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QUESTION:
"Recently my husband has stopped loving on me or telling me he loves me when he leaves or hangs up the phone and he says it’s because I don’t give it up!! I tell him that I need help around the house and I can’t do everything and still have energy for him! I am a stay at home mom but It’s not just my house!!! I literally do everything wash all clothes, wash all dishes, cook all meals,sweep,take out trash, all while taking care of 2 kids all day long plus extra things and he doesn’t help at all!!! I do it by myself day in and day out and continuously tell me I need help with the house and no matter what he doesn’t help! Says the problem is I don’t give it up that if I did we’d get along more and he’d help out more! I feel I shouldn’t have to have sex with him for him to help when it’s OUR house OUR chores and OUR kids!! Idk what to do!! Advice! And don’t say leave unless your gonna help me with ways to get out! I have no one to go too and no job and no one to watch kids for me to get a job to find a way to get out…"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"If you won’t leave him, either keep putting up with it, or stop cooking, stop cleaning, stop taking out the trash, and let him enjoy living like a pig"
"You deserve better i would sit down with him and have a conversation and tell him how you feel and if he doesnt care or even feel bad well then you know you need to move on you are his wife and partner not a freaking toy your feelings matter"
"Work as many hours and days a week he does, the rest is up to both to do or nobody whichever he prefers. Most importantly I’d get a job and put the kids in daycare or pay a family or friend. Get a life outside even if it’s part-time."
"So tell him you don’t want to do them things all the time with no help and it’s ok to take a break some times like when you wash clothes do everyone’s but his. He’s grown enough to wash his own with his asshat self."
"Tell him if he helped out more u would have more energy for sex. Tell him to plan things for u and him. Tell him treating u like crap isn’t gonna make it better. Can u work while the kids are in school? Any family to help?"
"He’s gaslighting you. Hes not not sharing the responsibility because you won’t have sex with him. He’s just saying that to make you feel it’s your fault so you give in. He still won’t help. Get a job outside the house. Make him pay daycare. Save your money & move out."
"I say take you and kids out for shared me time. Leave house as is. The chores will get done when they get done. When YOU have the energy. Clean one small area where you feel at ease. Leave everything else as is. You’re doing it alone, so do it at your own pace. Think about yourself, and your kids. If it gets to the point where it’s too overwhelming, take a break. Again, the house will still be there, you my dear will break."
"Just because he works doesn’t mean he gets to slack on being a parent. That is 24/7 365. I’m so tired of hearing he works. Forget that noise. When you get off work you are done. You can turn that off being a stay at home parent is hard and never ending. No sick days no time off. He could at the very least take out the trash or hold a kid. Im sorry you are going though this."
"Been there and feel this! Do what’s right for you and your kids!!"
"I’ve been there. Sometimes we burn out and don’t feel the love. We’re about to celebrate 12 years married and a couple years ago I never would have believed we would have made it out the other end together. The best advice I got was to take the time to sit and hear each other. Let him know you are over-whelmed. I hate to admit I need a break some days but we’ve gotten to the point where some days he’ll get home from work and ask me it I want to go out for some alone time to rejuvenate. We’ve realized that if we take an hour or two for ourselves every now and then we can come back and give each other a big, long hug. Get the happy endorphins going."
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