I’m looking for input on the appropriate age to talk to my daughter about sex?

My mom waited for us to get our first period to have the talk. Which was around 12yrs but I mean in today’s society it’s a little different. Kids tend to know a lot more things at a younger age. :woman_shrugging: but it’s up to you.

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Pretty sure I was 9 🤷 I think the idea is to get that chat in before their friends do. #KidsAreSilly you need to teach them the #RealTalk before friends start using euphemisms and begin confusing them. Open that line of communication so they know they can ask you questions :+1:

Best advice I can give is to follow their lead. Mine were convinced sex was kissing (adult kissing) while naked for a while but my 11 year old asked me at 9 if that was actually sex or if there was more to it…. I told him there was more to it but as he didn’t ask what I didn’t go into detail, he later asked what it actually was and we had ‘the chat’ my daughter is almost 7 and hasn’t asked. Both knew about periods and how babies are born very early as they followed me everywhere even the toilet and were both present recently at my home birth of their little brother. Don’t overload them just honestly answer their questions but if you aren’t sure they are ready just ask them what they think it is and build off of that xx

I’d talk to her now if she’s showing those signs toward other students. Better early than late !

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I’m looking for input on the appropriate age to talk to my daughter about sex? - Mamas Uncut

I went through this with my son at the same age. We taught him proper names for body parts, focused on safety/privacy…. But one day (out of the blue) he came up and told me he knew what sex was. His friends at school told him. He is very bright, has adhd, class clown and friends with everyone. I think some kids learn this stuff earlier than others because of what they are exposed to at home. I was not ready for that talk with my baby boy, but we had it. Have had a few more conversations since. I’m grateful that he trusted me enough to come to me with what he heard. I do wish he had heard from me or his dad before his peers. A therapist is definitely a great tool to utilize in this situation and perhaps the three of you can talk it through together. Keeping it age appropriate was tough for me because the things other kids told my son were far from what I felt he should know so young. Good luck!!!

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For now it’s enough to say: Never let anyone touch you where you would wear a bathing suit, and never touch anyone else where they wear a bathing suit and if anyone wants or asks you to break that rule, yell NO as loud as you can." Then as she gets older answer anything as she asks. 11 or 12 is the more appropriate age to have the full talk.

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I tell as they ask at this age.
Maybe ask what she thinks a boyfriend and girlfriend are and go from there?

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Honestly these days I think you are better off teaching her now what you would like her to know . At a quick switch to a tv, phone , internet and friends at school she either already will know some stuff or will soon I would rather them find out from myself then other sources.

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I’m a counselor and had many courses. The main rule of thumb is “Age 8 is great”. Although there are obviously special and different circumstances

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Get a copy of the book “Where do I come from?” This book Is excellent at explaining “the birds and the bees” to ur child and has been in continuous print since it first came out in the late 70’s. Indeed, my parents used it for my brother and I and I, in turn used it for my own children!! It also has a companion book called “What’s Happening to me?” that explains puberty and the physical, emotional, social changes ur child will go thru, and, since girls r going thru puberty much earlier these days, I’d be preparing her sooner rather than later. :thinking: They r excellently illustrated with easy to understand text and pictures and r aimed at children from around the ages of 7-8, although they r also suitable for younger children if they r ready for that discussion. 10/10, I thoroughly recommend these books as an introduction to sex education for ur child. :+1::smiley::+1:

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I was 9 when I started my periods I then had my first child at 14…if your child asks u questions don’t be embarrassed just be honest. My eldest 3 all in their 20s are all happy healthy and intelligent kids and doing great because they knew they could talk to me about anything. Yes it’s hard because no matter what age they are still your babies. Our job is to set them up for life holding things back and not answering questions is detrimental to a child’s life. Trust me I am that child!.
Always be honest doesn’t have to be graphic.
Good luck.

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Kids now know WAY more than they let on. Girls on average are younger than ever before when first getting their period. My 10 year old knows all the basics. She thought she had to declare her sexuality, not sure why… I told her she didn’t have to define herself yet and she has time to figure out who she really is at heart.

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Well personally I remember asking my mom what sex was, like two different times, and she told me that we had already had the conversation of where babies come from. I was too embarrassed to say that I had forgotten because I was apparently too young. So I learned from my friends, which resulted in me believing that a man had to pee in a woman to make a baby. And I believed that a little longer than I care to admit :joy: I had so many questions though, like what the hell do you do with that absolute mess of pee after?

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I would keep it simple … for now. Appropriate and not appropriate touching… as in your body is private… only mom and dad and doctors have permission to get that close to you.

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Hi, I’m a former sex educator and I taught sex Ed for many years before becoming a SAHM. It’s definitely not too early, it’s just important to be age appropriate with your conversations. Let her know you’re there to talk or answer questions. I’d start with talking about puberty and that pregnancy can happen after puberty. I’d make it more about the sperm and the egg and less about the act of sex. I’d work my way up to those conversations (unless she asks). I’d also suggest getting her books to browse on her own. But kids talk and know more about sex than many people think. I’ve taught at schools with pregnant 7th graders! So early education is very important!

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The earlier the better. I told my boys pretty much everything by second grade (probably around 8 years old). Keeping secrets does no good. My only rule was it wasn’t their place to inform their friends what sex was… I told them that’s their parents job. We started with little things. They knew proper terms very young. Daycare used correct names for body parts…no weird nicknames. Learning about sex and their bodies doesn’t take away from them being a child or their Innocence. Honestly when they would ask a serious question I would tell them the truth and they were like ok mama…I’m gonna go play now. It really was no big deal at all. FYI they’re 16 and 18 now and turned out pretty great.

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Maybe ask her does she know about animal reproduction maybe as this is how my youngest broached the subject with me. She is interested in becoming a vet so watches nature documentaries and vet programs. So was an easier discussion that is humans mate the same way with a man and a woman to make babies. Just my experience. As for the young coupling up at school may be a comfort thing if she is having other issues you mentioned. He may be a calming influence on her. But yes a talk about appropriate behaviour and actions as she is gifted may be needed also.

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Personally I’ll be waiting. Let seven year old children be what they are. And that is, children

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I recommend the book called “It’s So Amazing!” look through it together and let her read it on her own. Ask her if she has questions, and don’t answer more than she asks for. My kids seemed to like getting information in small doses. I think the most important thing is to open up that thread of communication and let her know that you will be there to answer any questions she has

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I was 9 when I got “the talk” & it’s actually because I straight up asked. I was hearing things from kids at school & wanted to hear from an adult. I always had a very open & honest relationship with my dad, who raised me. This was 27 years ago. So I imagine she already knows the gist of how things work, given kids are being exposed to it younger these days. My opinion is to talk to her & educate her & make her feel safe enough to come to you with anything in the future.

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My grandma explained it to me when I was 10. Night going into my 10th birthday, just after midnight. But only because I had been asking questions, and she realized I was getting curious. If your daughter hasn’t seemed curious, or even aware of the right questions to ask, then I would wait if YOU as the parent thinks it’s too early. But if she already knows the correct names and general idea, then I think it would benefit her to know the rest. She’s already half way there, and that would make it so much easier for her to identify potential future predatory advancements. The best defense is to know the intentions of your opponent.

My daughter just turned 10 & at 9.5 years old she needed a training bra so we had the discussion about periods, sex etc. I was very surprised about what she knew already. I honestly don’t think 7 is too young. They get a lot from other kids at school & I think the correct answers/information coming from a parent will help them know right and wrong when they start getting this info from peers.

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In my home I have a complete line of open communication it doesn’t matter the age they ask I answer accordingly ( age appropriate of course ) but everything is always answered my daughter is 10 just turned 10 and already is developing has her cycle so it was important that proper education was shared. Kids now a days know wayyyy to much in all the wrong ways ! Social media the internet ect tik tok is not working in parents favour so the more children are educated properly at an early age the better

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She’s only 7. You could give her the basics at this point, but I don’t see any need to go into a lot of detail. They started teaching this in school around 5th grade. Maybe wait until then. That way, all the kids will be learning and you won’t have to worry about her telling her little friends things their parents wouldn’t be happy about.

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I found my older sisters sex ed book when I was about 5. Had a read, learned all about it, went “huh…okay”, put the book down and went on playing. At 9 they started teaching us some things in school.

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On a far side note, when I was 7, I was NOT interested in that. My only concern was what time the ice cream truck was coming to my neighborhood… Remember stabbing your leg with the Flintstones ice cream stick to push it up…? Am I the only one?

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My children tend to come with me with all sorts of questions about different things so I’m sure if someone says something to them they’ll clarify with me as usual and when the school start educating them on puberty ect I will answer whatever questions they may have. If we’ve not had the talk prior to secondary school then that’s when I will broach the subject

Now is fine. Because kids are smarter and know more than you think, especially if they hang around friends who talk. I would ask her if she knows how babies happen and walk her through with questions. I had that talk at about her age.

Maybe start by asking her what she thinks being a boyfriend/girlfriend means to her. Then you can gauge where to start the conversation. With my girls, relationships (in general) and respecting their bodies were a topic of conversation when they were curious about anything. The best advice I ever received was to answer truthfully and only tell them enough to satisfy their curiosity. Anything more than that may overwhelm them and they either won’t understand or they’ll start tuning you out when the have too much information to process during that conversation.

I, unfortunately, had to learn what sex was at about 8 years old because I walked in on my aunt and uncle. I didn’t know what was happening, and I was scared to say anything. My grandmother had to explain to me what was happening.

I would talk to her pediatrician and her therapist about it.

Sounds like you have already taught her about sex as in human reproduction.
Looks like you have an opportunity to start introducing human sexuality now that she has has mentioned being “girlfriend and boyfriend “. She sounds mature enough to start an age appropriate conversation about sexuality. My daughter is an adult now but when she was 7 we were already talking about the difference between sex and sexuality. I took my lead from her at each age and it was never a big deal, just a natural discussion. She always let me know when I had given her enough info at the time.
Local Public Health departments/units have great sexual health program resources for all ages (at least in Ontario).
Just keep the channels of communication open and your daughter will feel comfortable coming to you for info and hearing your thoughts as she makes her way through puberty and adolescence.
Good for you for reaching out for advice. Parenting is no east task alone. Good luck!

I would start start when shes 8, only because i got my period at age 9 and was VERY confused about everything. Also i found out about sex at that age but from a friend. Her mother had the talk with her and i had no idea about anything.

been there in that situation,when my daughter is in kindergarten she had a friend…call each other a boyfriend girlfriend.:talking about thier future marrying each other…and they also get jealous if they talk to other friends… and say they love each other…holding hands…but it passed they will forget it…
but…I talk to all of my 4 girls that no body is allowed including me to touch thier body part.especially thier private part…

My parents told me when i was in 8th grade (wayyyyyyy too late lol they were very religious & strict) but i found out from kids at the catholic school i went to in 5th grade! I think 7 is too young but don’t wait too late either.

My dad sat me down at 4 and told me. Started kindergarten at 4. I grew up with tons of adults around the neighborhood and my Gram next door so I always felt 50, lol!

I would say now is a good time to talk to her about the basics. I would ask her to tell you what she thinks she knows, you might be surprised at her responses. Because unfortunately if she is in public school she might already know more than you think. But it is always better that she hear it from you and have the right facts.

If she asks questions answer them with truth that will ensure she is always comfortable to speak to you

I think you answer all questions when asked. If they ask they are ready to know. With mine they asked when they were 2 or 3 and I told them in simple terms. They usually ask as they get older different things not one whole load at a time.

My sons school did sex education, i gave my permission for him to attend the lesson, but told him the basics before he attended. He was 10. And i think that was the right age. Only you can gauge if your daughter is ready.

My mom told me everything at the age of 8. It’s a perfect age. She told me on a girls shopping outing. I was surprised she told me so young but I already knew most things. I think I turned out ok lol

Please teach her that her body is HERS. There are so many bad people in this world.

Keep an open relationship with her. Talk to her about her boyfriends and friends. Keep the lines of communication open. You will know when the time is right.

My son is 7, daughter is turning 4 in November. The keep discussing babies come from mummy’s bum. My son knows his father cheated on me. He mentions papa has a girlfriend. He says things like “mum is it true I’m allowed to date when I’m a teenager and get married only when I’m an adult? “ I never shut him down on anything he questions. But I don’t add on extra information. Because I don’t want him to be the knowledge provider at school. I was one when I was 8. Kids at school would talk, their parents would shut them down, I would ask my mum, she would tell and then I’d go clear everyone’s doubts.
I’m planning on doing the same as my mum. When my kids ask me something they get to know the answers. What they don’t know stays a secret until I feel they now NEED to know. Say they get into a relationship before the expected age.

We have told our 6 year old as he was always asking where baby’s come from. Im currently 25 weeks pegnant.

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Maybe wait until she asks. My girls are 10 & 11. They know how animals reproduce but have not yet asked about people. They have learnt a lot at school but not quite everything. They know they can ask me though.

Open conversation. Ask her questions and see where she is and how much she already knows. Encourage her to ask questions to see where her mind is about it. If she’s curious, answer her, age appropriately, but honestly.

The sooner yh better. My mom talked to from a young age about it , and I’m so greatful for it

Every kids different but I’d aim for 8-9 years

If they ask the question, they need the straight answer. Rather it is because of curiosity or someone approached them, if they asked- they need to know. I’ve told my sons (5 & 6) all the parts & names & bad touch, etc for safety of course. But as far as intercourse, petting, etc- when they ask is when I will tell.

I just answered as my son asked questions. Most questions involved information appropriate for his age. By 9 or 10 he had the basic idea and now is 13 and had a good grasp of everything because of health class.

My daughter had Sex-Education class in 5th grade at 10yrs old. It covered everything about pregnancy and sexuality.

I was five when my mother taught me. Complete with descriptive books.

Not sure why the teacher is freaking out about the boyfriend/girlfriend thing if they are only holding hands. Having crushes is really common at that age but if it was me I’d tell her it’s OK to have a boy that is a friend but that she is too young to have a boyfriend. Then you can open the discussion from there. At that age we talked to our son about how the sperm and egg make a baby etc but saved the details of the actual act. Just said you should only make babies after you are married etc. Keep it simple. But you want to establish yourself as the authority. Not their friends. If you make it easy to talk about then they will have an easy time asking you questions.

Gitls are getting thier periods at 9 now might wanna have a small talk…american girl makes a book that explains things in an age appropriate way ages 8 ans up ans then a second book 12 and up

I’ve been thinking about this too, because knowing is better than not knowing for sure, keeps them safe, but it’s hard to think about just blurting out the processes and dangers. Maybe start with like wildlife? Birds - eggs Mammals - embryos and slow roll it that way and then bring up primates including humans. That’s what I think I’ll do in a few years but I dunno, just an idea!

You would probably be surprised at what she already knows

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You don’t just spring it on her at a certain age. You tell her age appropriate information as she gets older. Don’t ever lie to her though. For example, I made it fun for my daughter. We talked through a character I made up – Baby Hormone. My daughter thought it was fun and she would ask Baby Hormone questions as she had them. I just asked my adult daughter how that worked out for her. She said it was fun and informative.

I told my daughter when she was nine. She screamed, then we talked more. Later (years) she didn’t remember talking about it.

Some kids can be curious about sex from an extremely young age, so I say the sooner she can learn the facts from a safe space, the better.

All I know is teach her where she shouldn’t be touched. At that age I knew drugs. Alcohol. And men can be bad

Be honest at a early age if it wasn’t for school and my sisters I wouldn’t have known what my period was all about

Where I live, kids are having sex at that age unfortunately so I brought it up with my daughter. The schools she’s been to have all brought in sex Ed early on (3rd grade) like when I was in school.

Middle school is when I talked with mine.

Bring up the topic of boyfriend/girlfriend and see where it takes you.

It’s kind of individual to the child. I have a 9 yr old in puberty. So she’s asking lists of questions.

It is never too young to start talking about sex. Use the proper terms and explain on a level that can be understood. The more they know the less likely they will be a victim

Personally I wouldn’t. I’d talk about periods at this age and why get periods but details on sex think should be left for when child hits puberty but at intermediate age so 11-13years old

I started watching certain stuff on HBO and getting excited around 10, was touching myself by 12 and very curious about sex by 13. I didn’t have sex until 15, but I think it’s a part of life prior to that. I’d say 10 or 11.

In my opinion there is no way im talking to my son who is 8 in November about sex, he is still to innocent and to young in my eyes. All he cares about is football and gaming. Iv never once over heard him talk about girls to his mates and when his dad torments him about a girl he gets dead embarrassed and bassful. For me that’s a hell no and I will wait untill he is older

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I’d say she should know the mechanics but not the specifics.

The sooner the better. No need for a large conversation, just what needed according with her questions. I’m reading some people recommending to wait until school teaches her but this i know: if she’s watching YT vids or any other of the sorts, trust me, she already knows some stuff. Better coming from her mom, I’d say

Could be time it depends on your child

Only you can answer that, as you’ll surely know your daughter best? Start by asking what she knows and build from there. Good luck!

now is fine. make the conversation age appropriate.

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Nope, too young. My 2nd grader has no business knowing what sex is. He has a “girlfriend” at school, but don’t they all at that age?

My 7 year old knows about periods for the most part. I think that’s way too young to have the sex talk.

When they ask, tell them . Children know far more than parents think they do .

Defining sexuality shouldn’t come until puberty. I believe schools e.t.c teaching YOUNG children about things other than anatomy at a biological level is wrong. It can cause separation between child and parent/s particularly if the parent holds old fashioned/traditional views. I believe government puts their nose into areas that do not concern them and give children a sense of autonomy and responsibility that some cannot handle either because some are not mature enough and there will always be some that won’t absorb information that young either. What’s next?, see ed for kindy?. Leave that for Year 6 and above I believe. Unless a male or female in their class is changing shape e.t.c. Year 9 for a birthing video…although if you have pets or live on a farm young children will watch birth in awe, animal documentaries also show how life is created and brought into the world as well. Children today though have more information than those of us from what they would call the dark ages ever had at their finger tips, no such thing as the internet when I was born. So technology can be both a blessing and a curse. If your daughter is seeking out inappropriate relations with the opposite gender get her into groups that interest her to keep her occupied so the focus shifts to that instead and hopefully for as long as possible. If a relationship is persistent then there’s most likely a reason behind it, absent father, peer pressure e.t.c. Keep lines of communication open and don’t whatever you do shame your child or make them feel embarrassed asking you for information. Also sometimes their peers will tell them concerning information that may not be age appropriate or wrong.

Just answer every question when asked. Prepare her for physical changes in an honest and timely manner.

We found this book really helpful and very age appropriate for a younger girl. :+1:t2: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1526360187/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apan_glt_fabc_E16ADY54C250JQ8ZF6H9?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

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‘mummy laid an egg’ book is excellent for this :relaxed:

Talk to her pediatrician and see what they have to say

Let her take the lead she will let you know when she us ready.

Let her be young. If she isn’t asking questions she is probably too young.

At that age mum showed me the movie “Where Did I Come From?”

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If my children are old enough to ask then I tell them

We had sex education when I was 10 years old in fifth grade but that was before kids were bombarded with so much information so that would be 1973… So sure sometime between 8 and 10… 8 years old is the age of reason…

Kids know wat u don’t just asked a q at any age and u will be surprised as they asked q u answer them correctly

7 seems kind of late these days.

In today’s world they need to know about things by Kindergarten. Small children are going through molestation left and right. Also children are engaging in physical encounters with one another in secret spots on school property as young as 5 & 6.

Discuss the timing of a sex talk with your daughter’s therapist

Before she figures out how to use google if you want to teach her first.

I agree with the advice given regarding the therapist, there are also lots if information about breeding among birds, fish, egg layers etc. Also things like mating dances among by wild birds. You Tube.

Just let her be a kid for awhile

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I was six when I got the talk

Kids can not just be kids anymore.

Tbh she already knows all the wrong things. Like incorrect info passed on by others.

Since she is already seeing a therapist, they could guide you best knowing your child.

i honestly never got the talk i just kinda knew from the internet what sex was. but i feel like as a girl who didn’t get it explained to her when it should’ve been i think 8-9 is a good age. i started my period when i was 11 and got boobs right after that so 7 isn’t that bad. go for it!

We do the talk when they do sex ed with the kids in school. Where the separate the boys and girls and tel them whats gonna happen to their bodies. I think that was 5th grade. I never got the talk so as long as its before the time they can have sex is good