Girl you have so many options. And the fact you have proof would help you in the divorce. Quite frankly I’m petty and would print the search history out with a print out of the profiles or messages if you had access and for dinner he’d get a plate with all the papers on it.
Divorce and alimony and child support! Don’t settle for less than you deserve! Never forget ypur worth and don’t let a cheating man destroy your peace and make you feel low when you didn’t do anything wrong! Go stay with family til you get on your feet! Look into resources for single moms! Income based housing is a big lifesaver! I have gotten into housing on 0 income so don’t give up trying! Also, if he is gonna be sleeping around, you probably don’t wanna be intimate with him as stds spread like wildfire as he is probably not being very picky or safe! Protect yourself and get tested! Talk to a lawyer and get all the legal advice you are gonna need so you know what you need to do! Last but not least, pray hard honey! Hugs
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Pray first and thank God for your life, then put your profile up, get a make over. There, that should do it!
Divorce his ass and take him for alimony.
I’d look up his porn history too. He could have a sex addiction. If you don’t want to leave and you want to explore that, look into Dr. Doug Weiss. Look into betrayal trauma. Whether you stay or go, you’re going to have to do your own healing. A lot (most) sex addicts start out with porn addictions and then it escalates from there. It’s just like anything else that can be used for coping mechanisms (drugs, alcohol, etc) and absolutely can be an addiction.
If you don’t want to stay, look into free legal options and hit him with child support and alimony. Work on saving some money NOW and finding a job.
Private Investigator, Lawyer, Tell family so you can get funds and help, leave, sue for alimony and support.
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Pray,Pray,Pray God bless you dear
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I go thru pretty much the same thing with my fiance. I am a stay at home mom because I physically can’t work due to medical problems. I have done the same thing as you. Checked his browsing history he’s been on chat rooms wanting to hook up with ppl he’s texted his exes and told them he missed them. He watches porn on his phone won’t even touch me anymore. I do get assistance with food stamps and stuff because I can’t work. Ive tried to get him to leave and he threatens that he will make me lose all my assistance and my kids. I don’t drink I don’t do drugs I am at home 24/7 with my kids. So I’m stuck to
alimony and child support, that’s how you live without him.
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If your children are disabled there are programs & companies you can work for where you can get paid to be their caregiver.
First im gonna ask if u have access to money like to get what u need? When i went through this someone told me when u go shopping or go out to get things keep 20 or 30 and hide it. Or as much as u can get away with do it for a month.(i suggest quicker than that) during that time frame get stuff prepared. Plan out where u will go( friends family shelter) plan attorney issues he will probably have to pay alimony. Your situation is a little different from mine so u shouldn’t have to pack a get away bag and leave clothes behind(that happened to late he stabbed me and hurt my daughter i still lost everything) he broke a rule in your relationship u can talk about it or get out i would get out. Your happiness affects the kids and your happiness matters. I truly hope u can find happiness and get your life back the way u want. Start looking for jobs or assistance till u can get one. Sorry your having a tough time.
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I just show no attention to my husband. Act like something is wrong but dont tell him something is wrong. Post selfies on social media. Really make him think hes about to loose you. It will scwre him and he will regret the things hes done.
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1 keep your evidence , learn your state laws about divorce, get. A lawyer, alimony, start looking for a Job.
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You should get a lawyer and look into getting a therapist to, therapy will help you a lot. Good Luck
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Alimony
Contact local human resource center and see what type of assistance you qualify for.
You could use life experiences as a stay at home mom for skills needed in the workforce or even offer child care services out of your home
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If your children are disabled you’re receiving SSI for them. You can move out with that. Or file for divorce & let the judge decide who moves out. Make it comfortable to live there. Act like it’s your house. Cook for you & the kids, not him. Don’t wash his clothes etc. He’ll move out.
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A couple things: Having disabled children is a very rewarding and overwhelming experience.
He likely does love you BUT he is not addressing his own issues and rather than doing the integrity-filled, hard work, he seeks disordered behavior to fill the void.
You may not be able to separate, BUT you cannot enact solid boundaries NOW. You can move into another bedroom (I roomed with my daughter prior to my divorce). It is obvious but it is good for you to do what you need to get space and heal.
I think you should have a counselor, likely you both need one if you want to salvage your marriage.
Above all, you need to recapture your sense of self and safety to “be”.
I am so sorry this is happening.
Door dashing! I make great money doing it. I became a single mom of three and make plenty to not only live and survive but vacation and fun stuff.
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Sorry 
you are going through this
I’m sorry this happened to you. Stay strong!
You do what’s best for you. If that means staying until you get a better financial footing, do that, work toward that goal, and when you’re ready, tell HIM to go. Why should you disrupt where you’re living and have to go thru the issues of restructuring your whole life, because he’s the one who’s cheating. Unless you want to go, maybe sometimes that is the better choice. Depends on what you want and what you think you can handle. But don’t do anything rash, especially leaving the house, until you’re ready.
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Sweet heart, you have HALF of everything he has accumulated over the last 20 years, that house it’s yours, half of the money I yalls bank accounts IS YOURS!!! Screenshot all of the proof you found confront him and get a lawyer!!! Also kick him out of the house
Divorce and Alimony, you have become accustomed to a lifestyle that he has let you live and he would have to pay for that lifestyle to continue for you.
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File for divorce and throw him out
What a horrible situation to be in… And you can’t stay in it as it will just break your heart. I know you feel stuck but there must be some options available to you depending on where you are… I guess the next thing to do is to confront him and try to find out just how far he’s gone with this. I don’t think you’d believe a word he says anyway to be honest though 
it’s one thing joining sites but even if he’s not actively done anything, the intention was there and you wouldn’t have known had you not checked up on him… I know it’s easy for people to say just get divorced and move on, but you have years of your life invested in this man and your marriage, plus you have children together… Don’t let fear hold you back though! Get yourself some legal advice first and foremost. There are places that will give you a half hour or single phone call for free without any commitment and then you need to see what your options are. I honestly don’t think you’ll be able to trust him after this and it will make you nervous every time he’s on his phone or computer wondering what he’s up to… Try having it out with him, see how he reacts. I think that might just show you what the next step is… Good luck! 
First I would confront him and ask him to do counseling. It is highly likely that he is doing this due to his own issues and this attention from other women is filling an emotional hole. A lot of times men cheat because they are insecure and getting attention from other women boosts their ego. If this is the case it might be fixable with some therapy.
While going to counseling I would start looking for a way to make a decent living that will allow you to support your kids alone. There are two year degree programs that you can do that pay well. Look into what is available, a lot are fully online these days too. Yes it will be hard to stay for the next two years, but two years will pass anyway and at least at the end you will have the ability to leave if needed. Maybe you could even find a shorter program. I think a lot of times when someone feels their spouse is stuck and have no way out they have little incentive to treat you the way you deserve. Once it becomes clear this is not the case they change their tune. Do not feel stuck, you are not.
While doing all of this I would save every penny you get that you are able to. Get a little savings account going. That way if you need to leave you will never feel like you are stuck.
Contact an attorney to see what your rights are. You will be owed half of everything plus alimony and child support, including half of all retirement accounts, 401k, etc. If worst comes to worst you can contact a battered women’s shelter. They don’t take just battered women but also women who feel trapped in emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. abusive marriages. Everything will be ok! It’s amazing how we find ways to make it even in situations that seem impossible. You can do it alone if you have to, even if it seems like you can’t.
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Divorce is so drastic. We can’t make this decision for you. Yes cheating is horrible but do we know this for certain? Site apps, they provide pictures, conversations but has he done the action. I think you should just really think about your decision before you react. (I) would also take personal inventory with myself to see if there is something more I could be doing. One thing about humans…they are going to have sexual desires whether it’s with you or the next person. And it’s very easy to get so comfortable that we start ignoring or dismissing our partners request. Those “I am too tired” responses add up. Some will have patience and wait and others will look elsewhere. My response will be unpopular but I think a life changing decision should be looked at from all angles.
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Get a job and make a plan
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Take pictures of his search history, profiles, chats, etc., confront him about these things, if he denies present your evidence. Try to work through it with him and if he continues look for legal routes to leave
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Confront him. Get some kind of job. Start putting money away here & there. Time to take of you by yourself.
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Take pictures. Make sure you have the evidence. Get a divorce. Alimony from the P.O.S.
If all the kids are disabled, then get SSI on them asap
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I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve been in your shoes. I think divorce and especially divorce with children is more drastic though. Please try every other recourse if possible. Hugs.
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If nail him to the wall with alimony and child support.
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Make a plan, sis.
MAKE:clap: HIM:clap: WISH:clap: HE 
DIDNT
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Divorce him and collect his pension for adultery. 
digging his own hole.
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Get a job serve, serve him with papers, take the alimony, half of all assets including his retirement, and move out. A life as a single mom will not be easy, but you don’t deserve that. Judges hate adultery!
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Maybe he just needs attention
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Sorry ur going through this. U need to get pics and screen shots of everything . Put it on a flashdrive and hide it. This could get ugly. Just the stuff u have on him girl u could take him to the cleaners. Even if u don’t for that always cover ur ass and make sure u have all that stuff put up somewhere hidden just in case u ever need it. That right there is grounds for divorce and full custody depending on state and he will have to pay u. If ur a sahm u will also get spousal support. Since he is at fault he will have to pay for all the attorney s court fees etc… judge would make him leave the home.
Maybe before ruling out your marriage completely bring it up have a talk with him and go to counseling
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If your kids are on disability, they should be receiving money for their care. Are they in school during the day? Get a job. Make a plan. Looking into community resources. I would not stay with a man like that. Depending on age, you’d also be entitled to child support, possibly alimony.
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Maybe talk to a divorce lawyer
You would get everything in the divorce especially if you take pictures of everything and provide those as proof of him cheating.
Say nothing. Be smart and plan your exit strategy. You need income, stability, a safety net and support for when you leave. Focus on building your skills and making yourself marketable. Look at relevant job postings that pay enough to support you and your babies and see what skills they’re requiring. Ignore college for now, you don’t have that kind of time right now. Get disability going for your kids if you don’t already. If they need full time in-home care, you could get paid to be a family home healthcare provider for them. You have options, but telling him anything is going to show your hand and screw yourself over. He has absolutely nothing to lose in this scenario, and you have everything to lose. Good luck.
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Maybe couples counseling as divorce can be a very hard road… maybe he’s going through some personal internal crisis which has caused him to stray? Sometimes having special needs children or family members can take its toll on a marriage. It is a good time to open up the table for open, honest communication and transparency if there’s any love and devotion still hanging on between you two…
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I would take him to the cleaners
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First talk to a lawyer snd see what he would have to pay snd what you are entitled to . House ,cars ,alimony ,pension ,social security benefits, child support since they are disabled insurance. Take him for all u can get and then some. Scum bags
You can get disability for your kids, he will have to pay you spousal support and child support. You could even apply for government assistance. You will be better off without him as your husband.
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This is why you never stop working on yourself with a man!! Then you will feel stuck after so many years of not doing anything. If your kids are disabled you could possibly become your kids caretaker and earn money for it as well. It’s a great way to stay with them but be able to support everyone. Or take them somewhere during the day where they can get proper care they should be able to qualify for good benefits depending where you’re at and look for a job. You’d be surprised how many people hire without experience.
First if all if hes not treating you right it night be time to remind him how diffcult you can make his life if your unhappy… Stop cooking for him, stop doing his laundry.when he puts his dirty laundry for you stick that shit back in his draws… Find a stop to keep all the dirty dishes he uses till he does them himself ECT. And when asks why confront him not nicely and let him know this is how things are gonna be till he acts right… And if all eles fails get yourself onto those sites and see if his tune changes… Never underestimate being outrageously petty… Will it suck yup but doesnt it already? Why should you be the o ly one suffering
After being a stay at home mom for so long and a caregiver for your disabled child he is to pay alimony to you and you can for sure take half of whatever he has. I also am a stay a home mom with a disabled child and I can tell you for sure you won’t be out with nothing. There are programs to help individuals like yourself if you get divorced. You can get SS disability to your disabled child once you divorced and if he has a 401k you get half that shit too, plus child support. There is a way to you to survive without his pathetic ass.
Because you don’t want to consider divorce, therapy is first.
Learning how to be your true selves means you both have to be able to talk about what you want out of life…therapy really helps with that.
Having one intimate partner is not for most people. We can debate the sanctity of marriage all day, but humans do human stuff, including “cheat” on a partner.
Intimacy Therapy is a really good place to start too. If you really like being intimate with one another, then learn how to talk about it. Honestly ask him what he is finding from others that is missing in your relationship. It might be that other people are freakier than you want to be?? Don’t know. But, when people cheat, it’s because they can’t communicate what’s really going on. Open up to what is going on inside of him and take yourself out of the equation….he might just be a dirty dog cheater or he may want more than he is able to communicate.
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'The no duh thing is to leave. But I can’t.
I have been a stay at home mom for 18 years so we could afford for him to continue his career… I have nothing."
This is why you should never rely on a male to the point where if something like this happens you and your kids are stuck with no exit strategy. This, along with a long list of other reasons is why I’ve decided to never cohabitate with a male again. Maybe I’d have one live with me so if things don’t work out HE has to find alternative living arrangements and start to build himself up from scratch but I wouldn’t even do that again tbh.
Never give a male that much power and never give a male the opportunity to say “you wouldn’t have that if it wasn’t for me.” Many will use that to walk all over you like a door mat and play you like a damn fiddle. No thanks. Take care of you and your kids first. Period. Good luck.
DO NOT blame yourself for choices a man has made. He made this mess, confront him, and let him try to pick up those pieces. Not much of a man if he can’t communicate how he’s feeling to his wife of many years…
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- Get an attorney
- Get him out of your house
- Go get a pedicure/manicure/hair cut and highlights.
- Inform him of his visitation schedule.
Don’t be nice.
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Get a job, line things up so you can put him out or GO. Nobody deserves this.
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Confront him. If he isn’t prepared to change time time to learn how to do it on your own. So sorry
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I just want to say that what you did wasn’t a mistake, it has reveiled the truth to you which you 100% deserve but he’s too much of a coward to give you himself.
Obviously you’d rather have a look and your feelings to be wrong but honestly people need to listen to their guts a bit more because 9x out of 10 it’s right.
So sorry this is happening to you but things will get better on day in the future you will look back on this as a lesson learnt xx
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I would first look into what kind of support care services that you can get for your children if they’re on disability. I would then start looking for a job and start working. Get a sitter in place or home Healthcare nurse or even both. I’m not sure if your kids are on disability, but if I were you I would start looking into that first. Have to start working on yourself with one thing at a time…
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Girl, you didn’t do anything to"get" there! My hats off to you for staying the course with/for your children. Your cheating spouse did this … Give it all back to him. Since he’s not happy/acting all single… Let him move out, get his own house. Of course he definitely has to continue to give you/your children the life your entitled to. How he pays for it is on him. Accept no less, he’s not calling the shots anymore, you are, if you’re smart . His behavior is unacceptable, get yourself an education as you have time and love/take care of your babies, and your rewards will be many and great! 
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Also, if you went through a divorce, being as you’ve been a stay at home mom, he’d most likely have to pay alimony…
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The biggest lie we as women believe when in these situations is “I can’t leave because I’ve been a sahm for (x number of) years”
I highly suggest you look into what the laws are regarding things like alimony, child support, community property, etc in your area and consult a lawyer about what your options are. Many lawyers do a free consult of some sort. I’m not saying take all his money and make him destitute, but what I am saying is you are not trapped.
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Get out and start doing some things for yourself…
Look for a job, go out with friends, discover your interests and do the things that bring you joy while you’re still trying to figure out your marriage.
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I read somewhere many people who cheated said they did it because the opportunity presented itself, no other reason , they loved their spouse, no problems at home,didn’t feel neglected or lonely, nothing… Just that the opportunity was there. These phones & apps are really screwing people’s lives and families.
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You must decide if your marriage is worth saving. Accept the reality he made a mistake. Yes, he has broken rules which you have both agreed to. Although, emotional cheating and actually cheating are two different things. The basis of any relationship. Honest, open communication. It sounds as though a open, honest talk is a good place to start. Then together the two of you decide the next step. Ofcourse your hurt. You have every right to feel hurt. It dosen’t mean he dosent love you. He is human. Perhaps he has made some poor choices. Only you can decide if this is something you can or cannot move past. Best wishes to you both. Much peace and love ☆
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U deserve better leave hm
And probably going to get a lot of hate for this but maybe the marriage is boring marriage it sounds to me like he’s bored in the marriage and after 20 years of being together I would say it’s more him being bored in the marriage if you want to try to save your marriage spice it up.
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You start now. Get things lined up and going for yourself! Then kick him out. Let him reap what he sowed.
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“Zero tolerance” usually means just that, so now its down to response, you’ve been given lots of options from people here, so choose one and always put your kids first, you’ll be fine
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Not to make light of the situation, as this is very hurtful I know. Everyone is offering such helpful advice, but my mind is leaning toward a little payback. It’s too bad you can’t join the same sites and be his perfect date according to his preferences. Wouldn’t that just ruin his plans when you showed up?
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You get evidence of everything then take that evidence to a lawyer to seek guidance before you let your husband know that you know. Follow your lawyers advice to a t.
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Oh girl! If need be hit him with that child support and alimony. He made this mess while you were faithful to him. NOTHING is more important than your self worth and being able to care for your kids! Forget him and move on!
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After 20 years I think you guys can work things out. I know your hurting but I believe your relationship can be matured and I think that being 100% transparent in this situation can actually really help you guys. I’m only 7 years into my relationship and we’ve hit a few of these bumps in a similar way. I think a completely honest and open conversation can heal your marriage. Asking him why he’s doing this and being open minded can really help if he’s willing to also be completely open and honest. After 20 years there has to be some insecurities he’s dealing with to be doing this all of a sudden. Talking with him and asking him what’s lacking in the marriage and how you two can work on a better marriage for the both of you might really help. I’m not saying it’s okay what he’s doing all I’m saying is maybe he’s lost the spark and needs to exspress that and try to work on it instead of looking for that attention he’s craving somewhere else.
Talk to him as an adult. Tell him you have been feeling the stress of life and sometimes you want to do something crazy. Understand all the feelings you have had with your children and home he feels, too but couldn’t confide in you. If you do this you could build the bond you had or you can completely destroy the bond by doing what I’ve read above.
perfect opportunity to play out the piña colada song 
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There are programs that you can get paid for being a caregiver for your family
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I saw where someone said he might be bored and you need to spice it up. Spicing it up is fine but there is NO EXCUSE whatsoever for him to be doing what he is doing. If he was getting bored then he should communicate and make some suggestions to spice it up himself. If he is not letting you know something is wrong then how are you suppose to know and then you find all of this out, why would you even want to have him touch you, not knowing what or who he is doing. Marriage can get boring and hard at times and people try to use it as a lame ass excuse to fool around instead of talking to each other and fixing the problem. At this point, I would do some research and make some calls to see what kind of help is available to you and your kids and tell him to hit the damn road.
Child/spousal support. Divorce. Move on. Find a man who cherishes you and your kiddos.
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Divorce him u will get ss for the kids and u will be fine they will help u with housing and when a child turns 18 they will paybu to take car of ur kid as well
Oh hunny, take a breath… I am so sorry you are going through this. I would start counseling for yourself and make it a habit of going. That’s a first priority. You are worth so much more than this
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I’d look him dead in his face and tell him you know about everything. Tell him what he’s doing is beyond unacceptable. Tell him exactly how you feel and if you’re considering divorce, do it. He’s the one in the wrong not you.
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Alimony and child support… you need a great support system, you need to leave before he ends up giving you something you can’t get rid of. It’s not fair to you to be miserable.
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I’d start stashing away money, if possible. Go to the grocery store and get cash back. Collect evidence.
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Get proof that he’s cheating, divorce him, tale everything and put him on child support.
I guess if you can’t beat him join him. Find other ways to fulfill you other than him. Sounds like he’s fine with it.
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First thing: consult an attorney. Most attorneys provide free consultations.
Second: confront him face to face!
Third: you and the kids have a right to stay in the home. Make him leave!
Good luck, sweetie
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LEAVE wtf this is unacceptable!!
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Their is help out their , begin your research and get things going and in line set cameras up and life 360 and trackers sounds much I know but it is viable in court . Transfer bank account money into one with only your access to it , get a plan in order talk to a divorce lawyer and begin the process no tolerance means no tolerance times to get ghost and move on , just play your cards right , you can do this without him , if you stay it will just continue, sending prayers
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I my self have gone through this , I will not be disrespect and that is what this is . You have rights married that long get a lawyer let him go move on and learn you never need to be disrespect you are not trapped …
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Honey you are legally married, that means you are legally allowed half of everything that y’all have gained during your marriage. I’m being that you’re a stay-at-home mom and one for that long depending on your state he may owe you alimony as well.
I’m assuming your child’s disability would come in or with your name already if not make sure That you are the Payee.
Start putting a little bit extra money in your own bank account when possible, Start looking into work.
When you’re ready Tell him to leave, you don’t have to leave your home, the home usually goes to the primary cargiver wile going through the divorce process or maybe Sold and profits split.
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Why is it every time I come in my opinion in this group other group members attacked me grow the hell up when somebody ask for other people’s opinions that does not give you the right to attack somebody.
Use ur kids disable to get a place at least start
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I think you should just sit back and relax go do the same unless you want to work on it. If you both love each other just as hard it can still work but if you’re throwing it down for him and he still does this? Leaveeeeee definitely lawyer up and do a at home job if you can or start a business with his money and leave 
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Make sure you have documentation… he lied to you, he can lie to the lawyers.
Ummm, you have everything. He has nothing. You’re entitled to half of everything and because you take care of your disabled children your entitled to the home and vehicle along with alimony. Talk to a lawyer. They often often free consults
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Maybe he doesn’t want to leave you maybe he was just looking for someone to pay attention to him. I’ve been through some thing similar and sometimes not only men but women also feel stagnant undesirable bored & obviously ideally you could communicate with your partner and fix that as a couple, but sometimes we’re imperfect. Have an honest conversation with your husband tell him that you went snooping and you don’t like what you found. Ask him if he still wants to be in your marriage or if he is looking to do something different. Communication is everything!
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Just stay for the money and cheat back
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Join a site yourself . It’s not too late to get a job. Get your alimony. They have day services for the disabled/workshops . Take all the money out the bank and file for divorce
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If you won’t leave then I’d say to start taking money out and putting it into your own savings account act like everything is normal do your own thing focus on yourself and kids preparing to leave his dusty ass when you have enough money to get on your feet!
Just make the decision you KNOW you need to make
Here maybe a comment everyone will like leave them divorce and then treat him like the worst person ever