I love my spouse but I am not happy being so far from my family: Advice?

So im really confused right now. I love me SO; I’m happy with him. My daughter loves him. He’s not her bio dad, but he’s been there since before she was born. He’s a great dad…and lately, we’ve been getting along ok… I just do not feel at home here in ky. I want to be closer to my mom and grandma, which are in Ohio. I want myþdaughter to make memories with my family…and wanna make memories with them, especially my mom, because shes recently sober. I’m at a loss. People keep telling me to follow my heart…but my hearts pulling me in both directions. I’m 18; he’s 20, and I kind of feel like I need to do this for me to have more help and better myself, but then I don’t want to leave him. He won’t move up there. I also feel like I need to do this for both of us to see if this is really what we both want/need… I just do not know what to do…I’m heartbroken either way. I’m just really not happy here…I’m happy with him…just not here, without my family… I just need some advice…please.

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Why is he there… is the work and money better, what’s his reasoning for wanting to be there.

Ill trade you spots!!! I’d do absolutely ANYTHING to get the hell out of this state!!

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You are young and u need to realize your parents and family cant always be ur security blanket.

Ur not feeling at home because u focus on the past than the future.

Also if hes a great guy he will be with you forever and you will make a bigger family! Give it time.

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It’s okay to miss family but when you marry that is your family now.

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Sign up for some mommy and me play dates in your area and build your own little village of mom friends and I promise you, you’ll end up loving it there. You’re just lonely right now without your family and that’s normal but give it a while longer. If your SO makes you happy and loves your daughter like his own I say it’s worth staying around for.

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Call ur family often. Visit when u can. I just moved n am a tad homesick also but don’t really have much family. It can b balanced it just takes time.

Be with the man who makes you happy! Our parents raise us to move away and flourish without them, they want us to find love and happiness even if it is away from them. Go back and visit your family whenever you can and your child will still make great memories with them. Also you can video chat or call them often to stay close.

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I met my husband in Ga I’m from texas. I told my husband I was moving to texas I wanted him to come but if he didnt he didnt have too. He put in 2 week notice we moved back to my texas! he loves living in texas near my family! You can take the girl outta texas but cant take texas outta the girl! We will never leave texas our marriage is stronger and better here too! I lived in ga 6 years I was miserable live where your happy if your bf and you are meant to be you’ll make it! I regret ever leaving texas except I met my husband and have our baby boy who’s now 13. We’ve been here since 2008 and couldn’t be happier

Maybe take a vacation & visit your family!

You’re very very young. Your gut is telling you to go home for a reason.

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All I know is wherever my husband is IS my home. I missed my family and watching nieces and nephews grow up. We made our own special memories, I loved being out of the drama zone as well. Family is important so I went up every summer and Christmas. My home is the kids I made and my husband.

So I was in this position. It’s difficult but I’m 20 and wanted to be closer to my mom and family. My boyfriend the father of our 2 year old son lives about 2 hours away from us and it’s hard but it is something I needed to do.
Not that you want to use your family as a security blanket like so and so said but maybe you just want to be near them?
I understand maybe used to the comfort and where someone would get that idea because you are so young to be do far but it’s a growing process. I’d start small. Invite them for the holidays to come celebrate with your family. Try and make it work through this month and if you still feel that way maybe it’s something you just need to do. But just saying being a parent by yourself most the time is hard there are challenges you wont see till your own your own.
Unless you plan on moving in with family? Which I do not recommend.

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I don’t know how far these places are from each other, I’m from Canada.
But I am living away from my family with my husband and daughter and do frequent visits with family , which makes it much less hard. It was hard in the beginning but it’s easier now. Where I live is better than I could have lived and that’s what I have to look at and I think same for you!

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He has to allow you to go with baby and if not you can’t go! Would you really want to move back without your child?

If he is a good guy and treats you right, keep him! I’ve been through a similar situation until I realized that my future is with my man and our baby boy. That’s my family now! I still call my family back home and we’ve visited. But honestly you need to focus on your future with the family you created with this man. So think about it and give it time.

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When you get with someone and raise kids together that is your family.

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Family or a man I know which one I’d be choosing family will be there no matter what all the time go and make memories with your child and your family you’ve said he won’t move out there isn’t that a sign he wouldn’t do everything for you ? But I bet you’d move for him well you have if he wouldn’t even consider moving there or staying there occasionally to me that says it all he can’t love you and want everything for you if he wouldn’t do as he expects you too if it was me I’d go and make the memories with my child and move back to my family life is so short and you don’t know how long any of them have left cherish it make beautiful memories and give your child the best family unit ever x

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You stated your mother is sober now that’s great do what’s best for you and your child mostly your child. It’s up to you and only you to make the best life you can for your child.

If you’re mom is recently sober, stay put. Give her one year of sobriety before you go depending on her for any kind of support at all.

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This is why I never dated anyone Not from my area ish. I know I wouldn’t leave my family. And thankfully I didn’t because I helped care for my grandmother and my mother in their last years.
When we got married we split the difference between his family’s home and my familys home and bought a place there. About an hour from each place.
If your from different places then one of you is going to be misplaced. That’s just something you either have to live with , 1 partner has to sacrifice for or Decide it’s not something you can live with.

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Hopefully I don’t get a bunch of rude comments for this, but I disagree with most of the comments on here. Being near your family is very important for your well being. You said S/O so I’m assuming you’re not married. Why is he there? Is it for work? Either way, there are jobs where you want to move back to and if he really loves you and KNOWS how important this is to you, then he would at least consider it, to help you be happier. Family is EVERYTHING to us. Why be so unhappy if you don’t have to? I only say this because I’d give ANYTHING to have missed time from my family back. My Momma, my Grandmother and my favorite Aunt all died unexpectedly within 6 months and I thank God every day that I was able to have the time with them that I did before they died. There were years that I was away from them that I wish I could get back. I’m sure your SO loves you and wants you to be happy. IDK the whole story so I can only go by what you wrote in this post. I’m just giving you advice from what I’ve experienced with being away from family. Plus, your Mom is going through so much right now so I’m sure it would mean a lot to her to have you with her. As well as being around her grandbaby. Those are memories your all missing out on. Like I said, I don’t know the whole story, but I would have a hard talk with your SO and tell him how important this is to you. I wish all of you the best of luck. God Bless you.

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What part of KY are you in? Some areas are far better than others, getting good culture a great deal.

Stay with your spouse and visit. Eventually it gets easier and moving back might not be everything your mind thinks it is. Trust me, I have done it and I moved back about 5 months after.

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You’ve created family and made home with this man from the beginning this is your family dont be so selfish.

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This is a tough one. But becauSe you’re so young, I would say move home. You will find someone else. You will find someone who wouldn’t just say I’m not moving. You deserve someone who is willing to try to make you happy.

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For me personally, my husband is my family. Our children are my family. Making memories with them are most important.

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I would move back to my family. If he loves you he will follow you.

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Why does he want to stay? Is his family there? Does he have an amazing job there with advancement opportunities? Sit down and talk with him. He lists the reasons it’s good to stay. You list the reasons it’s good to move. Then come to a decision together. For example, if his family is where you are, move halfway in between so that it’s equal travel time to both your families. Good look.

From the girl who married at 18: Move home. I have 20 years of hindsight. Move home, Darling. Be with your family.

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Spouse first. Things will even out eventually. He is your family now and should come first. With today’s electronics there are so many creative ways You can stay in touch. If you moved away from him you would miss him and it would hard I. Your daughter is the first priority. Sometimes we have to man up and do the right thing. He and her are your “family” that should come 1st. Be. Creative.He.

The odds that your relationship will work out are about 25%. The odds that you’ll make this same mistake with the next guy are even higher. Maybe move home, work, go to school, save up, buy a house, find a career, figure out who you are and what you want for yourself out of life. And then decide if you want to date this guy or someone else. You don’t even have a fully formed brain until you’re like 26, so… like… you should maybe work on that first. :woman_shrugging:

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I say stay with your man for now but plan a vacation home with your daughter and see how it goes from there it will get easier

Talk with husband…I am a x military wide.lived far from m family.but I chose to marry him.he was m family. Is it his job ? Is that wh he wants to stay in KY? Communication with spose…talk it through.

There’s no reason you should stay in unhappy situation. You are too young you need your family and friends near you and your child. Someday you will regret not spending time with your family. A spouse could always be replaced but blood cannot. Also this is not your daughter’s real dad. She needs to know who her real family is. I agree with the lady that says you only got about a 25% chance of making this relationship work anyway because of your age. You and your daughter need your real family. Or at least be closer to them so that you have a relationship and your daughter has a relationship with them.

Did he force you to move?

I was living in Florida with my hubby, we got pregnant. My family is also in Ohio and I told my hubby how important it was for our son to be near family and my parents and sister, aunts and uncles. We moved to ohio when our son was a month old. I am so much happier. If he doesn’t want to go with you then follow your heart to what makes you happy. Those memories for your daughter are priceless and our parents and grandparents will not be around forever.

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Discuss it with your husband. See if can move closer to there.

Its not her husband and she’s 18 go home to your family. If its meant to be you’ll work it out.

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Ma’am you go where your Husband goes. I’m from the Phil’s and I’m fine living in Ga