My Husband and I have been together 4 years 5 in august, we’ve been married two of those years and we have a toddler together.
we were very young when we got together so ofcourse we’ve had many bumps in the road mostly all with loyalty and trust on his part he struggled with p*** addiction early in our relationship and he knew beforehand that I was not okay with it it’s a boundary of mine it was an issue but I thought it had stopped it has since resurfaced many times as an issue, we’ve had big gaps in our sex life bc of it, he’s also been addicted to video games and had his priorities all out of wack his views on many of these things have always differed from mine but he didn’t want to lose me so he begged for forgiveness and These things “got better” he has also made some other mistakes nothing physical but has reached out and spoken to his ex through social media last year when we were going through some things, through all this he swore to do better he cried and begged for forgiveness and he does better for a few months sometimes longer and then things seem to fall right back how they were or my fear is that he’s just hiding things better though he swears that’s not the case and that he loves he so much and wants to be better for me and his family… okay so the last time we had a big fall out like that was last December— fast forward to now due to the past I still struggle a lot with trusting him and he usually makes me feel crazy for it even tho he is the one who created the issues is the first place… anyways the past year we have struggled a lot with our finances and it has taken a huge toll on me mentally bc I want our son to have a good life, he always says it’s fine and things will get better and he sugar coats things but he puts no effort in to making the situation better time and time again he won’t even pick up overtime most weeks and he always has an excuse (he only works three days a weeks 12hr shifts) I have been saving every penny and not buying anything for myself or anything we don’t need aside from bills and necessities meanwhile I found out last night that he has been buying things in his video game for the past few weeks almost $100 just this month!!! when I seen it on our bank statement it said Get help with charges from apple.com/bill - Apple Support and I was so confused i asked him ab it and he acted so shocked and said he had no idea what it was from and that he didn’t buy anything I even made phone calls almost cancelled our card bc I thought they were taking money from us, the WHOLE time he knew it was him I found the receipt in his apple account last night along with some hidden purchases of adult apps he claims are from years ago… I’ve forgiven this man so many times and I do love him he’s a great father and when things are good they’re great but this cycle seems to never end , Is this even fixable or do I cut my losses?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I’m at a loss what should I do? Is there any fix?
Leave it dont get better Dealt with same issues for yrs They just learn to hide there lies from us
It does not get better. The lies, the gas lighting, the manipulation will only build over time. You are already drained mentally and it will only get worse for you as time goes by. You already feel stressed but you honestly have no idea how much bs you are putting up with until you leave and feel the relief of fresh air.
Leave. You yourself said it gets better for a few months then hes back to his shit ways. Meaning, its a cycle and HE WILL NOT CHANGE. He will only get better at hiding the lies.
I’d tell him and YOU BE FIRM in this: if he doesn’t want to stop this BS then your done & he can gtfo or your leaving. Tbh me personally if my husband had been hiding shit from me I’d be gone. I take trust very seriously, as does my husband. Soooo, Idk if you can trust him again. That’s the question you need to ask yourself
No fixing this. You already know what to do
Everyone says leave leave leave, but never say fix it.
Girl, if you love this dude, you need to use all of your options. Every last one. Counseling, therapy, acupuncture for addictions, doctors, etc. If he wants to be with you, you need to have a deep conversation and bring up ways for both of you to get help in your relationship. If that doesn’t work, then leave because it truly will never change. But don’t just up and leave without trying to fix it. That’s what’s wrong with people these days. They don’t try.
He continues to do this because you continue to allow it. If you don’t approve of the behavior, leave. If you don’t leave then don’t complain.
Do you know what the definition of insanity is?please leave this man and don’t look back! If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results but getting the same results…that’s insanity!
Not trust worthy
Trust is a HUGE factor in a martiage
He won’t change because you allow him to cheat and lie and don’t do anything about it. You need to cut it loose.
It never gets better. You can see that from what you have written, it’s a never ending cycle. Cut your loses and leave. You now the answer. Good luck!
You know the answer, leave cause it won’t get better!
I can’t stand all these women on here that always constantly say to cut your losses, or move on, or break up and divorce. Do they have any idea what a broken family does to children?
He’s lost respect for you because you keep letting him do things to you. Flip the switch. Break the pattern. Do your research and get help from your church family and counseling. Praying
You aren’t the one he wants to change for. Go your separate ways so he can find someone he either doesn’t have to change for or is willing to change for, and you can find the one that doesn’t have to change for you.
They don’t change, I spent 22 years and the same, pleading and begging even counseling and SAA (sex addicts anonymous) but always the same thing. Leave and save yourself a ton of heart ache. You deserve better!
An apology without changed behavior is just manipulation. And lying is never a good thing, even about trivial things like video games, let alone the big issues you have with him with contacting his ex and his p*rn usage.
That being said, it’s up to you and him—both—to want to better your marriage, communication, respect and lives. A lot people prefer to be complacent, and don’t care to better themselves if they are content. It’s going to take a lot, and maybe years, or decades—only you can decide if all this is worth the chance of it succeeding or still failing. Best of luck. 
Move and enjoy your time with your son before you look back and realize that you wasted all your time trying to fix your husband and a broken marriage
Not fixable. Just leave.
Sounds like you have 2 children
Anytime you(ANYONE) have to ask someone to changes things about themselves to make you(ANYONE) happy or content, should be a red flag.
If there are deal-breakers , then there are deal-breakers.
Yall need an honest conversation about what you want in your lives and what you don’t.
If video games and porn are deal-breakers for you, then prioritize and walk away.
If you choose to keep forgiving/over looking what you feel are deal-breakers, then the actions won’t stop.
If there’s no trust there’s nothing.
You can’t fix this. The both of you have to fix it. He has to do better. So often people hurt us and then apologize and think because we forgive them that’s it. That’s not it though, it takes work. Just because you forgive him doesn’t mean damage isn’t there. Because of this damage you’ll look for things in every situation, you over analyze etc. This isn’t your fault, and he has to be understanding of that before anything can be fixed. Second, if he’s sorry he won’t KEEP doing the same thing. Once is a mistake, after that it’s a habit. If he wants to be with you he has to put in the work. He can’t just do the bare minimum to appease the situation until it passes then do what he wants again. That means he’s not sorry, he just got caught🤷🏽♀️
Lying about financial things is wrong. He should be honest. However, he should also be allowed to buy things for himself. He does work hard afterall. With that said, he should be considerateand split that with you so you can also buy things for yourself etc. If you do not have the funds to be spending like that, he needs to be responsible and accept the circumstances. If you love him do everything you can to fix it, and work through the issues. However, he has to work for it too, otherwise you’re wasting your time.
If it’s been 5 years, YOU can’t fix this because HE’S not willing. There has been no changed behavior in 5 years, it won’t change. He’s just going to keep crying,begging, paying lip service for a few months but it will not change. You’ve lost 5 years, do you want to lose 20 on the same thing repeated over and over? You will. Been there, done that.
OK, can someone please explain what ‘p… addition’ is??? Is it pipe addiction??? Ok beside this, Teh person whose life is supposed to be…you have a choice stay or leave, Very simple Your choice. And being young is no excuse, if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to do the right thing
No run before it gets worse. It’s your choice
It sounds like you guys need to get into therapy separate and then together. Stop having sex bc that just clouds things when you’re trying to sort things out. It’s possible he has an addictive personality. Also if you guys are struggling for money can you pick up side work since you didn’t mention having a job. He isn’t going to change for you he needs to change and want better for himself. Personally I’d be prepping my ducks to get out.
This isn’t about parenting; it’s about living with an addict. Find a therapist who specializes in addiction. Couples and family therapy are needed. There are addiction groups for every addiction, as well as separate family and friends of addicts groups for every addiction. If he’s a sex addict, there’s s-anon for you. You can also always go to al-anon even if he does have issues with alcohol. The 12 steps are the same and it’s a great way to learn how to be supportive without enabling him.
It’s critical that your kids don’t learn that addictive living patterns are normal. I don’t know if you can or should salvage the marriage or not. That’s beyond my expertise. You both need professional help to get through this, regardless of what you decide to do. Addiction is a family problem that affects everyone.
He has to want to fix these things. If he doesn’t think you and your son would be better off without him. Yoir son can pick up your not happy. He should want to take some over time (not all the time) to give yous a better quality of life. Best of luck
After 5 years…… it’s enough time for someone to change and you said he have cheated on you before, that hurts a lot and brakes your trust I would really think about getting out of the relationship, because him watching other women and stuff it’s going to make you feel like you’re not enough for him and it’s going to affect your self esteem, start thinking what is more convenient for you a man can be a great father but if he is not a good husband you should take a decision
Cut it off. You told him your boundaries. He continues to do it. It’s done. What you allow will continue to happen. Enough is enough.
I think l you guys are two very different people. You went into marriage know what he has done/doing he has his own boundaries as do you. You can’t change someone. Do you work or is it just him? I do think hiding things are wrong but as an adult he has the right to pay for things he wants as well. Even if it’s not up to your standards. Personally, I don’t think you guys are compatible. I would just have an open conversation about getting serious about moving on.
Why would you want to fix this? He clearly doesn’t.
Look theres a pattern. You complain he does better then falls off the wagon over and over again. What do you think you should do? If you dont trust him then theres no relationship. Plain and simple. When my husband cheated I lost all trust but I did get to beat the sh!t outta him. Anywho once you lose trust ita hard to get back. My husband is in prison so right now I trust him but what’s going to happen when he gets out. My trust issues are horrible and I doubt I’ll ever fully trust him. It’ll take years before he had full trust. So the best option for you is if you really love him set him free. If he comes back to you hes yours. I did and now hes mine again.
walk away. he has a lot of growing up to do. you deserve a man who will listen to you and fight for you. nothing less.
The fix is he has to be held accountable and he has to earn back your trust. It’s NOT unreasonable for you to question him because he has a history of lying and doing things- you aren’t the crazy one because he’s still doing the same things. You can try marriage counseling but the only way that will work is that you both absolutely have to want to stay together and keep yourselves ( your family) as the focus. So if you don’t feel he’s helping out with helping out household expenses that would be something to discuss in counseling. His seeking out comfort from his ex when you have troubles , his porn problem all things to discuss. Either he will delete all his apps and crap and make a change or he’s going to show and tell you that he can’t and won’t. Change is very hard. He will also get to share his concerns about you so you both will need to work on things. Most people don’t change n because it’s hard.It can be done though. I would try counseling and if he is unable to stay the course and try the suggestions provided then you would know that you did all you could have done and THEN you could look at ending your relationship. Relationships are work. It’s compromise and letting stuff go but it can also be wonderful if you both get on the same page.
porn addiction is addiction. Either he gets to something like Celebrate Recovery (much better than a 12 step program) or you watch porn with him. It is unlikely he will stop and he is not a bad person for watching it. You are simply at a moral divide, which you knew existed before you entered into the relationship. Number One rule when dating a man: The man you date is the tip top best of the best of him you will ever see. It is always downhill after marriage…because the show is over. You knew what you were buying when you got married. We, women, love to see some mythical potential in our partners, but it’s not fair to our partners to imagine someone better than what you actually have. You have to figure out if you can deal with the porn or not…he has made his decision. He likes Porn. He is watching it. Apparently, he is also paying for it (weird considering anyone can stream it for free these days). You didn’t marry the guy who isn’t into porn. Take a deep breath and look in the mirror…this is on you sister. If there is a next time, let go of the idea of potential. Like unicorns, it doesn’t exist.
It’s an addiction, and until he sees it as a problem, he won’t change. He’ll hide it more. & Spend more, secretly. You’ll end up in debt without even realize it’s happening.
He needs to realize it’s a problem, or it never will be in his eyes.
He’s not going to change ,RUN
Therapy for yourself. You can only help yourself, not him. Need to realize you deserve more and if he isnt willing to step up then you have to put your kid first. He isn’t your kid. Hang in there. Hopefully he realizes this is real life and he has more power and can make everything better or break it forever. 
Your falling for the crocodile tears and False promises
There’s literally nothing great about him and has been showing u that for 5 consecutive years
It’s been over
And why do u ever want to start trusting him after all he put u through?? ?… maybe the point to all this is u don’t trust him and u dump his ass.
What do u love about him?
He has been horrible to u the entire time together.
Love yourself and learn how to watch out for red flags for your future.
I’m going to play devils advocate here, but this seems crazy to me. Just because he had different priorities, doesn’t mean his are wrong. $100 in one month on a hobby really is not a lot of money, his money, that he worked for and should be allowed to spend some of. You sound like the red flag to me, trying to stop him from contacting people, not allowing him to spend money without reprimand, trying to tell him what his priorities should or shouldn’t be, not allowing him to find relaxation in a hobby, etc. I wouldnt try to control my husband like this. And if any man tried to control me like this I would be hitting the road.
If it was a woman on here saying, “my husband is going over receipts and questioning me, he won’t let me spend my money that I earn, he won’t let me talk to people from my past, he is trying to cancel my cards because he didn’t like what I bought…” Just think about that flip side for one minute…
The porn is an addiction like all others. It does damage to the brain. The lying and not helping are byproducts of porn addiction. Sadly posting in this moms page is going to get you mixed reviews and no real support. You can join The Safe Place:two_hearts: to ask questions like this without judgment and get responses from other women who have been through the exact same thing 
I hope you know you are worth it
Cut your losses and move on. He’s not gonna change. You’ve tried communicating and he’s not listening. Your concerns are falling on deaf ears.
A leopard doesn’t change its spots! The gambling will get worse
You teach people how to treat you and you taught him that it’s OK to cheat, steal and not grow up. You will continue to get what you accept from him.
Cut your losses! Things will never get better. Like you said, he’s just getting better at hiding things.
Go to App Store it’ll tell you last time they were downloaded/deleted! Porn addiction is no joke and if they’re not willing to fix it when you made it a boundary 
Leopards never change their spots.
Read this post back to yourself and I hope to God you realise that you’ve constantly be taken for a ride. Create a better life for you and your son please and leave. But if you’re unhappy at this stage, I’m sorry it’s your fault. There’s been many warning signs and you’ve taken him back a number of times now knowing he won’t change, so now it’s on you. You can’t complain or whinge about his behaviour because it’s never going to change. I hope it all works out for you x
Wow seems like you both need serious therapy separately and together. Cancel your card get a new one and or get separate accounts. Do you work overtime or just the 40 hrs as well if you want him to get overtime you need to be willing to do the same. Video games are a stress reliever not an addiction lol. You seem to be overreacting over small things, do you think your son would have a “good life” if he never sees his parents because they are working more than spending time with him, is he fed, healthy, roof over his head? Sounds like you’re all about materialistic things not an actual good life. And the porn maybe be more willing to do the things that he watches, men and women watch porn or masterbate it’s a fact of life get some help maybe he’s bored with your sex spice it up. If you want him to make all the sacrifices then you have to make those sacrifices worth it.
He is very immature and is not going to change! Get out!
Extremely immature. Say goodbye!!
He’s working some don’t work Men are voyers they like to look If it’s not animals or kids or overdone. Mind your own bus senses. He has to work more. Or you need to tell him he can get a game if he works more
A good indication of how somebody’s behaviours are going to be, is how their behaviours have been!!!
As long as you keep letting him walk all over you he’s going to keep doing it.
Cut and run. And just a note, punctuation is essential.
How uptight do you have to be to not even be able to type PORN?
Leave him sorry but your embarrassing yourself staying with a compulsive liar reaching out to his ex wasn’t a mistake it was a choice children make mistakes and unevolved men and he crying because hes such a pathetic liar and your trying to break away from him
Omg this entire post just exhausted me from the constant cycle of drama this man creates for you. Sweetie you need to stop wasting precious time on a man who obviously is not wanting to change his habits. You can’t change a person, it has to be his decision and obviously the years of the same should be proof enough it will never change. Live a life that makes you happy! Set yourself free from the constant worry and distrust this man gives you.
It sounds like a roller coaster of a relationship .you are the only one that can make that decision but you seam to be the only one putting in the effort so maybe it is best to move on
My dear girl move on tell him to go he will never change will always play games and spend money on his games you deserve so much better than him you are unhappy now and it will get worse tell him to go
Baby girl please take it from me you can’t make a “man” grow up. He isn’t going to change don’t stick around 5 more years and 3 more kids later and then have to leave. Please get out while you can. He doesn’t love or respect you. He is just using you for what you do and pay.