I’m not trying to be rude or hateful but knowing he gave his kids up to his mom would have been a red flag for me to not even marry that man nor have children with him. That’s beyond crazy to me! You got men out here fighting for their children, not able to even see them and this man gives them up? Anyway, you have to abide by the rules set by the one who is raising them 
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I think you all should go to family therapy. 
:balance_scale:
Make time for Family fun.
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Sounds like you’re punishing the kids because of something your husband’s mom is doing. Your problem is with HER, not the kids. Address your issues with her and stop ignoring (essentially) your boyfriend’s kids. That’s childish.
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Honestly if his mom js raising HIS kids then its HER rules. And sorry to say it but yeah you do sound selfish this is your HUSBANDS kids , the kids you new he had before you married him. im sorry but if i loved those kids as much as you are saying you do Id follow any rules if it meant getting to spend time with them. I really think you need to take a step back a evaluate your life you both do lol . He has no issue raising the kid you have together so why cant he raise his? When he decides to step up then you both can make the rules .
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Wow this is a crazy situation. First of all they might be his kids but he gave the responsibility to his mom. So the grandma has the right to decide the rules for the children. We dont do gluten, red food dye, processed food because of my sons ADHD its really not that hard to make the adjustment and to be honest nobody should really consume food dyes. So our house is free of all of that. I think you should do therpy with your husband and find some common ground. But in all respect if you cant have a co parent relationship with the grandma and respect her for what she is doing. Then you need to get a divorce and move on. Personally I would have never married a man who would give up his children and I definitely wouldn’t want to have a step parent in my children life who doesnt want them around because of rules. Those poor kids have a mom that isn’t around and dad who gave them away and a step mom who loves them but doesn’t want them around. Grandma house sounds like the only consistent home those kids have. I wish you all best of luck on moving forward.
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I understand her issue with red dye. It makes some kids bounce off the walls. Causes behavior issues that turn into meltdowns. As far as the no Vaccines, if your kids are vaccinated you have nothing to worry about.
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Personally, I’d be more worried about the fact that he didn’t want to raise his kids and then pawned them off on his mom. MAJOR red flag
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I’d probably get a divorce 
just being honest. He already feels like you don’t love his children, after he’s given them to his momma 
, and you’ve told him you DO, but these rules are out of control? Nope. MY OWN KIDS would not suffer due to his mother and her RULES.
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If the kids are at your house its your rules. If there is an allergy to something deal with it. If i read correctly those kids need to be vaccinated and dad needs to fight for custody. Let them call you mom if they want.
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You’re being a bit of a shitty wife and step mum.
Honestly, it’s all about the control as I’m sure you have already figured out with the grandma. His issue… idk.
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Why are you giving a man the time of day that gave his mother his kids? If a man isn’t raising or actively involved with (50/50) children they don’t get a text/call back at all. What in the actual fuck? Biggest red flag there is as a mother especially.
Wow that’s alot for any person. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, but you asked for advice so Here goes…
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Have your Husband grow a set and if he gave his kids up to his mother to be able to spend time with you. YALL are married now. Your children that means all of them from your previous relationship, the one together, and his from a previous relationship need to get into family counseling IMMEDIATELY.
Grandma made the comment that once you were married the children could call you mom well that was 3 years ago.
Red food dye I get… the vaccine thing I dont.
I am a 41 year old woman with a comprised immune system that has to take a shot every week and medication daily to stay alive… the vaccine thing has been going on since before I was born it’s not a new thing. I have 2 girls 17 and 14 , my husband has an 11 year old daughter with some mental health issues… I come from a blended family myself all together there was 10 of us. My husband’s daughter lives with her mom in Ohio, when she visits in our home in SC it’s her father that does the disciplinary process with her, I correct her. In our home he corrects my daughters but again I punish them if need be.
When I was a child my step brothers and sisters mom was like your mother in law, she tried constantly to have control in my parents home. To the point that some of my step siblings were not allowed to come anymore… My mom had 3 kids. My step dad had 8. Some of them lived with us from time to time.I have no clue as to why you would allow yourself or your kids to become involved and build a life with a man that gave up his own kids to spend time with you… , my own mother probably wouldnt understand that either…
You and your husband need to talk to his mother and tell her that yall want the children, that yall are a family and she has done her job and it might have worked there at her home but in Your home these kids should all be treated the same, raised the same …at her home when everyone gets to visit she should treat all the kids like HER GRANDKIDS.
This has got to be hard for everyone especially all the kids.
My children travel to their dads and in his home he has his rules, my home has my rules.
Everyone has to understand that each home has certain rules BUT AT ANY HOME EVERYONE SHOULD LEARN RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY.
Seriously you need to get in with a Family Therapist and his kids might need individual counseling since their real mom is locked up, and obviously their grandmother has possibly done some mental damage on their brains, and since their dad is a weak man that doesnt know how to MAN UP to his own mom. While I try to think that he might have thought at the time he was doing something good for them, he I hope can Now see he did some real damage to them. He basically gave up on them to have a social life, only to meet a woman and co parent her kids and eventually marry her only for his kids to witness that they weren’t important to him to ever make them a part of a FAMILY UNIT in his home with their new mom and siblings.
Please instead of posting GO FIND A LICENSED PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY, set up the appointment and go. If this family unit means anything to you, if your marriage means anything to you Go Get Help.
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Your house, your rules. Be kind and love the kids.
You got me at “I’m not their caregiver.” Sorry lady, but you guys are married, his kids are YOUR KIDS!!! It sounds like your living with your husband’s mother in law??? At her house??? If so, I’d start by moving out. That’s so ridiculous. All the rules. I understand you keeping the kids from eachother. I probably would go insane and do it also. But come on, those kids are your kids to. Deal with it.
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If the kids come to your house, your rules rule. Mom can’t enforce them. Unless your husband is intimidated by his mom. You should enjoy the kids and they you. Take a stand. Everyone is running YOUR life. By the way, why can’t they live with their dad?
Wow, put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if he didn’t want your kids around for whatever the reason. I’d have no problem telling a man to hit road. He’s a package deal just like you are. If your not willing to love and accept his kids then you need to move on. You are not being fair to him or his kids. Your making this about you and it’s not about you. It’s about his kids, they are number one. Don’t make them suffer because you don’t agree with his Mom.
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If hypothetically, their mother was around and he shared custody with her, instead of dumping them on his mom, to go have more…you would have to follow any rules she had as well, providing she had full custody and he had visits. I do however, understand why one wouldn’t want to have unvaccinated children around their children, that is something he should adress with his mom so they can have a relationship with their siblings, if that is an issue. The rules are weird but you can’t make the kids suffer for it, put them first!
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but why did he give up his kids to his mom but go and have another kid with you… why would u date a guy that doesnt take care of his own kids
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He needs to man up and get his damn kids back. If he goes to see them every day theres no reason not to parent them himself.
Umm something seems so off with your story ! You love his kids but refuse to have them around??? Honestly it sounds like you really dont and just used his mom and some lame excuse. I dont blame him in feeling hurt by this . And why would he sign his rights away ? This story is so fishy and weird.
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You sound selfish honestly. He is your husband and those are his children you are in the wrong telling him you do not want the kids around they are his kids and he is your husband. It would different if you guys were not married, but you are once you married him they became your family as well and you need to respect that no matter how you feel about it. He is not telling you he doesn’t want your kids around so it’s not right for you to tell him you don’t want his kids around.
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Go for full custody of the children. Get them vaccinated. Fuck their “rules”. You get to do as you want at your house, no one else gets to dictate that. The only thing you can’t do is abuse them. Seriously
He needs to get his kids back and then it would be you and him making the rules and his kids with a parent instead of the grandparent. if he truly wants his kids around then he needs to fight for them other wise they are his mom’s kids and he should let go.
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Where are y’all getting that he gave his kids to his mom to be with her? It clearly said before we met and married he gave his kids to his mom.
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Why did he give the kids to his mother?
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I wpuld be more concerned he gave them to his mother and allows her to treat them like this… I get certain sweets/ can make them go off the rails, but the rest i do agree are out of order. Do what you would naturally do with your own kids with them, tell your husband to fight for custody and go for therapy to sort out EVERYONE’S issues. If you cant hack it leave
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Yea some of those rules like vacunated that is not safe for your kid and your husband is copping out how can you respect someone who does not set ton for family
I am st cleveland clinic
He needs all the kids under the one roof. So you both make/talk about the rules.
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Your home your rules. They can be different than Grandma’s. You are married now, kids can call you what they want. Their choice. His mother should be Grandma. Husband needs a spine!! I can’t imagine a Mother being so authoritive, I would have ignored my own mother for that.
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You marry the person with everything he has. You just being selfish… You can change the rules, are you saying he mustn’t have a relationship with his kids because you don’t want them at your home.
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Sit him down and tell him the truth
At the end of the day though his kids are his kids. Dont discourage him from seeing them. Encourage a better solution but never keep him from his kids. That’s only hurting them. If you love them like you say you do, dont take it out on them. Try to come up with a solution instead. Easier said then done I know…but they should matter enough to try
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Keep trying !! You just have to say hey I love them so much but I feel like I’m being pushed out and I want to be their for them but I’m just a nanny ! Ect go to coucling get them for longer periods of time the more time you spend with them and the less time grandma is around to inference the better things will get
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The fact that he gave up his kids to his mom, and let yours stay shouldve been your first red flag.
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Wow what? Firstly the kids aren’t the problem here. They sound like they’re in a desperate situation and stopping them coming round is quite cruel. You have a child together now so I guess a young baby? I can understand you being overwhelmed by all this and not being able to deal with it.
But its the weird husband/mom relationship that’s the problem not the kids. He needs to grow a spine BUT the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and if he’s spent his life serving and being dependent on his mother he’s unlikely to change. Is he quite similar to his mother?
He “gave his kids to his mom”?
Unless he has a job where he’s in the forces and away for months on end or something as demanding as being Prime Minister or President, and this is the best stability for the kids, then this alone should have made you nope out of there. But too late there.
If the kids in themselves are fairly easy going and quite sweet then it easy. I’d make sure they feel part of the family and spend as much time with you all as possible doing normal stuff. As long as “the rules” aren’t health stuff ie allergies then if you accidentally break a few, don’t sweat it. You raised your own kids presumably well enough so you know what you’re doing. Join a few online forums. Reddit has an amazing mother in law one. It will help keep your sense of normal it what sounds like a crazy situation.
The other thing is, where is there real mom? Just be careful you’re not the next provider in the baby farm for Grandma.
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What does your man say about all these rules?
Continue with the kids as you are. Grandma’s rules are her place, your home is different. Husband needs to relay the difference to his mother. Is he that weak not to? Just do your own thing and ignore his mother if it is out of reason. They can call you whatever they want. Mom or your name. Maybe ‘Mom ‘name’’? Mom Julie etc as an example?
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Doesn’t sound like you love the stepchildren. They were a package deal. Sounds really unfair for the stepchildren. Good luck.
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My mum will have different rules for my daughter, they come to learn that different homes have different standards - if the kids question it, just tell them that rules is for at home and this is the rule here.
What’s she going to do, stop them seeing their dad?!
Bring the kids back into the family home, they need parents not to be living with a grandparent. Then you can set the rules.
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I would sit down and write down all the rules she has for the kids and then sit down with him hand him the list have him read it all and tell him you don’t agree with a lot of these rules and if these are going to be your stepchildren you are going to be their stepmother keyword mother you want to remove these rules but this would create tension between you and his mother and that it hurt you the way she berates you and the way she treats the kids so you are trying to back away to keep peace and remind him he gave away his kids maybe it’s time to bring them home
Maybe he should get them back
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My son can’t have red dyes that’s not really a “rule” more of a health issue… it’s not a bad thing to not be able to give them it.
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Very simple: your house, your rules. If Nana doesn’t like it, that’s her problem. And, if she keeps the kids away, then she’ll be the bad guy.
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Umm…then he should be raising his own kids where you and him can make the rules. You’re blaming his mom for making rules about what happens in her house, but it’s him. He needs to man up and raise HIS kids 🤦🤦🤦🤦
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Did you ever once consider WHY she has those rules? Ever?
My oldest son has severe ADHD combined type.
Artificial dyes (particularly red yellow and carmel) make his behavior problems worse…to the point they render his medication ineffective.
I know SEVERAL parents whose children have mild ADHD and are able to manage behaviors through diet changes- particular omitting things like dyes.
While i don’t agree with not vaccinating i do understand why some people are leery (some ingredients can temporarily exasberate behavior issues/symptoms)
Let me tell you. It’s not easy avoiding dyes. You don’t just decide to do that for no reason…you really don’t.
I think you need to stop being so…selfish…and start considering that maybe some of these rules are for the children’s benefit they have nothing at all to do with you. Realize that their well being is worth more than your “comfort”.
Grow up. Get over yourself.
They’re children and the most consistent adult in their life has set rules- probably for good reason- you should try respecting that. Because obviously their FATHER believes the rules are there for a good reason too
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The good gf 
Notttttttttttt!
The good gf would of encouraged him to keep his children.
You sound very young and ignorant.
The father needs to get HIS children back and be a father to his children. Encourage that
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What do the rules have to do with your love for the children.
The real problem is you don’t like his mother & her rules. Leave the children out of it.
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…He gave his kids away but hes mad at YOU because YOU seemingly.dont want his lods around??? 
You keep saying “his mother”, but the title reads “their mom”. Which is it?
I agree with no vaccines #FightMe💀, and they’re not your kids as you mentioned several times, nor are you their care provider which you also mentioned. Seems you have no leg to stand on, and you shouldn’t. You want the say so, but not the responsibility of being their mother figure.
Maybe you should have thought and weighed the pros and cons before having a kid with him and marrying him. When y’all got married, you BOTH became parents to ALL the kids.
Red dye? Girl, that’s not a rule for some kids/people, it’s a HEALTH ISSUE.
I’m not judging on the fact he gave his kids to his mom. Some men have absolutely no clue how to raise and care for their kids. Grandma might be the best place for them. But now he’s married, to you… you have kids of your own, so obviously you know how to “be a mother”. Maybe he should get his kids back since y’all are a team now, and have a child together.
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Tell your husband you want your step children to live with you then!! Its sound ridicluous that he did not tell his mother that he appreciated the help with them when he desperately needed it but now he is okay and would like to have them permanently… i could never justify leaving my kids in someone else care and having another child.
P.S. at one point in my life my children had to live with my exs mother for 6 months …
So i get it… but what i DONT get is the leaving them there permanently and having another child.
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Why don’t your husband step up and raise his own kids instead of having his mom do it 
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Doesn’t sounds like rules sounds like healthy issues. Some rules are for 1 house only others are for the healthy of the children. If she’s the one raising them then that’s her choice and for yall to follow. Even this shouldn’t affect yall times with the kid’s.
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Well sounds like if he wanted to be a part of his kids life and you guys wanted your own rules he should of kept them instead if giving them to his parents. It’s def not the kids fault so you shouldn’t be taken anything out on them. Sounds like they really love you if they want to call you mom. Sounds to me like you need to let your husband go and you need to go on about your business and worry about just your kids and don’t get with anyone who has kids. I don’t think the problem is anyone here except you. Sorry
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Y’all keep saying for the father to get the kids back?? How about no! Let them stay where they are cause apparently that is what’s best and pushing him to get his kids back is only gonna cause more trouble then it’s worth. What if she decides she is done then bam he don’t won’t his kids again! Why put them thru that.
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let me just say this… what if it was YOUR kids?? how would u feel if he said hell no i dont want those kids around their dad has too many rules that i dont like so no they cant come around… honestly id say fuck ya and leave you… she maybe taking care of them but those are his kids he has every right to have those kids over and to spend time with them… you need to suck it up and deal with the rules she laid out the same as if it was their mom setting the rules as she is essentially their mother… suck it up butter cup youre the one who chose to get with a man who gave his kids to his mom to raise… that doesnt mean he no longer has kids… you wanna be with him they are part of the package just as your kids are…
My advice depends on how permanent the custody situation is. If this is a done deal and your Husband can’t or won’t be able to get custody back, you need to accept that Grandma is their Mom and her rules stand. Her house, her rules. In that case, leave any of the heavy stuff to Dad and you play the role of fun Aunt or big sister. Kids won’t do their homework? Dad’s problem. Kids want candy and Grandma says no, Dad’s problem. Take them to the park, the movies, buy them things, make fun crafts or watch their favorite show together. Let Dad deal with the ugly side. It’s called disengagement. Google “stepparenting disengagement” and you’ll find lots of advice and information. It will reduce your stress immensely.
If Dad can get custody, then it’s a matter of figuring out if that’s in the best interest of the children and going from there. Just know that it would be almost impossible to have a bonded family when you’re all in different houses and they already have a Mom. If custody isn’t going to be changed back to Dad, when Dad gives you crap about not being a stepmom, just tell him that it’s impossible for you to do that when he isn’t even their Dad.
As far as Grandma not asking about the new child, she has her hands full enough. Don’t take it personally.
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How do the rules effect you at all? Red dyes & vaccines? It does seem like you just don’t want them around…
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You say you love his kids? But pushing them away because of rules sounds like you’re just being ignorant, and it sounds like you’re to lazy to follow these rules for the sake of his kids. I would be mad at you to for not wanting his children to be there. Only because you can’t follow these rules for his children. Also you should be encouraging him to get his kids back considering his taking care of yours from a previous relationship, as well as the one you two have created. Imagine how his kids must feel that there father is out there taking care of these kids but not us. Grow up and be there for those kids even if it means listening to rules that are set in place for them for a good reason. Stop being selfish! And own up to being their step mom because that’s what you are when you said I do! You should be taking them in with open arms since you wanted to be with someone that had children before you.
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When you married him you accepted all of him and that includes his children. Just like he accepted your children. You are a family. What you need to do as a family is either accept their guardians rules or regain custody. Stop being a baby! It’s past time to grow up!
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Ur husband needs to get rid of ur selfish high maintenance ass
If you get to the point that you’re fed up and leave, how would you feel if your child’s father dated a woman who didn’t want your kid around and wouldn’t listen to your rules for your child? Always put yourself in their shoes because that can be you. I don’t understand why your husband’s mother is raising his kids? You better hope and pray that if you guys don’t work out that Grandma wouldn’t try to get custody of yours too.
I don’t get how another parents rules can effect you at all. I feel you’re being rude to his kids & to say you can’t keep up with his kids so you don’t want them around ekkkkk that would’ve been a deal breaker for me. And you don’t want the kids to call you mom Bc you’re not their main provider…let’s just throw that dagger at the kid… personally it all sounded selfish to me in fact I didn’t want to read the rest Bc it’s another post about “step” children and the “step” parent not really wanting to parent. If you can’t have all the kids around and adapt to other people’s wants then y’all should’ve thought about marrying each other before blending.
They are kids. And gramma stepped up. Sounds like you’re being childish. Do what’s right for the kids. They deserve a large, loving, present family. Do your best to help them follow nanas rules and love them.
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Why isn’t your husband taking care of his own children instead of dumping them on his mom?
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Well why doesn’t he just take his kids back? Then they’re both your kids to do with as you please
Please if you can go to couples counseling so you can learn to communicate and get on the same page about this. I totally feel for you. I have a stepdaughter that l love dearly but her behaviours and her dads were really getting me down. Couples counseling has been so much better for us… I would thoughly recommend it… Goodluck
Why doesn’t he have his kids? That’s the first red flag.
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This is a tough one. I would say when they’re at your house it’s your rules and when at hers it’s her rules. I don’t see how them not having vaccinations affects you if your children are vaccinated. So there’s nothing with red dye at her house. Ok… idk, it sounds more like grandma is just being protective and she doesn’t ask about the other grandchild because she has her hands full with her sons children that she’s raising. I would suggest counseling too. Good luck
Having had my own horrible step mother as a child, sorry but your in the wrong here. They’re his kids. Deal with it or leave.
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Take the kids back. They should have started living with you as a family when you became engaged.
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His is just me but i wouldnt listen to any of the rules that he mom puts. If her kids/ your kids too u can do whatever u want in ur house
Don’t make the children suffer over rules set by someone else.
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He will not change. It will only get worse. Protect yourself and the baby. File for full custody and get on with your life.
It sounds like it’s time for him to get custody of his children and y’all can raise them as a family!
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I agree with Carolee Gossien. For him to give the kids to his mom and not take back custody and care was a total red flag. I would insist on that or you will have 2 choices: 1 - suck it up or 2 - leave. Neither of them sound fun.
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Being a single parent is hard. Being in a blended family is hard. You have a child together. Work to communicate and understand each other while you keep the kids in the center of the discussion. The situation may make working on things even harder. Only you two can decide what is best. It may be getting custody, agreeing to rules, or some other form of action, but it is up to the 2 of you. You have invested in each other and it doesn’t sound irreparably broken. For me, a history of percieved unacceptance of my children, real or not, became the deal breaker.
You should be ashamed of yourself him giving his kids to his mom too raise should of been a big red flag when he did that 
You should of ran when he did that period …
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He’s mad at you for you not wanting them to come around yet gives his own kids to his mother… he sounds like he needs to grow up himself …
Ya’ll need prayer
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I’m gonna speak straight up what I see here and you are not going to like. You are being a "b. Itch.
How aweful are you to treat your boyfriend’s children like that. Be respectful for goodness sakes
Children are victims here and you are the broken spoke in the family wheel here.
You have this opportunity to show love and patience here and behave like a real lady, but you “don’t like this” and “don’t like that”. You don’t love those children and they feel it by your actions…
You should be doing your best to support your boyfriend and his kids if you really loved them.
You need to stop and rethink your childish, unloving behavior. You are being a bad role model.
Sorry, some things are bitter to take.
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People… it says he gave his kids to his mom before they met & married
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Sorry, but you got a mommies boy. A real man would have his kids.
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I would have kicked him to the curb when he “gave his mom the kids”. His kids should have come FIRST for him, not his girlfriend! If he wants to have a normal family, he needs to take custody of his children & be a family! You guys want his mother to have the responsibility of raising his kids, but you want to set the rules.
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Fight for custody of his kids then it’s not Nana’s rules
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Yeah buck up,it’s not about you. It’s about the kids
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The kids should be living with you
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You don’t Love these kids by pushing them away .
That’s Not Love!
G.ma has rules so what …It’s not hard to follow her Rules.
You just got to Love them and stop pushing them away.
They’re Kids
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Its none of my business but if the mother hant around why dont you and your boyfriend take your kids and his kids and make a family and yens be parents
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Whose setting these rules? His mom or the step kids mom?
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Sounds like you and him need to try some marriage counseling and see if that helps any. My heart goes out to you. You’re put in a very rough situation
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