the past. Help him to understand mental health just like you did finances. You didn’t threaten to make him homeless if he didn’t put money in the bank and you shouldn’t be doing so based on comments made by his girlfriend. If she is “mentally ill”, why are you taking her word? What is her diagnosis? Is she also depressed, delusional, bi-polar? Before making any decisions about him, you need to communicate with him. She would be my last choice as a resource for accurate information about his thoughts. It sounds like he wants to please others and is much too hard on himself when he feels like he hasn’t accomplished that. Don’t make any decisions while he’s angry. Wait for him to come home, then have a calm and rational conversation with him. Just as you did about finances, working, laundry, cooking and all the other important day to day concerns. The more you stress the benefits of following his doctors recommendations and that you only want him to feel in control, the better. Making threats and demands when your relationship is strained will usually result in negative consequences. Just love him…the regrets are too great…
SAY has a program that helps to find low income living for young adults. They have many services for people 18-24. If he refuses to stay on Ed’s and in therapy than I’d tell him he has to leave.
I would think he has been getting help since he has been living with you, He is, I am assuming 18 yrs old or older & he can do as he wishes, If he wants to move in with this girl, let him, I think somewhere down the road, he will have 2 choices, one stay on the meds & go to therapy or not stay on the meds, & either end up in jail or unfortunately dead, Sorry, There are never any grantees with the mental ill, some do very well, thankfully but some are so tortured, they live in hell & there is only one way to free themselves when they are so down deep in that hole, And it’s no one’s fault when that happens. Just be there for him whenever he needs you & hopefully, he does
Stop talking, listening to the gf. Everything should come from the horses mouth bc youre worried about preconceived ideas. Something may click with him by day 7 for the positive.
Raised my sister son from 11, at 21 we needed distance he’s going to be 25 Friday and one of my best friends now. Tough love.
I think since you chose to take him in and be his guardian you are responsible for him he is young and I dont think u should throw him out to be homeless and end up a drug addict if his mental illness is that bad u can get guardianship over him as an adult and then he cant refuse treatments that he needs and medications , I’m sure hes not on his meds and needs to be to help wh the mental illness he is not in the right state of mind so dont take him not talking to u personally sometimes that’s the road to healing and recovery
Stick to your boundaries. He has to go to therapy, and stay on his medication or he as an adult can no longer continue to live in your house.
It’s Imperative to the health and safety of your household that he continues to do this and for you to hold him accountable. If he refuses, he absolutely can make that choice, but not under your roof.
Both of your feelings are valid. Please try to understand that he is struggling, and it is a very bad feeling to be struggling and have those that you wish could help not know how. As goes for medication, I don’t genuinely believe you need it. I have been involuntarily hospitalized as well as voluntarily. I have been nearly medication free for 10 years. I definitely have my days but I learn how to cope with my mental illness without an added substance. That was the right decision for me because of my history of adverse reactions, and how the medication made me feel. It was almost worse. I also stopped speaking to my family the last time I was involuntarily hospitalized. But it didn’t last. I pretty quickly realized that I was unstable and needed to be there, despite how much it hurt my feelings. It’s very exhausting when the very root of your problem is loneliness and the people you want the most around just can’t offer what you need. However In the Heat of a mental health episode, I am only able to see my side. That I have been abandoned. When clearly that’s not the case. Unfortunately my family is human and can only do so much.
I’ve been put that position by a parent. Mine lied her butt off and exaggerated the problems. They good thing I was suppose to be in 21 days, I was only there for 3. They talked to my mom, realized she was the one nuts and lets me go. The staff was good, but they didnt know what I was going thru.
I ended up accidentally with 3rd degree burns to my lower face and left hand in 2014. To get herself some attention, my mom has maunchousen by proxy, she told everyone I did it to myself on purpose. I was even drug to jail to start with, which they freaked out over because they jail currently had staff infection and I had only been burned for 3 days, was a huge open wound.
I hope He gets some benifit out of it, which is possible if He allows it, but being stuck there can be tramatic itself, its like being in jail. He might not forgive you anytime soon. You did what you thought best. Hold to that and hopfully things will work out.
You say his girl friend is 3 yrs older then him that means she is now 19 or 20 !!! WHERE DOES SHE LIVE???are u sure she is mental???tell him to go live with her if he can’t follow your rules and make sure your daughters are safe at all times they are your number one concern…I think you opened a can of worms zand don’t know how to get out of it…so sad
How sad I’m so sorry you are going through this ! I sure hope and pray he comes to his senses and realizes how much you care ! Prayers sweet lady:two_hearts:
Same exact thing happened to me…I mean exactly! It is a HORRIBLE place to be. This is the side of things no one talks about. You are not alone. You have other children to think about and if he is going to make adult decisions then he has to live with the adult consequences. I will be praying for you. This was one of the hardest things I had to live through.
You have your children to think about first and foremost. He’s an adult now and a man at that. Give him an ultimatum. If he doesn’t comply, then tell him he can move in with his girlfriend.
Leave him to it he’s 18 let him do what he wants focus on you and your girls seek some help yourself somehow if you can manage it oh and book yourself a couple of holidays for a week or two one for you one for the girls
Show him the same love you show your other children, that simple!
Wow I disagree with letting him go. This is when he needs you the most. Hopefully by the end of the stay he will start to feel better and less angry. But right now he’s suffering and not thinking clearly. He’s also 18 and lacks the maturity to truly understand the situation. Hopefully the doctors will be able to help him and then try and get him to stick to the drs plan. If it’s meds encourage him to take them, therapy offer to go with him. There are ways to be supportive through this. Abandoning him is not the answer!!
For those of you telling her to leave him and not be there are disgusting. He can’t help what he’s been through. He needs all the support and love he can get. Just because someone is depressed doesn’t mean he’s going to hurt them. Good lord. It saddens me being in the field that so many people are quick to walk away and disown a child due to mental illness. How would you ladies have felt if your hubs left you for PPD.
With all the trauma he’s been through it seems his mental health is situational not chemical. That means medication might not be the best fit or even psychiatric help. Sometimes the best help for that is stability and routine and consistently being “built up” by those closest to you (for him that means you)
From his point of view you are the only one there for him and he feels betrayed that you would put him in the “crazy house” for him saying those things. I get you have other kids but you took responsibility over him and he needs you to be supportive.
When he comes home ask him how he felt about that and if it bothered him I guarantee he’ll say yes. Then work on connecting more through honest communication and helping him “find his way” … he is still so young and needs support love and guidance
Step back,after you assure him of your love. Meds might help,but give him time to grow up. The older lady is more like a mommy to him.
Prayers for you and him that he sees that your trying to help him
Sometimes meds make us feel worse then they’re helpful
If he dont take medicine & see a therapist & phycologist regularly than u tell him he can not stay. Its tough love. Find a way to get him away from that girl, u cud of done that when he was underage threatening her w charges, now u have to find things, dont knock her to him, he’ll run to her more
Never feel bad for protecting your (other) children! You can still love and find ways to support him without him disrespecting your rules.
Go talk to doctors and tell them what you have learned. Get him a social worker and do not let him back in your home.
He has abandonment issues and he probably saw you taking him to the hospital as ‘dumping him’. He’s hurting. Love him, unconditionally, where he’s at. Good luck mama❤️
I’m guessing he’s the first person you’ve ever dealt with with any serious issues. He doesn’t need you to make him do anything,he needs you to love him no matter what happens.
He is an adult now . Just tell him you live him and you are always here. But it is time for him to make his own choices. It is called TOUGH LOVE.
I would have a talk with the gf 
encouraging him to not take his meds?! If she really cared about him she would be doing the opposite! He will be there 5 to 7 days in that time and by the time he is released he could be of sound mind just wait and see 
I have raised a few kids and foster kids, that are now adults. Raising young adults is messy, stressful, and you have to let them live their own lives. Good or bad, they have to make their own choices. Giving them unsolicited advice just pisses them off, much like it would anyone. They best thing you can do, is to stop trying to control the situation; let him explore his own life,only give advice that is non bias when he asks, and be super loving and supportive. I don’t like half the stuff my kids do, but I support them. I have even had to back up and remove myself from their paths when theirs was becoming toxic. But, I put people in their lives that they can talk to ( in a totally private way), when they can’t me. You just got to pour heavy good energy into them, lots of prayer, good support ( even if it isn’t you), and trust they will end up making good choices for them.
It’s hard. I have 4 with various mental and medical conditions. I don’t know everything, but I have a strong female support with love backed behind it. I learn a lot from them.
Sending love and strength and to do what you know you must do.
He needs you right now. Talk to him. Set aside some time for each kid to talk to you about how they’re feeling and handling things. Make sure all of them know it is safe to talk about feelings before they blow up but sometimes we have to cope, review calming and self evaluation with them and a therapist, until the person we love has a moment. Remind him of the positives in himself. If you can’t think of any tell him all that you want to do with him in the future and include activities that you want him to do with your children. You’re only one person and it’s overwhelming for you but to him you are his world and he feels abandoned and being put into a hospital situation can make it worse. I don’t know what was the breaking point for you to put him there but it takes a lot of trust afterwards. He’s going to burying himself in his girlfriend and you won’t be able to do anything about that. Work on your relationship with him. That’s an extremely scary age for any kid without trauma. Remember at that age you thought you knew everything? It’s just the same but more manic. He thinks he knows that he’s never going to get better that he’ll feel hopeless forever.
Help lay out some build stepping stones like you’ve already done with creating the bank account. What’s his goal that would make him happy. Does he want to make a career in art but feels it’s unachievable tell him how to build money and skills to get to his goal with compassion of the love you have for him.
Show your children how to move forward in life to their goals even when life feels hopeless.
Im praying for you and the situation. I have no good advice,but its very obvious you love him and care for him. I pray you find some help and answers.
You can still love him and get him the help he needs if he’s open to it but perhaps he should try to stay with the girlfriend when he gets out? Not expecting it to last obviously, but maybe he needs to see what the real world is really all about and come back when he’s been knocked down.
I understand your situation more than I would like. I have went thru basically the same thing, except the kid had an epiphany and has been a different person since he has been home!
We have family support groups, tons of resources. All groups and classes are thru Zoom and free!!
Let go and let God… you can’t make him do anything. Free will.
Streets are full of homeless people who don’t want to conform.