Hi I want to share something please so here it goes:
I was married for 20 yrs the last 5 coparenting w him, we have a son now 21. My ex an alcoholic drug addict and to me drug addiction starts w weed, so, my ex always deauthorized me when it came to discipline our son he always said “don’t listen to her you listen to me, my house my rules” he is a narcissistic abuser, he has full custody of our son bc he won the CT lotto 9.5 Mill… so he felt powerful, he assaulted me 2 years ago and I left so he kept my son, when our son was 13-14 I fought him teaching my kid to smoke weed, same w alcohol, my ex caused a terrible motor vehicle accident, he drove drunk and high at 120 mph on a 30 mph road, he flipped the car in front of him w a man a his son, the impact caused him to veered onto oncoming traffic and hit 2 other cars, he was in a coma for 2 weeks, i was asked to care for him( I already moved out) so I agreed bc of our son was 16 by the time, he got better he started abusing me again so I left… now he is in jail bc a violation of probation and again I was aked to care for things, my son is 21 now he doesn’t work he drinks and smokes weed he also doing coke bc his father used to give him mushrooms acid and Molly… his father in jail called his mother (my ex mother in law) and said tht our son not to work bc he has to care for the dogs and the house… but I have to pay the bills and food for our son and dogs… now my son has 2 warrants for his arrest he has no desire to go to college, I used to take him to court, driving to his house was one hour 30 minutes plus driving him to the courthouse was another 50 minutes, for 5 minutes court and continuance. So I put my foot down and said, same way u have money for alcohol and drugs and friends tht drive u everywhere, save ur money take an Uber or ask a friend bc u don’t even pay me for gas for your mistakes. So he stopped going to court now 2 warrants after his grandmother wants me to pay 500$ to avoid him going to jail. I don’t have the money first. Second I’ve been trying to make him understand about his choices but he is following his fathers steps to a T… I am so done, these are not my problems all this is cause and effect of his father’s way of raising him, w money entitlement and no boundaries nor limits. And I sent my son a text saying the following:
You are 21 years old that means u ARE an adult evan. You HAVE to start doing things BY YOURSELF. Tax season ends this coming week, I won’t do them for you you have to figure it out in TurboTax by urself it’s easy anyone can do it. As per your unemployment same thing, you have to do it, stop expecting me papa or grandma save your ass bc look at ur father where he is at bc of ur grandma saving his ass all the time he never learned his lesson. Rt now I’m telling you I am not ur grandma, I won’t do things for you bc u are an adult and you think ppl have to do things for you. I will tell ur father everything thts happening, if you go to jail I will NOT go to ur house every day, I have bills to pay and gas is very expensive and the car will take a pounding if I go there every day. You should’ve been in college not w 2 outstanding warrants against you. You owe me 150 plus coming 50 for ur phone. Get it together life is not easy and ppl won’t always be there to clean ur act. Be a man be responsible start taking ownership of ur life and responsibilities or else you will be stuck between a wall and a hard place. Ik everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. I love you dearly but these mistakes are yours these irresponsibility’s are owned by u not me. Start soul searching bc the way ur going it’s the most toxic and troublesome ever, clean ur act go to college be an educated professional man and build a road for ur success not a road for failure like it’s heading rt now. I love you. “
Ik we are parents for life but I am certainly NOT an enabler like his father and his grandmother. He never listens to me thanks to his dad and now everyone wants me to fix all their problems. And I won’t do it…
Thank you.