I feel like I have lost my patience with my daughter. She is six years old and I just feel like she is super needy, and I feel so bad when I get irritated with her. I spend a lot of time with her and I just feel like I’m losing my patience, my husband is around and he does help me kind of when it comes to her but I just feel so bad. I wish I could do something about it. I just feel helpless, and then I told my husband I was sorry because I’m losing my patience with her and he like got kind of rude with me and was like don’t do that and I’m just like don’t do what teach myself how to be a better parent like what the
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A break. You need a break.
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Sometimes moms and dads say hey I’m getting out of hand I need you (dad) to step up and in and help handle this right now. He should not get pissy with you about that, he should say hey go to the other room I got this
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Have you gone to therapy?
How much time do you get alone?
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When was the last time you had a solid amount of time to yourself where you didn’t have to care for another human being? Have you filled your cup lately too?
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Take a break! Go get a mani/pedi. Get a massage. Get your hair done. Go to the grocery by yourself. Take a walk, alone. Kids are needy. You need to recharge.
Also, it’s ok for kids to entertain themselves, they don’t need us to constantly entertain them. They need to use their imagination and creativity, it’s an important part of their development.
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Sometimes you just get overstimulated and overwhelmed. You definitely need a break. My daughter is 7 and my son is 3. I get it. My husband will step in or redirect them to something to give me a little “down” time for me. Once I get this I am back in the game. Being a mom isn’t easy and we aren’t perfect but we should never feel like it’s awful to ask for a break or some me time. Tell hubs to step up.
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You need YOU time. Take it while she’s at school. I’m serious.
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Your husband is also a parent: he needs to step up and be one. She is not your sole responsibility and he’s not “the back up plan” when you’re overwhelmed. That’s why you’re overwhelmed - he needs to be available just as much and as often. She’s clingy to you bc of that right there: she needs SOMEONE to LOVE HER.
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Talk about your feelings with her:
“Pause honey, mommy is feeling overwhelmed. Can you color for five minutes quietly while I sit With my tea and color too?” Then set a timer. She can learn to be in your presence, learn how to emotionally regulate, learn to communicate, and learn self control and patience at the same time. -
Apologize TO HER when you mess up. She matters. When adults go off on their kids like this, they don’t learn to hate their parents, they learn to hate themselves. APOLOGIZE to her and readjust your actions moving forward.
You are an adult - you know better.
She is a child - she’s still learning.
Teach her how to be ok with admitting when you as an adult are wrong or there’s going to be bad things in her future (like an abusive spouse). When kids aren’t fed love from a silver spoon they learn to lick it off of knives. -
Spend quality time with her. Get her on a schedule so she knows what to expect. Kids can’t control their lives or environment - it makes them feel powerless and stresses them out.
Write up a simple daily schedule:
Example:
8am get ready for school with daddy
8:45am leave for school with mommy
9am school time
4pm pick up with daddy: come home and snack
5pm help mommy with dinner
5:30pm help daddy set the table
6pm dinner and talking about day
7pm bath time with mommy
7:30 read with mommy/daddy in bed
8pm tuck in and sleep time
Trust me - this HELPS.
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Maybe if you get her involved in an after school activity, such as sports, girl scouts, 4 H, Campfire, whatever she may be interested in. Also I don’t know if you are a stay at home mom, but you need some social time, whether it is coffee with a friend, a book club, or anything that gets you out of the house and dad in charge. Also one day she will hardly want to spend 2 minutes talking to you, when frustrated remind yourself she will one day grow out of this and you will miss it.
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I know this probably won’t help much, but when you are raising children, the days are long but the years are short. My daughter is 18, and very independent. I wish she were six again, just for one more day so that I could soak up her needing me again. She’s bright and independent, and everything I could hope for. But feel so lost now that she doesn’t need me.
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You’re burnt out. It happens to every single parent. I’m going thru it now but my son is 16 years old. I have to walk away just for I don’t lose my temper. You need a break from her. You may also need some therapy. Is she in school yet? If not maybe it’s time to put her in school or even daycare just for you can have several hours to yourself. Your husband needs to understand that’s he not with your daughter 24/7 like you are. He shouldn’t have gotten rude with you unless there’s more to this than you’re saying. Ask yourself a few questions and truly answer them with honesty to yourself
Do you still love your daughter?
Do you feel like she’s safe to be around you?
Do you ever feel or have thoughts of harming her or yourself or both?
Do you feel happiness when your daughter is around?
Do you feel sadness, irritation, or anger when your daughter is around?
Now here’s the thing yes it’s hard for us moms to admit to being overwhelmed by motherhood. People make us feel like we can’t be honest about our true feelings when it comes to being a mom and tbh that’s not fair to us moms because we will hold our emotions in and end up exploding in anger. Nobody is perfect and never will be. Your feelings are normal tho but it’s time you ask for more help from your husband and it’s time for you to be honest with your doctor because you might just need medication to help you also. Talk to a therapist and if your husband tries and tells you that you can’t go to therapy look him in the eyes tell him to go f*** himself because you’re going to therapy whether he likes it or not (just don’t tell him the day so he doesn’t try and prevent you from going).
Sorry but I agree with your husband. Sounds like YOU need to get a grip on yourself. Your child is 6, so still very much a dependent child, who is now facing some big responsibilities at a real school. Shes forced to be around strangers all day, she is on her best behavior, shes expected to sit down, be quiet, learn all new things, & do all this without the security of a trusted parent… OF Course shes needy & clingy in the 4-5 hours she gets to see you, per day, after school & before bed, if that, between homework/dinner/bath…
Instead of complaining that your child needs you, change your mindset & be grateful your child is happy, healthy, able to attend school, is not a troubled child, and WANTS to spend time with you. Set aside the first 2 hours shes home & make it ALL about her. Have a snack, watch a show, talk about her day & actually act interested in your child. You asked for a child, she didnt ask to be your child. & trust me when I say, in about 5+ years, you will be begging & crying to have this needy little girl back & she will be growing & gone for good.
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You need a break. Just a little time out. Leave them both, together, for a couple of hours. Go to the library, a movie, a walk in the park. Do something for YOU !!! it will refresh you and everybody will be better for it. THEN it’s time for a family thing. All of you together.
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Sounds like you can use some therapy to learn some copping skills. You shouldn’t be losing your patience so easy. Even if you need to walk away for 10 mins to the bathroom to get yourself together.
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You are entitled to how you feel. Sometimes you just need a break from them and they from you. Send her to Grandma’s house for the weekend.
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Give her a me space . Put things in there that interest her . Tell her it’s her space to explore books, do art, whatever she is into . Let her know that when she is in her space she has to entertain herself with those things. It might help.
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So many parents of autistic children would kill for that problem.
She cant help it. this is something for therapy. You need to name your feelings. Resentment overwhelm no help past traumas. It could be many things. Therapy helps with a lot of that
You need to find what’s driving her neediness. Also husband needs to step up the parenting. He’s not a helper. He can redirect her and parent her. You should def get into therapy and find what’s driving these feelings and how to help yourself when you’re overwhelmed without losing your patience.
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What you’re feeling is a normal part of motherhood. Leave the kids with Dad. Get out by yourself, go to the grocery store, take a walk or something you enjoy doing. You need to recharge your batteries too. You can’t be the best you for your kids when you have nothing left to give.
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I understand. I do… Please talk to your husband about you time. It’s important. Even if that means going to another room for just an hr, and listening to music, watching tv, reading, etc.
Also, do you feel like you should see someone? I don’t respond to therapy, but I see my psychiatrist every month and I’m on some anti anxiety and depression meds. It’s ok to ask for help. I hope things get better 
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Kids behave the way parents allowed. Needy kids are because parents don’t teach them to be independent. (Mostly breastfed babies. All breast fed babies are clingy and needy ).
I understand that, I was on medication when my kids were younger, I wasn’t depressed but depression medicine helped my patience level.
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Do you have a friend with a kid around the same age that could come over for a couple hours? Gives you someone to talk to and will give your daughter someone to play with? Or possibly meeting at a park?
I’m a single mom. My son is almost 11 and he is autistic. He is very clingy and needy. He would live in my blood if I would let him! I get short with him too on the days I turn around and darn near step on him because he is so close. I do still get overwhelmed and irritated but then I remind myself everyday I get upset, what if the last time he hugged me or told me a millionth football story I brushed it off and he was killed at school, or we/he/I died in an accident or house fire. And I just make the extra effort to try harder and sometimes after he goes to bed I go outside and scream until I’m breathless, I go hit the punching bag…I bake something and smash it, or I just bake something and just let it show that I care even though I’m struggling. And ever since he was little, I was honest. Id be like Boo (Halloween baby), I love you and you know how sometimes you get mad because mom js ALWAYS there, and you need you time, well mom needs that too. And he’s starting to get it
Your daughter need you. Stop with the I, I ,I. Your daughter will grow out of it if you grow with her. Focus on the positives instead of the negatives. That’s where you should start
Try giving her more fun stuff to do without you. Let her go on playdates or slumber parties, go on activities with family or close friends. Most children are in school all day so she probably does miss you. It may be overwhelming now but it stops and you’ll miss it. Also try getting her a pet, go outside more get a swing set go to the park. Give her stuff in her room that she won’t want to bother you as often like movies, and books, hands on activities.
Parenting can be overwhelming - especially if you have a needy child. Have her older siblings play with her or have her be a helper to her younger siblings. If she does not have siblings, it is imperative that you teach her to play independently so you don’t feel so smothered and can get stuff done. Give her puzzles to do, legos, blocks, dolls, coloring books, pen and paper, play teaching songs so she can dance while learning letters and sounds, numbers, memorization, etc. If she finishes her activities too fast, then set a timer and tell her that if she finishes before the timer goes off, then she should do _______. Meet parents of similar aged children at her school or in your neighborhood so she can make friends and eventually go on play dates and you can host some play dates at your house. Since she is in school, so you only have about 6 waking hours to spend with her on weekdays. Try to spend about 1.5 hours of quality one-on-one time where she has your undivided attention when she first gets home from school. Aftet that, she can play independently for an hour. The rest of the hours will be filled with homework, an age-appropriate chore or two, dinner, and perhaps a favorite tv show before her bedtime routine. She should spend some one-on-one time with dad every day too and family time on the weekends. Put her in a sport or activity.
If he’s not ever getting irritated with her, he’s definitely not doing a fair share… I love both my kids but they can be hard at times. It does change however, at about 13 she’s not going to want you near her😂but you need a break if it’s getting to be an ongoing irritation. On a side not if my husband said to me what yours did? Well he might be sleeping on the couch for awhile…
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I get ‘touched out’ sometimes with my now 7 year old too. It’s normal. I will usually just give him a hug and say mummies had a big day and need some time to relax. Then give him some options of activities he can sit and do for a while. It’s hard, but normal.
My step daughter is very similar. I am so blessed to have all of my step children. More than I could imagine. But, I struggle with the constant need for touching, division of my(adhd) attention span , it’s like a jolt of electricity through my body, they have learned that they will get love and hugs even if it’s not in that moment. Or that momma needs a minute to herself. It’s okay to put your foot down and explain that everyone needs space sometimes. Try and have her come up with her own example of needing alone time, if she was mad or sad or even just to relax in a quiet space. Maybe come up with an activity she can do independently or likes doing and tell her that mommy is taking some time to herself right now. That way you can take a breather.
I also sometimes feel like that, I normally take a long soak in the bath door closed and just relax.
You need me time. Chin up mama. You doing a great job.
She is old enough to understand that Mommy gets over stimulated and needs some quiet time occasionally too. Set her up a snack and drink bowl, bucket and/or shelf so that she can quick grab for herself. Work on independent play. Teaching her independence and to do age appropriate tasks for herself will boost her confidence and give you a break without totally severing the bond. When you do find yourself overwhelmed and over stimulated simply explain to her that while she is the most important person you are over stimulated at the moment and need (insert an appropriate time limit) x number of minutes of quiet and alone time and redirect her to an alone quiet activity.
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Buy her some Barbie’s or a small Doll House at Walmart (even comes with people and furniture.). I found this helped my daughter to self entertain.
As a parent expect outbursts and hateful comments. Children can’t always verbalize their anger when they don’t get their way. You and your husband are parents not her friend. Take heart…. children need unwavering guidance and though it isn’t always fun it’s right to have parameters. Just keep reassuring her of your love. Children have both easy and difficult days too.
Talk to your doctor. Something has changed for you and you need to address that.