I left my husband due to abuse, when is it acceptable to see other people?

I left my husband towards the beginning of the year, due to him pushing me around and other stuff going on. From that point,I have managed to save money and get my own place, and I’m doing great. I am the happiest I have ever been to. I did mess up and met up with him and gave him 20.00 and some food due to him being on drugs. My question is, Can I see other people? I have not lived with him since February. I have heard different stories as too I can’t because he can get me from adultery, then I heard I can as long as I haven’t lived with him. I’m ready to move on and have fun.


if he’s on drugs and abusive cut all ties and file for divorce IMMEDIATELY. stop enabling his addiction and save that money for yourself. as far as moving on you do that when never you feel comfortable and ready!


Are you still married?? If so get that paperwork going then go enjoy yourself.


When the first contact he made was over, that nullifys the relationship.I would get out all your pent up aggression on your next bf because stats go with the one after a rebound as the winner.

Adultery is handled different in every state. MOST states don’t go down that path. I know NC just had a case though.

I would simply file for divorce. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Check with your county and see if they have a law library. Many do free clinics that will help you pull the documents together.


The day you left you could but you really should wait until you’re divorced.

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Most states no longer recognize adultery. You could ask a local legal aid though to find out. File for divorce and see who you want.

Do you have children? If so they should come first. No introducing your kids to men for a while. Just concentrate on you being happy. Getting stronger. Putting the tough times behind you etc.

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If you can’t afford a divorce right now go to the courts and file as legally separate

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He would have to have money to do anything in court and it sounds like he doesnt

Im sorry adultery? I dont understand is that like illegal or sum? Im only 22 so im just legit asking lol

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Why not take your time? I waited 2 years before I started dating after my 24 year marriage. I left him. I wanted to know what I wanted out of life. Regroup and know who I was & what I can do differently if I ever married again. What’s the rush?

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If you have filed for divorce and been out of the house ?? 6 months I see no problem with dating if you find a nice guy


Get divorced. Get centered. Dick is abundant and of low value


Do whatever makes you happy!

Honestly wait til divorce is final. Less drama and less attachments.


I tend not to date for a long time after a break up. I take years because I enjoy being single.

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Don’t get in a new relationship until YOU feel ready. Clear your head and make sure you have worked through the pain so you dont put that trouble on someone else. They can’t fix you, only you can.


Check the law /rules in the state you live in. Most lawyers will give you a consult for free . Start your paperwork ,but know the law…good luck !


Honestly, I wouldn’t. You need to be divorced and take time for yourself. Don’t rush in.


Stop by your local court house and ask then how to go about filling for a divorce and if they offer help on obtaining an attorney. Ask them if there is any paperwork you need to file stating that you are separated.


Get into a relationship whenever YOU feel ready. There’s no magic “timeline” that you’re supposed to follow. However, I would file for divorce or atleast declare legal separation first (if you haven’t already, of course).

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Check your state law. Generally filing for separation is all you need. Many states have also adopted a ‘no fault’ divorce option, meaning adultery really doesn’t make a difference.

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If u don’t have kids u fee as a bird !

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Most states in the US are no fault states meaning even if you actually cheated it doesn’t have an impact on your divorce. I began dating 3 months after I asked my ex husband for the divorce (I’d been trying to leave him for 4 years though). We were not legally divorced until a year into my new relationship. There’s no real time frame for dating. I personally would wait though. I got into my relationship way too soon and it didn’t end up working out. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to meet new people but I would not jump into anything for awhile.

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There’s not set time limit, don’t worry what other people think do what you feel best for you and if have kids most importantly what your thinks best for them xx

Y’all, she’s not asking if, emotionally, it’s acceptable to start dating again. She’s asking about the legal aspects of it. Stop sounding as if you’re preaching to her about waiting.
As to your question, all states are different as far as the adultery clause goes. If your state does have one and you choose to start dating just be really careful. The most they can do is make you pay a fine to him but that would still be a pain in the ass.

Dating only is what you can and should do. THAT is not adultery. Sex is and you don’t need to be doing that right now regardless of if it’s legal or not.

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Wait until you’re divorced


Whenever you’re ready

Is there a legal separation and are you in a no fault state?

Whenever you want!!! :heart::heart::heart:

I would file for a divorce first, also go to a counselor, a lot of states want you to go thru counseling before they grant a divorce.

Legally separate and then go do you. Date, have fun, find yourself and do whatever or whoever makea you happy. Just in my opinion don’t get too serious too quick until your ready and divorce is final if thats what you want.

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Get divorced and go into a relationship free and clear

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Do whatever the fuck you want and don’t depend on internet keyboard warriors to determine your moral compass. You’re welcome.

You need to go get a divorce like yesterday.

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I would say not till you get a divorce, as long as your married its adulatory

Abuse trumps adultery. You left him. File for seperation and start dating if you feel like its time. Some people wait and others jump right into it. Congrats on getting away from the abuse :+1: I wish you all the best in your new life :grin:


And stop talking to him unless need to for the divorce… He’s dangerous.

Legally it all depends of if you had a separation agreement signed. Mine said we were to live as if we were not married. However I mean, if he wanted to be petty he’d still have to prove it in court.

You really should be proud of yourself for getting out of that toxic environment. I don’t think I would make another move without an attorney now. File for legal separation first. (Atty can guide you when you can safely date) Then follow through on the divorce. You were very kind to give him money for food, but don’t meet up with him again. Especially exchanging money.

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Call a legal counselor and ask what the rules are.
But I vote Yes. You should go date! Youve waited long enough!

I left my husband seven years ago due to alcohol abuse by him I consider myself still married after 35 years and I thought about seeing other people but I’m afraid that they’ll be just like him I know it’s time to get on with my life but I’m happier alone

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I would do both of the above suggestions: file for divorce and get counseling. You need to draw boundaries between you and him, and getting that legal piece of paper is a big help. He can’t legally lay claim to you again. You also need to draw boundaries around yourself as a single person as opposed to the you that you were as a married person. It sounds like you’ve been working hard on rebuilding your life, but the divorce will add further protection for you, and the counseling “check up” and coaching will help you start dating without losing your boundaries and letting yourself bogged down in another unhealthy relationship. Keep up the great work ! You can do this :blush::blush:

Get the divorce over with. Then you don’t have to worry.

That inner voice inside your head… Listen to it :ear:

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Well it’s nice for all these people to say get a divorce first but I would say that when my ex and I separated then we do I thought we agreed we wouldn’t do anything till after Christmas because it was getting late in the year but I got caught at work one day that he had filed and would I mind picking up the papers on my way home from work cuz the lawyer wasn’t too far from where I lived but I had to pay before I could get anything started even though he’s the one that started the divorce I had to have money to pick up papers and file the papers that I had to file so it’s easy for those people to say file for divorce which is all well and good but it’s not cheap and 30 years ago it wasn’t that cheap I can only imagine how expensive it is now so unless some of these people telling you to get a divorce now want to give you the money to get started on it maybe don’t flaunt anything if you want to go out to eat or do something you know maybe don’t do it where everybody in the world can see you keep it to yourself for a while until you have the money to get a divorce

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The state of Indiana is a no fault state , but if you wont to legal in all States file for lega separation that way you can do what you won’t…

Depending what state you live in… wi doesn’t have adultery laws, if fact you can’t even bring it up… they won’t listen to you…but some states do

Call a lawyer to be sure but it should be ok to date

Whenever you want lol

Most states no longer accept adultry in a divorce and the ones that do it has to be proven that it’s more than just social dating and once you’ve completely separate from your spouse you’re pretty much free to do as you please but I would get the divorce done as soon as possible.

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File for divorce, geez people.

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I know it’s been said before but I really think it’s important to note so I’m saying it again- look into the legality of it within your local jurisdiction prior to doing anything. The last thing you want is to meet someone you truly care about and have trouble for both you and him/her. That being said, you verbalized “have fun” so even if you aren’t looking for commitment at this point I would still verify the legal ramifications prior to doing anything. Best wishes for safety, well health and improved mental status

But make sure divorce is final first haha.

Go for it if you’re ready

Some judges are hard on a woman for adultery but not a man for the same thing.

get a divorce - that way the strings are legally cut


Get the divorce out of the way and move on girl :seedling: growth and development is so important.


Get a divorce if you are through with the relationship. Move on in right order. Divorce, time to heal then a new person. Dont rush a new person deserves your best

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Divorce u won’t have to worry about it

you are still married… divorce 1st… maybe work on yourself… be single… you dont have to jump right into a relationship… work on you…

1 file for divorce 2 stop giving him money. Hes a grown man. If he needs drugs go to rehab.

The only way he could do anything is if you were living together but since your separated don worry and just move on you can always save up f a divorce

Whenever you want, your an adult aren’t you? If you want legal advice you’d have to talk to a lawyer but it seems to me like you are both fully aware the relationship is over. You can file for divorce and apply for a waiver of fees based on income. Good luck.

It depends on the state. I’m in Tennessee and in the middle of a divorce, but I can’t see anyone until the divorce is legally finalized or it is considered adultery.

You just enabled his drug habit by giving him money

Unless you file a legal separation or divorce you are still married if you want to move on go ahead and file for divorce once the divorce is finalized then you move on

You can do whatever you want but I would get a divorce or legal separation at least. Depends on your intentions with him later on.

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All about you. But it’ll be easier to explain to a man that you’re already divorced… not in the process of being divorced.

And stop helping him.

When you are ready. Never date someone when you are bored or lonely.


Heal yourself first. Cut all ties with him, stop giving him money, and stop meeting up with him. File for divorce, and then start dating. Take some time for yourself.

As soon as you leave the driveway!

Divorce 1st. Finish one, then begin a new. Friendships are fine. Be discreet but honest and let the male friend know you are actively working on finishing an old chapter and ask them if they are ok with that. If not, let them move on. In the end, you will be able to give and get the undivided attention both you and your Male friend deserve when ready to take it to deeper levels. Besides anticipation can be so fun!


Get a divorce and then move on


Get rid of the dead wood first.

Divorce him, then don’t worry about it

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You can if you want to. Don’t let a bunch of strangers on the Internet tell you what to do


Girl you can move on the second you choose to


If you are having to give him money, then I can guarantee you he isn’t going to run to an attorney and blast you for adultery. I mean, I still say get a divorce because that’s the logical thing to do, but I know plenty of folks who start new relationships BEFORE they’re even separated lol… you’ve been separated long enough. Do what you want.

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You’re separated not together. Do what you want… No one’s business

When you file divorce papers

There’s a reason you chose an abusive personality for a partner. As my therapist once said - we think we pick our partner, but we don’t. Our subconscious does. We find what we know. Even if he wasn’t initially abusive or changed drastically, that abuse has done damage at the very least.

So, you should spend some time in therapy, or at least single and getting to know yourself and finding your new normal if you can’t afford therapy. You need to make sure you’re in a healthy mindset before you try to choose again because if you don’t, you could end up right back in another toxic, harmful relationship.

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You’re a grown ass woman. How is he going to “get you” for adultery? That’s ridiculous. You can do whatever you want. You should absolutely legally separate yourself from this man but a contract has nothing to do with dating. You are not with him. So if you want to date someone else you’re free to.

I have been separated from my ex husband for 3.5 years and dated plenty and am now in a long term relationship. We just filed legal divorce papers a little over a month ago. It’s not weird to explain nor does it complicate anything. It is a contract and nothing more.

It’s best for you to file for divorce first. Once that’s established, even if it’s not finalized at least it’s clear that the relationship is over and you’re moving on. You also need to give yourself time to heal from what you’ve been through. Time to yourself without relationship and men drama is healthy.
Family law is different in every state, check locally what can affect your case and divorce before you do something that may hurt you.


at least file for legal separation or might be able depending on amount of time get divorce

Whenever you want but if you get into anything serious the “still married” thing start trust issues with the new guy, I mean reasonably though. I’d file for divorce before any other relationship but that’s just me. Go have your fun lol


Do as ya want. Go with yar heart . I have been separated for 16 months. I am in a relationship. No matter what,ya chose people will judge. And,say their opinions . that’s,all it is . ya do whatever it. Is ya want,to do. It is not adultery when ya are not together , living together.

I would file for legal separation first. Don’t think it takes as much time as a divorce. Divorce could come later. My separation from my husband was amiable so I didn’t have issues. I didn’t date though as I had a 3 year old and after 11 years I had no desire to date.

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If you want to date again then date BUT being married still is a huge turn off and if it isn’t then they dont care to cheat. I recommend getting divorced before you put too much time into a relationship that could blow up once they found out you are still wed.

once youve filed for divorce he can no longer get you for adultery

Not until the Big D is final if you don’t want to adultery

Wait until your divorce is finalized! In the meantime, focus on you and do alot of self care.

Yes get divorced first that way you’ve done everything right sweetie